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Why Do Guys…?

Why Do Guys Stare at Girls?

in Stare and Approach
Guys stare at girls all the time. This one is checking you out.

We don’t hide it very well, do we? Although some of us claim to be masters at not getting caught.

I guess the word is out. Girls know we’re staring at them. There’s no reason to hide it anymore.

If they want to know why, let’s tell them…

But first … This question is vague yet the chosen words – “Guys & Girls” leads me to believe this is a younger woman’s question so I’ll keep the answer as relevant as possible.

When I was “staring at girls” I was checking them out.

Beauty, especially in the eyes of a sexually driven guy, not only catches our eye but can literally freeze us. Sometime it’s almost impossible to turn away.

It’s strange because unless we talk to you the image disappears quickly. Making any later fantasies with your image almost impossible. Although I imagine some guys are better at that than other.

So if we know you and are still staring there’s a good chance we’re going to use that image later. Now before you go thinking it’s all sexual. It’s not. Sometimes it’s a girlfriend theme or the perfect “meet up” or even just a kiss.

You can safely assume, like nine times out of ten, if any guy is staring at you he is checking you out.

He wants to meet you. He is attracted to you.

In a weird way he even wants to get caught because just maybe, if you catch him staring at you, you’ll stare back and it’s on. I would say more than half of those guys are desperately hoping you’ll approach them.

From there he’ll probably even assume you like him or at least are attracted to him. That usually depends on his self-esteem.

Think of this. As guys. When we’re hanging out and some girl starts staring at us our friends are likely to smack us and say, “Dude! That girl is totally checking you out.”

Since we’re men and can only think like a male we’re usually going to assume you work the same way. It often goes like this:

  • Checking you out – We see something we like or are attracted to you.
  • Staring at you – Locked in your beauty and most like want to get caught so you’ll approach us. Lessening the chance of being rejected.

Now as for the whole “sexual attraction” level I would have to say it’s almost like an addiction. Not usually harmful but it certainly can be.

When we see a “hot” girl we’re likely to get a little excited. Not hard just sexually aware.

And it feels good.

So we do it a lot because it feels good.

Strange to you maybe but to me, as a guy, it feels perfectly natural and I’ve been enjoying it for many years. Just now as I get older I’ve learned not to let it take me away or make me do stupid stuff.

If you’re dealing with younger guys staring at you, then he may not have learned his own personal control over how good it feels and he reacts blatantly to it.

Peter White - Why Do Guy...?

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149 comments… add one

  • Marilyn

    Hi. Since the past three years a boy, whos partically in all my classes, has been staring at me. And he someone who doesnt really like talking to girls, and if he ever has to he would only talk to me and none of the other girls in class. If he ever does he would never talk as sweetly as he does to me. He would smile and carefully listen till I end. I mean we partically have never talked much. He knows I have caught him staring at me. And also, I believe that know I have a crush on him. It weird. One of his friend is my friend too, and whenever I am teasing him, the boy I like, laughs. He tries sitting next to me. He has actually made me self-conscious. Because I never care about my apperance untill I realized I had a crush on him and thats completely his fault. Since the past three years all this has been happening and I am stull waiting for him to confront. Will he ever do so? What does all this mean anyway? Does he like me?

    • Isabel

      Yes! I happened to me too, until now…. šŸ˜‰

    • glerys

      You got to go up and talk to him you two obviously like each other a lot just too nervous to go up to each other the wrist that could happen he says no but he’s lying just keep trying with him and tell him how you feel bye

  • sahar

    This happened to me also…there is one guy in my college…He often used to stare at me alot…i dnt know why…although he and i got separated 2 years ago…

  • Laci

    YES SCoRe this means the guy I like likes me I’ve watched the vids and this is the last thing and he has show all of them yessss I’m gonna ask him if he likes me and tell him that I do lets hope he says yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Olivia

    There is a kid in my math class that one day, just randomely stared at me. I really REALLY don’t like him, and when I asked him what he was doing, he shrugged and kept staring at me.
    I think he has a crush on me, but I am not sure.

  • eva

    hello pete love your page bu i have abig problem.When we moved to our own house i was 8yrs then there’s this guy in his early teens that usually stares at me and as a kid i found it annoying he also smiles at me when he is with his friends,showing off when playing football and when he is with a girl and he sees me he becomes moody .Its been seven years and now am fifteen he still stares at me and behave the same way it getting complicated everyday my friend usually tell me’seven years’and he still looks at you that way gurl he’s madly inlove with you

    • Peter White

      Love aside Eva, he’s acting his age. Unsure on how to handle his emotions maturely.

