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Why Do Guys…?

Why Do Some Men Like You One Time, Then Pretend They Barely Know You?

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What does it mean when a guy is playing hard to get or is ignoring you right after you meet.

Why is it when a guy is into you, shows every sign he likes you, but the next time he sees you it’s like you don’t even exist?

He acts a little distant. Barely listens to a word you say.

You want to ask him what’s wrong but it’s not like you’re dating or anything. You’re not in a relationship. You’re still getting to know each other…

But for some reason he’s making you feel you did something wrong and this passive aggressive attitude he’s displaying is making you wonder why you’re even bothering with him at all.

I was totally into this “chic” once. She was the type who lots of guys chase. You could take one look at her and instantly assume she could have any guy she wanted.

If you don’t know about how much attraction controls men I can tell you it’s not too easy to shrug off. It makes you do things you wouldn’t normally do. It makes you almost want to give everything you got – in the hopes the attraction would be returned.

The way I see it – as a man who’s studied this stuff – us guys actually “suffer” from attraction because if we follow it and listen to it, it only seems to do just the opposite to the woman we’re madly falling for. It’s like when we go blindly into in it causes us to push any highly sought out woman away.

Well let me tell you this girl had me hooked. Literally every curve on her body mesmerized me. Her face was flawless and her eyes, the way they lit up when she saw me… got me scared.

I was terrified I was going to screw it up.

So here’s this guy – not the greatest “ladies man” in the world at the time, hasn’t had much success with very attractive women, and feeling it like there’s no tomorrow.

Feeling the peak of attraction I gave it all despite all my fears.

Tried to make her laugh. Tried to find a connection with her. Tried to be “all that a man could be” because I was “suffering” from a lowered self-esteem just being around her.

Just so you know, it felt like it worked. She was returning the flirts and playing right back with me. The chemistry was increasing and so was the sexual tension. Despite the fact as our interaction continued so did my self-confidence because she was just that cool to be around.

Now you would think I would’ve been smart enough to run with it. To “do my thing” and keep it up. You would think, because it only makes sense, I’d be all her into her when we met again.

But it wasn’t like that at all.

There was more people around. More guys there to flirt with her. Suddenly every available “stud” was taking over where I had left off and I just knew it was a losing battle.

Here I am, now watching other guys be all into her and I got a glimpse into the future.

We’d talk a little. Get to know each other better. A few weeks or maybe a month would pass and we would grow closer.

And I’ve been through that before. What happened was more predictable than the sunrise.

While I was “doing all the work” she was dating some other guy and kissing him on the first date. since I was “being nice” and spent way too much time waiting for the moment to happen, and didn’t know how to make it happen naturally…

I was waiting for HER to make a move on me.

To men – that’s the ultimate sign a girl is into them. As in when she makes a move on him.

Remember that because “making a move” to some men is a lot more than just going for a kiss.

You see this seemingly innocent “passive aggressive” method is just another way to get YOU to prove how much you like us.

If we ignore you and you seek us out – our confidence goes up and we believe you’re feeling it just as much as we are.

If we keep away and act aloof or distant it’s a test.

We definitely want to feel in control of our attraction and if we can stay away long enough, it gives us time to think about how to handle it and stop our attraction from pushing you away. After all every guy understands (even though he act differently) every woman he chases just seems to run away quicker.

We’re testing our restraint but more than that we’re testing YOU because some guys, like I was, need to feel like you’re into us just as much as the guy you kissed so much quicker than us.

When we predict our future with you and we only see what some other woman did to us, our anger turns passive and we want to make sure THIS TIME it’s going to be different.

This time I won’t chase her because she’s too hot. This time I won’t be the guy who kisses her ass “hoping” she’ll like us back.

This time I will do anything and everything I know to make sure I make her prove how much she likes me. Even if it means ignoring you and acting like I couldn’t care less about her.

Thus satisfying the fragile “Ego” and it’s thirst for validation.

Okay, so you met a guy who seemed into you and you even “liked” him back. And the next time you’re together it feel like you don’t exist anymore.

Don’t let him fool you – he just wants to know you’re going to meet him half way. Or maybe the whole way. He is probably worried too much spent watching for your signals or he just doesn’t understand how all this attraction thing really works.

Is he playing you on purpose?

Some are. I won’t lie.

