Most guys are mean to girls for one reason and one reason alone - they're teasing you because they LIKE you. They're feeling attracted to you and this is how they're showing you.
By teasing you (or being a little rude or mean) they're trying to show you they're confident and a little indifferent. Which, admit or not, is raising your interest in him and what he's doing (or else you wouldn't be asking this question) AND they're getting you a little attracted to them.
Here's how it's seen from our side - a man's perspective when he's being taught how to attract you.
"Remember when you were just an eight-year-old kid on the playground?
There were all these ‘strange‘ creatures playing around the sandbox. They were called girls, and they seemed so bizarre and foreign to you.
They were delicate and interesting in a way that you couldn’t quite explain, but you knew that they were different.
How do kids treat those that are different?
They tease them.
- “Mary, Mary, she’s so hairy!”
- “Where’d you get that backpack? Looks like a hunchback!”
- “Jenny’s got a CARROT top!”
Boys teased girls. Girls teased boys.
Everyone made fun of everyone else.
It was sandlot politics at its best, and you learned very quickly that you had to develop a callus to the teasing, or you’d get bruised pretty badly. (Some kids never adjusted, and grew up with their own sandbox issues.)
Ah, what fun those days were.
Well, sort of.
We learned some very primitive social interactions there, but the principles still held for many of us.
(Hey, whether or not you like it, we’re a lot closer to those kids in the playground than the adults you think we are. Everyone is still a little kid inside.)
I’ll be willing to bet you that you teased more girls because you liked them than you did because of any genuine weirdness.
Sure, there’s some cruelty, but the first social interaction most boys have with girls is when they teased them mercilessly.
And what happened?
The girls stuck up for themselves.
They teased back.
And they didn’t realize it at the time, but this set in motion a whole pattern of behavior that led to them being very interested and attracted when they are CHALLENGED.
That’s right, boys.
Teasing is all about raising the stakes of challenge to her, and letting her know that you don’t get all mushy inside when you get near a girl.
No confidence = no attraction from her.
Tease to Please is a simple strategy.
By teasing, you emulate a lot of the self-confidence you need to demonstrate with a woman."
Written by Carlos Cavallo.
The dating advice guru. Creator of many products for women looking to figure out and attract men - starting with:
How To Read Signals - Instantly Know What He Wants From You!
This is his way to begin the flirting process.
It's giving him a reason to talk to you or get you to talk to them.
He's trying display confidence by showing you he has the balls to tease you whereas a nice guy (who normally doesn't have much luck or success with women) wouldn't dare try on you.
He's showing indifference by proving to you that he really doesn't seem to care if you like him or what you think of them.
Although in a very strange twist - just by teasing you or being mean to you is actually proving the opposite - and that he DOES like you or cares that you'll like him back, right?
"He’s out to stir your emotions not unlike the good “ribbing” he may give his friends. Except he’s doing it a little differently with you. At least I hope he is. Mostly he’s looking to have some fun with you."
Why Do Men Continue to Do Something When They Know it Bothers You.
By using this indifference in this way he's also (mostly unknowingly) is leading you to believe he doesn't want you.
Because who in their right mind would be mean to someone they like, thus sending a signal that you can't have him.
Yes - telling anyone they can't have someone is normally a good way to make them want it.
"When there’s no real challenge to prove we are, attraction fails. Why you like those who don’t want you and not like the guys who do want you."
Why The Guys You Like Don’t Want You But You Don’t Want The Ones Who Do.
That's the main most common reason why a guy is mean to a girl...
To flirt, tease, open you up, make you want him, show confidence, appear indifferent, encourage you to want him.
But there's more...
Another type of guy who doesn't feel good enough or capable of being with you tries a nasty trick on you.
Keep in mind - this is rare and most of the time he doesn't even know he is doing it. It's even more rare when a guy actually knows he's doing therefore he IS doing it on purpose.
This is how it works.
When a guy is being OVERLY MEAN to you he is attempting to lower your self-esteem.
He needs to lower it below his and since his is quite low - he must drag you down even further.
Rather than lift himself up - he'll push you down.
He (well I shouldn't say he because is actually an all too common social game some "people" play in all areas of life) teases you negatively to make himself appear like he has a higher social status than you AND he's trying make himself look unattainable.
The purpose is to make you once again feel attracted to him.
The difference between the normal flirting or teasing guy above and this guy is the context he's using in, how mean he's being, what he's poking fun at, at his overall character as man.
Argue all you want but I'd say the first type's true intention is not to knock you down. He's just looking to make you laugh with him.
The bigger picture of all this being mean stuff is the effect it is having on you... Which is why attraction experts teach this method to guys.
To get you to feel attracted to a guy, he MUST create some kind of emotional reaction or response.
Unfortunately that response doesn't always have to be nice, does it?
Encouraging your anger, confusion, or self-doubt will tend to bring you closer to feeling attracted to him any day over a guy who is being creepily nice and kissing your ass all the time.
The purpose is the same... to stir your emotions and create attraction.
