Hello Peter,
There’s this guy who has been staring at me. I met him this week and at the start of the week he sat across from me in the classroom so that I was in his sight of vision. He would stare at my occasionally during class and when I would leave, he would sometimes lean back on his chair and stare at me. He’s starting to move closer to where I sit. For instance today my friend sat between us and when I asked her a question, he turned around and I just felt a pang of guilt when I saw his realisation that the question was not directed to him. When he’s with his friends I don’t think he stares at me but I cannot be sure because I don’t look his way/I’m usually walking in front of them. The thing is, I think I may have also developed a small crush.
My question is that, I am quite shy around guys so when I catch him staring at me I always break the stare first because I am too shy to maintain eye contact. Would he take this as a sign of rejection? I cannot tell if he’s shy or nervous (or interested at all) because I’m always the first to look away. I do give small smiles but I can’t be sure he notices them. What should I do? Should I wait for him to make a move? Or should I initiate conversation?
Annie
Hello to you too Annie,
I loved your question so much I decided to give a little more.
One because I love to talk. 
Two, because so many women have asked questions like this. And three because I get to cover some interesting things about guys – you may have never realized before.
This is where you’ll begin to truly understand the meeting, approaching, staring thing with guys (…and a little more too) and how different men react AND how to make sure the guy you really wants stands out.
First let’s talk about proximity.
When a guy gets closer to you or is finding excuses to be around you I call him a lurker. If he’s unsure of what to say, or how to approach you, he thinks it’s more likely to happen if he “accidentally” finds himself talking to you.
I did it for years myself in more social situations than just the classroom. It’s weird the way it happens because we know it’s going on but just can’t stop ourselves. It’s like you’re a siren calling us in with your song.
Your react depends on how he does it. Some women find it creepy, some don’t even notice, and some are only confused by it. Such as in your case.
I’ve taught guys to NEVER do this. How a woman will give you every available signal that she wants to be approached and to not hesitate doing it. How he must project confidence, overcome any fears of rejection, and after the right amount of eye contact – SHE will put herself in a place making it easy on him to approach.
For example I once had a “client” of mine sit next to me in a bar. We “scoped out” the women and noticed a few who were “checking us out.” He got nervous and excited and wanted to jump all over them.
But since I could tell they were not ready I told him to sit back and relax. Don’t stare. When she’s ready she’ll make it clearly known.
Well of course he couldn’t wait and he ended up approaching one with a stupid line. She blew him off and he slithered back to my side complaining how “She was a bitch.”
I knew the truth though and maintained my position and yes, within the hour, surprisingly when my friend was away at the bathroom, she just happened to be ordering a drink right next to me. And she could have done that from anywhere – but somehow she “accidentally” decided this was the best place to order from. 
My point is most guys don’t understand how it all works. They either approach too early, too late, fail to make the right eye contact, don’t read the signals properly, or, as in your case, try to put themselves closer and closer to you.
Which, as I explained to the man – she will do and if he does things right – she won’t even know she’s doing it.
Now let’s talk about eye contact.
As a woman, breaking the contact first tells men exactly the opposite of what you might believe. It’s a female sign of submission (for a lack of a more precise word) and not normally a lack of confidence. (That’s what WE teach to be precise. Obviously there’s a little more going on.)
But to so many men, they believe you’re doing it because you’re rejecting them.
If you hold your gaze for a second or two then look some place else, normally down, then you ARE doing it right. If you want to be approached. The “better” men will recognize it the right way. The less confident might not.
How us 10% guys notice or what we may look for. Women who look up, left or right are generally showing the signal of not caring, disgust, or are not ready. Women who look to the sides are unsure and perhaps are looking around to see if we’re looking at someone else.
Remember we’re NOT talking about strange creepy weird staring. Just normal every day eye contact. You have to realize there’s a difference and I’m sure you can tell the difference.
Okay – now I’m torn. A part of me wants you to break the typical and tell you to just approach him because I WAS that guy and I would have loved it beyond anything you can imagine – If every woman I made the “I like you eye contact” would have come over to me.
But I also was a lazy guy who didn’t take the time to learn what you were truly all about. What can I say. It happens.
So the other part of me – the guy you see today – understands this important concept of the first meeting or approach…
If you want a man who does at least competently understand you and women (generally speaking) AND if you want a naturally confident man; oh AND if you enjoy the more masculine type – then remember this, if he can NOT bring himself to approach you – look elsewhere until you find a guy who can.
At least that way you’ll increase your chances of ending up with what I’ll call a “real” guy. A mature masculine leader of himself who doesn’t fear the soft sensual often subtle ways in how the female experiences her naturally adoring feminine side. (Cool sentence huh?)
On the side, the answer I just gave you can be age based. Much younger men may not have found that skill yet. So it matters less in his case. The more experienced man who hasn’t found that skill is a different story altogether.
Let’s go back to what you wrote on the end so we can tie this all up.
I cannot tell if he’s shy or nervous (or interested at all) because I’m always the first to look away. I do give small smiles but I can’t be sure he notices them. What should I do? Should I wait for him to make a move? Or should I initiate conversation?
One rule – if he is shy or nervous it means he IS interested. Men don’t go “stupid” around women they don’t want unless they are in that “10%” or above I mentioned earlier.
If you’ve caught him staring he DOES notice the small smiles. He’s probably not sure they’re directed at him or not.
However – Guys are not typically good at recognizing subtle hints.
With that said – the smile is a great place to start but you must also throw in a little extra to guarantee he notices. Which may give him the extra confidence he needs to start a conversation with you.
Your eyes mean a lot too. Remember to look down slightly and slowly.
You can position yourself towards him but turn away a little. Not face to face.
Play with your hair casually. I can not tell you how many men who like to tell me, “Dude she’s playing with her hair, that’s how you know she likes you.” Hahah!
Well I dismiss their presumptions because I know the truth but hey, you know, if it’s what most of them think then I believe it will work. It has to.
As for waiting on him to make his move – sorry that’s up to you. Hopefully what I shared with you and all the wonderful women reading this, you’ll make at least a clearer decision based on your own beliefs and I guess – how bad you want him too.