Did you do something to push him away?

Well obviously there’s a chance that DID happen.

Is there a chance he doesn’t even notice it’s happening?

Of course. Some guys just don’t pay attention to this kind of stuff as much as others.

Yet, generally speaking, you can consider it giving you space. He’s trying to show you he’s not needy. He doesn’t want to screw it up. He wants you to prove to him you’re not going to treat him like a “dear friend” three weeks down the road.

Men are not always obvious when their attraction for you is driving them crazy.

If a guy likes you one minute and is ignoring you the next – all things considered it just he means he “really really really” likes you! šŸ˜‰

Peter White - Why Do Guy...?

Peter White. Thanks for stopping by and listening to a male’s point view. You can stay in touch by – *receiving my newsletter, *friending my Facebook page here. – Here is where a teach men about you *DiaLteG – and this where I get to talk about meeting and approaching the opposite sex – *The Approach.

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263 comments… add one

  • Elizabeth

    Hi Pete, so I have a coworker I like that I’ve known for two months now. First I found out he was asking other coworkers to find out how old I was. Because I look pretty young for my age lol. When he found out he couldn’t believe it, since he’s 5 yrs younger then me. He said my age freaked him out, Anyways I don’t know what he meant by that. Anyways that’s when he started being nicer to me and would tease me playfully. One time I had bought a snack at the grocery store we work at and found out it was expired. So I mentioned it to him, and out of nowhere he hands me money to buy another snack. I didn’t want to take the money but he pretty much made me take it. Few weeks later some coworkers, him and I went bowling. I beat everyone one! He complimented me for winning :) then we all went out to eat, where he kept asking about my interests, which were my fave shows, and kept making jokes. Found out we have a lot in common. Afterwards he offered to drive me home so I said yes. On the way there we talked about lots of different topics. Told him I still didn’t have my drivers license, so he offered to help me practice with his car, if I wanted to. So I said yes thank you. So at work I reminded him about it and he gave me his number and told me to text him when I wanted to practice. The next day it snowed so the streets were bad for practicing. But I still wanted to text him just to say hi, and so he could have my number. So I did and it toke him almost an hour to respond. I only asked if he worked but didn’t mention the driving lessons cause of the weather. Our convo was really short :/ Two days later I saw him at work, but he didn’t say hi, so I said hi afterwards but he didn’t say much. I felt like he was ignoring me and it really hurt. Is he waiting for me to text him for the driving lessons? Or did he freak out cause I texted him?? Now I’m afraid to text him about the driving lesson. And he hasn’t texted me since I last texted him…3 days ago.
    Do you think he is still interested?

    • Peter White

      Hi Elizabeth,

      I think he is still interested but let’s look at two things:

      1. His age. Younger guys tend to “freak out” more and act more sporadically.

      2. He was asking his co-workers about you. Which might mean he is listening to his co-working about his attraction to you and what it means and how it affects work to “go out” with another c-worker.

      So it may not be a lack of interest but a lack of initiative to follow through with what he started.

      In other words he might be having second doubts because of age, listening to others, dating someone at work.

      I highly doubt he freaked out because you texted him BUT I would not go blowing up his phone. In fact the next time you’re alone, make sure no one else at work is around, I’d find a way to bust his ass by pretending a little how you wrecked one of your girlfriend’s car during a lesson SHE have you which was bad. And how it’s all his fault. ( Sort of .) Just make sure he eventually gets you’re joking. šŸ˜€

      All the best to you and remind me not to shop at your store… Expired snacks are not high on my list :)

      Pete

  • leah

    Hey Pete,
    so im currently in my highschool senior year and for the first time ever a guy that ive known about has shown interest in me,
    he told my friend he finds me ‘really beautiful’
    and then started talking to me online and we had a great time talking but he only talked to me once at school the next day when he said hi to me in the hallway even though it was packed and busy.
    its been a week since then and despite having said he’d approach me at school more, because we only did become acquainted recently, he hasnt approached me a single time and ive seen him around school quite a few times since then, but he seemingly doesnt notice me.
    im upset because i found myself attracted to him and he was definitely attracted to me just a week and a bit ago when he told me himself how he wish he started talking to me earlier and he kept flirting with me and even asked if i was single.

    as he never talked to me since i tried intiating a conversation online and he spoke to me but only for a while and after quite some time after each message, and he never tried speaking again.

    does this mean he’s already lost interest?

