≑ Menu
Why Do Guys…?

Three Types Of Guys Who Do Play Games – Does That Mean ALL Men Are Playing You?

in All Kinds Of Guys, Game Playing
Maybe his game is trying to make her jealous.

I once knew a guy who refused to even look at a woman who he believed – was into even the slightest amount of game playing.

Seriously. One wrong move or hint on your part and he was gone.

I also met a man who didn’t know he was playing a game with women. His agenda was hidden from even himself.

“Treat her with respect and dignity. Always be nicer to her than the guys she likes. Give her what ever she wants – Unconditionally. She’s not an abject!”

The sad part was this guys game is very common and I can only call it a “game” because the very concept of “Doing this to get that” is the attempt toΒ win her heart from all the other guys who are “abusing” the system.

My time away also granted me the privilege to meet a real player. I mean this guy was ruthless. He had women fighting over him. He hid certain ones. He used them to make the tougher ones jealous. He talked about his success with other guys.

He would play you, lay you, and if you were deemed “un-usable” anymore you were tossed out quickly.

The surface goal was sex but I saw the truth. At least what I believed was the underlying fuel which had him playing women – to be in control and to gain the respect and admiration from the less fortunate men who “couldn’t get laid to save their life.” Yeah I’ll stop there with that…

Those three guys are the absolute extreme of the male world.

Although Mister Hidden Agenda with his denial of “being a man” is very common he doesn’t even know he’s playing it. He also doesn’t know he’s playing the wrong game. I know be cause I was the “leader” of that group for too long. Luckily I resigned. πŸ™‚

I agree ignorance is not an excuse but since “we” were considered harmless to others you can rest assure “that” type of game playing is not some devious plan to play you.

On the top you have the PLAYER. In the middle are the NICE guys. On the bottom are the ANGRY.

Where does that leave the rest of the guys?

The rest of the guys, and majority I might add… Well most of them do NOT play mind games. With us, things are more black and white. There’s less meaning going on and we’re not always looking for the deeper meaning. ( Whether we care or not to look or we’re just too blind to notice is debatable. πŸ™‚ )

Frankly, some of us are just not clever enough to devise a devious plan which would knowingly “fool” another human being.

This means we’re not ignoring you just to piss you off. We’re not doing it because we’re playing hard to get. In fact most of the time we don’t know we’re doing it and the rest, well, to ignore someone successfully they actually have to care you’re not talking to them.

All of our relationships come down to communication – right?

It’s how we get across our point… What we feel. How we’re feeling it. What we want. What we need… To be needed, understood, acknowledged, and respected is on the top of every man’s list.

When one guy is talking to another guy they are communicating one way.

When one woman is talking to another woman they are communicating in a different way.

When a guy is talking to a woman she is interpreting what he means.

And when a woman is talking to a guy he is hearing (or not listening) to what she is saying as factual or false. Nothing more.

I believe where you find this “communication gap” you’ll find the power of the game. The good, the bad, the fun, and the hurtful too.

So while you’re searching for the “deeper meaning” behind his words or actions you’re bound to find something. Social games are a part of life and everyone knowingly or unknowingly participates.

While he is trying to look through your exterior moves, his “black and white” mind can easily come to conclusions far from the real meaning. Because how you express yourself is taken so literally.

The “good game” with its cleverly hidden desires mixed with wit and charm and teasing is where the friction builds the heat necessary to fuel strong sexual connections.

The “bad game” where one uses the other one to get something, often hurtful and socially disruptive uses those “gaps in communication” to exploit.

With that said – it’s my opinion “communication” is all too often misunderstood causing one or the other to assume a game is being played. When in fact the intention is unrelated or meant to be taken differently.

From this guy to you – most men have no desire to play a game. And for the slim chance they’ll try one, it either backfires or is so blatantly obvious because let’s face it… To play you or anyone else is a well crafted skill which can take years to learn.

Strangely enough you’ll find more men believing women are the game players and us guys are usually the victim. Which I don’t agree with at all but I will only agree that within every group you’ll find the rare few who are not really nice at all and will harm others for their own benefit.

Believe that most men don’t even know what the game is let alone take part in it.

