Why is it when a guy is into you, shows every sign he likes you, but the next time he sees you it’s like you don’t even exist?
He acts a little distant. Barely listens to a word you say.
You want to ask him what’s wrong but it’s not like you’re dating or anything. You’re not in a relationship. You’re still getting to know each other…
But for some reason he’s making you feel you did something wrong and this passive aggressive attitude he’s displaying is making you wonder why you’re even bothering with him at all.
I was totally into this “chic” once. She was the type who lots of guys chase. You could take one look at her and instantly assume she could have any guy she wanted.
If you don’t know about how much attraction controls men I can tell you it’s not too easy to shrug off. It makes you do things you wouldn’t normally do. It makes you almost want to give everything you got – in the hopes the attraction would be returned.
The way I see it – as a man who’s studied this stuff – us guys actually “suffer” from attraction because if we follow it and listen to it, it only seems to do just the opposite to the woman we’re madly falling for. It’s like when we go blindly into in it causes us to push any highly sought out woman away.
Well let me tell you this girl had me hooked. Literally every curve on her body mesmerized me. Her face was flawless and her eyes, the way they lit up when she saw me… got me scared.
I was terrified I was going to screw it up.
So here’s this guy – not the greatest “ladies man” in the world at the time, hasn’t had much success with very attractive women, and feeling it like there’s no tomorrow.
Feeling the peak of attraction I gave it all despite all my fears.
Tried to make her laugh. Tried to find a connection with her. Tried to be “all that a man could be” because I was “suffering” from a lowered self-esteem just being around her.
Just so you know, it felt like it worked. She was returning the flirts and playing right back with me. The chemistry was increasing and so was the sexual tension. Despite the fact as our interaction continued so did my self-confidence because she was just that cool to be around.
Now you would think I would’ve been smart enough to run with it. To “do my thing” and keep it up. You would think, because it only makes sense, I’d be all her into her when we met again.
But it wasn’t like that at all.
There was more people around. More guys there to flirt with her. Suddenly every available “stud” was taking over where I had left off and I just knew it was a losing battle.
Here I am, now watching other guys be all into her and I got a glimpse into the future.
We’d talk a little. Get to know each other better. A few weeks or maybe a month would pass and we would grow closer.
And I’ve been through that before. What happened was more predictable than the sunrise.
While I was “doing all the work” she was dating some other guy and kissing him on the first date. since I was “being nice” and spent way too much time waiting for the moment to happen, and didn’t know how to make it happen naturally…
I was waiting for HER to make a move on me.
To men – that’s the ultimate sign a girl is into them. As in when she makes a move on him.
Remember that because “making a move” to some men is a lot more than just going for a kiss.
You see this seemingly innocent “passive aggressive” method is just another way to get YOU to prove how much you like us.
If we ignore you and you seek us out – our confidence goes up and we believe you’re feeling it just as much as we are.
If we keep away and act aloof or distant it’s a test.
We definitely want to feel in control of our attraction and if we can stay away long enough, it gives us time to think about how to handle it and stop our attraction from pushing you away. After all every guy understands (even though he act differently) every woman he chases just seems to run away quicker.
We’re testing our restraint but more than that we’re testing YOU because some guys, like I was, need to feel like you’re into us just as much as the guy you kissed so much quicker than us.
When we predict our future with you and we only see what some other woman did to us, our anger turns passive and we want to make sure THIS TIME it’s going to be different.
This time I won’t chase her because she’s too hot. This time I won’t be the guy who kisses her ass “hoping” she’ll like us back.
This time I will do anything and everything I know to make sure I make her prove how much she likes me. Even if it means ignoring you and acting like I couldn’t care less about her.
Thus satisfying the fragile “Ego” and it’s thirst for validation.
Okay, so you met a guy who seemed into you and you even “liked” him back. And the next time you’re together it feel like you don’t exist anymore.
Don’t let him fool you – he just wants to know you’re going to meet him half way. Or maybe the whole way. He is probably worried too much spent watching for your signals or he just doesn’t understand how all this attraction thing really works.
Is he playing you on purpose?
Some are. I won’t lie.
Did you do something to push him away?
Well obviously there’s a chance that DID happen.
Is there a chance he doesn’t even notice it’s happening?
