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Why Do Guys…?

What Does a Guy Mean When He Says He Is Thinking About You?

in What Does He Mean
When a guy can not get a girl out of his mind, it means he’s more than just considering some kind of future with her.

Let’s take a look at this from the opposite perspective because it makes the answer that much clearer.

As a guy, I never ever, ever call up a guy friend of mine or text him, or for that fact even dare mention to him,

“I was thinking about you and just decided to tell you.”

With that said – When he says he is thinking about you – it means he wants to see you again…  among other things.

Like how something reminded me of you and I thought if I tell you, it’ll be a romantic gesture. It will show you I’m definitely interested.

For some guys they’re “fishing” for a certain response which would reveal how you feel.

If you answer “Awww that’s sweet.” we probably see it (unless we’re already intimate)  as being just a friend.

If you answer back with a clever flirt we assume you’re interested in being more than just a friend.

No matter how you look at this question when a guy says he is thinking about you it means he’s interested in something deeper. Of course how deep depends almost entirely on the situation.

It’s our little way of testing you, or getting you to reveal how much you miss us or would like to see again.

As a guy, under normal “dating” circumstances I don’t think about women I don’t want in some way. Maybe it’s a relationship. Maybe it’s to see you again. Maybe it’s just to pleasure myself although I probably won’t be telling you about that until there’s a deeper connection.

Men are typically action-orientated but we do think about what we’re going to do. It doesn’t mean we’ll act on it but it does mean we’re considering more. And if that includes you our thoughts can lead us  to imagine a plan for the future.

All things aside…

  • When a guy wakes up thinking about you he’s feeling more than just attraction.
  • When a guy texts you in the middle of the night to tell you what’s on his mind and it’s you, he’s looking for you to confirm the attraction.
  • When a guy can not get you out of his mind he WANTS to be with you. He may be considering a greater commitment.

Bottom Line…

When a guy feels the need to tell you he is thinking about you, it means he’s more than just “interested” in you, he also wants to know or find out if you’ve been thinking about him too.

Peter White - Why Do Guy...?

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77 comments… add one

  • Bec

    Hi Pete,
    I was seeing a guy who I care about deeply, he also cared deeply about me. The issue was he wasn’t sure about his feelings in terms of love. He liked me, but had been in a relationship previously where he had said all the right things but didn’t mean them and he broke her heart. Since then he has been cautious. We ended things, more him than me but it wasn’t a huge fight, upset and both cried, but no angry words. He wasn’t sure about ending it and said he wasn’t going to say goodbye as he possibly just needed time. After two weeks (longest we have ever gone without contact) I broke and sent him a friendly text about something that reminded me of him. We had quite a few text messages thrown back and forth. It felt positive, but a friend warned me that it was too friendly. Cause she said that, I thought we had no chance and I casually said that “I miss this” ( meaning I miss our contact and convos). He has always been very careful and never said anything to me that he doesn’t mean. He wrote back “I know babe, I’ve been wondering about you. Nice to chat”. I’m confused as to what wondering means.. Does it mean he was thinking about me, or does it mean he was just hoping I was dealing with the break up ok and that he hadn’t hurt me too much. Is it a promising sign or am I reading into it too much. It was such a confusing comment as it was not ‘I have been thinking about you’. Can you shed any light?
    Thank you so much,

    • Peter White

      Hi Bec,

      Men are normally direct. It’s typically how we communicate.

      “I know babe, I’ve been wondering about you. Nice to chat”

      “I know babe” was a response your, “I miss this.” meaning he misses it too and after, I’ve been thinking about you too.

      He was also saying it’s cool that we’re keeping in touch.

      I wouldn’t say it’s a promising sign because it does sound like he needs more time. “Nice to chat” –> “It’s great we’re keeping in touch…” meaning I’m still not ready or sure as to what I want OR how I really feel about you.

      It’s not always the case but when a guy says he likes you BUT he isn’t sure about “love” it means “I need something more for this to work” OR “I’m not ready yet.”

      Either way you look at it, I’d say to please not read too deeply into it.

      He WAS thinking about because you became a part of his life AND since he does care about your feelings he’s hoping you’re getting through the breakup easily.

      However in no way is he saying, “I’m suddenly ready.” Men who are ready AND convinced they’re in love act like it. The key here is BOTH need to be in place. Love and Ready.

