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Why Do Guys…?

Why Do Guys Stare at Girls?

in Stare and Approach
Guys stare at girls all the time. This one is checking you out.

We don’t hide it very well, do we? Although some of us claim to be masters at not getting caught.

I guess the word is out. Girls know we’re staring at them. There’s no reason to hide it anymore.

If they want to know why, let’s tell them…

But first … This question is vague yet the chosen words – “Guys & Girls” leads me to believe this is a younger woman’s question so I’ll keep the answer as relevant as possible.

When I was “staring at girls” I was checking them out.

Beauty, especially in the eyes of a sexually driven guy, not only catches our eye but can literally freeze us. Sometime it’s almost impossible to turn away.

It’s strange because unless we talk to you the image disappears quickly. Making any later fantasies with your image almost impossible. Although I imagine some guys are better at that than other.

So if we know you and are still staring there’s a good chance we’re going to use that image later. Now before you go thinking it’s all sexual. It’s not. Sometimes it’s a girlfriend theme or the perfect “meet up” or even just a kiss.

You can safely assume, like nine times out of ten, if any guy is staring at you he is checking you out.

He wants to meet you. He is attracted to you.

In a weird way he even wants to get caught because just maybe, if you catch him staring at you, you’ll stare back and it’s on. I would say more than half of those guys are desperately hoping you’ll approach them.

From there he’ll probably even assume you like him or at least are attracted to him. That usually depends on his self-esteem.

Think of this. As guys. When we’re hanging out and some girl starts staring at us our friends are likely to smack us and say, “Dude! That girl is totally checking you out.”

Since we’re men and can only think like a male we’re usually going to assume you work the same way. It often goes like this:

  • Checking you out – We see something we like or are attracted to you.
  • Staring at you – Locked in your beauty and most like want to get caught so you’ll approach us. Lessening the chance of being rejected.

Now as for the whole “sexual attraction” level I would have to say it’s almost like an addiction. Not usually harmful but it certainly can be.

When we see a “hot” girl we’re likely to get a little excited. Not hard just sexually aware.

And it feels good.

So we do it a lot because it feels good.

Strange to you maybe but to me, as a guy, it feels perfectly natural and I’ve been enjoying it for many years. Just now as I get older I’ve learned not to let it take me away or make me do stupid stuff.

If you’re dealing with younger guys staring at you, then he may not have learned his own personal control over how good it feels and he reacts blatantly to it.

Peter White - Why Do Guy...?

Peter White. Thanks for stopping by and listening to a male’s point view. You can stay in touch by – *receiving my newsletter, *friending my Facebook page here. – Here is where a teach men about you *DiaLteG – and this where I get to talk about meeting and approaching the opposite sex – *The Approach.

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94 comments… add one

  • Amanda

    Why do I get guys who keep looking at me when I’m blatantly with my boyfriend? I was out tonight with a mutual female friend of ours who had brought a load of male friends. Some guy sat behind my boyfriend kept staring at me so I got the hint and started hugging my boyfriend. That didn’t stop it. So I looked back like….. Ok I know you’re doing it I’M TAKEN!!! He stops for like 10 seconds and he carries on and when I look over again SOMEONE ELSE WAS DOING IT! For crying out loud! So I started kissing my boyfriends face and he hugged me and stuff, tried to ignore, not joking, the two guys where still doing it….. They looked away when I looked up and a third guy was doing it. Soon as I look back again…. Guess what? Yeah, and it gets worse! This happens a lot when I’m out with my boyfriend, his work mate does it and my boyfriend is pally with him I’m like what the hell you’re friends with my partner! One moment he’s staring at me then as soon as my boyfriend looks at him he stops then my bf looks away and he’s just LOOKING at me. He creeps me out, it’s weird, all pals with my man then checking me out? I’m dressed modestly, I have some make up on but so? Do guys not respect that I’m taken? It’s so awquard I don’t want my boyfriend seeing them looking at me because I dress up for him not his creepy work mate! We’ve been together almost 3 years too!

    • Peter White

      No Amanda, guys don’t care that you’re taken. If you’re attractive they will stare.

      Some more than others.

      The problem only seems to be relevant in your life because you let it get to you and unfortunately, if most guys sense that or see it’s happening, will only do it more because you seem to be throwing your relationship in their face.

      Some men, not all, when they see an attractive woman they’ll check you out, but when they assume you’re “showing off” or are now engrossed in public displays of affection they become very annoyed. They’ll believe you’re kind of telling them, THEY could never have someone as hot as you… so bugger off.