Of course. Some guys just don’t pay attention to this kind of stuff as much as others.
Yet, generally speaking, you can consider it giving you space. He’s trying to show you he’s not needy. He doesn’t want to screw it up. He wants you to prove to him you’re not going to treat him like a “dear friend” three weeks down the road.
Men are not always obvious when their attraction for you is driving them crazy.
If a guy likes you one minute and is ignoring you the next – all things considered it just he means he “really really really” likes you! 
)
87 comments… add one
I have to say…you may have just saved my relationship. All I could find on the Internet were reasons why it wouldn’t work..or “typical guy logic” and assumed he is ignoring me…I never payed two cents to this kid in high school. Now here we are talking. It’s completely your typical movie set up: Hot blonde girl meets geek. I just never thought ID be the one someone’s chasing. So after reading this I decided to take the initiative. Either way, what you’ve posted here has given me confidence as a girl to come on a little stronger then I use to
thank you
Great to hear Lea and I’m sure lots of guys will appreciate your new attitude.
From a half geek like me, it means a lot. You’re welcome,
Pete
Well I’ve been talking to this guy from my college who is a year senior to me for like the past one month or so. he’s cute and kinda childlike and i like that quality in him. he does what i ask of him like calling me in the morning when i know that even the alarm won’t work well for me and that sort of cute stuffs. when we talk its like not just for some minutes but for 3-4 hours at a stretch. but even after that he refuses to acknowledge me in public. when i ask him the reason he tells me that he doesn’t want people to make stories about us as yet. this thing kinda hurts because i definitely would like him to call me whenever he sees me. moreover recently he’s been telling me certain contradictory things and i don’t know if he’s a liar wasting my time or just a confused guy. he mentioned talking to one girl for almost 5 hours the other day but then later said that he was just pulling my leg and did not talk for more than half an hour with her. also whenever i call him over for meeting up he needs a lot of persuation but then he’s called me out for the next saturday and i don’t know if i should go for i don’t want to appear the needy one. i simply don’t know what to do.
Hi
Recently me and my on off bf of 6 years have split up. We’d been on off flirting dating and sleeping together since I was 16 we’d sometimes go months without seeing each other or even talking in the early days however on my 21st birthday we hooked up and had been pretty serious until the start of this summer. He was very set in his ways lives in the village works in the village drinks in the village and lives with two other guys who were in relationships when we first go together but split up in the new year and are now single. Despite me knowing he was a massive player and had been with loads of girls I was his first proper gf the only girl he’d ever introduced to his friends and talked about to his family. He spoilt me at Xmas and came round on Xmas day with a bag ful of presents and a card and I hadn’t even told my parents about him at this point. He came to visit me at university which he never did with any of his best friends when they went to Uni all his friends were shocked because he had always been a massive player and he was the only one left that isn’t married or got a mortgage and children but they were pleased and thought he was finally settling down the first half of this year was amazing we had a laugh together days out etc everyone told me how besotted he was with me and how when I was away at Uni he’d not stop talking about me etc. We had constant banter and giggles together barely any arguments etc. His friends always commented on how he was changing but for the better and how i was gradually bringing him out of his comfort zone and his set ways. They all joked with him that he was under the thumb and changing but they didnt mean it in a bad way. After that he started being distant with me and his friend introduced him to his best friend (girl) and her best friend and whenever I wasn’t around they were around at their house and posting pictures onto Facebook. Anyway I moved home at Easter for good and started my career something we’d both been so excited about but when it happened he started being very distant I’d be working and id drop in at his on my way home and the girls would be round and I’d feel like a spare part despite trying to get to know the girls and be friendly when I confronted the issue he just said they were like two of the lads and because I wasn’t he didn’t want me there when they were round and he told me that one of the girls had made it no secret she fancied him but that he’d never go there despite having had opportunity to. We sorted it and I relaxed about it a bit and things were going well we were going on dates seeing each other even double dates with his friends but looking back at photos his body language wasn’t as forthcoming towards me as it once was. After a lovely day out golfing with his friend and his mrs we came home and had an argument over something trivial like going back to his with a bottle of red and chilling and him just wanting to go to the pub with his friends he was adamant he was going to the pub so I went home and after that argument he ignored me for 4 days before telling me he wanted space. I gave him space for a week but saw him down my local and he kept looking over and staring at me so I went to talk to him and he was really off with me I didn’t know how to act around him he went out of his way to ignore me and avoid me so I just turned round and said in haste you either want me or you don’t so he said I don’t. We had a big row in the pub and he just said its over I don’t want this I shouldn’t have to change nor should you we have nothing in common and probably never will and that was it. We were finished.
