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Pete
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Hi Peter,
So happy I found your site.
I have a problem I hope you can help me with. Yesterday I was hanging out with a friend. And I got to talking about a guy I like at work. She started asking me all kinds of questions about him. One of the questions she asked was if I was friends with him on fb, because she wanted to see a pic of him. I told her I didn’t have the nerve to send him a friend request. So she looks him up on fb and says “WOW!” he’s really hot! Send him a message. I can’t I told her, I work with him! She said come on what harm can it do? Again I said, I work with him! Her response to that was; this is only like the 2nd guy you showed any kind of interest in since your last serious boyfriend 5 or 6 years ago. While she was here I got a call on the landline. It wasn’t until later when I went to go message another friend that I realized my visiting friend took the liberty of sending my crush a message on my behalf. I was mortified. It was a casual message asking him if he could help me with some home improvement work. Needless to say he never responded to “my” message. I texted saying she needs to message him saying she was the one who sent the message. I didn’t hear back from her so I don’t know if she did or not. I don’t have the nerve to message him myself even though I know I should. I know her intentions were good. I’ve just been out of the dating scene for so long I’ve become some what guy shy. I have to go back to work tomorrow and don’t know how I’m gonna face him. Sorry this is so long. Any help you can give me would be greatly appreciated:)
Sincerely,
Kim
Hi, I had this friend, who’s a boy. We were best friends for nearly 3 years. We would flirt, text a lot, but we wouldn’t hang out. At school he would choose to sit next to me rather than his mates. Recently he started seeing a girl. He told me that she wont come in between us. However things did. She hates me because I was so close to him and I think she told him to delete me off of everything and delete pictures off us from Instagram. He has the ones of us on fb but they were from a while ago. He now acts like were only friends because were in the same year at school and it seems that he forgets that we were good friends. Now, I have seen him look at me and then when I look back he quickly looks away. My friend has started noticing it too, especially on the bus, she always nudges me telling me he is looking or glancing at me. When I talk about me and other boys he seems jealous or he could simply be nosy. He asks me questions like “are you dating”, “did you date”, “have you kissed him” and he seems frustrated but when I say no he pipes down. He only really talks to me is when I talk about other boys or we ask questions about school. I thought maybe his girlfriend is jealous because we were close but that’s understandable, but he flirts with this girl, she flirts back major. I don’t think he realises he does but she certainly knows when she is flirting or not. Oh I have feelings for him. Please help
Thanks, anonymous.
( I don’t like posting my name on anything much).
Hi
Um so I moved last year in September and started at a new school. After about a day or two I had already made friends in my home room and I had noticed a boy maybe a yer or two older. I’m very shy, so I didn’t mention it to my friends, but I always saw him, like everywhere. If I went to the park, it so happened he was there playing basketball. I shared a gym class during my first semester with him and he’d always be near me. Of course I developed a small crush on him after a bit. But I never spoke to him. He was always staring at me and I’d catch eye contact a lot but I’d always pretend like it didn’t happen because I’ve never dated or anything because I’m just shy and I’ve got minor trust issues.
He once was walking down the hall and past me when I was alone, and he called me babe. I got really scared because I didn’t know what to do. I pretended like I didn’t hear him, I couldn’t lift my head to look at him because he walked past me so close I would’ve smashed my face in his shoulder.
Another time u was at the park and was walking home, as I was about to cross the parking lot entrance a car ozone out I front of me and his best friend was driving, him being is the passengers side. It scared me and he sunk down in his seat while looking at me, his friend thought it was hilarious though. During a historic fair at school everyone had set up in the gym and he set up on the other side of the gym directly in front of me. He stared at me a lot and when I looked he looked away. This happened for the entire 4 hours we were in the gym for the convention.
Another time I was in a coffee ship with my friend for lunch and we sat a a table for two in the corner. He came in the shop with his friends behind us and after they ordered they all desired to sit right next to us out of the entire empty cafe. They we’re play fighting and cracking obnoxiously loud jokes purposely but I assumed that was just because they are boys and we are girls sitting down by ourselves, why not sit down by the girls.
I feel like there’s no way he could like me or have interest at all an I’m only over-reading what he’s doing because I had a crush for a bit.
