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Why Do Guys…?

Why Do Some Men Like You One Time, Then Pretend They Barely Know You?

in Does He Like You
What does it mean when a guy is playing hard to get or is ignoring you right after you meet.

Why is it when a guy is into you, shows every sign he likes you, but the next time he sees you it’s like you don’t even exist?

He acts a little distant. Barely listens to a word you say.

You want to ask him what’s wrong but it’s not like you’re dating or anything. You’re not in a relationship. You’re still getting to know each other…

But for some reason he’s making you feel you did something wrong and this passive aggressive attitude he’s displaying is making you wonder why you’re even bothering with him at all.

I was totally into this “chic” once. She was the type who lots of guys chase. You could take one look at her and instantly assume she could have any guy she wanted.

If you don’t know about how much attraction controls men I can tell you it’s not too easy to shrug off. It makes you do things you wouldn’t normally do. It makes you almost want to give everything you got – in the hopes the attraction would be returned.

The way I see it – as a man who’s studied this stuff – us guys actually “suffer” from attraction because if we follow it and listen to it, it only seems to do just the opposite to the woman we’re madly falling for. It’s like when we go blindly into in it causes us to push any highly sought out woman away.

Well let me tell you this girl had me hooked. Literally every curve on her body mesmerized me. Her face was flawless and her eyes, the way they lit up when she saw me… got me scared.

I was terrified I was going to screw it up.

So here’s this guy – not the greatest “ladies man” in the world at the time, hasn’t had much success with very attractive women, and feeling it like there’s no tomorrow.

Feeling the peak of attraction I gave it all despite all my fears.

Tried to make her laugh. Tried to find a connection with her. Tried to be “all that a man could be” because I was “suffering” from a lowered self-esteem just being around her.

Just so you know, it felt like it worked. She was returning the flirts and playing right back with me. The chemistry was increasing and so was the sexual tension. Despite the fact as our interaction continued so did my self-confidence because she was just that cool to be around.

Now you would think I would’ve been smart enough to run with it. To “do my thing” and keep it up. You would think, because it only makes sense, I’d be all her into her when we met again.

But it wasn’t like that at all.

There was more people around. More guys there to flirt with her. Suddenly every available “stud” was taking over where I had left off and I just knew it was a losing battle.

Here I am, now watching other guys be all into her and I got a glimpse into the future.

We’d talk a little. Get to know each other better. A few weeks or maybe a month would pass and we would grow closer.

And I’ve been through that before. What happened was more predictable than the sunrise.

While I was “doing all the work” she was dating some other guy and kissing him on the first date. since I was “being nice” and spent way too much time waiting for the moment to happen, and didn’t know how to make it happen naturally…

I was waiting for HER to make a move on me.

To men – that’s the ultimate sign a girl is into them. As in when she makes a move on him.

Remember that because “making a move” to some men is a lot more than just going for a kiss.

You see this seemingly innocent “passive aggressive” method is just another way to get YOU to prove how much you like us.

If we ignore you and you seek us out – our confidence goes up and we believe you’re feeling it just as much as we are.

If we keep away and act aloof or distant it’s a test.

We definitely want to feel in control of our attraction and if we can stay away long enough, it gives us time to think about how to handle it and stop our attraction from pushing you away. After all every guy understands (even though he act differently) every woman he chases just seems to run away quicker.

We’re testing our restraint but more than that we’re testing YOU because some guys, like I was, need to feel like you’re into us just as much as the guy you kissed so much quicker than us.

When we predict our future with you and we only see what some other woman did to us, our anger turns passive and we want to make sure THIS TIME it’s going to be different.

This time I won’t chase her because she’s too hot. This time I won’t be the guy who kisses her ass “hoping” she’ll like us back.

This time I will do anything and everything I know to make sure I make her prove how much she likes me. Even if it means ignoring you and acting like I couldn’t care less about her.

Thus satisfying the fragile “Ego” and it’s thirst for validation.

Okay, so you met a guy who seemed into you and you even “liked” him back. And the next time you’re together it feel like you don’t exist anymore.

Don’t let him fool you – he just wants to know you’re going to meet him half way. Or maybe the whole way. He is probably worried too much spent watching for your signals or he just doesn’t understand how all this attraction thing really works.

Is he playing you on purpose?

Some are. I won’t lie.

Did you do something to push him away?

Well obviously there’s a chance that DID happen.

Is there a chance he doesn’t even notice it’s happening?

Of course. Some guys just don’t pay attention to this kind of stuff as much as others.

Yet, generally speaking, you can consider it giving you space. He’s trying to show you he’s not needy. He doesn’t want to screw it up. He wants you to prove to him you’re not going to treat him like a “dear friend” three weeks down the road.