      I don’t make the rules or the reaction of public men and couples but I have seen a connection on how people tend to react to what we’re putting out. If you get angry you can stir jealousy and resentment or just some guys feel like you’ve put your relationship above them and the staring then becomes strictly to annoy you. They’ll play into your drama for spite.

      There’s an old saying which I’m not exactly sure how it goes but the gist of it is:

      If you go looking for something in the world, good or bad, you’ll only find what you’re looking for.

      If you were to look at those men like they’re just guys who find you attractive and they mean nothing by it – chances are you’ll soon not care enough to even bother with them.

      If you go looking into it so deeply and thinking they’re “bad” men for doing and you believe they should stop – chances are you’re going to start to notice it everywhere no matter where you go.

      Pete

  • Rebekah

    Two weeks ago I was walking to class. I looked up and I saw this guy looking at me. We made eye contact until I broke it because it felt weird. The next day at school I was walking out of lab with my friend and when I looked up I saw him walking like towards me, but looking, so I looked back to my friend then to the front again and he had walked into his class. The next day after that day I was in lab and the class door was open, my class is at the end of the hall and there is a turn around hall where the teachers classes are at and also and outside door. He walked past my class and we just caught eyes and looked until he passed my room. 5 min later he passed by the exact same way and stayed looking at me, I saw him stop outside my class door but I didn’t think anything of it. I realized he was outside my class, and his class is down the hall going the opposite way.

    The next week he only glanced at me and kept walking. During his break he walked out of class and stood in front of me because I was sitting down and then secs later he walked off to the other hall. As I went into my class to drop off my backpack I saw him looking and when I was coming back out he was passing by where I had been sitting to go through the outside door. He ended up coming in mins later and didn’t look or want to look. I saw him a day later but we only caught eyes when I passed by his class. Then friday came but he only glanced at me when he saw me walking down the hall and kept walking with his friend.

    Today I sat outside my class again and he was standing in his class. He was playing with a wrapper and he saw me but looked away. He didn’t want to look and I didn’t want to make him feel weird so I started talking to my friend and reading notes but when I would look he wasn’t and he would glance my way like only 2 times. Then he sat down and was writing and he only looked my way 2 more times but I think he saw me looking.

    I am confused on why he was the one staring and making eye contact passing by my class and waiting (or so I thought) outside my class, to just only glancing and acting like I don’t exist? I know he isn’t shy. He looks like he is talkative to people.

    • Peter White

      Hello Rebekah.

      First of all, let me say this: You are reading way too much into all of it. :) This tells me you are attracted to him and since I’m a guy, if he noticed the same thing, this is what he is also thinking but it does not mean he will do anything about it. That’s a totally different thing.

      Okay now that I got that out of the way: He’s probably just checking you out as often as he can. Meaning he’s also attracted to you. He doesn’t want to get caught because he probably believe you’ll think he’s a creeper. So he’ll act like you don’t exist.

      Just because a guy isn’t shy does not mean he will approach a woman he finds attractive. There’s so much more at stake and the opportunity to start talking to you comes with a small window. He must make the decision quickly and if he doesn’t, he’ll fade away thinking he blew it.

      Now Rebekah – please – the next time you “catch” a guy staring at you, a lot, don’t over think it, just assume it’s because he sees something he likes. That’s all. You’ve turned every sighting into a major event which will only make things more difficult for you, and him.

      Men know when they’ve been caught staring and it makes it harder for them to approach. But that won’t stop them from trying to catch another glimpse. It’s in our nature to stare at beauty.

      The next time you see him trying to catch your eye, look back, think of what I’ve told you, squint a little with a sly smile and then stick out your tongue like you’re teasing him and then smile again. Haha!

      Best to you Rebekah,

      PEte

  • Em

    When I walk in the hallways this guy I have a crush on is always staring at me. But when I catch him he looks away.

    • Peter White

      He’s just being a guy Em.

      Some guys don’t understand how the whole eye contact thing is supposed to work. They try to catch glimpses when they can and try not to get caught.

      There are many reasons a man doesn’t want to get caught. You might think he’s a stalker. He might find it creepy. He might not be sure and will believe you’ll think it’s a “come on” or a sign you should approach him.

      As I’ve said before – men look away quickly (before you) for roughly two reasons. Either a lack of confidence or they don’t understand or know how eye contact works between a guy and a girl.

      Sure, rarely it’s because he’s not attracted to you and accidentally caught your eye or was just looking your way, or you’re reading something that didn’t happen, but more often than not, if it happens more than once, it’s because he sees something which is triggering physical attraction.