    • Peter White

      Hey Leah,

      Well to be honest, yes, some guys DO lose interest after they start talking to girl. Hey, it happens.

      BUT Remember… attraction by sight is powerful and most guys will overlook a lot as long as they’re feeling it. As bad or as good as that sounds.

      Now, he’s probably not approaching you too much at school because there’s too much pressure there. Especially if he finds you that beautiful. ( Although I still maintain to NEVER rely on third person stuff. Always go right to the source for the absolute truth based on actions, reaction, and character.)

      Something you said makes me wonder what’s going on, “he told me himself how he wish he started talking to me earlier”.

      So it might not be a lack of interest, or a loss of attraction, it could be something “beyond his control” and I would look into that for a more clear answer.

      Let’s add to the list men use to date or start dating a girl… First Attraction. Then Interest. Then timing and THEIR ability, THEIR confidence, and THEIR personal fears.

      Notice none of that says anything about YOU.

      Hope that helps you out so go enjoy your Senior year. I insist.

      Pete

  • Sandra

    Hey! I’m so sorry this will be a long story. So, I live in a building attached to my stepfather’s restaurant, which means I spend a lot of time in the restaurant. And there’s a group of young people that come here a lot and I started being friends with them. There’s this guy (let’s call him ‘A’) that’s friends with them but he doesn’t usually come here. One day, there was a reunion for the football team and he was here with them and we got both so drunk that we ended up making out. Just kissing, no sex, even though he tried. We didn’t see or speak to each other for two weeks. Then, there was another reunion for the football team and he was here. When he saw me, he was very very very nervous and became clumsy. Later, he was going to a birthday party and when he was leaving, my sister (who works here) asked him “Aren’t you going to say goodbye to Kristen?” and he told her “I don’t know what to do now… I was so drunk, she was so drunk… I don’t regret anything but I just don’t know how to speak to her now…”. And he left without even looking me in the eyes. Two hours later, he came back. He was a little bit more drunk but kind of afraid to talk to me so I started teasing him very subtly. Also, there was another guy that has been flirting with me for a few months but I cut off with the flirting when I found out he had a girlfriend. But that night, that guy was being quite obvious about it. Eventually, I steped outside to smoke and he came with me. And we were alone. So, the night went on and then he asked me to take him home because he didn’t have a way to go home. And I said “Ok… I’ll take you home…” and I turned to ‘A’ and said “But you’ll come with me, ok?”. I usually drive with one hand on the gearshift and on our way back ‘A’ was placing his hand on my hand, he would grab my arm and stuff like that… When we got home there was that kind of ‘Who’s making the move now’ aura in the air. But I eventually left and nothing happened. The next day, my sister told me that when I was outside smoking alone with the other guy, ‘A’ was like “Where’s *name of the other guy*???” and another friend said “He’s outside with Kristen, let them be alone…” and ‘A’ said “No, no, no… Let’s go, let’s go… Can’t you see she wants to close the restaurant??” and he even went to the door to see what we were doing. I think he was clearly jealous here… I didn’t see ‘A’ and our friends in common for three weeks. One day, I got home from work and they were here. ‘A’ was here as well. I found that so weird because I’ve been living here for almost a year and I have never seen him here on a Friday night with the others. Unless there’s something he really has to attend, like the football stuff… They were going to a party and I went with them. At some point he walked past me and he totally ignored me. I was pissed off. But then, he walked past me again and he asked if I was having fun. But didn’t even look me in the eyes. During the whole party he would speak to me but always like he was afraid of me… There was also a girl there that was flirting with him and when she was talking to him, he would slowly come closer to me. The other friend I went with was already gone so, I came home with him and another friend. He was the one driving and on our way home he was asking me if I was alright and stuff like that every two minutes. He stoped in front of the other guy’s house (next to mine) and we got off the car and we looked at each other and I told him “Goodbye” and he said “OK… goodbye”. I saw him the next day because there was a party here in the restaurant and he was sooooo different. Instead of being shy, every time he saw me was like “Hello Sandra…”. Like every single time he saw me. He teased me and was touching me in the arm and stuff like that. There was also another party at a village near here and we went. My other sister went to the party as well. My sister and him know each other for years and even ‘dated’ for like 6 hours in primary school. ‘A’ was already drunk and eventually started flirting with my sister. And after her, he started flirting with pretty much every girl in that party but me. I was so pissed off and I thought all that was to make me jealous. There’s another friend of ours (‘B’) that jokes a lot about having sex with me and stuff. It’s just a joke but ‘A’ doesn’t know that. So I thought he would be the ideal person to make ‘A’ jealous… My sister wanted to go home so I asked him to take me home. And the jokes about us sleeping together started… In front of ‘A’… I was talking to ‘B’ (no flirting, just normal stuff) and ‘A’ just barged into the conversation and I turned to him and said “I’m not talking to you… I’m talking to ‘B’!”. I know that was mean… But I was drunk and so focused in making ‘A’ jealous that it just came out of my mouth… Later, ‘A’ was leaving and he came to say goodbye to me and here’s what we talked: Him: “You’re going home with ‘B’, your boyfriend, right?” (jealousy again) Me: “He’s not my boyfriend…”. Later he left. And I haven’t seen him for two weeks. With all this I started thinking that maybe he’s shy and I should hint him that I like him so, last Wednesday I was driving to work and I saw him with his car. And I saw that as a great chance to start a conversation with him. When I got home, I sent him a message on Facebook. Me: “Hello ‘A’… How are you?” Him: “Fine… You?” Me: “Fine… So, what were you doing today at *the name of the place where I saw him*? I saw you there with your car ;)” The message was read and it’s Saturday night and I’m still waiting for a response… So, what the hell is going on here??? I’m sorry… I know this is a long story with a lot of details but I feel like I’m going crazy with all this…