So many believe you’re the one making the rules and we’re left trying to figure them out. How you change them as you go along. How your actions are confusing as hell and we’re left to figure it all out. (By communicating the issue to another guy or withdrawing completely.)

When you or I fail to communicate the “good” game and the other side interprets the reasons why (based on their own experiences in the past) then of course both sides will argue they’re the one who is playing the game.

peter-white-new

Peter White. Just some guy every woman should get to know because, well I “think” like a guy. πŸ™‚ Stay in touchnewsletter, Why Do Guys Facebook – Twitter @peterwhite125Thanks for stopping by and be good, be bad, just BE something.

An honest, REAL look at men:

icowhyguys

  • What we really think about.
  • What we actually DO want and what turns us off.
  • Plus advice I personally believe works best with men.

Sign Up below before you miss the next secret… πŸ˜‰

( Cancel anytime – Your Privacy and info is never sold or shared – NO spam ever – 18 years or older only due to some adult content. )

12 comments… add one
  • Alex

    Hello Peter!
    I think I screwed up with this guy…
    I know him from work, we starred talking more, 10 days ago, always for a couple of minutes. He likes movies like I do, so that’s are main conversation. A few days ago I gave him a couple of names of movies that he would like to watch; movies from my country, he enjoys Brazilian movies a lot, and he gave me names of movies of my country that I didn’t know yet to watch, there was a special one that he wanted me to watch, but it took me a while too watch it…he always asking me did you watch it?…I found out that I really like him and I started getting shy and just stop talking to him, but he would never go were I am to talk to me at work, he kept waiting me make a move. Then yesterday, I found courage and went talk to him and he was mad at me obviously. He said: “O know you are talking to me, you didn’t watch the movie right? You ignored me for the past four days”, and I said I’m sorry…..I watched the movies, but he was really upset, and said “I don’t believe you, you acted like you don’t know me. I panicked and said look IM SHY, and he was the same bla, bla, bla. I think its not good idea for a girl to tell the guy that you have crush on that your shy. He will forgive me, but now I fell just bad. Do you think that we still have a chance? Its the beginning, what do you think?

    • Peter White

      Hello to you too Alex and thanks for writing in.

      You didn’t screw up it with him (As far as I’m concerned.) You may have saved yourself “trouble” later but that’s up to you and how you proceed from here.

      Why would you feel that bad? I don’t see a big deal at all. You “barely” know this guy and already he’s freaking out over a “trivial” matter.

      Plus he’s waiting around for you to “make a move.” Almost like his whole day is revolving around you. And I just think it’s a little early for any of that.

      Sure, you got a little nervous, but remember he’s putting all this pressure on you.

      Okay, of course he’ll forgive, and he’ll probably bring it up often (usually done as a power move) but of I’d say there is still a chance. More than you might believe.

      You see, guys or people, don’t get easily upset over another person unless they actually DO care. It’s not always done in a healthy release but it happens.

      Look Alex, be careful and don’t let him get you panicky if at all possible. You’re shy. Lots of women are shy and even though it feels like a big deal to you. To us guys – it’s kind of cute. πŸ˜‰

      Thanks again for stopping by and asking Alex,

      Pete

  • Rave

    Hi peter, so i just got into nursing school and i made some friends…unfortunately, i got a crush on one of them and he use to txt me a lot. We could txt the whole day. But anytime we talk we end up arguing. He’s specifically told me he don’t like me. Our last argument was last week and since then he don’t txt no more. He even ignored my txt. But he acts like nothing is happening when he sees me in schooll i also act normal cus i don’t wanna be needy, but I miss my friend and i want him back. I feel like i pushed him away…will he come back? It hurts so much.