I no longer have a huge crush on him anymore, but I’m still curious to what was happening, if anything was happening. I’m sorry for making this so long I just needed to get this out because I don’t really share things like this with my friends. Thanks for taking time to read and respond if you do.
-Rachel
Hi! I have a couple of questions for you; I don’t know what to do or who I should talk to.
My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for almost two years, we love each other immensely and discuss our future often, yet, after we have an argument and talk about our feelings afterwards he always makes me feel like to total fuck up. I have been smoking cigarettes for around 4 years now, and while my boyfriend smokes as well, it is significantly less than my own. This is often a point of contention, he often tells me how he doesn’t put up with something that really bothers him, no matter how much he loves the person, for long. Smoking is a crutch for me, an escape from stress and the world, but he sees it as me being inconsiderate and not caring about his concerns or our relationship. My question is, why does he tell me these things? Why do I often feel unimportant and like a failure after we argue…what can I do?
Secondly, my boyfriend often jokes about guys he thinks I’d be into if I were single, or guys I’d leave him for, but, he also has said that he wants to take me out to a bar and watch from afar how many guys hit on me; he claims it’ll be hundreds, I strongly disagree. Why does he do this? Is he sending me hints about relationship or something? I have a feeling that he’s just insecure but….I don’t know.
Hi A,
Let me be blunt here:
He IS terribly insecure. He’s using the fact that he can make you feel like shit to keep you around. He’s talking like he don’t put up with sub-par women yet he is continuing to be with you? Which to me, is telling you he thinks you’re not good enough for him as a person BUT he wants to show you off in public. So in his own distorted sense of reality is, telling me that he believes you’re only a pretty face and body.
Not a great combination.
I’m not going to judge him, just interpret what I see.
BUT I will say this… if someone is always making you feel bad, if a situation is only leaving you depressed, confused, and hurt, get out of it quickly because it will only get worse.
Yes, throw the word “love” away here because just because a guy says it, and even sometimes acts like he is capable, doesn’t mean he is and in no way does it mean you have to stick around until he figures it out.
Just my opinion
Hope things come together for you soon,
All the best, Pete
Hi Peter,
I could really do with some male advice. I was in a relationship for just over 12 months. The guy I was involved with also worked with me. From day 1 he chased me, in the beginning I didn’t really feel anything for him. As time passed I developed real deep feelings (I never told him, only that he was special to me). After many ups & downs I ended it with him in April this year. After 3 months of him avoiding me at work, not returning my calls and not contacting me for days or weeks I gave up. Then he started showing up all over the place, making excuses to call me etc…I then told him this was difficult for me & I wanted to get over him so I asked him to leave me alone. This was ok for 3 weeks, until again he called me asking was I ok as I looked sad…(really, did I OMG wonder why). Again, I asked him not to contact me at all unless it was necessary. After nearly 7 weeks of no contact from me whatsover, he called my office I answered (not knowing it was him), then just acted normal with him, he did ask was I ok, as I did not look happy, I said I was working on this then he said he would leave me alone, I ignored that (it sounded like he wanted me to say that I did not want him to leave me alone), anyway somebody came into his office so the call ended. The next day he popped up outside my office and just stood there looking at me, again I ignored this, then he sent me an email with a joke (which I did not respond to), the next day he called over and asked me did I not find his joke funny & looked angry, I just said obviously not! Then later that day it was raining and he was messing around with a pink brolley trying to make me smile, I didn’t. Lastly I called over to his department to see one of our work colleagues, and as I was chatting, he looked angry and keep walking in between the two of us, which I found strange but ignored. Then a week after all this happened I rang him and said, If he could show me some respect, not to use me again, accept that I have feelings for him, then I would take him back. His words were, I have missed you so much, I cannot stop thinking about you, I looked sad, and he just wanted me to smile at him the way I used to, and that I had made his day!!! Then the weekend came around, I did not contact him nor him me, Monday morning In work he rang me more or less straight away to ask how I was & that he had the biggest smile on his face all weekend, I said so did I. It is now Friday PM apart from him popping into my office to see people (he could have called btw), I have not heard from him over the phone and it feels like now he has me back he does not want me back if that makes sense. I am so confused, no calls, messages, emails nothing zip….apart from the odd show in my office. I am so confused, can you HELP!!!!! Thank you sorry for the long story….