    • Sandra,

      Are you still feeling a little crazy? :)

      Sure there are lots of little details going on, lots of social games and weird situations BUT it’s really simple.

      He’s attracted to you. You know it. You’re attracted to him. He knows it too although he might not fully believe it.

      SO what’s going on is that you two are just having trouble connecting and turning this “affair” into something real or tangible. Something like a real date or an actual meeting so you can both explore what’s happening between the two of you.

      I’d suggest someplace where you both don’t know anybody. Perhaps even someplace neither of you have been before.

      You can try the blatant approach. “Hey YOU (A)! Let’s do this.”

      No more games to make him jealous. Okay. :)

      All the best to you,

      Pete

  • Patricia

    Thank you. ..there’s this guy I like and we’ve gone on a couple of dates. .and we’ve even told each other how we feel about each other lol but recently he started ignoring me in class and sometimes left me hanging when we texted…i hope he still likes me..

    • Peter White

      I hope so too Patricia.

  • Delilah

    Hi Pete, hope to get some advice šŸ˜›

    So there is this guy I kind of like and I have been kind of freaking out about him and if he likes me. But we have only known each other for a few weeks and barely seen each other
    Yesterday he had lunch with my cousin (we are all at the age of 20/22) and told me that he kind of really likes me and wants to see where this is going but he wants to take it slowly. He even asked my cousin (since he is very protective) for his permission (which I think is silly, but .. boys!). My cousin said he was perfectly fine with it as long as HE doesn’t screw up or mess with me.
    That evening we went to this .. kind of concert together (and my cousin had told me about their talk) and I was really excited about what he had said and I was really looking forward to seeing HIM.. I could not believe it but HE totally ignored me.. barely said hi.. barely talked to me.. looked at me. Like what the heck is going on?
    Is this normal? Telling someone else he wants more but then he doesn’t go for it.
    He can’t be waiting for my move, can he? Our entire.. friendship/whatever is based on my moves. I am done moving!
    Is this some sort of game? He did tell my cousin that he first wants to check out what sort of person I am but still.. wouldn’t it be so much easier finding that out by TALKING to me??
    Or is it possible that he misinterpreted my cousins warning thinking he wouldn’t be ok with it. But hey! I am not some property so even if there was a hint or so, would that really stop him from talking to me?
    please reply… I am confused.

    • Peter White

      Hi Deliah,

      He’s feeling pressured and confused and I highly doubt it’s game.

      He just doesn’t sound very confident in the “moving part”. He went to someone else to ask permission, backs away after like he’s scared, and just doesn’t know how to proceed.

      I completely understand how you’re feeling and no you shouldn’t have to be doing all the “moving.”