Men are not always obvious when their attraction for you is driving them crazy.

If a guy likes you one minute and is ignoring you the next – all things considered it just he means he “really really really” likes you! 😉

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  • Emmy

    So I met this guy in college. We would talk normally on facebook, then he would avoid saying hi in person. After a year of this I decided to ask hI’m if he would like to grab lunch. He agreed and it was nice. We continued to text each other and we met in school and said hi. Then the semester started and he started ignoring me every time I passed by him. Why the sudden change in behavior?? I mean I am totally fine with just being friends. And he has tons of friends that are girls. Why be so disrespectful?

    • Peter White

      Hard for me to tell Emmy but my first guess is that he believes you’re attracted to him and he is not attracted to you. He was being nice by meeting up with you OR was maybe considering something else but realized he wasn’t feeling it.

      Being friends with lots of girls is one thing BUT being friends with a girl who is attracted to you and you’re not is something entirely different. That could be the case here. He’s trying not to lead you on.

      If I’m right, which sometimes does happen 🙂 I would bring it up with him first AND if he still only wants to be Facebook friends and nothing more, either delete him or just stay friends with him and not expect anything more.

      So he’s either being an ass and disrespecting you or can’t bring himself to just say hello in the real world, or is avoiding the “rejection” talk and casually letting you know he’s not interested in nothing more.

      Thanks for writing Emmy and I do hope that helps you out a little,

      Pete

      • Emmy

        Hey Pete,

        So I decided to ignore him and deleted him from facebook. Guess what happens next. We start running into each other more and then one day out of no where he says hi when he passes by. He then tries to open a conversation while we were both in class. I am honestly very confused.

        • Peter White

          Hey again Emmy,

          So now he feels like you rejected him OR he feels bad but I d oubt he’s thought about it as much as you.

          Anyways, if he felt rejected or now thinks you don’t want him anymore, that’s usually enough to prod his Ego and get him to start coming to you more often.

          I don’t make the rule on how all that works. Just notice them. 🙂

  • Janett

    Hi, so I was wondering about this;
    There is one guy that we hang for maybe 2 years. We are always outside hanging with some other dudes and just having fun. But on every event or something- we were close, for example hugging and one time he tried to kiss me so many times. Also for the New Years Eve, we kissed, and it wasn’t just a ‘small’ kiss, it rly lasted long and he kissed me first.
    After that, he just stopped hugging me or grabbing my butt (i know it’s weird right xD ) as he used to. Before you could see us going outside in front of others hugged and talking and maybe starting to kiss and now, nothing. He even became rly ignorant; Whatever I say, he thinks different. like he hates me soo much.
    But I’m confused; why did we kissed and why would he hug me and stuff if he hates me?
    HEEEEEEEELP PLEAAAAAASEEEEEE :/ ♥♥
    Thanks for understanding ☺♥

    • Peter White

      Hi Janett,

      Hate and love and not far off from an emotional standpoint. Both represent feelings we associate with people who affect us one way or another. They key is whether or not another person emotionally affects us.

      Think about it this way, if you didn’t care less about someone or something then it’s hard to hate or love them.

      When you feel nothing you’re usually not going to become emotional charged over it.

      Now, in your specific case, it really sounds like he’s trying to push you away, hoping you’ll hate him enough to leave him alone. This may be his way of rejecting you based on reasons I’m just not privy to.

      Perhaps maybe that night he was drinking (because it was new years eve) or deciding whether or not he wanted something more with you and once he got it, changed his mind or found out he was not that interested in pursuing anything more with you.

      Us guys do that way too much.

      We think we want a woman. We build her up in our head. BUT the image of her is greater than the actual event of being with her. So when we actually decide to follow through with it more, we realize it’s not something we wanted in the first place.

      I suppose women do that too, right? Just the mere thought of being something more to a guy crumbles when you’re actually with him because you built up this image no man could possibly live up to anyways.

      My best guess again is, that he’s acting like he hates you to reject you. Hate is such a big word here and it doesn’t sound like he hates you. He feels something but just not enough to continue doing what he was doing before.

      Hopefully that helps you understand your situation a little better from a guys point of view.

      All the best,

      Pete

  • Marilyn Waters

    Theres this guy who is like my best friend. We used to talk everyday and I was a little shy so he would start the conversation everytime. He’d tease me often telling me that he had to confess something and then one day he wrote, I Love you. I thought it was one of his jokes so I kind of didnt give a very good reply. Ever since that day he stopped replying often, he wouldn’t start the conversations. I asked him several times what was wrong but he just didn’t tell me the reason and now hes like a completely different person. He won’t reply even if he’s online and I have to message him. What do I do?