Without it - you'll feel nothing, you probably wouldn't care, you won't think about him and why he's doing it AND you wouldn't be here today asking this question.
Now men have a choice - most don't know they have it but they do.
They can traverse the line of just busting your ass a little and having fun with you - which you must admit especially when you give back just as much or more to him can be quite fun OR...
They can cross the line to just being a rude prick who only knows how to piss women off.
You'll see women with both types of guys MORE than you'll see a happy woman with some fake nice guy who lacks esteem and confidence and doesn't have a clue on how to make you FEEL something for them.
PLUS those overly nice guys don't seem real, do you? It's like they have some hidden agenda or something or they think they're better than everyone else - just because they're nice.
Okay enough of that...
In conclusion.
Age might matter here but it's not the determining factor.
The fact remains - a guy will be mean or tease a girl because he likes her and that is not only his way of showing her - it's always his way of trying to stir or trigger your interest and then attraction for him.
In many of your interactions with men this will be true because it's the end-game.
He could be trying to put you down to build himself up OR could doing in in cool fun way - but both are essentially trying to achieve the same result.
One is minus the pain and hurt.
The other is plus the fun and connection.
For the rare event he's just a bully AND is poking fun at you because of that - sorry to hear and I DO hope he figures things out before he hurts too many women and emotionally and eventually physically.
Now... just so you know:
I've been on the nice side.
Dabbled on the not-so-nice side when I first learned this routine which believe it or not has a name. (This is between you and me so keep the secret - it's called cocky-comedy and YES it works on guys too.)
My cross-over to the bad side happened because it's a tough thing to learn to do right at first. I had to practice and learn the right balance and once I did, stopped pissing women off so much.
My point is:
Once I started doing it the RIGHT WAY with a decent balance - It had amazing results.
I'm not advocating being mean to girls just making a definitive point that since it does work on men and women - you could be assured MOST of the time when a guy is doing to you...
When he's teasing you - he LIKES you... he's feeling attracted to you...
AND he's doing what he can to get YOU to like HIM back.
I find this stuff absolutely amazing. Hope you do too.
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Commit yourself to understanding men and you'll find connecting with ANY guy will become an easy natural thing to do.
It’s weird because I see these explanations everywhere but there’s nothing sexier than a man who knows how to treat a woman with respect and kindness.
If a man teases me, I get hurt and think he’s insecure about his…manliness.
I want a man who can protect me not a man I need to be protected from.
Surely, I am not the only woman who find teasing (or as it often is: bullying) the biggest turnoff of all time?
You’re absolutely right Anna. There are several kinds of teasing but whenever it even comes close to “Bullying” it’s not attractive at all.
I completely agree. It’s a huge turn off for me. Even if well intended or just playful. I’m not interested at all and get repelled by someone who teases even if doesn’t go as far as bullying. It shows insecurity, passive aggressiveness and dynamic I’m not interested in. I don’t want to feel i have to up one or banter with a loved one. I want kindness, thoughtfulness, emotional intelligence, empathy and authenticity. I’d take vulnerable honesty over macho bravado any day.
I have a crush on this guy
He asked me out on a date
And he’s very confusing
Sometimes he’s all lovey dovey and then again he’s being rude and sometimes won’t reply to my texts and when he does he’ll be like “yes ” or “no”
Does he like me or not?
He asked you out… then he likes you.
Unfortunately, it’s pretty common for guys to take this overboard and the woman see’s him as obnoxious creepy crazy and doesn’t want to be within 100 miles of him. Some don’t know when they’re wasting their time and it’s time to forget about her and move on. The fact that no matter what you say or do; SOME people will NEVER find you attractive, be interested, or give you a chance is very difficult for some to accept. Which might be why you have scenarios where a guy is still hung up on a girl he hasn’t seen in person since they graduated college four years ago and now lives in different states and the guy is bugging her the only way he now can by trolling her social media and makes fun of her posts and photos. If he wanted to prove to her that he has balls he should have just asked her out a long time ago. I think this might be why some guys just fail; he has the balls to tease her and be mean to her over the course of years but never had the balls the ask her out or make a real move.
I don’t know how old this is, but I’ll ask anyway. I’m a high school student and the boy who sits next to me always messes with me. He insults me, sneaks up on me and scares me, and he makes me feel bad about myself. I don’t understand why he’s doing it. And honestly, he’s scaring me.
Ok,a lot of people always say that the “mean-scary” guy is attracted to you but it does not always mean he loves you!Guys who do these mean things to girlsdo the exact opposite to love .Don’t always trust this advise…
I don’t find the word “love” mentioned once in this article. In other words – don’t always trust the guy’s advice on advice when the one giving the opinion didn’t even take the time to read it.
The answer is above Liliana. I see no reason why your situation is any different. There is always a chance he’s just a bully but to know that – you must look at how he interacts with ALL people and a very general look at how he might see himself AND a little on his abilities with women.
Theres this guy in my school who told everyone i like him. I didnt even care about him. Hes always messing with me even though he has a girlfriend. He is so mean he pisses me off. He stands in front of me or talks really loud like hes doing me a favor. And now im “curious” about him. I absolutely hate this. Am i really just a game and some fun?