I will, because part of me feels bad when two people don’t get to know each other because of doubts and fears, they’re missing out on so much it frustrated the hell out of me I’m not there to introduce the world to each other… I’ll give you some pointers based on being a guy and what I would like.
A small coy smile, look in our eyes for a moment then look down at our mouth, and then back up to our eyes as you say,
“Hello. There’s something I know about you…”
Reach down to shake his hand lightly and then say,
“You have a name… … … What should I call you? I’m Annie.”
That’s all there is to it. (Okay there’s more but the basics cover so many circumstances and you have to start somewhere right.
You started by showing confidence, the lure to his mouth and back is telling him you’re available for a conversation and it’s a little “flirty” too. You’ve broken the touch barrier hopefully relieving some bad nervous tension, and you get a good read on his reaction.
Starting with, you know something about him clues him on you’ve noticed him from afar. Guys love that shit. Haha!
You also give him the opportunity to flirt by asking him what you should call him.
The last part. Well it’s your name Annie so make sure he never forgets it. 
I believe I’m out of words now. I know, finally…
Seriously let me know how it works out for you. If you’re not Annie and these tips and clues have worked out for you, please let us all know about it below.
Thanks for stopping by. Nice to meet you.
And I do hope the next time a guy stares, you first think of me of course, I like that, but after that remember everything I’ve covered and you’ll understand him clearer than every before. I hope it brings a little twinkle to your eyes that beckons to him better than any fantasy siren could.
46 comments… add one
Thank you very much. I recently came across your website and have been surfing many of your articles.. They are very enlightening.
I agree so much with hair-playing part. I’ve already encountered with three men who thought I liked them just because I ran fingers through my hair, including the guy that I’ve playing the eye contact game with recently. We’ve never talked to each other, but whenever our eyes meet he comes to my area and talks to his colleagues beside me but then leans towards my direction. Sometimes he looks across the room to hold a long, piercing gaze at me. Although I like him a lot, that long gaze feels a little creepy. Because of the intensity of the stare and my nervousness, I find myself quickly turn away in 2 seconds. (I’m happy that he wouldn’t think of it as a rejection.) When I muster up my courage and glance back at him again, he is still looking at me straight in the face in a poker face manner that I can’t comprehend. In other times, he gives me a sidelong stare with a fist on his lips. What does he think of when he is staring at me, for like 30 seconds with no expression on his face?
Hi Alicey. You’re very welcome.
Men huh? Kind of makes you want to never play with your hair again, doesn’t it? Haha!
I can not tell you what he’s thinking about exactly. I’m sure most men have a pattern they develop early in their lives (with regards to their attraction) and continue to think about the same thing.
But I can tell you what’s gone on in my head when I’ve done it.
It’s more of a gut reaction. A trance. Very little thinking. If you’ve ever found yourself fixated on an object before and caught yourself staring, then it’s kind of like that.
This is how “instant attraction” typically works for guys. Very little thinking but it’s like we’re being “controlled” by something which feels totally natural.
I suppose a humorous way to look at it would imagine a male bird showing off for the female. Every species has their own dance. Some just fluff their feathers and hold it for as long as they can. Since he doesn’t have feathers he gives you the side glance with his lips pushed together (hoping) you’ll notice and choose him.
Hope that clears it up a little for you,
Pete
Hello Peter,
I’m asking to know what other reason a guy could have when they stare at a girl. There is this guy I know, but we are not close. He has a girlfriend so I know it cant be because he is attracted to me or anything like that. I dont have interest in him. I am just curious because when he’s around, even when he is with his girlfriend, he would make this long eye contact as if he is waiting for me to say something. The eye contact would last for at least 15 seconds. He doesn’t say anything so I would say what’s up to make it less awkward. He would reply with a few words while maintaining eye contact. I would try to stare back and make him look away but he just keeps on maintaing eye-contact. This has happened a few times and I’m starting to get annoyed/uncomfortable by it. He doesnt do it to anyone else, just me. We are not close friends, we work in the same place so we only know each other and only have small talks. I find it quite rude. Is this just his personality. Or do other guys do this as well?
Thank you
Hello Amanda Lee,
I would say yes – it’s his personality and yes, other guys do it as well.
Also, just because he has a girlfriend does NOT mean he can not feel attracted to you.
It actually sounds like he has a problem if it’s lasting for 15 seconds or so.
Perhaps it’s a power struggle he has with certain women. Hard for me to tell exactly but some guys do feel more powerful when they stare down other people especially women. That’s the only thing which comes to my mind at the moment.
I have known some brutish type guys to stare me down and other guys too just to prove they’re ready to fight at any given time. If he feels threatened by you OR it’s what he does to get women to feel inferior to him, then that could be the reason why he’s doing it.
Again it’s a power thing. When it’s done to other guys it’s to prove something. When it’s done to a woman they’re attracted to, it’s still a power thing, but a different kind.
Chances are if it’s making you uncomfortable or even annoyed he’ll keep on doing it just to “get a rise” out of you. Another sign or clue that he is in fact attracted to you regardless of whether he has a girlfriend or not.
Doesn’t sound like much fun for you Amanda and I do hope things work out for the best,
Pete
Hello Peter!
Thank you for your article its really inspiring. I’m naturally a shy female over 40. I work in an office where my boss who is a little younger than me keeps staring. We work on different floors but he often comes up to my floor on occasions. Anyway he keeps staring at me. Our eyes meet on occasions but I’m always the one to look away because it feels awkward. He comes over and talks to me when he wants me to do tasks but i hear stuttering in his voice sometimes. He has never talked to me expect about work. Often i can see him staring at me from the corner of my eye and checking me out by looking me up and down. He talks to my work colleagues ok and seems indifferent around them than when he talks to me. Lately he has come up to my floor and just walks through stares at me to get my attention and then goes back downstairs. I monitored this on several days and counted a total of 5 times in one day. He doesn’t speak to anyone or does anything when he comes to my floor but just walks through the office and returns downstairs. I’ve found this behavior to be rather bizarre. Then again, maybe it’s his way of keeping fit. I’m often busy interviewing clients when this happens but I’ve managed to monitor his behavior. Just last week he came beside my work area and opened cupboards he never uses, i think pretending to look for something, then walks behind my desk. He did this 3 times in one day doing exactly the same thing. The thing is i like him but I’m far too afraid to say anything just in case i get the wrong idea. I also hate rejection and embarrassment. He smiles, constantly stares at me and has slightly touch me on occasions when i have talked to him. On Fridays we have dress down day in my office where i can wear jeans tea shirts etc. However i never wear these as i like to dress neat and smart at all times. Nothing wrong with dressing down, that’s just me. Well he used to dress down on Fridays but i noticed of late he doesn’t do it anymore and dresses smartly instead. I’ve seen him dress a lot smarter of late and he does look really good for it. Our eyes meet from across the room on many occasions and he’s always staring at me, hanging around the same area on my floor and smiling on some occasions. He makes me so nervous because i really like him too but don’t have it in me to make the first move if he is interested. I’m so frustrated and confused. What should i do? Does he like me or is this all just part of my imagination.