  • Delhia

    Hi Peter,
    I am confused with this guy I met three weeks ago online. We talk for an half hour because I was on call so I had to go. I told him I would get back to him in a couple of hours, but he went to sleep. We exchange email addresses, and he contacted me the next day. at the end of the week he was out with friends he started to email me, I ask him to send me his phone number, I was not ready to give him my number. We talk for seven hours I kept telling him to go to sleep we have to both have to go to work, he said he wanted to speak with me. We talk about what we were looking for he said he wanted to settle down with one person. Almost every other day I will receive a nice email from him, he would tell me he misses me, he always thinking of me. And this pass Friday he told me he flying back home he was away for work, and he flying back that day and he hope to talk to me, that was in the morning I did not hear back from him until Sunday night almost 10.00 p.m. saying he misses me badly and he went to a wedding over the weekend, and he said he is thinking of me for sure. And he can not wait to meet me, and he misses talking to me. and I drive him crazy. I reply back a couples of hours later I got an email on Monday morning, from him informing me he got my number and he would call me and miss talking to me. and h will never let me go, and today is Thursday he has not call. I am puzzle I am not chasing him. He ask for my number three times I finally gave it to him he has not call or email since Monday morning I sent an email back to him. It is like he disappears. Very confused. Do not like the games. Help please.

    Thank you,
    Pete

  • Lucia

    Hello Peter,

    I have this friend and we’ve been having this game-playing-situations here for months now and it’s driving me crazy. Being friends from the start just makes everything complicated, since we’ve got some kind of connection.
    Whenever we hang out together we speak really nicely, the laughter flows and it’s all very charming.
    But then these situations happen:
    1. If I wait for him to contact me, he doesn’t make any move.
    2. If I initiate anything, like sending a text or phone call, he ignores them.
    3. When we are together with other people, he seems to ignore me. This situations seems to happen whenever I am all dressed up and everyone compliments me.

    After, when we are together again he is as charming and flirty as ever. Besides that, he asks about me here and there. He invites me to be in his special moments with his friends. He seems to now and then make a bigger effort to reach me… Nothing happened though: no kisses or whatever.

    This has happened on a regular basis, and I just don’t seem to figure out what game he is playing. I can’t help but think if he weren’t interested he wouldn’t be charming like that when he is alone with me. Does he want me to chase? I know Mediterranean men stay idle while the women make the big move, and many women make the move when they are really interested – I call it testosterone (many men are shy and just don’t move), but I am afraid of making a big interest sign and getting rejected – I read it… the “instant eww”. But at the same time I am tired of this game: it is making me feel very uncomfortable, confused and most of all insecure about my womanhood. When he backs off, and instead of moving on I end up missing him…

    Peter, do you have any advice on this one please?

    Thank you!

    • Hello Lucia,

      This is the way I see it.

      One, based on your 1, 2,and 3… Go ahead and miss him but don’t waste anymore time on him. He’s making no effort so why should you.

      Two, you could look at how you’re contacting him. Maybe you’re not giving him reason to get back to you. Maybe you don’t want long enough. I just believe you might not be enticing him the right way or encouraging him enough. Perhaps you’re being too friendly and not flirty enough.

      Three, based on your three πŸ™‚ Don’t expect certain men to act like everyone else on the room. If everyone is complimenting you and surrounding you or giving you attention, maybe he believes if he acts that way, you’ll only see him as every other guy in the room. Yes, this even goes for other woman in the room.

      Some guys will pull back the attention you’re getting because they want you to see how different they are. How they don’t give you attention easily just because you dressed up nice AND another big reason is because, he might believe he’s giving you freedom to socialize and do your own thing. ( That’s actually a sign of a comfortable man with high self-esteem and show a lack of neediness.)

      He most likely does want you to make the first move. He wants YOU to get him alone more because that’s where it all happens with him.

      There’s nothing wrong with being rejected. There’s also something very normal about fearing the “ewww factor”. Who really wants to be that vulnerable?

      Think of it this way Lucia…

      Right now you’re feeling uncomfortable, confused, insecure, AND on top of that you’re getting the feeling you’re missing out on something. Something which can be very good.

      So what do you do?

      Continue to feel awful for a long time to come or decide to risk it which is the one things that could make all that go away.

      Follow a few things first though like how you communicate what you’re feeling. How you’re not allowed to take a possible rejection personal. Or how to increase the chance of it happening naturally BEFORE you just come out and say it. And most importantly what attraction is, how it works for men, and what men really want from women.

      Make sure you have the right skills first before “the talk” and then if it doesn’t escalate, go ahead and have the “talk” and risk the “ewww” factor.