      Hope that sheds a little light for you, all the best to you,


  • Nita

    Hi Pete, its great reading through these questions and reading your wonderful responses. Hopefully you can help me. I started talking to a guy in 2006, we never put a label on our relationship, but we talked and hung out all the time. In 2008 he met someone and started dating them, but we kept our relationship the same. In 2009 he got married to the girl. I was extremely hurt and upset because I felt like I lost the person I had lots of feelings for, but I was scared to tell him how I felt about him when he asked me right before he got married. I even went to the wedding :( . We stopped talking for a few years, but he then contacted me asking if we could talk. After we talked, we became really good friends again, maybe even to close of friends. I feel bad because certain things were done and shared (text messages/pictures) that shouldn’t have while he was still married, but my feelings got in the way. His wife left him April 2014 and in May 2014 we had a physical relationship. After that one physical relationship we spoke a few times and we both agreed that we should hold off on that until everything is settled with his divorce and get himself situated. That lead to only 4 text messages since August. What does this mean, should I give him his space, should I tell him how I feel, should I wait until he contacts me? I’m kind of going crazy because I miss him and I just want to know if he misses. Maybe he wants to be single.

    • Peter White

      Hi Nita,

      All my wonderful responses…? Haha! Thanks. No pressure on me now, right? 😀

      Seriously now, I promise.

      Considering the time frame of your relationship with this guy, a few months with only a few messages doesn’t seem to be unheard of.

      But I’d say considering now that you’re “sort of” linked to him and he previous marriage he may be hesitant AND he might come back again for a physical relationship.

      Personally I would give him lots of space and avoid going down the same road you two went last time IF you’re looking for something more.

      You don’t have to tell him how you feel, based on what you said, he knows. Not many men would.

      Just be weary about becoming the “rebound” because rebounds don’t always have to happen after a relationship, they can happen during a relationship too. As in this case.

      I don’t want you to turn this into something physical when you’re looking for more.

      See what happens, or how he acts when he contacts you again. I’d say it’s best to stay your distance, ( as always I do hope you have other options or guys you can see or date too, it’s not fair for you to be sitting around waiting for him to next the next move. )

      He was married for four years and I’d be more worried about a guy who jumps right in to another relationship, so that’s a good sign in developing something more. So him wanting to be single is actually a good thing for the both of you considering his recent impending divorce.

      You just have to let it happen naturally as hard as it might be to do. Please understand this is NOT a guarantee, just a healthy way to act in these kind of situations.

      You might feel like you’re going crazy but I assure you that’s totally normal. Try not to act on it though based on everything I’ve shared with you.

      That’s my wonderful response to you :) hope it helps ya,


      • Nita

        Hi Pete,
        Thank you soooo much you have definitely helped me out. I do have other options, but he was number one in my book, but now I’m going to think more about me and let him focus on himself.
        You also helped me see that I was his “rebound” while he was in his marriage. Wow I never would of thought of it like that before. Again thank you and I will be back again.

        • Peter White

          Great to hear you have other options. You don’t have to let him slip out of first place. ( Unless another guy takes first prize 😀 of course. )

          Without a burned bridge, time might prove to be on your side in this case.

          You’re welcome and glad to hear you’ll be back.

  • Anna

    Hi Peter,

    I had one date with this guy and then we left for holidays. We text daily at first but he lost interested in this text limbo after one week. We haven’t talked to each other for like two weeks now. He text me on New Year’s Eve(a few days ago) that he has been thinking about me and looking forward to my return. It really confuses me. I thought he lost interest since we have only seen each other once and it has been a while since we last spoke. I wonder if he just does this(remind me of him) to keep me interested while he is still fishing other girls. Or is he just really busy with his family and friends back home during Christmas and New Years. Should I ignore him and move on or should I wait until he returns and see how it goes from there?


    • Peter White

      Hi Anna,

      Never wait around for a guy whether you believe he’s dating other women or not.

      Date other men and explore ALL your options and if you don’t have any… make some.

      You’ve only been on one date so I wouldn’t expect him to start contacting you every day. I’m sure he was or is busy and that’s probably not going to change.

      Just understand, men who function well by themselves ( being single ) take their time and tend to show a lot of patience with women. That’s a good thing. Wouldn’t you agree?

      No need to ignore. No need to forget about him or move on. Hell if he’s reminded you that he’s still around, that too is a good sign.

      Try not to look so far ahead or expect any man to move ahead quickly even if he texts a lot at first.

      Down time in the beginning is normal and healthy and again is a good sign because it usually means you haven’t found a guy who is desperate and needy for your attention.

      Hope that helps you out Anna and you’re welcome.