At first he still acknowledged me and spoke to me if we saw each other around. Even replying to the odd text and giving me a hug coming and sitting with me when I was chatting to lads in the pub but after a few weeks he stopped and just started ignoring me and avoiding me but would still stare at me from across the bar in the pub when he thought he was out of view. The girls were constantly with them and draped all over them they’d talk about me in the pub etc ive never felt so awkward and hurt but all the time he’d stare at me. Though If his housemate and the girls weren’t around he’d talk to me after a few pints. The girls were constantly posting pictures of them with him on Facebook or tagging him in statuses (his Facebook feed was always empty – he didn’t even like me to tag him in things and if his friends did he’d remove) I even got a snapchat from one of the girls lying on his bed naked. I tried to ignore it but in the end after not speaking for 8 weeks I had had enough so sent a fair and friendly text just saying that us not talking was getting ridiculous and that after everything we’d gone through we should be able to at least acknowledge each other in the village as I shouldn’t be made to feel awkard or intimidated where I live and just asked him outright why he hated me so much and was going out of his way to hurt me why we’d never sat down and talked about it and why he wouldn’t reply to my texts about getting my things back… To my surprise I got a reply which was actually a decent one telling me he cared about me couldn’t hate me and that he thought I was making it awkard etc and that he just thought it was obvious we had nothing in common but rather than stopping there just said and probably never will… He then said how he felt we needed to talk but all in good time. He added that he’d heard I was on about going travelling and said he hoped it wasn’t because of him and that I wouldn’t end up regretting it?! Talk about mixed signals!
So the next time I was in my local I saw him he acknowledged me to the point that when he went out for a fag and I was coming back in we had a full blown conversation and he told me he missed me and asked for a hug I hugged him back and just said that that was what I’d missed just talking having banter and feeling comfortable not awkard around all of our mutual friends at which point he went to kiss me I turned my head so he missed. Pulled away and told him I was pleased we’d put everything behind us and could be civil so bought him a drink to prove everything was settled and there was no animosity.
A few days later I text him a joke and got no reply… But that night i fell ill he knew all about it from a few months ago so I texted him to tell him and to ask for help to get to hospital and got no reply and since then he’s gone back to ignoring and avoiding me (since all of this the girls have moved to Australia, his house mate has been done for drink driving and moved out) but whenever we see each other or are in the local pub he just stares at me and my friends have even heard him talking about me! One of his friends left him and came and sat with us the other night and was quite obviously digging for dirt on his behalf he however confirmed rumours that he has slept with at least two other girls since we split up. Another of his friends told me that he’d actually slept with one of them during the week we were having space… And my friend had since told me that her friend knows him and that her friend slept with him too. His best friends wife however told me that he’s only told them about one girl and that in his defence he was very drunk and that they know the woman and that he wouldn’t of had a choice because she’s that way out but that he still talks about me and that she’s seen the way he looks at me.
I wouldn’t ever get back with him after everything i just want to be able to talk to him and to understand what his problem is! I’m just so confused I just want a quiet life without all of this drama… As far as I’m concerned we either talk and are friends or he ignores me and avoids me but not one one minute one the next or the inbetween bit where he stares at me and talks about me!
Wow!!!! Uve blown my mind n I know im dealin with a professional.
I just got out of a 10 yr relationship, no kids, no marriages…promises of them …but thats a whole nother story.
I met this guy he knew I was goin thru a breakup n we eventually swapped numbers. I told him straight up…ive got baggage my head is not clear I dont want a relationship I just want sex. Im gonna b honest…I enjoy sex ALOT. I can n want it everyday. Im more loyal than a dog n have only been with 5 guys in my life.
Anyways…we put rules on this so feelings from either of us wouldnt get caught. He told me bout his 10 yr relationship that ended in divorce n how he has commitment issues. So I thought perfect! No feelings no issues (as far as each of us catchin feelings lol) just sex.