      I don’t want to send you blindly down the wrong way.

      I don’t tell guys, “Hey just say something. Just DO something. Just approach her.” without giving them the skills and knowledge on how attraction works and actually how to communicate attractively.

      It goes both ways here.

      Besides, if you’re positive you’ve done everything right, and you’re finding the things you learn work on the majority of men, then just assume he’s not feeling it or might not ever feet it and honestly, that’s his deal not yours.

      If I believed every woman who never was attracted to me or wasn’t feeling something for me meant I wasn’t good enough for women… I’d be a fool to believe it. One because it’s impossible to believe and two because I’ve taken major efforts in my life to get “that” part of it handled and under MY control.

      I did not become “this” sexy by accident. πŸ˜‰

      Now… I haven’t found one single book or program which will work for every woman in every situation or I would send it your way. ( Have a look at my recommendation page because it’s still growing or subscribe here for some great offers and definitely subscribe to The Secret Dirt On Men because not only do I lay it all out there, I send more “adsy” time of things more often.)

      Figure out what your strongest points with men are and use them almost excessively.

      Then, be honest with yourself, learn what parts you’re not good with are and work on them a little every day.

      Once you know what works for you and what doesn’t, I’m sure you’ll find someone out there who can help you focus on the weaker areas.

      Just never forget we ALL have strong points which are all too often underplayed or go unused for the wrong reasons and i just think we’re not being fair enough to ourselves for it.

      Have a wonderful day and as always… the best of luck to you,

      Pete

      • Lucia

        Pete,

        Thank you for the wonderful advice!
        So, after reading your words I decided to make some kind of a plan, based on what you said, and I changed small things in my behavior. Basically I began being less friendly and more flirty, and I started to make small moves and to really see his reaction. I started to loosen up and let my light humor show. I teased him, smiled a lot at him and started to enjoy small things, not just in his behavior but also with people (aka guys) around us too.
        Well, surprisingly he started being more considerate towards me. He started to show loving actions as I started to show more openness. He showed he cared with the way I felt, he took the initiative to bring me food in the morning, since he knows I wake up feeling very hungry.
        And then I started to notice he only was like this with me, and not other girls. He started to ask me to be around him, or in the places he was, and I figured out he asked our friends if I was going to be in certain places.

        We also had some alone time, and and carefully watched him: we spent 2 weeks sleeping side by side on the floor on a summer camp, with other people around us (I didn’t take the initiative for anything, for obvious reasons) but when we did spend one night alone, in rooms side by side, he just closed himself, and didn’t even look me in the eye, as if he was keeping himself from doing something.

        So after more than one month with this different approach I collected many safety signs and I finally felt confident enough to ask him out!!
        And he accepted… with a very surprised look that turned into a huge smile on his face, at the same time he said “ok, yes!” πŸ™‚ He also lifted his hand to make something, but stopped in the air and let it fall on the gear lever in his car instead… and grabbed it. As for me, I was so overwhelmed but all of this I said I would call him after to give him details and I just got out from his car. I wasn’t rude, because we already had kissed him goodbye, but I should had definitely kissed him again on the cheek…. or on the hand he lifted before, or something like that… (I guess I am hopelessly shy… πŸ™‚ )
        So… the first date was scheduled for tomorrow, and let’s see how this goes!
        I’m a little nervous, but I am definitely happy with all of this, mainly because I finally had enough courage to do something… and that I own you!

        I’ll keep in touch! πŸ˜‰
        Thank you Pete!