Hi Christine,
Okay first, yes, some guys, maybe lots of them are and will always be more interested in the chase EXCEPT the chase is not what women always think it is.
You might think it’s the typical courting or dating thing but truth be told, guys only do those because they think that’s what they’re supposed to do. They do it to “get the girl” because for one reason or another believe that’s what women want.
Nope, the chase to most men is something entirely different… It proves to us we’re men, capable attractive men who have the ability to be with the women we are most attracted to. Note I said “women” and not “woman” there.
That may not be here or there today but just remember even when you’re in a relationship with a guy, he still feels the need to prove himself worthy or capable of attraction and since dating or courtship doesn’t really do it for us, we need something more. Sadly I won’t be revealing that today.
You mentioned lots of things above but what I didn’t hear was why you broke up, which should have everything to do with finding your real personal answer. You merely glanced over these reasons, “If he could show me some respect, not to use me again, accept that I have feelings for him”
NOW, wouldn’t a guy interpret “respect” as respecting your space and time… hence he was only doing what you ask… staying away?
I’m not sure how he disrespected you which caused the problem, or how he used you, or how he wasn’t willing to accept your feelings for him but I’m willing to bet HE doesn’t understand either and so in his mind… you haven’t really broke up. He hasn’t moved on and will continually pull you in, run away, do whatever it takes to gain your attention, attraction, etc…
I’ve said ti before and I will continually support this fact until I’m proven to be wrong.
Men who feel a deep REAL attraction for a woman, both kinds short and long, will rarely shed those feelings. They remain in place for a lot longer than I believe most women realize because well us guys, our actions don’t always show it. So yes. We’ll take half the blame on the miscommunication.
One of the best explanations I found was on a promotional post:
Thanks for writing and joining Christine, hopefully this has helped you,
Pete
Hi Pete,
I happened to meet this guy through a genuine dating site and quite not sure if he is interested in me. We happen to stay miles away as we are in different countries, we just texted a couple a times only since a week and he seem to be reasonably busy with his work which i am pretty sure. he seemed to be a quite decent guy and also very social person, he seemed interested to take it forward with me so one day he wanted to call up on facetime
and i denied even though i was interested in him since i was nervous i haven’t tried it before with anyone then he was ok to call up after few days from his work but then initially i denied saying i was too tired to sleep as it was quite late for me, but finally texted asking him to call since i couldn’t sleep. we couldn’t speak long as he had to go for is meeting which he told me already that he cant speak long. he called me and we spoke for around 10 minutes max and i was too nervous to speak to him i started to litrally blaber unwanted things not big ones though, it just wasn’t appropriate to have spoken that way and i told him that i was nervous. he was sweet though he convinced saying its ok. he asked me if iam ok with settling with him to move from my country i said that i was concerned about my family but im fine with moving. he replied saying its good to think about them as well. and then he had to go back since he had meeting said that he will call me up later, i also insisted him that he can call me up after his work, but then he didn’t. its been three days since he said. he appears online sometimes but doesn’t text me. i dint text him since he said that he will be calling me. so quite not sure if he is interested in me because of my character. And don’t really know if i should check on him after this. Can you please help me on this sorry for the lengthy description. Thanks
Hi Peter,
I am so happy I found your site. I have a problem and I hope you can help me with it.
First one question…What are the key signs of a player?
What I have to say is kinda a long story, so I’ll try to cut it short. My dearest friend is this guy on Fb and we’ve been friends now for little over year. He is the older brother of my other good friend and that’s actually how we met.
He came into my life the week my uncle passed away. We barely knew each other for 48hr, when he offered to fly 17hr to be by my said as a support…and after that something changed.
I told him in the beginning of our friendship that I didn’t want to come between anyone, he assured me that I wasn’t. He just came out of that relationship a few months ago and said it’s has nothing to do with me (she cheated on him and spread lies about him to his friends). Before his slip with her, he opened up and told me about everything. That he wasn’t happy, that he couldn’t understand how people can be like that. How he was feeling vindictive and didn’t like that feeling at all. I shouldn’t be telling you or anyone this because he confined in me.
