Sometimes the truth about men sucks!
Seriously. Listen to this.
I worked with a woman once. She was a little younger. I was in my mid-twenties.
She had dirty blond hair, dark eyes, not the hottest body in the world but definitely a sight I would enjoy seeing (and touching.)
We worked very closely. I was running a small shop during the day and it was always me and another girl. Closeness is an understatement. Up to six hours a day, just me and her, and I ran the show.
Little did I know it was the perfect place to perfect my charm. 🙂
Unfortunately I squandered every opportunity along the way.
Anyways – back to it…
Thinking about it all now, I can clearly see she became “into” me.
The way she looked at me. The way she bumped me. The casual touching. The flirty moves. The way she trusted my leadership. Relied on my patience.
And a little frustrated when I acted like a pissed off mid-twenties guy who never got any. (Hey it was tough… Haha!)
There’s a lot going on here so bear with me. Lots of questions. A ton of answers which may take some time to fully understand.
First – Why didn’t I ever make a move on her or ask her out?
Second – Was it her? Did she do something wrong? How maybe if she tried something different I would’ve felt more at ease and compelled to follow through it.
Third – Did I even for one second consider the implications that we worked together?
Was it because we worked together?
Maybe today I would consider it, but as a man, desperate to just find a girlfriend, not a chance! If anything it was an excuse and NOT a real reason.
Here’s the truth and why it might suck.
Obviously I didn’t follow through at first because I was very insecure and had NO experience.
I didn’t want to fail.
I didn’t want to find out I was a terrible kisser. I didn’t feel confident sexually. I had absolutely no clue what it even meant to be “with” a woman.
Everything I had learned came from a jerky older-brother who got every girl I wanted. The only thing he taught me was that even though he was an ass, he was “better” than me.
And any “success” came to me by accident. (After all, remember I didn’t feel deserving.)
But that’s not all.
I fell short because honestly, she wasn’t attractive enough for me.
Sure she had nice features. I do love them blondes. I just didn’t care enough for that “dark eye light hair mix”.
You see I set my goals high. Some say too high. I say “just high enough to assure I never reached them”.
I used those little doubts and my stubbornness (and lame excuses) to guarantee nothing would ever happen.
What about that second question above…
“Could she have done anything differently to make it okay, or to make me feel compelled, or allow me to get past my insecurities and take the risk?”
Or how about…
“Why should she even have to? Or if I didn’t find her looks good enough for me – isn’t that my deal not hers? Or who am I to judge solely on looks and not personality?”
I’m sure you have your opinions in that argument.
The honest truth from my eyes is – Her personality was not memorable.
All I remember about her was she was kind of dark. Never too happy.
She always walked around with a scared look on her face. I can remember her body and face and every detail all these years later but what she gave to me beyond that is very fuzzy.
You might say, yeah, typical man, or you might say “Wow! Typical Male. 😀 ”
Meaning this – who you are, the way you present yourself to us enhances your beauty so much you can never really fully understand it.
Of course unless you’re a guy. 😉
Just the same as us guys can never really fully experience what being a female actually feels like.
Sometimes it sucks that us guys are only into certain looks but for the “real” guys out, there ALWAYS needs to be more.
This also means, no matter how attractive you feel you are, no matter how good you are with doing the best with what you got, you CAN find a balance which does even more to attract any guy you set your eyes on.
By enhancing his memories with a dynamite and unforgettable personality.
What could she ( the girl above ) have done differently to get me past my own doubts and insecurities?
Well she could forget about me and move one. Leaving me to discover myself on my own. Which she kind of did anyways.
She could put herself in better positions where I would be more likely to ask. Which, trust me, she did try anyways.
Forget about cultivating a personality. That sounds rude and judgmental, doesn’t it?
Instead she needed to define herself better to herself.
That way I can see it easier. (And suddenly her womanly features become that much more defined too. 😉 )
She may focus on overcoming her personal fears and demons. Get over the “scared look” she brought with her. ( And suddenly her dark eyes turn sultry and alluring… wink wink for that one.)
When she begins with those – suddenly her personality begins to take the shape of a perfect female counterpoint to a man.
She becomes memorable and compelling.
All her womanly parts are accentuated and brought to the surface for us “typical” guys to drool over. 🙂
Just my way of saying, yes looks are important – but they’re never enough. They’re just a piece of the larger picture.
Think about yourself and the guys you’ve fallen for. Whether you were into his looks or not – you considered them at some point.
His personality enhanced his looks or made you look past them or destroyed them entirely.
Maybe he even believed his looks were not good enough for you so in a way his appearance did ruin it for you, because of how he felt about himself or worse, how any man might believe you’re the type of person who would reject a guy solely on their looks alone.
Hmmm…. makes you think a little.
Best to you,
Comments are moderated – I can NOT answer all of them – Your opinions are always appreciated – Thank you… Peter White – Don’t forget if you’ve found this page by accident you might not belong here 🙂 Go here -> Why Do Guys…?to receive the full email and all the rest too.