  • Riya

    Hi..
    there is this guy who is in my school and used to text me a lot. Everyone teased us at school. The way he used to text made it clear that he liked me. We both went to the same after classes and he wouldn’t stop touching me. We used to talk the whole day. He definitely flirted with me. He would tell me the minutest details of his day like when he is disturbed after his parents fight. He had become my best friend in just 3 months. Then suddenly he started behaving very rudely with me something which he never did before. He stopped texting and behaved distant and cold. Its been over 3 months we stopped talking. after we stopped talking some of my other friends came over and told me about his flirtatious nature. I saw him talking to other girls many times but his behavior with them was completely different than what he behaved with me. While talking to other girls he had this cool stud type behavior but with he was a sweet helping good guy.. Every now and then when I m not looking he would steal glances at me and stare at me when our eyes meet..
    I fail to understand the reason behind this cold behavior of his… Is it that i did something wrong? I don’t even remember being rude to him.. I even don’t understand why is his behavior different while talking to me and the other girls..

    • Peter White

      Hi Riya,

      Guys tend to act different around girls they are attracted to. It’s not always obvious and some are good at hiding it BUT if you look hard enough you’ll see it.

      From what I can tell about your situation is that he wanted to be with you but felt like you didn’t want to be with him. That would cause a lot of guys to feel led on and perhaps become instantly rude and distant.

      I’d look at what was going on with regards to you two becoming involved just before it happened and maybe you can pinpoint the exact moment.

      Remember some guys will continually hint and wait for YOU to say it’s okay before they’re willing to make a move. If something hinted to him that you liked somebody else or were not interested after he’s been putting all this work
      into you, he’ll sort of begin to avoid or even hate you for it.

      Also, guys are notoriously bad at reading a woman’s signals so you might have been giving him the green light, but he just wasn’t getting it.

      Pete

  • jennifer

    hi!
    There is this boy next door my apartment that i know.He used to say hi and tak to me sometimes…but then other times he made fun of me and hit me with a football in a joke way and laughs….why does he do that?
    once I was with my friends talking to him ad after a few sec he told me he has a crush and when i asked him who is it he just looked at me and said don’t worry.He even share a lot of common things with me.eg.he asked me my favorite food and i said pizza ,he said same to me and tha’s when i started crushing on him…
    Another time when i showed him my ex’s pic he started saying rude stuff about him for no reason….He was sometimes nice but then sometimes rude.
    lots of times I saw him and he was just staring..cuz i felt awkward i didn’t look up….
    Now if i pass him he doesn’t really say hi or anything….he just look at me for few sec and walk past……
    why is he doing this?
    did i do anyhting bad….

    • Peter White

      Hi Jennifer,

      He was making fun of you to tease you. That was his “opening” and I won’t get into all the reasons why guys tease women this way BUT it’s normally a sign he wants you to flirt with him and tease him back. This shows him you’re interested in “sparing” with him.

      He said rude things about your ex because he was jealous AND he probably thought it was rude that you would show him those pictures. I would suggest you don’t do that to a guy IF you don’t want this reaction.

      If you were subconsciously testing him or even knowingly doing it to see how he responds, then yes, it’s a good way to tell early on how strong the guy you’re dealing with is, and I might even encourage it if finding a strong guy has been a problem for you, but then you must accept the consequences. It will scare off a lot of guys. They just don’t like it.

      Imagine you were hanging out with a guy and he started showing you pictures of his “hot ex” and I believe you’ll see what I mean.

      Other than that, it’s salvageable. He’ll probably (sort of) forget about it sooner or later depending on how into you he is and how many other women he hits on.

      Thanks for asking and all the best,

      Pete

  • courtney

    Hello so quick story. A guy friend and I have been for 3 years. We recently started becoming closer as friends. I went through a break up and he was there to listen to me. We hung out and went to an event and we had a great time. He started complimenting me more and actually talking to me more. Our last conversation was over a month ago. He just stopped talking to me. On social media he will comment on pictures but if I were to contact him he wont respond. I need help. what does this mean?

  • Sannjita

    Hi peter,
    There is a guy I like. Its been 2 days that he knows that I like him . He ignores me but whenever I am around him or his friend, they tease me using his name. Is it a good sign or something else?

  • QT

    I think this guy likes me. He was flirting with me by telling funny jokes. But I met him again next week, he acted disinterested and blunt, not nice to me. Like you said, it seems like a couple of guys like me and it might make he responded that way. I like him, but I’m hesitant because he is 4yr younger. I just want to enjoy our time together right now. I don’t want to approach him first to show that I like him because of my past experience of rejection due to misunderstand that a guy like me when he didn’t. So, I want him to pursue me, not vice versa. What should do during this time that he ignoring me so that I won’t be the first to pursue him, but makes him pursue me instead? And also how can I know if a guy likes me? I tend to misunderstand.