Hello Caroline,
Glad to hear I’ve inspired you. Wish I could inspire you to be a little less shy but then again, I know lots of guys who fall for shy women all the time. Unfortunately when they’re both shy, they always seem to fail to get things going… very sad.
Now your guy, from what you’ve told me and how it seems like he dressing for you and how his behavior seems to revolve around catching a glimpse of the wonderful “Caroline” definitely is a great sign he has developed a crush on you.
I doubt this is his way of keeping fit.
He exhibiting the classic “lost puppy” routine some guys use to “spy” on their attraction HOPING something different might happen and HOPING they finally get the nerve up to make that “something different” happen.
The thing is Caroline, I understand you hate rejection, we all do. We’re all guilty of reading a situation wrong. It happens. We’ve all experienced an embarrassing moment but we tend to move on and let them pass.
But this guy has given you more than enough signs that he doesn’t plan on embarrassing you and quite honestly, “lost puppies”
rarely ever publicly reject someone because they’re cute and lovable and are just looking for some warm interaction.
Your nervousness must not dictate your actions. In fact, I’m sure there have been plenty of times in your life where you’ve been nervous but somehow managed to overcome the moment and I bet you were pleasantly surprised how well things worked out.
Okay so yes, the boss thing may be a problem. But if it is you can always carry his crush with you as a definite sign guys are attracted to you and to help get past this one, venture out and start meeting guys who are not your boss.
Also, remember, guys who are afraid to do anything in these kind of situations are typically so concerned with crossing “work” boundaries they tend to wait (and wait and wait…) for some kind of definite opening to flirting from the woman, in order to get to the next step. If you fail to make it clear of if he fails to see the signs, he’s likely to keep his distance rather than risk it.
So he’s just as nervous as you are.
Let’s just assume that you did read all the signals wrong. Maybe he’s just OCD with checking on cupboards. Maybe he’s dressing up because he’s the boss and trying to maintain higher status. Maybe he has a strange bizarre workout routine. Just maybe he’s checking up on how good you’re doing your job. Perhaps he stutters because he drinks too much coffee…
My point is if it was all just a part of your imagination then why didn’t you imagine all that? Because you’re obviously sensing what your female intuition is telling you – this guy is feeling attracted to you and because you’re shy and unsure, and confused, you’re finding it all hard to believe.
Risk something small and your nervousness turns into courage and a stronger belief in yourself no matter what the outcome is. If you see it that way.
The frustration is normal because you’re attracted to him and the right guy turns that same frustration into something much deeper and often sexual.
Confused? Well that easily goes away (again) when you risk to learn the truth about a situation and frankly Caroline, he sounds even more confused than you.
But you like that about him, don’t you? Haha!
Hope that all helps you dear and I wish you the best of luck Caroline and the greatest rewards from every risk you take,
Pete
Hello Peter. I’ve been reading this and I myself have a little problem. 2 shy people, I don’t know why I think he’s shy,its just my gut feeling. Well, I have found myself in a rut… I never liked him or never had intentions of liking him. He is a complete stranger. I work at this place and he does construction work. I think it started by him opening the main door for me and I smiled at him and said thank you in a polite tone of voice. I often find him working close to where I work or sometimes I see him checking out something, but there’s nothing there. All of a sudden, he’d turn my way. He’s body turned completely my way, and shoulders up straight. He’d like really stare into my eyes with his head slightly tilted. I’d also find myself staring… This happens often and on a daily basis! I never felt like this before, and I don’t know why I’m feeling this way now. I find myself thinking of him, and its like I know him. Gosh, its a weird feeling, but somehow I like it. When I’m not in sight or close enough, He’d enter my work territory without his helmet on. What I find strange is that he actually looks around as if he’s looking for me, or he’d pass me to talk to my colleagues, but he’d walk by slowly and boldly, something like that. What do I expect or am expecting? Is this my imagination? Also He knows my name, my colleague called me loud by name, and when I approached him to hand over something to him, he actually gave off feelings like he was nervous. His head went down a little, and he tilted his body slightly. I have no idea what’s going on? But now all of A sudden I’m seeing my dream guy, and I have no idea what’s going on his mind? And not to mention I’ve given him the interest sign without even knowing it, eye lock, head down and up again, eish. Please please help…
Greetings Peter. Your site is extremely helpful please keep up the great advice. Allow me to pose you a situation and gain your knowledge – I have a good male friend who has in the past exhibited signs of interest. When we converse, he maintains good we contact which at times is electric. The past couple of days however, it seems when we talk and I look up at him, (look in his eyes as usual) he will look away to the side. Previously he never would but maintain it and we shared a moment. Why is it he is now looking away? Is he guilty or hiding something he knows I won’t like the truth to?
Thk Q.
Hello Heather,
Interesting question. The way people move their eyes has been studied for years and although not every one agrees with all of it, a fairly direct link has been found between how our eyes move and the information we’re processing.
In your case, since he’s actually looking down at you and to one direction the study shows inner dialogue, self-talk, and possibly processing feelings. This could mean he’s trying to tell you something and is discussing it with himself, how to tell you, whether he should or not, and all things like that.
There has not been any direct proof between trying to hide something and the way our eyes move. Some say they move up because when that happens we’re normally accessing remembered imagery or imagination which may indicate lying or hiding something. The problem is that eye movement only relates to how we access something from our brains and lying or hiding something can include many different eye movements depending on the situation.