Nope! He does everything u said in this post. Literally everything n has me questioning what his deal is…hes not my type..hes super cute but not my type so I wasnt expecting the double fake out here with feelings n all.
U mention anything serious he shuts down but hes always askin questions that end up in gettin into a relationship n what I look for etc. Is he fallin for me or has he already? Have I fallen for him or is he that professional in this that my mind is playin tricks?
He’s not much older than me. We’ve only had sex 3 times over a month long time span. But he says I couldnt over do it with askin for it. He is not sleepin with any other girls even though in the beginning I said I didnt care. Idk…I told him I was confused gettin into this sex buddy relationship n wanted it to stay that way but jes got me all sorts of twisted up now.
Any advice would b greatly appreciated n mulled over for sure.
Thanks
Well I guess you are No Nonsense and you have amazing taste.
More loyal than a dog? You’ve just given me a totally different view of “roll over.”
I don’t know Miss Sense. Doesn’t sound like he has commitment issues. I may be wrong but I needed to warn you and you’re “no strings attached” sexual relationship.
My advice is more of an observation.
Two sexually charged people who enjoy it “ALOT” and are recently out of a long relationship.
There’s bound to be confusion. Just as there’s bound to be relationship talk. Each of you are experiencing intimate moments and may not be able to help but to talk about whether or not you’re ready for another.
You’ll both question if it’s worth it, whose fault it was, whether you did something wrong or it was ll the other person’s fault…
The questions become endless and when you’re intimate with something who is going through something similar it becomes almost unavoidable and never ending.
Both of you could effectively use this time to discover the opposite sex’s secrets but I feel eventually the filters come up as you start to worry or wonder what’s really going on.
Like if you’re almost meant to be together, are acting out because you start seeing the patterns from the last relationship.
All in all – no nonsense here – if you want this to go nowhere – contact must be minimum. Go ahead and discuss those those questions. There’s no reason to avoid walking away from this experience with something more than just a few orgasms….right?
BUT… Avoid changing your rules right now. Both of you need time to “get back to normal” or “sort of the issues”. Well needed time to yourself to find the things you may have missed while in the past relationship.
Time to “mull over” my posts and leave some no-nonsense around.
Pete “The Prof”
Thanks Pete,
Ive been mulling it over n more space happened while doing so. During this time, he told me hes actually planning on moving away cuz of work rather soon.
I told him well lets enjoy this while your around then. We got together and HE broke the biggest rule of all….no kissing, its intimate, its close, it creates feelings. Without getting too detailed cuz idk your audience, I told him do what he wants to so he can “u know”…n he totaly started kissing me again, n hot kissing. After it all he said, we’re still friends just to be clear I needed to kiss you cuz it made it more…ya know, dont judge me.
What?!?!?! Didnt have that problem before. Actually had to stop a minute so things wouldnt end too quickly. N more what?!?!? More real? More intimate? Ur a guy arent you suppose to b able to whamp bamp thank you ma’am?
What is this? Im more confused then eva. I even woke up this morning with a smile on my face!!! I thought I knew what I wanted but this guy is messing with my head every time I decide what I want. Like I said before hes #5 on my list, I dont honestly give it up that easy but when I do I like to “make use” of it (to put it cleanly lol).
If hes leaving, id like to continue to have fun till then, but without this confusion. If he doesnt leave then I need to know what he wants, honestly know, and I dont think I can get that from him.
Pete,….what the heck is he doing n what the heck is goin on here? Please looking from the outside in, what does your experience tell you? Hes got me spinning n theres alot of nonsense n I want non.
As always your advice is appreciated n will be thoroughly mulled over.
Thanks
Welcome back No Nonsense
Actually, “Ur a guy arent you suppose to b able to whamp bamp thank you ma’am?”
Not many guys are capable of that. It takes a certain type of guy. Believe it or not “no kissing” can feel like we’re just a hard tool and not a real man.
Men talk a pretty game. How they’re all “I’d do her” but I’ve know lots of men who wouldn’t dare taking a woman to bed without at least feeling like he, as a whole man, made it all happen.
Kissing is part of seduction. Usually.