  • anna

    Hi peter
    me and this guy have been dating for about three weeks. He told me he just wanted to be friends but it could turn into something more. he rarely calls or texts me besides once a week.He mostly talks about sex with me.We always have dates where he lives.He canceled a date closer to where i live, recently and told me i am really sweet and don’t ever change and he thinks about me daily. Then he told me he wants to see me through a text recently.
    what does this mean

  • Paige


    I met a guy a few months ago through a mutual friend and we have been close friends for some time now. We see each other often and text/call every day. Lately, I am getting mixed signals from him that have left me really confused. He tells me he had been thinking me about so he called, or he will be thinking about me later. He sometimes drives an hour out of his way just to be with me. He’s even wanting me to meet his family in a few weeks. However, he mentions sometimes that he just got out of a difficult relationship and wants to be single for a while. I don’t know if we are just friends or if there is something more going on, or something that might happen later on down the road. What do you think is happening?

    Thank you.

  • Jenna

    My husband and I were in a rocky relationship for about 2 years. About 2 years ago I met this guy at work and we instantly connected and I got laid off. We reconnected at the gym and had talked on facebook a lot. He found out I was married but would still talk to me up until about 6 months ago. Nothing ever happened besides one game of ping pong at the gym. He stopped replying to my messages about 6 months ago and the last one I just got fed up with him and decided to delete him on facebook. Well fast forward to today my husband wants a divorce and we had been talking about it for 1 year now. I was trying to make it work with my husband because I still cared a lot for him. After I found out that we were getting a divorce, I tried to re-add the guy on facebook . He didn’t accepted my friend request and is avoiding me. I keep on telling myself that eventually I’ll run into him at the gym again so we can chat, and I know he’s been in a relationship too. I think about him a lot and can’t get him out of my head.

  • Jeannie

    Hi Pete,
    I’ve been seeing this guy casually for about a month and a half and things have been going great. We see each other when we can because our schedules are conflicting but when we are both free we are usually together all day and all night for however long time allows. We haven’t talked about a releationship or anything because I’m not really sure how I feel yet and I don’t want things to get awkward and change but I really want to know where his head is. When we aren’t together we usually FaceTime or text or call all day long. And he constantly tells me he is thinking about me and he misses me. I usually brush the comments off because I’m not sure where this is going. Do you think he wants more? The last time we were together he told me he missed when he first saw me, again while we were together and just as I was leaving he said it again and also said I haven’t missed anyone in a long time. What does this mean? I’m so confused. Like is it safe to have the defining the relationship talk without it making things weird?

  • Yan

    Hey Pete, I encountered this website yesterday and found it very useful. And your advices gave me lots inspiration too. I also have some questions hopeing you can maybe share a few minutes answering them.
    He was my supervisor back in Uni, but during that time we didn’t have much to talk about but not longer, his contract ended and moved to HK for teaching. I got in touch with him during August last year, and I know I always liked him as he is really attractive. I have told him lots about myself and he told me his last physical interaction was at April 2014, and he has been single. We talked over messages and audio messages for several months. He messages me in both “mornings” and “nights”. During Xmas, he said he was think of me. After several schedule mismatch, he finally had time to fly to see me for one day. We were together when I have him my virginity. We still chat online and but there has been no more flirting. It feels like something has changed. But he still texts me regularly every morning but no more before he goes to bed. Two weeks ago, in one of his message he said he was think of me. I replied with a “shy” emotion as I have always been very shy. He sometimes will reply with “Hugzzz ” and often “kisses” “xx” for every last message. I suppose it’s positive. I’m always lack of confidence and I don’t have much experience with man or relationship. I am not sure why it is like that, but I will safe and secured when in his arms. And I don’t feel awkward with his touching.
    He said before we had sex, it doesn’t mean anything, not a relationship. Because we were in two different region, it’s difficult to see each other. He said he was attracted to me. And he enjoys how we are right now.
    What confused me is that why he seemed to has changed a bit. And if I really want to know what he is really thinking, what shall I do? I will probably be seeing him again in early May for his birthday. I really am into him, and I’m sure. But I become needy that I wanted to be with him… I don’t want him to think I’m always around him or trying to control him… What shall I do? Or is needy normal? Thanks! Waiting for your reply. If I made things unclear I do apologize as English is not my first language. : )