Guilty people do avoid eye contact – especially if they feel guilty for feeling something for someone and may be thinking they shouldn’t be feeling it. As in a friend who might find himself fantasizing earlier or in the moment.
Judged by all that you can see how confusing it is and how subjective it all can be.
My guess Heather is, if you want to be closer to the truth, you have to take in all of his body language with his eye contact and let your intuition or first thought decide for you. Since we’re trained from birth to read these cues when we start trying to logical figure it out, the results tend to be very subjective.
But if you must explore eyes movements this article is very scientific and helpful too.
Eye Movements and NLP – http://www.nlpu.com/Articles/artic14.htm
The easiest way to understand how the processing goes, imagine you’re trying to remember a phone number and notice how your eyes go up to “look for it” in your brain. Next imagine a time when you might have lost someone close and while you try to remember this person, your eyes move down. Again eyes our are merely attempting to access information in our brains.
Okay… bet you didn’t expect all that.
Let me know what you come up with,
Pete
Hello!(: well I’m here to ask what you think about this.. Is he interested in me? What should I do?
There’s this guy and he’s really good friends with one of my other guy friends, so we’ve talked not like a full on convo though. I have him for one of my classes, it’s so weird because im could look from the corner of my eye that he always looks at me, idk if I should look back? But anyway, my friend asked him do you like her? He didn’t say anything but just look at me and smile. He says hi to me at time as well. What’s your opinion?(:
Hello Stephanie,
My opinion remains the same – guys stare at women because they’re attracted to them. They like what they see. The come “pre-wired” for visual stimulus and if you’re the one he is checking out, then you are visually simulating him.
Interested may go beyond “sight” because lots of us guys do lose interest for reasons beyond looks. When a guy is truly interested it is normally a deeper attraction.
So let’s look at the facts.
You peaked his curiosity… he’s checking you out. He wants to get to know you… He smiles and says “Hi.” I know, sounds too simple but that’s because it is simple. It only becomes complicated when we introduce our insecurities and or question if what we’re seeing or feeling means anything.
My advice is to disregard the “friend asked him” thing.
Smile back. He’s already opened a conversation by saying hi and you’ve already had a short conversation so do it again, and again, and again, until he really shows his true interest.
Which, based on what I’ve read, is just a matter of timing and situation.
I know, simple plain advice but it’s also how most people in this world start out. We make eye contact. We say Hello. Sometimes we experience chemistry.
Sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we’re interested because the person we’re talking to is interested in themselves and us too…
I believe that’s all you needed to hear Stephanie…
the best to you,
Pete
Hello Peter.
Its nice that I stumbled across this site of yours. At the same time it really makes me giggle because I actually took a try to see if it was real or not and found I actually don’t believe this stuff. This is all scientific crap and misleading people. If it is true, then it doesn’t apply to real love! The love advertised here, is really called sexual attraction, which is totally not love! Love is completely different to this…
I’m not entirely sure what you’re getting at Megan Jade.
Aside from calling science crap – your opinion is yours – but I DO believe in science especially when it comes to answering and asking questions on our social lives and how we meet and interact with each other.
The thing is this article had nothing to do with love. I don’t even recall saying that word once… So there is not love “advertised” here.
Unless of course you’re trying to tell me how you really feel about me… Haha!
Pete
Wow! I had been scanning through your comments and really do love your insights. If a guy truly stairs at you often undermining if you are aware or not and keeps the gaze and maybe advances to a smile, He is definitely attracted to you just like Pet Had been saying. In some cases, He also went ahead and said, it could also just be ” a part of your imagination” because signals could also be interpreted wrongly as a result of what a female intuition is telling you… Very very true. I do hope you read to understand His points
Hi Peter, Love your writing, wish I had more time to read it all but, it is late.I followed you on twitter and will definitely be reading more. Just wanted to let you know I love the smart and real advice you gave on signs/ signals for us girls
Well Stephanie I suggest you make more time to read my ramblings by staying up all night and never sleeping again – or else. :p
I’m looking forward to my new “girl” follower and thanks again for the kind words.
I truly appreciate any and all compliments.
Hope it helps you more than I could ever imagine. Thanks,
Pete
hello,
I have this guy in my office which i have recently joined, who stares at me in corridors, when we pass by. And also sometimes he roams around my area. He keeps the eye ce contact for long time and i always breays ibreaks it first. Earlier i just noticed this..but now i think i have also started liking him. So how should i show that i also like him and get him approach me
Hello Shallu… I wrote this a while ago. Let me know if it helps you out or not there please. It’s at The Approach:
How To Approach A Guy At Work – He Wants to Be Noticed
http://www.dialteg.org/how-to-approach-guy-at-work-he-wants-be-noticed/
Pete
Hello! I have a married boss at work. Here in the last month he has been making eye contact, we have really been doing the eye games. He has also been making excuses to come to my desk to just chat, or he will when he gets the chance try to walk with me or sit next to me. It’s not often but he does not do this with other people on my team. Recently he has been staring at me and not breaking the gaze. So, we will make eye contact, I smile at him, but he doesn’t look away. There is no expression on his face. What does this mean? Also, the other day he made it a point to bring pictures of himself when he was younger to show me. He was also really interested to see pics of me. Since he is married with no children and he is my boss, I want to tread lightly with this situation, especially since I know it’s wrong; but I really want him. I think he knows I like him, but not sure of that either. Please help!!
Hello! I saw this article and it’s very similar to my situation. I’m in college and I’m a little confused by a guy. I’m just an average student at my college and the guy plays basketball for the college. He’s been staring at me for the longest. There have been numerous instances where I have caught him staring at me. I always see him glancing at me in the school cafeteria. In one instant, I was heading back to my dorm room and something made me look behind myself. He lives on the completely other side of campus but when I turned around he was watching me walk to my dorm. We even have ran into each other on several occasions off campus. However, he never speaks. He always just stares. I feel he’s what you refer to as a lurker. I don’t know if I should approach him or not because he’s this big shot basketball player. Part of me truly believes he always finds ways to be near me and in my vision, but another part of me thinks it might just be in my head. I debate on whether or not to approach him because females tend to throw themselves at him and I am not one of those females. However, we really do make “googly eyes” at each other from across the room (which is sooo elementary.. like why won’t he just get up and speak??) & like you said I would hate to miss meeting a new person simply because he can’t work up the courage to speak. Should I continue to wait for him to speak after several months of this back and staring contest, or should I just let it go?