When I sent him my picture, he told me that I am very photogenic and should always smile. When I sent him another photo with some friends at the beach, he said that I was breathtakingly beautiful. And a few day’s latter out of the blue, he said “You excite me and make me feel warm all over among other things. I really like you a lot and I look forward to chatting with you….don’t ever stop being who you are. I mean it.
He has also told me about fantasy/daydreams he has about me or us (some sexual and some not). That he dreams nothing more then waking up with me next to him or in his arms. He tells me that I am beautiful charming, and I am very attractive. Becuase he like who I am.
And when I told another friend of mine that ch (that’s what I’ll call him) forgot my birthday, somehow he got the message instead. When ch wrote me back he said “You are not ever forgotten and will not ever be. you are always thought and cared for even if words go unspoken. I promise you this.” And then he said “Still. one who makes an active effort to promote human welfare :a person who practices philanthropy Okay… Honesty you are the one I belive in.”
We had a deep convention one day and I told him how I thought he was playing with my emotions, games with my heart and didn’t like me for me, but more my body. He apologized after laughing and then said. I never once played with your emotions, I’m not playing games with your heart….I am attired to you as a person, your heart, your mind and who you really are. I am moving back to Gr, very much alone and hope to meet you and see where this will take us.
It’s been awhile since we last really talked, he told me he’s trying to figure himself out and how he wants his life to be since his breakup. But he told me I am his ray of light and bring nothing but true peace into his life and that he doesn’t want to see me sad ever, so please forgive me if I stop talking and please don’t take it personally. For when I’m sad, I re-read your messages and find my way back to the light know as your true friendship. You are truly not the cause of my bitterness, but the reason why I am so happy.
Oh yes there’s more to this, but I won’t add it all because there’s so much to understand about him and I, and everything that’s happened between us. But from what all you have (I can provide you with more if you’ll like) is there anyway you can tell me….if he is playing me or if he is sincerely real?
Someone else I know said he is a player and isn’t interested in me at all. I have looked within myself, my head and even my heart for the answer and all of them are saying believe him….but before I let myself get hurt. Please advise.
Kike.
Hi Pete,
Me and my ex were together for about 3 years. We ended things because people got in our relationship and caused some tension in the relationship. Things ended civilly 4 years ago and we still talk to each other every once in awhile. Is there possibly still somewhere in his mind that he still likes/loves me after all this time?
Hi Natalie,
Of course there is. Men hold on to feelings for a very long time even under the most extreme circumstances.
Hey pete
I have been talking to guy since last 2 months met few times . We got along really well with each other. There were times when i used to get frustrated on some issues and i said few rude things to him. He suddenly starting avoiding my msgs, calls when asked he used to say he was busy. Suddenly one day he stopped talking & blocked me on all social sites and msgd not to call or msg him again. And indicated clearly that my rude behaviour has hurted him. Im also guilty of doing that way and want to rectify the situation. But he is not allowing
What to do i know i have hurted him and want to apologise but he is not ready to listen or talk. Need help
Hi Peter!
I’m so happy I found this website. I have a question about a situation. Hopefully you have time to answer my question.
There is a guy I like and am unsure about how he feels. When I started this job, he would look at me a few times, and seemed like he would try to make eye contact.. But I always looked away nervously.
I talk to other people and laugh and stuff, but he’s so attractive I try not to look at him to avoid blushing. My coworker said one day she saw him checking me out. Well one day another worker told him I like him. His reply was “oh” without an expression. The worker told him to pretend he doesn’t know so I wouldn’t get mad. The next time I saw him, I said hi and he put his hand pretty high up ( like thumb to ear to ans a phone) and said hi. I was flattered. At the end of my shift I started to conversing with him, and at one point he seemed nervous with his eyes glued to the tv. I took it as not interested or I’m
Pushing and said goodnight. When I turned around, he was staring at me with a frozen facial expression. When I came back up for something,he was normal and started talking to me more and asking me about my position. Well, today when I saw him, I barely looked at him to avoid seeming desperate and he might’ve felt odd about it. I looked over at him and he looked at me sadly. Later i said hi to him, he waved annoyed and did a weird ” why are you speaking to me” look. So I tried to talk more and he seemed ok, but I’m not sunre if he likes me. With the exception of two ties, he doesn’t speak unless I do. What do you think?