  • Lucy

    So I’ve been seeing this guy for a month and a half. I saw him every weekend for 3 weeks. I then went home for Easter wich was another three weeks. Over the Easter he called and texted me. Said he missed me and wanted to see me. When I finally came back we arranged that week to meet up and go for a drink on Saturday. He checked three times that week to make sure we were still on.
    On the Saturday we spoke on the phone for half an hour and said we’d meet later. When it got to the evening he started acting weird and coming up with different suggestions on what to do. I should probably point out that he is the first guy I’ve ever been seeing. I’m inly 21 and never had a boyfriend or anything as I’ve never seen the point. He also knows this as I told him the first time I met him.
    So I got really nervous and I had mentally prepared myself for a drink I kept being negative.
    He then told me I had to come up with a good idea. I texted him later saying I had no idea what to do so let’s not bother.
    I then texted him a bit later when he didn’t reply telling him that he was being weird as he said he wanted to see me and that he missed me and I didn’t get his angle.
    Which was probably a stupid move.
    I try to be as honest as possible. Anyway I then called him a few times in the space of two hours which he then replied saying sorry he had been in the shower- for two hours /:)
    He then said that he just found out his brother had been in a car crash and that he was on Skype to him mum- he’s from another country so his family is back home.
    He then called me and said he was just up for a drink and that he just needed to talk to his mum again and that he’d call me back to sort out plans- I didn’t bother getting reay.
    He then texted me saying ‘babe I don’t think we’re going to see each other’

    At the time I thought he meant that night. But now I’m not so sure. I’ve texted him on the Wednesday asking if he was ok and if his brother was ok. He seemed alright not that talkative, but that’s understandable.
    He then told me he may have to go back home next week (this was last week) and when I said yea that makes sense- how long for he read it but never replied.
    I then texted him on Sunday just saying hey- I can see he’s been online but hasn’t read it.
    I’m confused as he says he misses me and all this other stuff. did I fuck up with the slight freak out on the Saturday? I can see he’s been out with friends this weekend so I’m considering calling him tonight and asking if everything ok… If he’s not interested anymore if just like to know- for closure.. I don’t know what to do and all my friends are giving me different advice. From the way we were before this I would normally just call randomly as that’s what we both do. I should also mention we have slept together every time we’ve seen each other…

    Please help

    • Lucy

      So from my previous message he replied on the Monday from my message on Saturday. I left it until I finished uni as my sister told me to seem busy.
      He replied to me as soon as I replied but my housemate said to leave it a few hours so I did.
      I asked how his new house was and he never replied. The next day (Tuesday) he then messaged me in the evening around 5:30 just saying hello- he basically just ignored my actual question. Again I left it for a bit as it pissed me off a bit. He now hasn’t replied but has once again been online and not opened it.. IM not really sure what this means. My housemate seems to think he still wants to keep me there as he likes me but isn’t ready to start talking properly yet. But she seems to think it means that he will eventually sort his shit out and be normal.
      I did forget to mention that he had just moved house and is now living with three people and he never really did anything with his old housemate. So that coupled with his brother I may be the easiest one to push away at the moment.
      My housemate who met him when I did said that the way he was she really did think he liked me. I’m just not so sure at the moment. Also it’s starting to piss me off and I’m considering just not bothering with him anymore


      • Lucy

        Ps. I know he’s been checking up on me as he’s liked some of my stuff on facebook.

        God I hate technology

  • Annoymous

    I know this is entirely untrue.Just because he says I was thinking about you, does not mean he’s interested.A guy I know told me He was thinking about me and had a dream about me, but I’m 90% certain he does not have any romantic interests in me.He’s just a nice guy.

  • Becky


    Wondering if you could help me. Been texting a guy for a few years on and off, always making plans to meet then he would cancel last minute or just not get in touch. After 6months of this we finally met. We had an ace night and he was texting me after saying he had an ace time, and now we had finally met I wouldn’t be able to get away from him.. Jokingly flirting. We met again two days later and we kissed but nothing more. Texting me saying he couldn’t stop thinking about me and things and It was all fine. A week after that we planned to meet but he cancelled on me a couple hours before we were meant to meet. Asked my later that night to meet the next day. I had plans with my family, so I told him this. He hasn’t messaged me back since. This was two weeks ago.. It’s all a bit confusing and I don’t know what his game is. Any advice would be grateful!



    I was seeing a guy on and off for a year and a half for s** which he texted
    me one day he had decided to make me his lover.. then about two months ago
    he texted me not called.. to tell me he found GOD and that he loves me as a
    friend ..but we could no longer have s**. I was very hurt and confused ..still
    am .. because he send me a text today which I initiated by saying good morning.
    He responded he was thinking of me..also he has a son with the baby momma
    which he told me that she was not giving him any and they were always fighting.
    I really like him ALOT ..always did ..but was wondering do you think he is just
    going through some funk and needs time to figure it out ..and may try to come back to me maybe not for s** but for company ?

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