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Why Do Guys…?

Why Do Some Men Like You One Time, Then Pretend They Barely Know You?

in Does He Like You
What does it mean when a guy is playing hard to get or is ignoring you right after you meet.

Why is it when a guy is into you, shows every sign he likes you, but the next time he sees you it’s like you don’t even exist?

He acts a little distant. Barely listens to a word you say.

You want to ask him what’s wrong but it’s not like you’re dating or anything. You’re not in a relationship. You’re still getting to know each other…

But for some reason he’s making you feel you did something wrong and this passive aggressive attitude he’s displaying is making you wonder why you’re even bothering with him at all.

I was totally into this “chic” once. She was the type who lots of guys chase. You could take one look at her and instantly assume she could have any guy she wanted.

If you don’t know about how much attraction controls men I can tell you it’s not too easy to shrug off. It makes you do things you wouldn’t normally do. It makes you almost want to give everything you got – in the hopes the attraction would be returned.

The way I see it – as a man who’s studied this stuff – us guys actually “suffer” from attraction because if we follow it and listen to it, it only seems to do just the opposite to the woman we’re madly falling for. It’s like when we go blindly into in it causes us to push any highly sought out woman away.

Well let me tell you this girl had me hooked. Literally every curve on her body mesmerized me. Her face was flawless and her eyes, the way they lit up when she saw me… got me scared.

I was terrified I was going to screw it up.

So here’s this guy – not the greatest “ladies man” in the world at the time, hasn’t had much success with very attractive women, and feeling it like there’s no tomorrow.

Feeling the peak of attraction I gave it all despite all my fears.

Tried to make her laugh. Tried to find a connection with her. Tried to be “all that a man could be” because I was “suffering” from a lowered self-esteem just being around her.

Just so you know, it felt like it worked. She was returning the flirts and playing right back with me. The chemistry was increasing and so was the sexual tension. Despite the fact as our interaction continued so did my self-confidence because she was just that cool to be around.

Now you would think I would’ve been smart enough to run with it. To “do my thing” and keep it up. You would think, because it only makes sense, I’d be all her into her when we met again.

But it wasn’t like that at all.

There was more people around. More guys there to flirt with her. Suddenly every available “stud” was taking over where I had left off and I just knew it was a losing battle.

Here I am, now watching other guys be all into her and I got a glimpse into the future.

We’d talk a little. Get to know each other better. A few weeks or maybe a month would pass and we would grow closer.

And I’ve been through that before. What happened was more predictable than the sunrise.

While I was “doing all the work” she was dating some other guy and kissing him on the first date. since I was “being nice” and spent way too much time waiting for the moment to happen, and didn’t know how to make it happen naturally…

I was waiting for HER to make a move on me.

To men – that’s the ultimate sign a girl is into them. As in when she makes a move on him.

Remember that because “making a move” to some men is a lot more than just going for a kiss.

You see this seemingly innocent “passive aggressive” method is just another way to get YOU to prove how much you like us.

If we ignore you and you seek us out – our confidence goes up and we believe you’re feeling it just as much as we are.

If we keep away and act aloof or distant it’s a test.

We definitely want to feel in control of our attraction and if we can stay away long enough, it gives us time to think about how to handle it and stop our attraction from pushing you away. After all every guy understands (even though he act differently) every woman he chases just seems to run away quicker.

We’re testing our restraint but more than that we’re testing YOU because some guys, like I was, need to feel like you’re into us just as much as the guy you kissed so much quicker than us.

When we predict our future with you and we only see what some other woman did to us, our anger turns passive and we want to make sure THIS TIME it’s going to be different.

This time I won’t chase her because she’s too hot. This time I won’t be the guy who kisses her ass “hoping” she’ll like us back.

This time I will do anything and everything I know to make sure I make her prove how much she likes me. Even if it means ignoring you and acting like I couldn’t care less about her.

Thus satisfying the fragile “Ego” and it’s thirst for validation.

Okay, so you met a guy who seemed into you and you even “liked” him back. And the next time you’re together it feel like you don’t exist anymore.

Don’t let him fool you – he just wants to know you’re going to meet him half way. Or maybe the whole way. He is probably worried too much spent watching for your signals or he just doesn’t understand how all this attraction thing really works.

Is he playing you on purpose?

Some are. I won’t lie.

