There was a new topic for discussion which came up at the Facebook group Why Do Guys...? and it was interesting enough to write about...
What is the worst thing a guy has ever said to you?
I'm trying to think about what my personal one was and I admit that's tough for me to decide.
Maybe the woman hearing it thought it was awful and I didn't even realize it was happening. Most guys would agree with me - sometimes we say stupid things and are totally unaware of it. (That is until it's pointed out to us.)
Perhaps, what I think was bad wasn't really frightening but more pathetic. An example came from my past and it's very personal so this is just between you and me, deal?
You ready for it? Cool.
I once told a woman, well asked her, okay I'll be totally honest, begged her to BE WITH ME because it's been so long since I've been with a woman; and it would be really "nice" of her to date me.
So true that I'm cringing just thinking about how pathetic of a ladies man I was.
Yes, I know what you're thinking and NO, I wasn't just asking her to sleep with me because I haven't had sex in so long, I actually wanted her to DATE ME.
The sex would've been a wonderful little bonus package. Right?
Us guys, especially the "nice" ones can be rather strange creatures if you ask me.
Part of me believed it would work.
Thinking back now I'm starting to realize it wasn't that bad, just another nice guy manipulation tactic of begging or pleading for a woman to like us back. Something which is all too common.
But did SHE think it was bad or was she feeling flattered and just a bit awkward? Something I may never know. She had to be slightly embarrassed because it's not something which typically comes up among a close friend. (Yes she was a close friend at the time.)
So why do guys say things like that?
Guys, or guys like that specifically, are at a low point. They've exhausted themselves trying to figure it all out and so find themselves trying ANYTHING.
I mean literally anything to find a girlfriend they want.
It's our way of crying to get what we want. It's immature and we know it.
We just can't help it because when it comes to sexual girlfriend frustration, anything goes. We feel exasperated, desperate, and as a last-ditch effort are willing to go off the deep-end.
The oddest part of it, and it's what I've learned later on, is that we're willing to go to that end and further , YET because we are not finding or looking for that right information, or for reasons which are sort of a moralistic view of playing women - we think what we're doing something which is unique and different.
We believe we're "just being upfront and honest" and because she'll respect us more for it, she'll suddenly feel attraction and hop on top of us begging for us to "have her" now!
Little do we know how any type of respect she might've had for us before, suddenly turned to empathy. And you just can NOT feel empathy and attraction at the same time. It's psychologically impossible.
Why can't they just man up and not act all dodgy and present false friendships when they really want something more?
Again, it's because way too many men find it easy to befriend a woman. It's easy when there's no sexual edge or responsibility attached to the interaction.
We just don't know how the human mating ritual works.
We also believe we're doing the more ethical thing. We are, in our weird and twisted way, proving to you and ourselves we're not just some guy who wants to get in your pants.
We want to get to know you first. It's "our" way of being nice and we believe that's what creates attraction when that is far from the truth.
We don't know women are communicating on an entirely different level.
We want to become friends first and lots of us hope you'll make the first move. Once we're in it too deep, it becomes impossible for us to turn it into anything more and as time passes, more and more difficult to change the nature of the "relationship".
Hence, the frustration forms and builds until something really pathetic and possibly dumb comes out of our mouths and results in bad action.
Why do we believe a tactic like this would work and do they really believe it's going to work? I mean deep down they MUST KNOW IT.
Honestly. We don't believe it. We're fooling ourselves. We're suffering from the worst form of SELECTIVE HEARING because we're very selectively choosing to not hear what our own brains are telling us.
Again, it's an act of frustration which build. The mouth vomit is just one form of how it manifests inside of us.
We know it doesn't work yet we do it anyways.
We don't know what else to do and instead of going back to square one, learning what attraction is and how it happens and starting with something completely different, we continue to do the same thing again and again HOPING next time it will be different.
It's absolutely true.
men can say the stupidest things to women.
Sure mine today was stupid but more pathetic however it reveals a truth about some men which I know you'll find useful in understanding men.
Feel free to join the group, voice your opinion and personal experiences either below in the comment box or at the Why Do Guys Group. I'd love to hear about it.
Perhaps, if I'm so inclined, I'll reveal some more of my personal "mouth vomit" moments with women which landed me in a whole lot of trouble... and I do mean trouble. Stick around and keep your eyes out for it.
Until next time... Later...