P.S. It’s getting to the point where I’m almost ready to starr avoiding him because we run into each other a lot and all we do is stare at each other. I don’t want to seem like some creepy stalker.
Hello Roro,
It seems to me the problem is that he’s used to women throwing themselves at him and you’re not doing it. You’re probably engaging his interest. He’s wondering why you’re not acting like the rest.
BUT if he is always being approached by women then he most likely doesn’t have a clue on how to approach a woman who he’s had his eyes on.
Now Roro – you can still talk to him without throwing yourself at him. All you need is something small and simple to get ( excuse the pun ) the ball rolling. You don’t have to be one of those girls and I’m sure he’d appreciate your sincerity.
You could also try the waiting game, hoping just maybe something clicks in his head that says, “hey – you want to talk to her then go do it” but since I’m not in his head or living his life, I can’t and won’t guarantee that will ever happen. Too many guys grow complacent and you have to admit how “effortless dating” is way too easy to pass up.
Unfortunately I can’t make that decision for you. Remember I don’t have to live your life so anything on my end is just words with no consequences on my part to live through.
I will however say – stop thinking you’re average. Remember what I already said – you don’t have to throw yourself at him, you only need to say a few simple words and see where it takes you. Doing that could alleviate a lot of unneeded stress in your life.
Doing so might also get him to reveal himself clearer to you – remember at this point he’s just an image. A lurker.
A guy who checks you out. He’s the possible creepy stalker. Haha!
Whether he’s the star basketball player or not – underneath he’s just another dude who, at this point, seems to be very interested in YOU.
Hope that helps you out and please, if you can, stop back and let us all know what your decision is and how it works out.
The best of luck to you,
Pete
Hey,
So there’s this guy I’ve been crushing on for quite sometime now, like since the spring semester. I don’t see him on a daily basis like once in two weeks but of recent I’ve been seeing him a lot and he’s always staring, the last time we made eye contact but i looked away first and i could still feel his eyes on me. Pete is he crushing back or is he just curious? i’m so confused i don’t want to read the wrong meaning into it.
Hey to you too,
What could you be reading wrong Stephanie? If he’s staring or checking you out then most definitely he’s interested.
Try not to read too far into it. For guys, sight attraction is not a crush. We see something we like we are more likely to stare. Curiosity comes in later. Deeper attraction comes later.
And as for us guys – we rarely ever refer to it as a crush. Too feminine sounding I guess. Haha!
Just assume what I’ve already said – he’s more than likely interested because he finds you physically attractive. Not a bad thing. Not something to get all worked up over either. It’s physical and until something else happens that is what it will remain.
I’m downplaying it because one, that’s the way it is for us, and two, because if you blow it all up, think too much about it, or something like that, you’re going to drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out.
No need to be confused. Hell even if you’re reading it wrong you’re going learn something about guys and their many stares. And that’s not a bad thing. But I highly doubt you’re reading it wrong, you’re just reading too far ahead.
Stay in the present. Be confident he likes what he sees.
Got it Stephanie?
Now don’t look away next time and see if he crumbles first – just don’t go all crazy eyed on him. Haha!
Best of luck to you,
Pete
Hi there!
I know you might not get to my problem as your busy and all but I kind of really need help with my problem. The thing is I have a class with this guy that constantly stares at me for no reason and I don`t know if he is really staring at me or that I`m just imagining things. On the 1st day of class he stands by near the door of the classroom and would stare at me then down at his phone then back up at me. Even as he was walking to the door of the classroom he was already looking at me. The 2nd time was when I was about to sit in my seat. As I turn around and was putting my bag down I saw out of the corners of my eye that he turned his head and was staring at me for a very long time. I don`t know if it was because my hair swished to the front and he was attracted with the way I looked but I ignored his stare. I always thought he was looking at my friend but the angle that he is staring was definitely not at my friend.
Another time was that when me and my friend walked into the class room he started staring at us. Then he later came up to us and asked a very random question about what to put in the notebook. This was very random because he knew that we were supposed to put something on the front of the notebook but not on the back which doesn`t make sense because your supposed to put the same thing on the back and front of the notebook and we had a quiz that day so if he looked at the notes then he would`ve known what to put. The thing is when he came up to us I was engaged in a conversation with my friend and eventually my friend looked at him and answered his question but I never once looked up at him.
Another incident is that he seems to always sit at a place where he wants me to be able to see him and this has happened twice. One time when he came down and his friend said hi to him he only stood next to his friend for a while before standing across the hallway where I was in his vision. Another time was as he was coming to the hallway he was staring at me and saw that there was no one next to me and stood next to me. I was having a conversation with my friend but ignored him and never bothered to look next to me or up to him (as I was sitting and he was standing). I was also looking down at my notebook and was studying. After standing for a while there (I`m not sure what he was thinking) he decided to sit between the spaces of my friend and another girl in my class so that I could see him (I don`t know if this was what he wanted). He clearly saw the space between my friend and that girl when he was coming down but chose not to sit there. Afterwards he would always turn around and stared at us if he heard important stuff like a possible surprise quiz in the class that day and he heard my friend talking not so nice stuff about his friend and started looking at us but afterwards I stared back at him since he heard our conversation and I gave a really cringed face since I knew he heard the conversation but eventually he broke off the stare.
For the most part I have always ignored his stares and never really stared back because I hate awkward situations.
The stares have started to lessen which I`m actually a bit happy because now its not as awkward but I don`t know if he wants to tell me something or wants to be my friend or not. In addition I think he is a year or two younger than me and has a girlfriend but I am not certain if this is true or not.
Thanks!
Kathryn Miles
Hi, Pete!
Your site is really helpful and amazing, but I just have a question.
Okay, so there’s this guy in my class and since the first two weeks of school, we will always lock eyes or we will just glance at each other. He is sitting across the room, so I have a perfect view of him. Everyday, I will find him staring at me or glancing at me. I tried to smile at him, but he may take it the wrong way. I didn’t really like him at first, but as time goes by, I’m starting to have a crush on him. I, sometimes feel intimidated when he looks at me and he always has this serious expression on his face when he glances or stares at me. Oh, and every lunch time after I came back from the restroom, I will find him glancing and looking at me from afar and his eyes will follow me every time I pass by.