Did you do something to push him away?

Well obviously there’s a chance that DID happen.

Is there a chance he doesn’t even notice it’s happening?

Of course. Some guys just don’t pay attention to this kind of stuff as much as others.

Yet, generally speaking, you can consider it giving you space. He’s trying to show you he’s not needy. He doesn’t want to screw it up. He wants you to prove to him you’re not going to treat him like a “dear friend” three weeks down the road.

Men are not always obvious when their attraction for you is driving them crazy.

If a guy likes you one minute and is ignoring you the next – all things considered it just he means he “really really really” likes you! šŸ˜‰

Peter White - Why Do Guy...?

Peter White. Thanks for stopping by and listening to a male’s point view. You can stay in touch by – *receiving my newsletter, *friending my Facebook page here. – Here is where a teach men about you *DiaLteG – and this where I get to talk about meeting and approaching the opposite sex – *The Approach.

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306 comments… add one

  • Yoshanna

    Hi..so I got a delimma. Help me understand this man’s brain please!!!! EVENT #1- Woman almost runs into man. Man doesn’t move stands very still with his chest puffed and is looking woman in the eyes then at her lips. After a second he turns away and says in a seductive voice “hellllllllo…hellllllllo”. EVENT #2- Man walks by woman and looks directly at her chest. Woman notices and looks him in the face. Man looks up at woman and then turns his head. Then turns it right back and holds intense eye contact with her for 5 seconds or more. EVENT #3- Woman walks down hallway and man is walking opposite her. He scans her body and tilts his head to look at her then walks off. EVENT #4- Woman tries to address the man. SHE IS HAPPILY MARRIED AND HE IS MARRIED TOO. She wanted to apologize for giving him any mixed signals and kind of try to apologize to him for leading him on. He kind of lightly laughs and then says he doesn’t remember the eye contact and keeps lightly laughing. Then after that the man doeant really look at her anymore and he doesnt really smile at her or talk to her. HE KNOWS HER HUSBAND AND Maybe he feels guilty
    But in this womans mind she doesn’t understand how he could not remember that eye contact. Was he being truthful? It was very direct and intense. Like the woman could hear what he was thinking. How could he not remember that? Is he lying? And since the woman spoke up to him did that make him uninterested? The woman loves her husband and doesnt want to hurt him. But did she just make things akward at work from now on?

    • Hi, well I’d say the first incident was him acting like he wanted you. Saying hello would his way of saying, “hot” or something along those lines.

      I’m sure that he did feel a little guilty for objectifying your body.

      I’m also sure he remembers what happened but doesn’t have the balls to admit it. Honestly I can’t see why you’d bother apologizing to him for leading him on.

      And nope, just because you spoke to him does not make him any less attracted to you. Except he might feel the game has changed as you called him out on his shit.

      I don’t think YOU made things awkward, it just happened. Things will tense up because of the situation.

      Th only dilemma I see you’re facing is whether or not this continues because then you’ll have to include some higher up to deal with.

      Now I’m all good with admiring people at work but when someone steps over the bounds and makes the other feel very uncomfortable then there’s a serious problem.

  • Me

    Someone please help me!
    There’s this guy that I am 100% sure likes me and I legitimately like him too. When I heard him telling someone that he likes me for the first time, he just suddenly became distant and is avoiding me, he doesn’t talk to me as much as how we used to talk just because he finally admitted TO SOMEONE ELSE not to me, that he likes me, I don’t think he knows that I know, so why would he become distant. It’s summer break but he lives on the neighborhood next to mine, so I could probably talk to him still, but I just don’t know what to do, I have his snapchat, I snapchatted him earlier, he didn’t even reply, he replies all the time, he’s really getting on my nerves.

    • Hello Me,

      Chances are he just doesn’t know what to do AND he knows you overheard it and know it too.

      Some guys are just as afraid of success as they are of failure because they’re not clear on what to do next. They don’t want to screw it up. Doing nothing at least assures a lack of failure in the area of progressing forward.

      You see, it ‘s very common for guys to understand failure as in rejection or not approaching or not being able to get a girlfriend and lots of guys sympathize with it BUT emotionally, it hurts much worse and deeper when they screw up the intimate part. To lots of guys doing something means eventually intimacy in some shape or form.

      Way back when, for me, not getting somewhere with a woman was a lot less painful than actually getting her and screwing up the “important” parts.