  • Betty Boo

    It’s about time I found something accurate. I am an adult and I know this adult guy likes me because of all the above mentioned. I just needed to hear or read the obvious before I extended an invitation, or let him know that I was interested too. We are all human, we all like to know it is ok to approach and noone likes rejection.

    • Peter White

      Thanks Betty Boo. NO one does like rejection and it’s unfortunate too many of us act based on a simple fear that someone may not like us back.

  • Scott

    This is all VERY true we aren’t trying to be creeps but sometimes we can’t help ourselves

    • Peter White

      Exactly Scott and believe me, sometimes out attractive urges take over and we actually have to force ourselves to stop staring….

      Why it feels so good to stare is a broad subject, but just know, it DOES feel good to stare at a woman we’re attracted to which goes beyond just putting something in our “spank bank.”

      Thanks for sharing Scott.

  • Anonymous

    I have caught a guy staring at me at class whenever i catch him he smiles at me shyly. Even when another person is talking he keeps staring at me. One day me and my friends where chatting he came out of nowhere and put his arm on my shoulder. It was really weird but i think he’s cute!

    • Peter White

      Your shoulder? Haha! Well it’s a start. We teach guys to approach from the side and not from behind or directly head on but we also teach them to lightly break the touch barrier early on…

      Maybe he just needs some practice. :)

  • Airat Shobowale

    There is this guy in my church he stares at me every sunday though we dont talk he asked my sis out once but she dated him for two days but uptil now the guy still stare at me almost everytime,does that mean he like me and why did he ask my sis out?

    • Peter White

      Maybe he likes you both, it happens.

      Maybe he was using misdirection. It’s a tactic some guys use to get the girl they really want. They’ll give the attention to another woman in your presence, normally less attractive, hoping you’ll become attracted to them. It also might gear up your competitiveness side. Especially if you feel YOU deserve the attention and not her.

  • Georgina

    A guy at work did this for four months trying to hold my gaze. He did it from getting out of his long term relationship. I then made a joke about him saying others girls not me and he said but he doesn’t know what he wants and shouldn’t then test that out with someone at work. Now I hear he’s dating other girls he’s started staring at me again. But he’s also started to talk about other girls (not dating them he does that when I’m not there) infront of me. He’s not the most confident guy. I intend to leave as the jobs not right anyway. Should I say something? Please help need advice!

    • Peter White

      Hello Georgina,

      Be WARNED about guys who say they don’t know what they want. Acting like they don’t know is a bad sign BUT saying it is much worse.

      Tell him this, “When you figure out what you want, feel free to call me, maybe I’ll answer if it’s something I want. ”

      Make sure you smile at the end. It’s not meant to be totally serious, just a hint of realness mixed with sarcasm, and a clear signal that you know this game and you’re not really into it.

      Hope it works out well for you Georgina,

      Pete

  • Sarah Liu

    Hey Peter!

    Today, I walked into my classroom and found a cute guy staring at me. He’s a year older than I am. But I don’t see him a lot and we don’t talk. So, I caught him staring at me once. Then I would look over sometimes and he SEEMED like he was looking at me, or at least in my direction. I mean, his whole body was definitely facing my way.

    During break time, I walked out of the classroom and he was about 20 feet away from me, standing and talking with his friends. I walked out and as soon as I appeared, he stared at me and when I looked up, I met his eyes. But….then I looked away lol. And he still wouldn’t look away until I started talking to my friends.

    A couple minutes later, he came over, very near where I was standing, and started talking to a friend or something. And I could tell he was still observing me. I think…

    So anyway, what is up with him? Your help is much appreciated :)

    • Peter White

      Hey Sarah,

      He’s more than likely attracted to you BUT I think you already knew that. Go with your gut here. :)

      He’s displaying a form of confidence and a little dominance by not looking away and holding his gaze until you do. He’s trying to show you that a good looking girl doesn’t scare him. He’s been there, done that, has experience in these sort of things.

      He’s also using this thing called “proximity” to give YOU a chance to approach him. That’s why he got close to you but didn’t approach.