I just wanted to know if he likes me? Or maybe attracted to me? Or is he just staring because he’s bored? Plus, what should I do if I find him staring at me again?
Thank you so much!
About 5 months ago , i was outside our house and i noticed that guy entering the car , I looked at him and made an eye contact with him. This guy from foreign country , he has contract with the company that rented the house next to ours. I forgot him totally , then 2 months later I was doing my exercise then noticed that he was looking at me from the balcony . I ignored him at the beginning ,, but the next time i started to look at him at this point , when he noticed I am looking at him he started to go in side house each time I pass infront of the house BTW this is my normal passage for exercise before he comes to our neighborhood . In turn I started to ignore him again .When he saw that I an ignoring him , every other night he was standing under my bed room balcony for about 1 hr. and pretending that he is talking through his cellphone . he always waiting for me in front of the door of his house . when I come back home . Once it was aheavy raining when I went back home I saw him waiting for me ,, but he doesn’t approach . there is another thing I am muslim and he is most probably Christian , but I like him and I am attracted to him , but not sure about him . I am just confused . Does he like me ? or he is playing ? or he feels bored since he is away from his country ,, family and friends ???
Write your number on a piece of paper and give it to him. Shy guy’s like myself communicate through text. He will text you what he is too afraid to ask you. This guy is crazy about you. Good luck!
Hello Peter White
Well I have this crush that I have liked for 4+ years. I’m very shy and have never talked to him before either. I see him looking at me a lot though, On one occasion as my friend and I were leaving the canteen, my crush and his friend were walking in. We held eye contact for about 2 seconds, Because I was to shy I was the one to look away first. But when I passed him, in the corner of my eye he looked back at me. There was also this other time when I was outside My homecare waiting for me teacher, He kept on glancing at me from the other end of the corridor. He confuses me though because sometimes it is like he is ignoring me completely. Also one time we were having a assembly and he was about five rows behind me. He was diagonal from me which made it easy to see each other. After awhile My friend next to me told a joke which made me laugh, I happened to glance in his direction, and he was looking at me. It looked like he has a small smile on his face, I was able to look at him for 3 seconds before turning away. I also see him glancing at my group when we are on the oval at recess and lunch. (Sorry I have had a lot of encounters with him looking at me XD) The one which confuses me the most is when My friends and I are walking to where we usually sit on the oval. I did an experiement by looking down at the ground with my fringe covering my eyes. I could still see him and his friends though. As we were walking pass, he was looking at me the entire time. As soon as I look up though he turns to his friends and continue talking to them. I have liked him for years as well, I have also not told any of my friends about him either (besides from one). Im just really unsure and when I read your answers, I hoped you might know! ^^
Cheers- Lyna
Hello to you Lyna
If you’re confused because you think that “sometimes he’s ignoring you completely” don’t be… it’s most likely just his way of trying not to come across as some creeper who is undressing you with his eyes. That’s all.
Based on what you’ve shared with me – he’s attracted to you! Pure and simple as it sounds.
What you’re reading from the situation is just more proof that women are a lot better at reading guys than they sometimes give themselves credit for.
Cheers to you Lyna and for the both of you – STOP staring and start talking already. Haha!
Peter White
Sometimes I get nervous around a guy I like at highschool but the thing is he doesn’t smile at me. And when he stares I only look at him for a second or two cause I’m shy and stuff.
This all started in highschool I was walking with some of my friends when A guy was staring at me I stared at him but it only lasted for a minute or two cause I looked away cause I was a bit shy and all but every time it see him he stares at me without smiling ever since met him. Sometimes he’s talking to his friends but out of the corner of my eye I always see him glancing my way onetime he smiled at me I don’t know why but I think I have a crush on him. What should I do?
There’s no secret to all this Abbie – Introduce yourself. Get him laughing a little. Walk away and don’t linger. Leave him on a high note. Preferably while he’s smiling or laughing. Keep it short and meaningful and ALWAYS ( at first ) remove yourself ( or excuse yourself ) at a time where a connection is happening.
Reasons why I like this boy named Tosan because he has almost all the physical traits I want in a guy he is mysterious fun brave strong intelligent also he always stares at me he always teases me makes fun of me embarrass me acts me out he remembers everything I say or do he can be mean to me he says I don’t like you out of nowhere when I don’t even ask him when we argue he stops his whole life until I apologize then he apologizes he sometimes violates my personal space also what I find funny is when we do argue he tends to have his brother open the church door instead of him because he usually opens the door for me he always plays sports with me like he always tries to take the ball from me and everything he always helps. Me he told me a little of his personal life he can be so Sweet to me when we are alone and his voice goes deep he always gives me special treatment he complements me sometimes he is such a gentleman also like 2 months ago he took two heavy tables away from me and I’m like why are you doing this and he was like this is a bug man’s job which was funny because he is ripped but mad skinny so it was funny and again with his deep voice he showed me some of his talents for example I asked him if he can teach me the keyboard because his father told me I should ask his son and he said Yes so it got awkward when he touched my hand and he was standing behind me because I actually liked him again he had a deep voice also he showed me his drawings of characters in his favorite show and it was very good he always watches me with other guys he seen me at my worse and best moments and he’s not ashamed of me he accepts me for me if I have a problem he gives me advice so basically he’s emotionally understands me he has a soft heart he knows how to make me blush he treats me different from my friends he never playfully touch me he is cute and just recently we had a fight and we apologized but I’m ignoring him and we aren’t talking and because of that he just goes upstairs not talking to nobody or playing with nobody and since his brother is at football practice he is going to be alone a lot also he gives me them long consistent stares where he makes sure I see him and then he turns he checks me out he is just the person that I admire so much also he is 8 months older than me and he is so special to me also likes to show off imprint of me but with my friends he just plays around he just treats me so different I don’t understand he literally makes me feel special but I’m scared to tell him because Idk how he feels like I also like his style of dressing and how classy he is when he eats at a restaurant he always puts me on the spot where my friends ask him does he like me he doesn’t respond or if he is overly concerned in my business and they ask why does it concern you so much he doesn’t respond if anything he would continue to ask me the question like I don’t understand what to do all I know is I’m confused but yet I like him and also he is always around me in the same room and he is close to my family and I mention he is a pastors son and I’m 16 and he’s 17 so Idk what do you think does he like me back am I doing something wrong I’m lost and yet I care about him so much but he really is such a gentleman and so caring and a Sweet heart when we are alone he can be so romantic like on Christmas last year I was singing and he gave me a compliment imfront of his parents his father didn’t care his father was enjoying his recording of my song but his mother cared she looked like she was going to slap him but she didn’t and he continued his compliment which was you look and sung beautiful and it should have been professionally recorded.and then he was trying to be a show off and say do you see this young beautiful gentleman playing the keyboard isn’t he cute and he was referring to himself and I think I blushed while saying the struggle because right there mad me want to kiss him and I didn’t say that but when I responded the struggle he was laughing so you see he just makes me feel special that’s why I like him but, what do you think this means does he return my feelings
Hi peter,
I love your website, it really helped me with my problems with the male species. Your an amazing writer, you made life way way easier for me, so I just wanted to thank you!