      It’s a matter of a fear over success than it is a fear failure which is a very common theme among younger guys.

      Hope that helps you a bit. Best to you,

      Pete

  • sapphire

    hie peter. ahh well my thing with this guy is hell complicated. initially we had same circle of friends. and spending time with him just felt right. he did like me. he said that he would be wanting more out of us. but i have immense trust issues and just couldnt trust him bcoz of his playful and mysterious nature. i thought of taking some time to think and what he did was convince for initial days and later ignore. he did wait for long and i did give him hints that i like him too.

    but since he is a controversial guy due to many misunderstandings our contact broke and to get back at me, he started dating my best friend. i instead of consulting him, impulsively started dating someone else just to make him realize. all this time we just kept on running into each other but no contact, no texts, no calls. absolutely nothing. awkward situation.

    and now situation is such that i met him to clear out things and we did talk and he said he is confused and unhappy with my best friend bcoz he finds it incomplete. is it that he wants me still ? he did confess that he dated my best friend to make me jelous but still didnt admit that he loves me. but he kissed me and i am afraid i have cheated on my bf and my best friend. he asked weather i would like to meet again and talk it out and find a solution. day ended. Aftr few days, i tried calling him. he is not returning my calls. what might have happened.

    whats with him. plz help

  • Emma

    Hey Pete!
    So last year I told you about this guy I liked so much who also liked and later told me that im too “controlling”(please read my comment from previous) . So, in July last year, roughly around this time I flew to Miami with my family and friends to celebrate my 21st birthday and something happened. Well I was having a heart to heart convo with my best friend of lyk 16years) and I broke down as I was talking about how unlucky I am with guys and out of the blue he kissed me! I was shocked, and he told me how he felt about me. Apparently he’s been in love with me for 3 years.( according to him and his 2 sisters) As time went by I fell in love with him or should I say realised I have been in love with him without realising since I never maybe consulted my feelings for him until then. So we’ve been together for almost a year now. And I always feel like im falling in love with him for the first time and he on the other hand worships me and I feel really lucky because he’s an amazing guy. Ok enough of me gushing…So, back to this guy I told you about last year.I became friends with this girl whom I met through this same guy. One day in our chit chat, his name popped up and I got to know that this guy dated this new friend of mine and shockingly, he asked her out and kissed her a day after doing the same with me! Wow! But the relationship lasted 4months! And now, he all of the sudden wants to crawl back into my life. What I don’t get is that he flund out I have a boyfriend now but he apparently thinks he can “charm” me back. Lol, I’d be stupid to leave my boyfriend for him! Im glad I listened to you when you said I should move on from him because I think I would have let my boyfriend slip away to another girl. But, my question is why would a guy ask 2 girls out at the same time? And also why does he want to come back into my life and wants to “charm” me even though he knows im in a serious relationship?
    Thanks

  • Delia

    Okay so I have a similar story here. I met a guy whose mom was in the same hospital with my mom (I became good friends with his mom before I met him), and we talked occassionally. Afterwards his Mom passed on and we kept talking. Before the funeral he told me he liked me and I told him I did too. Then after the funeral he just withdrew. I understood he was dealing with alot and was grief-striken, but so was I…I genuinely loved his Mom, and I was worried sick about him. Finally, he because annoyed over something I harmlessly said, and just became distant, hence the passive aggressive thing. I apologized profusely and even though he said it was alright he still does not want to speak to me. I am torn, confused, hurt, I have cried so much I am now sick. I just like him alot and I am confused why he is angry with me. Please advice?

  • Fanny

    i have been thinking about this guy! He was my classmate for about 2years, I fell in love with him. I used to tease him a lot for which he runs away then I stopped doing it. He is a studious guy and doesn’t talk much to girls,quite reserved or he thinks superior of himself. One day he would look at me, the next day he would be like, he is totally avoiding me. I could see him showing off in front of me with his friends by playing with them, then he would check me whether I’m seeing him or not. He used to make eye contact which I turn away abruptly from him, coz I feel shy looking deep into his eyes. One day I wanted to show him I was really interested that I started seeing him making eye contact. The next day he came forward and was asking doubt to my friends, he was totally seeing me I left him un noticed like I didn’t see him coz I was enjoying the attention, the next period I offered him water to which he declined it saying he will get it himself. And he avoided me totally. While we reside in the same place, we board bus at the same time, one day when I was on the other side of the road, he was checking me. Why I was standing in the other lane. I can’t really get him ,What is that in his brain? Pls help me! I’m really in love with him. I have been in love with him for two years. Pls help me. How to make him fall in love?