For some it’s that connection which makes all the rest that much better. Sure we can do without from time to time. Like in certain fantasies where kissing is not allowed. But that’s different.
I wouldn’t be confused. After something happens I told you there’s bound to be confusion. And if just happens to him, or a guy who is looking for a deeper connection by kissing and all – then all you have is a guy whose intimacy depends and has depended on (that) being a part of the whole sex thing.
Men do seek comfort. Not many, especially ones right out of a long-term commitment, do well without it. They tend to close off and become numb.
What you’re offering is a way to enjoy something and there’s a part of him who feels part of it – is comfort and not just the wham bam thank you ma’am stuff.
So yes. More real. More intimate. More than just sex at least in those moments. Not necessarily after but during all the way sometimes, dare I say it
cuddling.
Let’s face it – some of us guys enjoy all aspects of intimacy just like you. Sometimes just a hard quick one and sometimes a crazy adventure and sometimes a deep slow seduction ending in a sweaty but comfortable mess.
There you go, No nonsense. Mull it over.
Pete
There is this guy I really like, should I say love. And he doesn’t talk to me when he sees me. But anytime I call him, we talk on the phone. Infact his behaviour on the phone is different from the way he behaves when he sees me in around. He talks to my girlfriends but doesn’t talk to me. Sometimes he behaves as ic he has not seen me. He once told me that he gets tensed as in why he doesn’t talk to me when he sees me around. This has been going on since last two years and I don’t know what to do now because he is confusing and I’m very confused. Please help me.
Hello Michelline,
It does appear he has anxiety issues when he’s around those he is attracted to. Remember most guys can talk to anybody quite normally but will act different around the ones they are “feeling” it for.
The thing is – two years is a long time for him to be so distant in person but all cool on the phone. A little too long if you ask me.
Love or not, you must admit this is a serious problem. (Unless you plan on having a phone relationship. Which I wouldn’t suggest.)
Personally I can’t understand why you haven’t spoken to him first (in person) after all this time.
Is there something else going on which I am not aware of?
Pete
too late. i moved across the country away from him.
Hi,
Last year I met a teacher through my sister’s music class (you know, open house). He is the most handsome guy I’ve ever seen… lol at first he showed signs of interest but since I only see him once in a while I have no idea what’s going on with him. The last two times I saw him he completely ignored me
This guy asked me out and said he had always liked me. He told me that he has been hurt by his ex wife and girlfriends since, and didnt want to get hurt again. He seemed smitten and we got on great for a few weeks. Suddenly he told me that he thought he was ready for a relationship, but realised he wasn’t ready emotionally or in the head. Said he liked me, but could only offer me friendship right now.
I bump into him occasionally and he still flirts a little, and does things sometimes to seemingly keep me around and interested (i changed my number n text him my new one, when i saw him wks later he asked me if i had changed my number. He then seemed concerned that I wouldn’t have received his messages he had been sending to my old number. What he still doesn’t know is that I still have my old number and he never had sent me any messages) – I read that as he wanted me to think he was still interested. He also got jealous a few wks ago when I asked a guys name he worked with (saw him, he was nice, saw him again a short time later, I asked him a guys name he worked with and he looked at me like dirt and rudely snapped that he didnt know. I immediately smiled n have him some attention and he was nice again)
Inbetween he won’t call or text me at all, it’s like I don’t exist to him.
I have text him in the past saying I was willing to wait six months for him, but if he didnt see a future with me to tell me and I would walk away, but I got no reply at all.
Surely of he didnt want anything with me down the line he would just tell me.
What does this all mean – I’m so confused. Is he ignoring me to distance himself, get rid of his feelings and push me away or does he still want me, and is he trying to give himself space to be ready?!?!