Hi Lilith,
Glad you love the website. Remember to tell your friends.
I wonder how the “male species” are really taking it because honestly, I’ve only been yelled at by one dude for releasing “Why Do Guys…” on the world. Haha!
It’s great that you took the time to tell me how feel,
Pete
Hey Pete!
So, I have a small problem. I like this guy and cant tell if he likes me back.
I met him ice skating and waited a while to talk to him.
One day, after I went ice skating and after he got off, I asked for his number. He was very cool about it and said ” yeah for sure!” We had a good 30 minute conversation in which I tried to leave multiple times and he just kept talking. I texted him a bit and he put a smile face in all of the messages… eventually ( after a week) he stopped texting me. I was confused because I thought everything was a for sure sign he liked me. So eventually I stopped paying a bunch of attention and then I started to notice that he would skate beside me sometimes but mostly behind me. I can skate backwards so that’s what I would do and he would just watch me. Whenever he goes around a turn he will turn his head and look at me out of the corner of his eye, but lately… actually just today… I felt him staring at me and I looked up as he was walking by my area, he made eye contact and held it for about 5 seconds. I looked away first which never really happens. The whole time we were skating he was looking at me more than normal. He is always paying attention if im talking to another guy. He gets jealous I think. Once he made some guys leave because they were checking me out a lot. He literally walked them out. Today he was trying really hard to get my attention. He even went so far as to play with little kids and look up to see if I was paying attention. I think he likes me but he never texts me and im always making the moves and starting conversations. Is he play games with me or does he not know how he feels? why is he giving me mixed signals and how do I proceed?
Thanks Pete!
Hi Peter,
Lately I’ve been having some what uncomfortable sexual tension with this guy at work. It started a few months ago when a simple “hello” turned into some sexified version with a low tone and staring me up and down on his part. At first I dismissed it because this guy flirts in some way with everyone. As the weeks went on it was more constant, by him waiting near the exit to hold the door for me and playfully teasing during the day. Like I said before I dismissed his flirting, but before I knew it, I was flirting back (very subtle by looking back at him, smiling, teasing back and lots of blushing just cause I can’t help it) I started to feel confused and actually wondered if I was feeling attracted to him, as our interactions were becoming obvious to anyone around us. I then decided to shut this nonsense down (cause he flirts with everyone) by not reciprocating and rolling my eyes the next time I caught him staring at me. This caused him to not even look my way and made things akward for a few weeks. I don’t blame him as I probably came off as a psycho bitch lol. My intention was for him to stop flirting, not to act as if I didn’t exist, I mean we do work together. I then decided to “be normal” and initiate “good morning” and “hello” and figured he would get over this one person (me) not flirting and we could just be cordial with each other. Eventually things began to feel normal and we would greet each other or interact according with our jobs. However, I continue to blush whenever I see him (I can’t even control it!!) As of this week he has began to tease (when we are alone) that I like him….umm what. It’s come to the point where I’m not only confused but I’m also annoyed of the possibility that this guy probably thought the entire time of the flirtation that he began to flirt cause he thought I liked him….like the flirt played me or something…I’m confused and don’t even know how I should handle this situation….did I play into some game, and I feel saying something will feed his ego more….or has it snowballed to the point where I should say something?
Well that would depend on you. My gut tells me you ARE feeling attracted to him.
Personally I would’ve have acted the same way he did when you started to “snub” me because so many women do the same thing when they’re starting to feel it for a guy. They blush a little. Tease a little back. Question the interaction and sometimes even show anger or frustration. It’s classic.
Strange as it sounds, without the anger I would assume you’re just being a flirt, and probably not thought too much about it. But once you show a little frustration – I assume “Game on!” and I’m talking a good game which can have amazingly fun and exciting results.
This is a great article which reveals a little about women I gave to guys.
http://www.dialteg.com/experts/carlos-xuma/how-woman-sexual-frustration-use-attract/
It was written by the guy who came up with this report:
http://www.whydoguys.com/how-to-read-his-signals-redirect/
I would say if it’s a work-relationship problem, be honest and deal with it BEFORE it gets worse.
I’m not sure if this is a “tactic” he uses because he was taught it works, or if he just learned it from experience BUT I do believe it he’s engaging your emotions AND to me that’s not such a bad thing or game to play.
The games which are bad manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do or manipulate you into bed, or to use you to amp up another woman or anything where you’re going to get hurt.
So if you feel you’re going to get hurt or that he’s playing you, it’s going to feel like a bad game.
Only you can decide that just as only you have the power to decide what to do from here on out.
Absolutely another great question which I loved to answer. So thank you,
Pete
Hi Pete,
Thank you so much for your response and you are right, I WAS feeling attracted to him. I’m using the past tense because I found out he has a girlfriend and I guess my instinct was right. I now look at him the way I did before my attraction (with a side eye haha)
Thanks again-hopefully next time I ask you a question it won’t be on a waste of time type of guy
Truly,
Lost in the world
You’re welcome… and look at it this way… NO man is a waste of time type of guy because what you learned will last forever.
He might’ve used up some of your precious time but I don’t think you wasted it. It brought you here and hopefully you’ve taken away something from this experience.
Hello Peter!