      To me it just sounds like he doesn’t know what to do next. It’s a classic problem for guys who talk about “maybe having a relationship” instead of just doing something like getting to know you, having fun, creating some chemistry, enjoying the moments together.

      Add on top of that I get the feeling he’s more worried about pleasing your cousin than he is with you, which unfortunately is not a good thing.

      Hope it all works out for you and wishing you the best of luck,

      Pete

  • Fouzia

    Hi Pete !
    I’m in need of some desperate advice ! Please help me out.

    I am a high school student. It was two years ago that I felt as if my teachers intentions weren’t exactly the way a teachers intentions should be. He always gazed at me quite intrested stare and always looked at me during the lecture for a pretty long interval as compared to other students. I knew instantly that he likes me. He is married and has 4 children but every girl in the college is crazy about him. He has a very decent and dazzling personality. And he remains quite composed every time.
    He texted me on fb related to academics and we started TALKING on facebook. He never ever mentioned anything that might be unappropriate for him to say. But he talked late till midnight and even after that. He showed great regard and respect towards me.
    But the thing is sometimes he mentions it that youre like a daughter in the conversation. but i know how thats just a statement for a backup situation if someone reads our late night convos.
    But the way he flirts and acts around me. gazes at me when i am not looking. Can find me even in the crowd and the way his eyes twinkle when they look into mine. The way he always and always shows that he really likes me and then that daughterly thing. i am confused. Because he has a lot of ego an wouldnt want his reputation to go anywhere and be stained because of the beauty of a girl. But just recently he asked me “Do you love anyone”? and i just replied saying “What do you mean”? and he changed the topic brilliantly, so that I coulsnt even ask him why he asked me that question.
    I love him a lot. But i too am the most popular and sorta’ kinda’ girl whose self respect matters a lot. So i can’t make any move.
    But does his actions show that his attitude is fatherly ?
    Because according to me he is, deeply in love with me. But denies to accept it.

  • Curious&Confused

    Hi Pete!

    I need to know how to be sure he IS interested rather than just blowing me off. We haven’t seen each other in awhile–a couple years– then we hung out and things got pretty heavy. We made out and fondled and it was very pleasurable to me and sexy, but I wasn’t planning on having sex that night. Needless to say, I get the feeling he is acting all distant and no talking to me because he didn’t “get what he wanted”. My words but you know the saying. Is this the case, or possible? I mention after a few days that we should hang sometime and he just said “yeah we might”. WTF is that shit?!?!

    Thank youuu!

    Curious&Confused

    • Hi,

      The unfortunate bad news is… guys who are interested, will tend to act more “interested” than just hanging out and looking for sex. If that is all he’s doing, and he’s not following through with something more, and he started acting distant right after he didn’t get “any”… then I would say you’re right.

      I wouldn’t waste your time with him unless he actually offers something more than just hanging out. Guys who are looking for more will tend to DO more.

      Wishing you all the best,

      Pete

  • Jen

    Pete,
    Let me start with the backstory. My husband and I separated several months ago and have filed for divorce. There is a guy I work with occasionally (he is a rep that is there maybe once a week, not employed by my employer) who was asking about my situation, ie boyfriend, boy toy, ex looking for booty call. Told him no to all. Two weeks later, he mentioned we should “hang out” and asked for my number. That evening, I was expecting him to text so I had a few glasses of wine. Well, he did text and we made plans to meet up at pub close to my house. Conversation went well I thought. Learned about his background (where he grew up, ect). As we left, he kissed me passionately. He inquired about going home with me. I told him not a good idea. He agreed and said he didn’t want work to be weird. He kissed me again and I told him that I liked him and didn’t want to rush anything. I also told him I wasnt type of girl to have boy toy or hook up, there had to be something more there. We parted ways. Two days later he texted to wish me a happy holiday. I casually asked if he didn’t have plans, he could come over and watch a movie. He politely declined. The next time we saw each other at work, he avoided me and his guys friends seemed more chatty than usual with me. That was 5 days ago. Did I scare him off or was he only looking for sex from the recently single girl?

