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Is There A Hidden Meaning To Why He Gave You A Gift?

in Quick Guy Question and Answers
Can you trust a gift giving man? What are his real motives?

Hi Pete…

I have a question. Do guys give girls gifts or anything, just because or is there hidden meaning behind what they give us women?

Thank you. Tara

Hi Tara,

I had this type of discussion with a guy a few days ago.

HE believed “gift giving” was a “romantic gesture” which was okay to do ( early on ) and how it showed the woman he believed she was special. Or in the very at least… How was he was willing to go the extra mile just for her.

If you listen to him – then yes, there is a meaning to his gesture and in his case, he’s hoping it’s not hidden. He’s interested in you.

He’s hoping you’ll actually like him more by doing it.

Of course – I argued with him,

“It only tells a woman you believe YOU’RE NOT good enough for her. How you have to buy her love. How you have to prove to her you’d make a great provider. AND you’re kind of telling some women – she’s the type of person who expect gifts and therefore can only fall for a guy who can afford to lavish gifts.”

I don’t think I made him see my side because he kept saying it was okay and how he’s the type of guy who likes to do those things and how he doesn’t see anything wrong with showing a woman he cares for her in that way.

In all honestly, he doesn’t truly understand what attracts a woman to a guy and how it has little to do with any physical gifts he gives her.

He’s trying to increase YOUR attraction to him by giving or buying you a gift.

If you felt nothing to begin with, it becomes creepy and you respect him less. It cheapens the experience.

If you felt a little it feels more sincere but becomes just a sweet gesture. Underneath you were probably wishing he could naturally make you feel more for him through his actions and words.

If you’ve already loved him and he knows you so well, then he “finds” something just for you… of course THAT gift would mean or represent everything to you.

That is how I see it all.

When it’s a symbol of your love you already share, a sweet something to remember, an encouragement to make you laugh smile or reach out and grab us – then yes… “Just because” seems to work great and I wouldn’t expect an ulterior motive.

When it’s a plea for your heart – an attempt to raise your attraction – a blatant attempt to prove his worth over another guy – then yes… the meaning is not so hidden.

When it comes from a guy who tends to give more than he accepts and although it may be a little selfish, it’s just who he is… it’s hard to tell if THAT gift means more than the gift he gave to someone else.

In THAT case I’d assume it means nothing sexual – since all his friends receive something from him too.

Your question reminded me of an article in the “man archives” at DiaLteG TM.

It’s not written by me but by this man – Carlos Cavallo, under his “other” name of course. He’s listed here at “why do guys”: Recommendations and Opportunities for Building Relationship Success.

You’ll find the article below gives some great solid advice to guys on the rules of gift-giving so we don’t go and mess up with you. Here’s a quote from it.

Gifts early on should be geared toward enhancing the experience of your time together, not to impress a woman.

Hold off on the flowers and the candy until you’ve built up some genuine rapport and interest from her, then your gifts will be appreciated.

What Kind of Gifts Do You Give Women? No Exception Of Return

Although it is designed for guys it might help you decipher why a guy might be giving you a gift based on your current relationship with him. Even from a guy you’re dating or thinking about dating.

Honestly I would mostly and safely assume…

A gift from a guy when you’re both single means he’s trying to court you, convince you to date him, and wants to show you how special he thinks you are.

If he does it too early, unless it’s a social thing, he probably doesn’t believe he can attract you without it AND he’s hoping you’ll get the hint.

If he does it in a relationship AND is not lamely making up for a mistake, it’s probably meant to be  symbol of his love for you.

I’d say in the generalized world – a gift ALWAYS means something and it can tell you a lot about the person giving it.

Thanks for the gift of your great question and I do hope this has helped you,

Pete

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Peter White. Just some guy every woman should get to know because, well I “think” like a guy. 🙂 Stay in touchnewsletter, Why Do Guys Facebook – Twitter @peterwhite125Thanks for stopping by and be good, be bad, just BE something.

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4 comments… add one
  • Kennedy Otwoma

    yes

    • Peter White

      Interesting comment Kennedy. Glad you approve. HAha!

  • miranda

    Pete, thank you for your insight. I have been trying to figure out why this dear friend of mine has been giving me these outrageous gifts, and this was the only place where it made it a little clearer. But, I’m still confused about my personal predicament…and I hope you can add input.

    This guy and I had been friends for a couple years before he suddenly started buying me these crazy gifts – spa weekend, football tickets, large amount of $ for my retirement fund, iMac computer, etc..

    In the beginning, I declined to accept any of this, but it seemed to almost burst his happy bubble, so I began to accept. Now, we spend a couple weekends a month together kayaking, hiking, concerts, and so on…and, he drops another gift here and there – which is frustrating because throughout this time he has never made a move or expressed any clear romantic intension.

    Now, since the beginning I have always cared for him, but I’ve always felt we were so different that friendship seemed like the logical route, and so we were friends. When I say we’re different, I mean I’m a laid back-easy going single mom working on my career in social work – he’s all business with a PhD. He grew up with a maid and a mansion – I was raised on top ramen and learned how to hot wire a car at age ten. So, you can imagine we’re quite different.

    So, now it’s been a year of gifts, adventures, and events…and still no obvious romantic advances from Mr. PhD. So, I have a few theories:

    1. I’m his paid events buddy.
    2. He feels sorry for me and I’m part of his personal outreach program.
    3. He can’t figure out who else to spend his money on.
    4. He’s terrified of women and he read some book somewhere that told him that gifts were every ladies “love language”.

    The next time we’re alone I plan to ask him what his intentions are, but until then, would appreciate any help.

    -Miranda

    • Peter White

      Miranda,

      You can tell your friend I’m open to his gifts also. 🙂 AND hot wiring a car… really? Now that’s a skill.

      Okay seriously…

      Yes. Sometimes it’s just who the person is or who they’ve become. And sometimes it comes with a price.

      For example a friend of mine did this to me for a while and the first time I refused to do something for lack of funds on me, everything came back in a fury. “After all I’ve done for you…” speech came blasting back at me. Not surprisingly, that’s who ho was anyways. Generous with a touch of instability or a short fuse.

      So be careful about the back lash when one day you don’t meet his demands.

      That’s at least one way to look at it.

      You could be his paid events buddy. He prefers your company and knows you can’t afford but enjoys your company.

      If he feels sorry for you, you’d probably know it. He’d treat you with kid gloves and constantly make you feel better with money. He’d say things like, “I know how difficult it is for you not having any money.” He also won’t be able to see things from your perspective. Assuming you KNOW money isn’t everything and you’re just fine without it.

      Some people do feel guilty and give it away. Whether or not it’s selfish or selfless remains the question but giving a little back sure soothes the guilty soul. Or at least makes them feel better about perhaps doing wrong in the past and making amends OR erases some guilt about growing up privileged.

      He could easily be terrified of women and believes it’s a way to your heart to try and buy your heart. You must admit a few women would be more than happy to be in your position too.

      As for the intentions, it seems to me you would already been given the signs of how he “really” feels about you. The little things would add up like touching you, making friends with your child, avoiding other women, getting jealous over you and a possible other guy in your life, etc…

      Look for those signs BUT I must say – communicating your concerns with him maturely will answer everything you need.

      If THAT doesn’t work, look for those little signs and I’m sure things will become much clearer for you Miranda,

      All the best… your guy friend,

      Pete

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