      Hope that helps you Em,

      Pete

  • niki

    There is a guy in college who looks at me with his eyebrows slightly raised and his mouth slightly open and is completely frozen when it happens. He comes around me at times but never talks to me. He turned red on the face and ears when I greeted him once. If I’m writing notes in class and I look up his head snaps in the other direction soo fast! He doesn’t talk to me tho. Sometimes we stare into each others eyes then I break the contact because its uncomfortable then next thing I know he comes near me but doesn’t say anything with his head hanging low. Its all too confusing! He is half arab and half african if migh have anything to do with it! One time I was talking to this other guy and then he came along and started talking to him..just completely cutting me off the conversation I was having with that guy and he seemed kinda angry or wateva , because it was just the 3 of us I started chatting on my hone whilst they talked than after a while he lifted his shirt and looked at me then I looked away! Lol …he does workout…..help meeee! Why does he do these things!

    • Peter White

      Hi Niki…. Half Arab Half African… Nope. Men are MEN Niki. :D Sure we have social differences and some societies have different rules they feel they must follow to appease their part rituals and stuff but underneath it all… We’re ALL the masculine part of the human race.

      In my opinion – he’s either too shy to do anything about OR he’s trying his hardest to get you to make all the first moves. In a way lots of guys avoid rejection this way. It’s also probably worked for him in the past too.

      He’s showing indirect interest and in his own way is telling you he finds you attractive and in another way he’s saying – if you want me come get me!

      Sounds like a tease to me. ;)

      Hope that helps you out Niki,

      Pete

  • Brittny

    My crush keeps staring at me , what does this mean ?
    I’m in high school and I have this crush we haven’t really talked but there are some situation were I catch him staring like in the examples below:

    When we cross paths I’ll see him turn towards me as soon as I passed him

    This one time when one my guy friends basically started hugging my face (try visualizing two people hugging and their cheeks being squished together) I seen him glaring at us

    On the way to one of my classes we’ll see each other and immediately he starts to stare and slowly walk and prolong going to class until I pass him

    At lunch friends and I sit relatively close to him my friend told me that that when I sat down he was staring at me and then turned around and smiled, ever since then I noticed out of my peripheral vision he’d stare for like 5 seconds kinda like he was waiting for me to glance back (I don’t have the courage to look back I know my awkward self too well, I’d most likely glance turn around really fast and ultimately giving my self away)

    My friend has a class with him but tells me he’s really nice but also shy.

    So what does this mean , what do you think , am I over analyzing?

    Thanks for reading !

    • Peter White

      I don’t think you’re over-analyzing Brittny but you’re getting pretty close. :)

      If a guy is staring at you that much then he must like what he sees.

      Make sure you read the second part of this:

      “Are Guys Always Looking At You? – http://www.whydoguys.com/if-men-are-looking-at-you-what-it-mean/

      Then keep this mind:

      Shy guys are notorious for getting glimpses whenever they can of girls they are attracted to.

      Now… no more analyzing and introduce yourself to him :)

      Pete

  • Hannah

    So I am happily married. I attend a church, where there is a leader (who seems happily married too) that stares at me. It has been going on for almost 5 months. He used to just quickly glance away when I caught him, but now he smiles (not creepily) and I am not sure what to make of it. When he comes into a meeting I am in, he searches me out, and when he sees me, smiles. It does not really bother me, but just seems a bit odd. Any advice as to what this is or what it means? I would never leave my husband, but there is an odd electric spark there.

    • Peter White

      Hello Hanna,

      It’s not uncommon for two married people to share a spark. Sounds like he just attracted to you and is enjoying the sight of you.

      Since you’ve basically given him the okay to divulge his “fantasy” he’ll probably continue to do it along with a smile. You may not have realized you’ve given him the “okay” but since you don’t react badly or get creeped out by it, he has probably taken that as a “green light.”

      I would be a little concerned though since not everyone who appears happily married are against following through with a spark on the side. You’re only getting the surface. He’s the one living in his marriage. Temptations do sway lots of people away even if it’s just a physical thing.

      Pete

  • jennifer

    Hey Pete, I am in high school, and I like this guy he stares ( to the point where others around me notice ) and my aunt gave him a hint that I like him she said this:
    “He was blushing (two people told me this ) and he describe you and said your always smiling” huh???
    What does that even mean when he says im always smiling ??!?!
    Jennifer
    Ps , two people told me that he was blushing
    When my name is mentioned or I am around and he knows I like him so… ??

    • Peter White

      Hi Jennifer…. when a younger guy smiles that way it usually means he’s attracted to you (likes you) but is not in touch with how to follow through with it all.