        • Peter White

          You’re welcome Lucia and that’s great to hear,

          Courage kicks ass doesn’t it. πŸ™‚

          • Lucia

            Hello Pete,

            I would like to tell my story with that guy had a happy ending, but in the last couple of months there was a huge turn on!
            First of all, he didn’t come to meet me. When I called to settle time and place he claimed to have forgotten and even said “I didn’t agree anything with you, I just said I was free”.
            After, he continued to show interest: more eye contact than ever, more arm and hand touching than ever. More unexpected calls, more texts. He started sending stuff to my work as gifts. He even said “we should have dinner sometime”. But…. also giving hints he might be talking to another girl on the phone – only once. So, after more games, one evening I decided to ask by text if he was seeing someone, to which he replied “one can say yes, though it’s nothing official… but yes”.
            I was hurt, because I wasn’t seeing this coming.
            Several days after, he started saying stuff like we could be true to each other, “we have that kind of relationship”, so after more unclear sighs from him, and after meditating on this and deciding what I wanted the most was stay true to my desires, I decided I wanted clarity from this whole situation. I don’t want a relationship built on so many games… I mean, it’s ok to build attraction, but he just doesn’t seem to want to commit. What’s worst is that I felt committed to him, without having what I believe I deserve: a loving and clear man.
            So, one evening, when he was dropping me home, I said I needed to say something to him, because I wasn’t being completely true in the way I was behaving.
            He said, with a sneaky smile on his face “you can save the words, I noticed. But I don’t see where this comes from, there was NOTHING between us that would have suggested attraction.” He also said “this is a friendship… for now”.
            He also reaffirmed he is seeing someone… they have been “knowing” each other for months.
            He also said I could call him and talk to him, but only as a friend. He said the same for inviting him for coffee and stuff: he would gladly come but only as a friend.
            After this “cold water bath”, I spoke calmly and with a relieved smile on my face. I was relieved… and proud of myself – I got a very strong and controlled hold on my feelings, without repressing them! I said “I am not going to disappear, if you want a friendship, that is what you are going to get. But there are “things” that are going to change between us, and I hope you understand that.

            So, even though I counted my blessings about this, and even though I am truly grateful for everything I have learnt with him about attraction, I would like to read your words on this, Pete.

            Best wishes!

            • Peter White

              Hello again Lucia,

              He’s obviously keeping in the “background” as an Ego boost, as a back up just in case his other thing doesn’t work out, or worse yet, to come to you during a fight and relieve some of his pent up energy.

              Some guys use the “friendship” angle with a woman who they believe are attracted to them to remain ” in charge” of the situation to control you later on, AND to force you to chase them. It’s a classic PUA move. “You’d make a gret friend… :)” when in reality they want you but just don’t want you to know about it. Thereby keeping you guessing and trying and wondering which normally raises your attraction.

              Best wishes again to you too πŸ™‚

              Pete

              • Lucia

                I can see a logic in that, though it’s a cruel one on my side of the equation, being kept on the shelf πŸ™‚ Anyway, I was once with him after the talk, and he is obviously nervous with my presence – he is actually more transparent than he thinks he is.
                Anyway, I won’t put up with his game. If he has feelings for me, he should not hurt me. I may do some PUA tricks, but I am very considerate with other’s feelings. The least I expect is the same for me – maybe I should have consideration about my feelings instead… ?

                The decision I’ve made is just to keep improving myself, with relationships in general (friends, family, colleagues and guys) and never to repress my feelings anymore, and waist my time. I don’t need a guy in my life who doesn’t want to take responsibility in the attraction he is showing for me. Besides, I am enjoying a lot more knowing myself and little by little falling in love with my life and with the person I am “building” up.

                Now he is showing more respect and consideration for me – and thinking about it…. more than I can remember. And I am content with it. I also think since I opened up with him, I gained his consideration.
                I won’t cease contact with him, but things changed… and I am actually happy with it: I settled boundaries, and he is respecting them. If he is the friend he claims to be, he will prove himself as time goes by. If not… oh well, it happens, and at least I learnt from this.

                Merry Christmas! πŸ™‚

              • Peter White

                Great to hear Lucia and you’re doing wonderful, keep it up.

                Sounds like you’re actually making him step up his game a little and that’s a good thing. He has to understand you’re not going to fall for his normal routine and that alone makes you an extreme challenge lots of men can not resist.

                Never stop falling in love with yourself. In fact, take a page from a far-fetched movie “50 First Dates” with Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler… He had to make her fall in love with her everyday because she would forget everything after she fell asleep. I say…if you can make yourself fall in love with yourself just a little every day, even in the smallest way, you’re going to find life one amazing ride after another and worth every minute of it.

                Merry Christmas to you too Lucia! πŸ™‚

Leave a Comment