  • Cindy

    Hi guys!
    Really need help here. So there’s this one guy that I’ve met. He’s only 19 and I’m already 23. He’s not from around here. He’s just having a vacation for like thrice a year because of his grandparents. A colleague of mine introduced me to him, he seems so nice so I added him up on facebook. We began talking through facebook and chatted until the wee hours. He has a lot of sense of humor and very thoughtful as well. We go out like everyday since then. I enjoyed every conversation with him. He made me feel special for time he has been here. We’ve became very close most likely as friends but there’s this ‘something’ we felt for each other that you definitely can’t deny. We obviously like each other. I’ve asked him If he likes me back to confirmed his feeling and he said yes! We even kissed like there’s no tomorrow before he left. He promised me that we’ll stay friends. He’s not into LDR and I’m okay with it, though I wanted us to be more than friends. I’ve decided that it’s probably best for us to be friends and I don’t see anything wrong about it. He has been texting me regularly since he left. Until one day he’s just texting me for at least once a week, telling me hh’s really busy at school which is understandable and reasonable. Suddenly it became thrice a month until he is not texting anymore. He got back here when his grandpa died, I went to the funeral he doesn’t even talked to me or take a glimpse of me but I’m trying to understand that he’s going through a tough time and I should set aside my feelings and just console him. After a month He came back here again for a long weekend vacation with his parents and I went to their house since his mom invited me to come over. I talked to her mom and he was avoiding me as usual I don’t know if his doing that because it’s kinda like an awkward moment and his mom was there teasing him or maybe he doesn’t want me there?I tried talking to him like sending him a message but he didn’t respond, I was seen zoned ='( I keep on asking myself what I did wrong for him to avoid me??He keeps on ignoring me It drives me crazy. Obviously our age gap doesn’t seemed to be an issue. I’m trying to make a conclusion maybe he’s avoiding me cause he just wanted to suppress his feelings for me by ignoring me since he doesn’t want a LDR?Why is he acting like this?can you please tell me?How can someone who showed you how special you are to him and suddenly acts like he doesn’t know you at all?I’m not being clingy or something I just want our friendship back.

    • Chances are… he’s either (sort of) found someone else while he was away AND/OR he feels like you’re getting too close.

      You’ve included yourself in his family and his family affairs which most men take as meaning more than a friendship.

      Yes, he could be avoiding you because he doesn’t want to get drawn into a LDR but I know young guys and most of them are not strong enough to resist some form of intimacy. Meaning even if he doesn’t want it, when he comes back he’d still be willing to hang out or take the chance.

      So… I still stick to my first guess, he’s either (sort of) found someone else while he was away AND/OR he feels like you’re getting too close.

      Hope that helps you a little at least,

      Pete

  • Diamond

    What about a guy who gets more and more distant? The more I show him attraction, the more he disappeared. I was so shure about this guy and eventually I never saw him again.

  • May

    Ok Pete, answer me this,
    I am a married woman. I love my husband, been with him 10 years. Not in that 10 yrs has any man other than my husband turned my head.
    Guy from high school hits me up on FB two months ago. We chat, catch up, nothing flirty or sexy.
    Then two weeks later he says he’d rather text then gives me his number. Stupid me says sure, texts his number. Then things get heated. We flirt, we talk about sex. We share about our current and past relationships.
    Omg, now I’m lusting after another man. I feel hella guilty. I even make plans to meet up with Other Guy.
    Then Other Guy chickens out. Tells me crap like he doesn’t want to cause me any marital problems, he still wants back with his ex, blah blah blah.

    I practically served myself up on a no strings attached sexual platter for him and he says “I think we should just be friends.”

    I am trying to ignore him and forget about this fool, but I’m pissed, rejected, and feeling stupid for letting myself fall for him.

    What can I do to forget him?

    As a side note, my sex life with my husband is off the chain, so it wasn’t lack of sex that triggered this.
    Part of me wants to get him to agree to see me, screw his brains out, then ghost him. Dummy doesn’t know what he’s missing out on.

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