Hello again,
I believe I sent you a response already. You can read the comment here:
http://www.whydoguys.com/why-do-some-men-like-you-one-time-then-pretend-they-barely-know-you/comment-page-1/#comment-210
what the heck? He’s married, I’m married. it was a summer fling of some chemistry and this man doesn’t look at me. He avoids looking at me now. what the heck? I’m very confused now lol
Hi, I waana aske somting. Say for instance that you have a man at home, but theres this dude that is attracted to you but you work with him, you also find yourself attracted to that man. and you eventually give him some like twice. before everyhting was a okay but he did somthing to you that you did not like and curse him off, after two days you went to him and apologize to him. but he s like all off a sudden not responding, acting shaddy like he ent wa talk to you, like he dont miss you, and everytime he is asked if he misses you he says, no i dont miss people. is that normal to not miss people. even when he is at work he wont say hi or wont evenask how was your day, or did you eat. he says that he dont talk much. do you think that he is a player or he is just enjoying what he is getting and dont really care so much about the other person.
we were txting constantly with one guy. living in different countries then. He was dying to meet me. but when my super jelaous bf found that he had some talk with him and since then no matter my tries that guy left me neglected. to revenge him I found his bro and that is the story. he is 20 and im 23 and i planned to be with him all angel so that he talk about me to his bro and he got mad. so we started txting he liked me. im an attractive girl. had never problems with men. on our date he was all shaking up, so nervous.he got really upset when i was late for 5mins he said he thought i wouldnt come. i started necking with him he was madly happy.after our date he didnt text me.i started to txt him but he was acting really coldl.he went to study in europe.he was txting me from time to time. next time he came back we started txting again but he told we wont have a date cuz we probably wont have sex. i was shocked cuz he never mentioned he wants to have sex we’d talk bout quiet things we never had relationship. i said well have it.next morning when he told to meet with him i said no and he deleted me.then this year he told me he arrives here.again he was all interested i wanted only sex and turned him on too then i wanted never talk to him again cuz i knew hell leave. so we met at first he was a little shaking. he acted really cold he wasnt even getting close to me. i made every move for sex. at first he was happy then he was like not interested he pushed me do things i dont want and after it he literally left me like doing it all myswlf. i was doing everything and he even wasnt having fun. in sex also he was sometimes wanting sometimes cold and he wasnt satisfied neither i. after 3 unforgettable hours spent again he stopped txts when i txted him he was answering late on purpose. i was really hurt i wasnt needy i wanted only sex from him and he knew that. so when he txted me i wrote him dont call me anymore cuz ya playing he said ok.we argued n i said sum things that i didnt want. but i couldnt forget him n txted him again.he left again without meeting. now i know next time he’ll come here he’ll hit me up again say how much he wants me how special i am.we’ll meet again he’ll vanish why he does so?he is not a player cuz he does nothing to get me to bed. what is wrong with me? i do anything a guy would like. i also think he has issues with talking. cuz on both of our dates he sits like a mute. only asks few questions about my hair and eyes and thats it. i also know that many girls like him even those ones who older than me. but what is wrong?why always first thing he will do before coming is to call me on a date? why then soon as he arrives meets me? now he is writing romantic statuses which i think is related to us. when i write romantic status he immediately deletes his. when i delete mine he again writes romantic statuses. he was remembering my kisses for two years. everytime we talked he was mentioning them. cant forget him cuz i dont know what was wrong with me? i have some knoweldge on psychology and i think he is really strange guy or he hates me, but why then he everytime initiates to date me
I am currently going through this exact same scenario. I am currently interested in this guy at my job. He showed ever sign of being interested, including telling me about his family and life in college. We were really hitting it off. It even got to the point were would check the schedule to see when we would work together next. Sometimes we would often just stare at each other and smile. That was up until recently, he stopped talking to me, won’t look at me and gets really hostile if I talk to him. I have no idea what has happened and here I was thinking he was about to ask me out because of how close we were and now this. Any advice?
Hey Kesha,
I’m not entirely sure what happened but the first thing that popped in my head was he heard something from somebody. Rumors or hearsay will often send a guy running especially if he believes them. Whether they are true or not is obviously beyond my scope.
But that type of thing happens all the time in the social world of work.
The second idea which crossed my mind, although more rare, was he was at some point expecting you to ask him out and when you didn’t – he felt rejected and angry. Which would explain why he turned on you.
Either way you look at it this kind of pull back comes down to mis-communication on some level. Instead of expressing how he feels he decides to pull back.
This type of behavior is very common but it’s not all bad. Men don’t feel rejected or get angry or all together stop talking to women they are not feeling something for.