      On the average, women develop into maturity faster than guys do. Their “mental” growth is delayed as his bodies needs a few more years to develop into the generally larger part of our species.

      When a young man blushes around a girl – it means he’s feeling attracted to you. He’s shy. Doesn’t know how to assimilate his feelings. He’s kind of embarrassed because he worried you won’t “like him” back.

      Hope that helps you out Jennifer so keep them guys blushing… sooner or later they’ll catch up with their feelings enough to do something about it. :)

      Pete

  • Beb

    My crush is kinda popular but he not really talk with girls. He always with his guy friend. He’s very funny guy. He always do silly things and play round. I have dance class with him and last time at the dance performance i danced with his friend.
    after the dance performance i was at the door way. i saw his friend was coming and my crush was be hide but his friend coming first so i saying bye to him but i wave and smile to my crush .. he smiled at me back after they walked pass me he turn around and smiling to me!

    Another day in the class room he had the girl he know in the class but i don’t know why he choose to sit other side of the room which is my side .. That day his friend came and did some crazy dance at the back of the room so i turned around to look at him.. I was laughing and smiling but my crush didn’t turn around to see his friend. He was look at me and smiling and then look down to his laptop..

    Yesterday he did dance performance and i go to watched him. When he was dancing he was in the middle and i was right in front of him. He wearing sun glasses but i know that he look at me.. He was smiling at the same time. And then i just stand there to watch other show after he finish He with his friend from other side of the stage i still standing with my friend at the middle he was slowly come near me and we stand right next to each other. After finish i text him saying that he did a good job! He replied back awh thankyou it means alot :)

    Btw we never talk… Well once i think he just say hi how you and Bwcause I’m scare of him he always make jokes and being funny to everyone but when he don’t have friend around he very very quite ..

    • Peter White

      My last post might help you:

      http://www.whydoguys.com/how-approach-shy-guy-when-talk-to-quiet-men/

      A fact about men is, just because we have the “balls” to do things publicly does little to help us with talking to the opposite sex.

      I’ve been on stage on front of at the most a thousand people, sang solos, did all sorts of things which make it look like I’m not shy… but take away it all and face to face with a woman scared the living shit out of me.

      Luckily I’m much better now. :)

      I think both of you will get past all this – one of you just needs to take that first step and slowly open up to each other and if it’s there, it WILL happen.

      Thank Beb and the best of luck to you and your dancer friend,

      Pete

  • A girl

    I’m in high school and this guy who I do not know a junior ( I’m a sophomore) looks me in the eye every time I pass him in the hall. I look him in the eyes till I feel uncomfortable. Occasionally he looks away. But his friend he is walking with always looks up to see who he is staring at and it is me. Does he like me?

    • Peter White

      Of course he does… “a girl” :D

  • Emily

    There’s this guy in my school that keeps staring at me maybe 4-6 times a day. I don’t really know him and we haven’t talked, but it’s been going on for around 3 months. He stares at me at the bus stop, in the library and where I sit for lunch. But sometime in the past two weeks he’s gotten a girlfriend, he hugs her and kisses her right next to where me and my friends sit. But whenever he is hugging or kissing her, he always looks a me, and whenever he is actually paying attention to his girlfriend he seems really bored.
    What does this mean?

    • Peter White

      Hi Emily – maybe he settled – maybe he’s trying to make you jealous – it’s hard for me to tell exactly.

      BUT if he’s constantly looking at you and doesn’t appear happy or interested in the girl he’s with AND he’s still in school – chances are she “snatched” him up and since most young guys like to know girls are interested in having a girlfriend makes him look good in school – he settled even though he had his eyes on some girl named Emily.

      Chances are she made the first moves on him and he went along with it.

      Thanks for writing in Emily and I do hope this helps you out a little,

      Pete

  • kate

    What if a guy stares at you a lot and he doesn’t look away?
    I know he is very confident,but why he doesn’t approach me?

  • junkgoat

    Hi, and nevermind the name coz im a chic. Pls help me with this…i gotta colleague and he wrote in my fb to leave him alone..and i did. 3 months later he did weird stuffs like teasing me in front of the staffs, gave me rude comments and he arrange the team so i tht will work closely with him. Help. What gives???

    • Peter White

      Not sure if I have enough info to go on “junkgoat” . Mainly because I don’t know why he told you to leave him alone.

      Aside from that – not saying much about his character because if he’s being rude thinking it’s going to land him a girl makes him out to be a complete ass BUT…

      Maturity aside – when a man teasing a girl – is kind of rude – but then strategically places himself close to you – he thinks all this is going to help him… get you.