I’ve been swimming for over six months straight at the same place. It’s my way to supplement my recovery from a recent accident and build up a higher level of strength on my extremities. There is a T.A. (cute guy) who keeps staring at me endlessly. Over the past couple of months he has even gone as far as to grab a chair and perch it over the adjacent lane of my self-imposed habitual route/lane – where only I swim every single day. As a T.A. for Lifeguard he is not supposed to have a seat, at least not as much as he does (lately), yet he manages to be clever enough to get away with it. As you can imagine I do fancy him a bit, yet I cannot manage to stare back at him as wish I could when he is looking at me. about 3 months ago I reported a creepy guy harassing me, to him (cute T.A). He immediately went to literally pull him out of the pool, which somehow showed his care for my person and what may become me. Therefore, he never gets close to the exiting pool steps when I am about to walk out- he can sense that any male presence too close to ladies in bathing suits is not very welcoming. So. I decided (since I can’t stare back), that I will try and show him/encourage him to start a small conversation/make a move. I switched my habitual one piece bathing suit for a two piece one. Not too revealing. Well, it seemed to have increased his staring, and even managed to get him right to the edge of the pool exit stairs a couple of times over the past couple of weeks. I have been smiling a lot more at his co-workers and my fellow swimming ladies – which he seem to pay attention/like. Yet still he does not come forward and start a conversation. We have less than 10 days of swimming before the swimming year is over. – Not sure if I will be back to this pool or he will be working here next year. SO I REALLY NEED YOU BEST ADVICE. HOW DO I GET HIM TO TALK TO ME/ASK ME OUT FOR COFFEE, TEA, ETC?
– Emmy -
ok here it goes
I(not muslim) joined an institute some time before. on the first day I sat with a grl and that guy (muslim) now I’m interested in.
at first I never really liked him at all. he was just a random, I didn’t even noticed him carefully. then several days after I was going from the hall then I saw him staring at me (I could see that clearly) then it happened for many days.
Then in the start of joining the institute i went for a several extra classes where we would see modules through the pc. I saw that he was also there before me. then after a while I noticed that somebody is staring at me from behind. I saw him staring at me, and that too many times. I started to feel attracted to him from that day.
but while leaving that extra class he didn’t turned back to see me it was like a slap on the face. I thought whether he was doing it just for passing his time, or maybe he was looking at what module I was looking at . then next day in the classes he was passing smiles and staring at me and talking with the guys sitting with me and he was on third seat and I was on the last so of course he was turning back to do that. one day he tried to talk to me many times he was on the seat before me . but I didn’t answer to any of his questions , I was being very shy cuz now I feel fir him too. the next day he completely ignored me.
you know he has did that from start he will look at me for 2 days n den ignore for the nxt days and yes we always met on alternate days.but I thought this time he must have thought I’m rude or so. he have tried to talk to me many times.
then came the big shock , I heard that he liked a girl from my class ..from a guy friend who asked me out later on.
well I joined the very late from all others present dere.
and to tell u she(muslim) was sitting on the seat just beside him the day he was asking me questions and tried to talk to me and smiling at watevr I said to anyone.
then one day I heard that a guy friend of his was asking him whether he likes that girl or not to which he said no he doesn’t he just finds her good looking. I heard that properly.
now our classes r bout to end but he still hasn’t asked me out
at first he showed a real interest in me. he stares at me everyday many times give me smile.
now he doesn’t even look at that other girl a single time but looks at me. He never talks about dat girl to his friends and they also don’t tease him but he has never told about me too,to them.
at least once he has talked about dat girl to his friends., but nvr about me. I’m really confused. these days he has started to turn back to watch me while leaving the class.
now he’s not at all interested in dat grl. believe me, cuz if he would’ve still been interested I would’ve hve given up on him .he still stares at me everyday. now I want to ask u whther I should stop liking him like crazy and move on. or is should wait for him to say something. or you think he’s not interested in me.and he he’s just passing his time .plese hlp me cuz de classes are bout to end in a few weeks.
I see you know this stuff so i wanna ask your opinion of this!
Yesterday i met guy who i have never seen before. im new to this school and i only knew few. teacher told me go help other class with something there was already 3 guys. at first i didnt notice him but few mins later i started looking at him as he was glancing me. i catched him doing it once as he knew i was looking at him, he didnt smile or anything i just turned face away.. took sometime till teacher entered room and he made us laugh, this guy looked at me everytime he was about to laugh as he would know i was going to laugh too and look at him. this happened twice and many small smiling eye contacts.. after break he entered to room again but he was like he didnt notice me, atleast i didnt see he was looking at me.. then there came 1 another girl seems he didnt care about her at all but he said to her something she didnt care what he said, he laughed and smiled. looked another girl then me as knowing i would smile him back for sure.
i have thought this whole day, may this mean something?
This morning we went to cinema place with school, i was inside and he was outside, i saw him through window and he saw i was looking at him but he turned head away.. when he entered inside the building he was standing right in front of me, i felt like he didnt even try wanna look at me.. imnt sure did he look at me tbh. i didnt look at him much, always when i looked he just kept turning head. can it be possible that he was listening what i talked to friend? he got friends but he didnt go stand with them. after this i didnt see him till movie ended, but he was like he doesnt see me.. i went outside with friend, we crossed road and we was opposite of the cinema. he standed in front of cinema, i looked at him few times he did realize i look at him but seemd like he didnt care? well he left to buss and i chosed i wont go to there. i got so annoyed that what happened yesterday.. did it mean anything after all? i apologize of my bad grammar, i hope you did understand my point :)!
Hello Pete!
I have a crush on this guy for a little while now.
We stare at each other all the time. One time me and my friend was talking and he walks by..does a double take and smiles. If we talk every now and then he jokes around, defends me ( i was joking with a friend n he’s like defending me in a funny way) but yeah idk if he’s interested.
Hello Pete!
I’ve noticed for a while that this guy always stares at me from across the room, though each time no longer than about 3-5 seconds. Recently we started talking and he seems different around me than he is around his friends. Can I assume that he may be interested?
Hello Sarah,
Yes guys do tend to act “different” around a woman they like. Add to that the staring from across the room and I would assume he’s interested, until he’s given you every reason to disprove it.
Pete