  • Lisa Lu

    Hi Pete. So there is a guy on my bus to and from work. He works in an office building just one stop after mine. And we just stare at one another every day, and then sometimes he just stops looking, except whenever he thinks I’m not looking at him. I don’t know his name and I don’t think he knows mine either. Anyway, he doesn’t really speak to anyone on the bus. He just keeps his headphones on and sits amongst others. But I have one of my close friends around me and afew other co-workers, and he just stares at me whenever I’m talking with my friends. Sometimes he doesn’t have his headphones on and I know he’s listening in to our conversations. He just stares and sometimes half smiles whenever I’m talking or laughing or just doing something silly amongst my friends. How do I show this guy that I like him? How do I talk to him? And how do I know that he doesn’t have a girlfriend? I really really really like this guy. He is white male in his 20’s, with blond hair and blue eyes. I am brown skinned, black haired and have dark brown eyes and I wear glasses lol. I always feel self conscious about my glasses. What do guys think of girls who wear glasses? What do I do about this guy? I know he likes me. There are other group of girls on my bus, and they’re always staring at him and he knows it. But I’m not being bigheaded, but his eyes are only fixated on me and it boosts my ego a little as I don’t really consider myself the hottest girl in the world. I have friends who are absolutely stunning and I’m not just saying that because they’re my friends, they really truly are stunning, and the other girls on the bus are so pretty as well, but it seems he only just stares at me. Even when we’re sitting on the bus and he can’t see me, I will always catch him looking at me through the windows reflection of me. And before he gets off the bus, he takes on last glance at me and then dissappears into the night. He is beautiful and I still have to pinch myself every time I catch him staring not at other girls, but ME!!! I am just simply so lucky to be in his presence. Imagine if it was more than that. I want it to be more than that. But what do I do? HELP ME PLEASE!

  • hope

    Hey Pete!
    So, here’s the thing. I’m a senior in highschool and he’s in 3rd year university.
    It all started when he invited me to go camping with his youth group. He would talk to me and was kind, but it was hard to tell if he was flirting or not. From there its progressed to subtle flirting or maybe he’s just being friendly. It’s hard to know. But I’ve found that he will bug me about liking his friend who I find goodlooking. (I told the guy I like that I found his friend good looking). And he told my sister that I was suckimg up and flirting with his friend when all I did was say “hey, John, how are you!?” In a kind way. And then, the other day I saw him in a huge group and there was a little baby so I said “aww, he’s so cute” and then this guy said “oh. Thanks :)” later on when he was playing the guitar, I had his capo on my hand and then when he needed it, instead of asking for it be just put his hand over mine and took it, except it seemed like he could have easily grabbed it without touching my hand? But during that same night he didn’t really talk to me much besides that. I honestly am so confused! Its been almost a year of similar situations and I do have his number but we don’t tall all the time, maybe once every two weeks or so..

  • sisi

    Umm hey, i’m 17 years old and well my problem is there is guy “y” that i dated once and then i cut it off and his good friend “x” wanted me and “y” agreed and i just turn x off cuse i didnt want to be his fing or anything not serious .. And i thought it’s in my head that x wants me .. Umm time passed and well i saw him few times in the street or with friends and got from him the feeling he wants me but i still thought it’s in my head .. After a long time i dated again with y (the first one) and i cut it off again .. And then i realize that x is into me and well i started to date with him .. (It bothred y littel bit but he agree to x, they are good friends and well “bros before hoes” ) so we dated once and every thing was great and day after we dated he didnt stop talking to me on whasapp and really chased after me .. And then one day before we dated again he told his friend he doesnt take it seriously and when i will ask where it goes he will cut it off or something .. The thing is that at the same time (at the same evening ) he still chased me on whatsapp even after we decide to go out the next day, he was still talking to me and stuff ( i even told him that like why to continue talking when i will see him to the next day .. And he was like i just want to talk what’s the promlem.. ) and then we dated and everything was fine and by mistak somehow we met y and it was emberrcing to me and y and well after a while i left home and x just didnt spoke to me so after 3 days i sent him a message and he was littel bit dry and then i waited like week and we didnt talk so i sent him text again like umm we have thing with coffee so i was like “hey u what’s with my coffee ? ”
    And he was like: ” i dont know ”
    “What about him ? ”
    “Is he alright?”
    And i didnt answer that …
    My qeustion is what’s his deal ? Like what am i spousse to think about what’s going on and why suddenly it became like that and i have chance or if i need to answer and stuff (it’s been two days i didnt answer) oh and he has big ego and i have too ..

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