      I believe that is “what’s up with him” :)

      Pete

  • Ana Cirx

    Well there is this guy with a girlfriend. In my opinion he is very attractive, but I always thought he has a girlfriend and we never ever talked before, so I’ve never given him attention. But then we had to work together and throughout that work he always glazed at me (very intensely). He also complimented me and was very very friendly…That’s strange since he has a girlfriend..? But the next few days he completely ignored me, said something to me but that wasn’t nice, it was so unkind. But then sometimes, like yesterday, he stared at me again.. I’m confused!

    • Peter White

      No need to be confused… maybe he finds you attractive and since you had to work together, he was friendly and complimented you.

      Whether or not he has a girlfriend shouldn’t matter too much.

      Guys WILL stare.

      Guys might compliment women.

      Guys can be friendly.

      Guys will still stare.

      Sometimes they have bad days and take it out on other people.

      Sometimes they would rather not speak to anyone at all, let alone a woman he may or not be attracted to.

      None of which will change sudden urges of attraction.

      Try not to read too much into this until there’s a definite reason to do. :)

      Best to you,

      Pete

  • Mariemoss

    Hello 4 year ago I saw a guy in stop and shop he stared at me for some time i turned around to see if it was me he was staring at and it was but at that time I was about to have a operation and felt he would have got discouraged so I walked right by him I felt so bad but I was caught up in having a operation 4years later I saw the same guy starring again right beside me and I froze but he did not say anything but stare any suggestions.

    • Peter White

      What happened happened.

      You can either wait for him to approach you or smile back and say something like,

      “I remember you.” Smile and have fun with it. You don’t even have to tell him why, you can even make something up to let him believe you saw him doing something foolish somewhere.

      The point is, make a choice, give him every opportunity to approach by being inviting and engaging OR just say “hello” or something like that.

      Either way, no matte what happens, stay in the present and whatever happens, happens…. just like before.

      Sometimes thing happen. Sometimes they don’t. Just another day in life. :)

      Best of luck to you,

      Pete

  • Jessica

    There is this guy in a couple of my classes who randomly stares at me, but we have only spoken a few times and I think he might have a girlfriend already. He’s not shy I’ve seen him around school a lot and he seems very popular and outgoing. Even when we’re in class he talks to people around me, but he seems to ignore me. In class he sits towards the front of the room so when I turn to face the board he’s just looking at me, once I caught him staring and smiled to break the ice, but he kept giving me this serious face. I doubt that he is spacing out because our seating arrangements have changed and he still stares.

    • Peter White

      Yeah Jessica, sometimes guys don’t smile back. They’re too caught in in their own head to relax and sometimes you catch them by surprise.

      If he has a girlfriend it could easily mean he doesn’t want to lead you on but still likes checking you out because he’s attracted to you.

      Keep in mind, a guy is more likely to ignore a girl they’re heavily attracted to because of fear. It’s easier to talk to a girl, especially younger guys, that they’re not attracted to because there’s very little pressure in that at all.

      Hope that helps you out Jessica,

      Pete

  • Mrs.Fancy

    there are some boys who stare at me. especially those annoying assholes who always tease me. i actually don’t think they find me attractive. you know, a boy can stare at you if you’re ugly too… but i think i’m fucking attractive. i just don’t act like it but i still think I’m attractive. i don’t need anybody to tell me how pretty i am cuz I’m damn fancy. LOL MY EGO IS TOO BIG.

    • Peter White

      You’re right. Some guys (I’d say mainly younger groups of guys trying to please their friends) stare at women who they might not be attracted to. It happens when they’re trying to be cool or make themselves look cooler by putting someone else down and YES they are jerks.

      Cool, you find yourself attractive. :)

      Careful with the Ego thing though. Take it from a sometimes narcissistic person as myself.

      Step over the line to arrogance and it quickly becomes unattractive.

      Be humble.

      Don’t compare yourself to others.

      Always be willing to poke fun at yourself at your own expense and it’s all good Mrs. Fancy.

      Thanks for sharing,
      Pete

  • kadiatou balde

    Do guys stare or lack eyes contact with a girl he dont like?