The only suggestion I have, because badgering a guy who is retreating usually only makes it worse, is to give him time and space until he figures it all out and relaxes a little. I know it’s the not going to solve the communication problem but hopefully, when he’s calmed down a little and has had time to sort it all out – he’ll come back and man up and speak to you with some confidence.
And stand up for how he feels rather than just ignore you hoping the problem goes away by itself.
Thanks for asking I do hope you both work it all quickly and easily,
Pete
I loved your article! It definitely makes sense, so maybe you can help me with my situation. I met this guy about a month ago and we hit it off right away- spent two full days together. He lives a few hours away and works offshore, so after we first met our relationship has been purely communication. While he is further offshore, he is only able to communicate via email and we were emailing everyday. Last week he finally got cell service back and texted me as soon as he was able to. We texted every few days (not everyday) and everything seemed fine. But now he has completely stopped talking- the last time we spoke was five days ago and he hasn’t responded to my last two texts. Our last conversation was initiated by him and lasted for hours! I know that his job makes it difficult to maintain relationships and they have ended poorly in the past. I don’t think he could have just stopped being interested and I don’t feel as if I said anything to scare him away. How do you feel I should handle this?
Hello Sarah,
Sometimes you got to be more patient than ever. Particularly in your situation where it’s clear he can and will completely disappear for days.
I won’t “pretty” the truth for you and tell you he’s definitely interested and is probably only busy. I just don’t know.
So the real truth is yes – sometimes guys lose interest for reasons which have nothing to do with you. In fact most men (living their lives) AND the ones who have had problems maintaining relationships will often just disappear because it’s who they are. It’s what they do.
But it’s never a reason to believe you did something wrong. Or that you scared him away.
This all means you should handle ALL potential dates as just that. Dates. Nothing more. Which includes dating other guys and effectively not allowing you the time, or mind, to worry about how one guy is acting.
I understand you hit it off. I totally understand when you really like a guy you’re going to find it difficult to not wonder the bigger meaning behind his actions or lack of action in this case.
But you also have to realize all this over-thinking will only make it worse. It will have you acting and doing things you might not want. And yes it has the potential to push certain men away.
Give a guy a reasonable amount of time and space. Text or write him once. If he doesn’t get back to you in that reasonable time then it’s safe to assume his schedule is not including you for his own personal reasons. And that’s something which is privy to him and him only.
I wish I could change that but I can’t.
Just the same as I can not enter a woman’s mind to see what she’s really thinking. That’s her space and I have no right to pry.
Put bluntly – he has had trouble maintaining relationships. This will not all of a sudden change. He will disappear and sometime reappear on a whim. This also will not suddenly change even for a woman he may or may not feel deeply for. It’s who he is.
But in no way does it ever have to be about you. In no way should you ever over-think his reasons. In no way should you take it personally too. If you do you’re not being fair to yourself.
Again give it a reasonable amount of time based on your lifestyle and his too. That’s ALL you can do.
Please Sarah. Don’t drive yourself crazy over it. You wrote me. You got it out in the open. (Your feelings that is.) I hope you feel better about it all and a little more clear on what is happening and what you can do.
Thanks for asking and I appreciate you loving my article. You made me smile.
Best to you,
Pete
This guy over the internet I liked a lot and he acted like he was over the moon for me in love but out of the blue he posts a picture of some girl on the beach posed in a sexual manner and left it there on the internet like he wants to get it on with her. What was that all about? That just pisses me off if anything. Really I know he likes me but is he unconciensely trying not to like me anymore? That’s fine with me cause I have my pride too and I just don’t know what to think. That really angers me. It is the strangest thing to really know someone likes you a lot and then leaves something like that on his internet page. What is that all about if anything?
I’m dealing with something similar. He’s not posting pictures of women in suggestive poses but continues to comment “Sexy” and stuff like that on others womens pictures. It really bothers me a lot because he’ll like my pictures, but he’s never ever once commented on one to let me know what he thinks.
How old is this article?
First published on May 7 of this year. I was kind of young at the time.
And this is the reason why I date women and not men. lol they play alot of games and I honestly don’t like this kind of behavior. Forget that.
Personally Nina, I prefer dating women also.