      Pete

  • Lesley

    Can someone tell me what does it mean when a friend of yours state at you for more than 10secs despite you catching him looking at you and you break eye contact and he still continue staring???

    • Peter White

      Maybe “someone” can’t tell you but I’ll try…

      It either means he’s attracted to you – or he’s kind of slow – or he’s imaging something and is de-focusing (eyes become kind of glazed over) and doesn’t realize he’s even doing it.

      But I’ll say it again and again even if “someone” won’t :) that when men stare at a woman more often than not it means they’re attracted to you.

      Hope that helps you Lesley,

      Pete

  • Hithaerdes

    Help! I’m a grown woman aged in my late 20s yet I can’t figure this guy out. I’m interested in this really cute dude…He’s tall and slim and has a really sweet face. I have a really low self esteem due to a long and bad relationship and have image issues so I can’t quite believe he would like me! He lives close by in my neighborhood and he will stare and stare and look back as he’s walking past me with a shy grin to his face. He sometimes tries to get close to me. Does he like me? I have such a crush (crush ..at my age lol ) on him… x

  • Meno

    Hey, I have this guy I play sports with his handsome and tall and cute and the wierd thing Is that every single day he would stare at me like non stop and at first ping a whole ago when I catch him staring at me he looks away really fast but now he doesnt he keeps on looking into my eye until one of us brake it since its kinda wierd or one of our friends talked to us , both of us are shy when it comes to each other but with other people were crazyyyyy ahahahaha and recently he always tries to take my attention like he would act tough and try to act cool and even put hes self in big trouble with the head coach just to make me look at him , smile or laugh , he also tries to get close to me like any chance he has he would try to come near me and try to show up every where I go in the federation and I see him 5 days a week since we must go there .my question is does he truly love me or is it a period of time and it will go away ??? Does he really care or is it all a teenager thing ??? Plz help me and tell me the truth cause I really must know PLZ !!!

  • aurora

    hi Pete, thank you for your blog. it is a huge help. i am 29 years old and constantly get told i am pretty but i am a little overweight. i work in a job i like and have interacted with all kinds of people, but never dated because there has always been a cultural barrier of sorts… but im at the age where i want to date now. i regularly attend salsa classes at a gym where an attractive, muscular man has been staring for the past six months. he is better built than i am so im not sure im even in his league. but he has really “steamy” stares and he doesnt look away once i catch him staring. he sometimes stares from the other end of the gym which makes me wonder whats up. he does a lot of weights work. hes so attractive and i guess i like what he lools like, cant say i like him because i dont know him.. but do u know why an attractive man like that would stare at a woman (with curves) but obviously no bombshell… (im thinking hed look very compatible with pamela anderson that is how buff he is) please help me as im very clueless and i really want to settle down and find some happiness

  • Tara

    Hi Peter

    Please help! Even though doctors are not allowed to be involved with patients I had a wierd situation where I was in hospitalfor a while and a lot of the times that I suddenly saw my doctor in a corridoor or elsewhere he immediately stared at me for the longerst time that a man has ever stared at me and smiled a lot for so long that I wondered whether other people would notice. Because I liked him too a wrote him some subtle but naughty notes about how I am with men such as that I like to wash them in the shower etc.. After this he would come over and lean against the wall with his hands behind his back sort of sticking out his private parts and make any sort of conversation with me. Please can you tell me 1. Even though he was not allowed to date me was he still capable of finding me sexually attractive? 2. Would a man be excited to receive a note saying that a woman like to wash a man in the shower? 3. Do you think he fanceied me overall from what I have told you? 4. Have you got any other comments to make overall about what I have told you? I would really appreciate your comments. Thanks very much.

  • Linda

    please help me petter.I know guy and I like him so much since 6th grade and now I;m in Middle School.But I;m not sure if he likes me .Before 1 year he wanted to have a conversation with me but I don’t know what happend to me ,and we don’t.Now last night We were on the same place and he stared at me about 8 times for 15min I think.Maybe he knows that I like him ..When he saw me he touched and fixed his hair..Abut 2 weeks ago when he saw me smiled and his eyes where down :/ . what do you think does he like me?

  • Sarah

    Hey, there’s this guy at my gym I really like. He looks at me all the time, like all the time. Today, I walked over to him to ask him if he finished doing a particular set so that I could use the machine and he looked dreamily into my eyes ( as if he were getting lost into my eyes or something) and just nodded his head without saying a word. After that, he didn’t even look at me, not even once, except when I was going (which was about half an hour later). I never spoke to him and I guess he’s in his 20′s. Please help me? I really want to know if he really likes me or just flirting with me. :(

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