  • Truth-teller

    I see a man who looks at attractive women when they are partnered as a lower-quality guy. Not all men stare/look at hot women. But some do. To me, it’s the sign of someone with a Neanderthal brain, who has no self-control or respect and can’t grow up. I understand men under 20 doing this. But when a man is 40+, it is no longer hormones. It is lacking female energy within them and purpose in life. To me what differentiates a GUY FROM A MAN is this very thing: Theodore Roosevelt IS a man. Snoop Dogg is a guy. I can’t imagine Mr.Roosevelt staring at every attractive woman who walks by. “Guys” who do this are immature, lack purpose in life or have not bothered to work on themselves to grow as a person. It is a matter of evolution. Maybe you will find this cocky but I am a rare breed as a woman and I believe that I deserve the best man this planet has to offer. That, unfortunately, does not include guys who look at hot chicks all the time like they have nothing better to do. I don’t want a man like that to father my daughter, who might then learn to dress scantily and try to get attention from other men (which she was deprived of by her own dad). I want my daughter to know that she deserves someone who has evolved from the Neanderthal brain and is not WEAK. Guys who stare at women when their partner is with them(or not) are weak, un-evolved and no good. They are more likely to cheat because they use women as an escape from their meaningless life. It’s an addiction. “It’s what guys do” doesn’t cut it. Sorry! We are far, far away from the times when all men was good for was their sperm and their hunting skills. I expect more from the man I am with because I am giving up on all the hot, exciting and powerful men I would/could sleep with. If my man stares, I will not keep him. I like men. Not “guys”. I like men with purpose, power and self-control. Neanderthals are not sexy or desirable. Period.

  • Anonymous

    There is this guy friend in my clique. He’s like…really outstanding when it comes to socializing. But when it comes to me and him being left alone, “awkward” would be a great term to use describe the atmosphere. We talk as usual but the way he occasionally stare at me is indescribable. He won’t break eye contact until I look away. Like, when I stare back at him again, he’ll smile or laugh. I’ve lost counts on how many times he does that. It’s mostly when we’re alone or when others don’t notice. So weird…

    • Not weird, even the most socially adept guys in the world become very nervous and just don’t know what to do when they’re alone with a woman.

      It’s the sexual tension or what to do with it confuses him. A lot of times he’s the only one feeling that tension too.

  • Aditi

    Hey pete,
    This guy who is 1 yr older than me stares at me whenever i walk in front of him. And when i had my best hairstyle, when walked past him i’m sure he kept looking . He fixes his Collar, hair and specs whenever he sees me. Once i went to his class for some reason he looked at me more than twice and then his friend looked at me. And his friend didn’t had any reaction on his face(poker face). His closest girl friend looks at me with disgust. Today too he stared at me But its DIFFICULT for me to keep the eye contact. So…. I am confused if he likes me or just keeps on commenting on me with His friends
    P.S- i am black with flat nose and he is white and look alike eminem.

    • Why couldn’t he be doing both, commenting with his nice things about you. :)

      Maybe his friends have the problem and not him.

      All I can say is find a way to naturally bump into him when he’s not with them and see what happens.

      Pete

  • Ari

    hi.
    every time i walk down a street a really attractive boy stares at me and smiles. Like every single time. It’s happened to me with probably over 50 guys. Can someone tell me why? Do I like have something on my face?

    • Hi Ari,

      The same thing happens to me. Every time I walk down the street this guy stares at me… then I realize I forgot to zipper my jeans up and he’s dying to come out of the closet, just for me. Luckily I don’t have anything on my face though because that would suck.

      HAha! Kidding Ari.

      Just check yourself and face before you leave.

      The reasons we (us guys) stare is rightly listed above.

      I’m assuming you’re a knockout and guys like to watch you walk by.

      That’s all,

      Pete

  • claire

    so this guy (he works at our local grocery store) would always stare at me i noticed it and asked my mom and grandma if they did they both did notice it well as time went by i went there to get regular stuff and he always would stare and smile i would do the same back. well the other day we were at the store(he was working) and we payed for everything and we were out in the car then realized we forgot something so my mom went back to get it and as my mom was coming out of the store he stopped my mom and said “may i ask you a question” of course my mom said sure he said “that girl thats always with you guys who is she?” and my mom said “thats my daughter” he asked” may i ask how old she is?” “she told him and on a side note he looks about 17 hes 21 (i found out from a friend) anyway so my mom told him my age 15 YES I UNDERSTAND I AM YOUNG he even said “she is too young” bummed out but i was thinking once i am out of high school i will be 18 he will be 24. i just need a honest opinion because he was a gentlemen by asking my mom. so please help! and also why would he ask my mom?

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