Wow… Words can’t describe what went through my head when I read this. There’s this guy I met when school started a couple months ago. It wasn’t love at first sight since he’s not that great looking, but he’s athletic, a wonderful singer and pianist, and very very smart. And he is more mature and sensible than most of the guys in my school. I admired him a lot. When he started talking and spending more time with me than usual i started wondering. I enjoyed our times together a lot and looked forward to every day because of him. I half expected if we kept up like that he’d ask me out sooner or later. Then one day it was as if I didn’t exist to him; he almost completely ignored me, and it hurt. He doesn’t completely ignore me anymore, but he doesn’t come over and talk as much. I am a shy person and have never dated before and am tongue tied around him. He usually initiates our conversations and I respond. A couple times in the past week he has half invited me to different places and such and I said I’d think about it. When I read this I realized the reason he’s not as open with me could be because I need to show an interest in him. I am interested but am so nervous about how to start up a conversation with him without sounding stupid, or for fear he would be annoyed with me. Maybe I just need to take some more risks!
First of all I really enjoyed your post and sorry for my bad English ^^;;
your post really suit my current situations that I’m having right now…talking bout woman are complicated but I think men are just the same lol. Like this guy I just meet. He texted everyday and without a fail said he likes me everyday as well but suddenly gone. I don’t know what happened? Makes me think did I say or do something wrong that makes him feels annoyed by me? For a whole week I text and E-mail him but didn’t get any response… does he really hate me? His lady text said ‘text me later’ then…his MIA.
Thanks Sha
Ha! Us guys complicated? Oh if you could only read some of the letters I get from guys. I admit they struggle getting their point across “simply” but the overall theme of what makes a guys tick or do things are very simple.
There are so many reasons why this could’ve happened and since I’m not privy to who he is or your situation or what you were texting back and forth it’s extremely difficult to give you an answer I feel comfortable with.
If you have the time you might want to check out some of my earlier work. http://www.dialteg.org/reasons-why-guy-does-not-text-back/
This will give you lots of “simple reasons why a guy wouldn’t text you back.
Simply Put l;) Hope that helps you Sha. Oh and please do NOT text him more than once or twice until you hear from him.
Thanks again,
Pete
Thanks for your replied ^^
that was fast, really appreciate it. I knew this guy from Instagram and we been texting for a week non stop ( hard to believe how can I starting to like him without even know him ) it’s really hard for me to like someone specially someone that I knew from the social world…( sounds like i’m out of my mind ) I just knew him but I felt we’ve been friends since forever.I told him my problem and he share his problem with me. Usually… he’s the one who will text me 1st and asked me to send him a text everyday so he knows what am I doing even if he’s offline, so he knows that I’m okay…
He said I’m nice and everyday day he will say that he like me ( at 1st I thought he was bluffing ) but without fail everyday he said he like me and even ask some serious questions. He said he likes me but afraid that he can’t make me happy. Both of us shared the same situations where we just broke up. If he can’t text me he will keep on texting and said sorry… I know the reception there are pretty bad as well cause I tried to send some pictures before couldn’t get through and have to send it the next day…
He is someone who like to takes things slowly and just go with the flow he said. I told him I’m not ready… and it’s hard for me to always texting him, afraid that he maybe thought that I’m needy. But he said he don’t mind at all…he like that someone really care about him and he said don’t ever stop texting him. From outside he seems pretty rough but he is a sensitive guy…and now I don’t know what happened. The last text was ‘text me later’ and then MIA.
I’ve been texting and send him an email for a week and now I stopped sending him all that for a week as well…I noticed that since my last emails that I send to him, he didn’t online after that ( I’ve been following his twitter just to see what he’s up to but I didn’t follow his acc ) so I don’t know if he’s fooling around with me or something bad happened to him…should I just ignore him? I’m confused…
Thank you for reading my story. Appreciate it ^^
I’ve experienced this twice.I really don’t know why or what I did wrong. There was this guy I really liked a lot. I always find ways to talk to him asking him questions the stupid ones mostly, and he responds to me. And were both smiling to eachother everytime we talk and then in a split of a second he wouldn’t talk to me anymore.Sometimes I feel like he’s avoiding me or pretending that he does not see me and he doesn’t talk to me anymore he only raises both of his eyebrows when we see each other. It got me searching for the reason why and it’s driving me really crazy