I think the way a guy relates to a girl, or anyone is directly related to his sense of self worth… I’ve never met a man who knew how to love himself never mind me.
I’m POSITIVE with the right skills and know-how you’ll meet a man who does love himself and not in an over the top self-centered kind of way.
Pete
Hey I’m 18 an and never dated. I’m doing my first year in Varsity and there’s this guy at first he approached me but I was not intereste, still not interested.
but now he is kind of making my life difficult at school, he’s always looking for something to make me look bad, if not teasing me about never being bought a gift by a guy, he’s laughing at me of some random stupid thing I did. And talking to my friend behind my back laughing making jokes about me. He irritates me!
Why?
Honestly Jane,
Because he’s a “butt hurt” ass who feels rejected and is taking out his anger on you to make him feel better AND he’s begging for attention.
Avoid him at all costs. Anyone who willingly hurts or puts someone else down for their own personal gain or grudge or because they feel rejected does NOT deserve the attention they are seeking.
Pete
Their is this guy and he is usaully a jerk to everyone and I really like him but he called me fat and when I had a bf he said it was fake and he made a bet that I couldn’t get a boyfriend before Valentine’s Day for 10$ and the boyfriend who he said was fake went out with me for about5 days I don’t know why this guy is being mean to me
ALL people are generally mean because they have a need to build themselves up by putting others down. It’s a general statement and lots of their anger often come from many places from family life to esteem and jealousy issues and so on.
Guys who are blatantly mean like this typically have serious issues. The best thing you can do is understand it’s a weakness by him. Whether it has something to do with you personally shouldn’t matter because until he learns to be more genuine, you must not allow him to get the better of you. Don’t be drawn into his ways yet do not seek revenge.
Pete
Hey, theres this boy I like . his name is Josiah and I don’t really know if he hates me or he likes me. the other day I told him ” shut up ” but its our way of joking I didn’t actually mean it in the annoyed way I said it was a happy way. he always tells me ” ur ugly ” “ur dumb ” or ” ur an idiot” and he calls me annoying. We sit almost next to each other because my desk is at the right theres an empty desk next to me another one and another one and then his. so whenever I walk his direction to do something he says “HEY! go the other direction” but he smiles. I don’t listen ( lol ) and then he says imam smack u and he did. it didn’t hurt at all but I really don’t know if hes actually annoyed or hes trying to hide the fact that he may have feelings for me.
Hi Peter;
I really enjoy your comments. Wanted to let you know that I was flirting with a guy and he backed off a yr ago. About 6 months ago he started to flirt again. Though I am interested, I am cautious cause he backed off. So I watch his actions. I’ve noticed when I do see him he’s very abrupt with me . So I ignore him now. I think he’s angry cause I don’t chase him or give him the attention.
Thank you,
Missy
You sound right Missy. I’m sure his anger is not entirely about you – he’s also angry at himself for not following through with it too.
Yet – of course there are many parts of your message of which I have to assume. Like how you met, who started it, what type of guy he is, etc…
Thanks for writing in,
Pete
I don’t know how old this article is I just found it. OK there us this older guy
( late 30) I’m in my early twenties
that is always teasing me , but he has never offended me in any way, one time he even give me a ride home, when his mom came to town to visit him and he was on a rush to see her. But here is the trick everytime I text him he would only text me back if I asked him something, he would not text back if I text “hey what you doing” I don’t know if he likes me of just being friendly
Alice, this article is older than your older guy. :p BUT it just keeps going… 😀
Men are generally terrible texters. Some even only use their phone (with women) as a sexual device and not much more. I can’t help that.
They are also notorious for not liking or bothering with small talk in person let alone on the phone.
When you text “Hey, what you doing” you’re less likely to get a real response for all those reasons and for one more reason – because most guys hate to reveal to women that their life is kind of boring and routine.
If he’s teasing you – then trust your intuition and whether you feel he is or could be feeling attracted to you. THEN teas him back through text and see how responds. That should tell you all you need to know about whether he’s being friendly or not. Which I highly doubt it’s just him being friendly.
Also, look at the bigger picture. What else is he doing? Would what he’s teasing about or texting feel right from another straight woman? If not, then there’s your answer. So tease him back.
Take it from a serial “likes younger women” man – attractive women in her early 20’s. If I’m teasing her – yeah, it might only be about sex at some point but who is to say it couldn’t turn into something more.
Your old guy friend with the very old article, 🙂
Pete
I read this article you wrote and found it quite interesting. I know this Guy who seemed really nice we got chatting and exchanged numbers he was very flirty and asked did I have a bf I replied no he told me he had a gf and continued to flirt but now he’s being very cold towards me and I don’t know why
Sue,
I would expect a guy who has a girlfriend to act this way. She is his hopefully his priority. He’ll flirt, get the Ego boost, open an opportunity, things might settle with her or he backs out realizing he’ll get caught or can not go through it – so he’ll start to act cold and distant with you.