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Why Do Guys…?

Why Do Men Sleep Around With Lots Of Different Women?

A closer different look at the moment he defines his sexual gratification by sleeping with many different women.

The "natural" view is actually quite simple. Men, being built to procreate many times and "spread their seed" are actually designed to sleep with many different women in their lifetime.

Now I understand in this modern social world men have a choice. They can choose to sleep with a few, or commit forever to one girl.

He can choose to stare temptation in the face and deny any woman who is willing to have sex with him.  (Granted being human we ALL have the option to step out of our traditional roles and do something different. )

Some of you might even assign a level of strength to him.

The stronger man can resist his instinctual sexual drive.

The weaker man gives in even though he knows it could emotional hurt her.

Yet the stronger man has more temptation and the weaker man doesn't. So it's not really a fair assessment, is it?

What about this?

Very few women I have known will have sex with a guy who does not have the option to sleep around.

You want the best mate for you and typically he will be highly sought out by other women too.  Thus the man you want the most has a greater probability of cheating on you too.

I know.

Kind of sucks but it's true.

Some argue in the modern world we live in, these rules, for lack of a better word, just don't apply.

They throw around the word "love" and expect if a man loves a woman he should never stray. She should be all he ever needs.

Doesn't work that way though - does it?

Especially when so many men struggle with the definition of love.

Especially when there's guys who will obsess over a woman until he's had sex with her and the "thrill" wears off.

The male sex drive can be powerful and sometimes dominating.

GUY FEAR #1: My sexual desires are NOT okay

"I won’t tell you that old thing about how guys want waaay more sex that women do, because it’s actually not true.

Women want it, we just want it under different terms.

He just… wants it.

Every possible way he can imagine it.

With your sister, your mom, the librarian (definitely the librarian), the teenager snapping her gum behind the cash register.

He’s even had a dirty fantasy about that weird shopping cart lady.

Sex movies of every description (multiple lovers, bondage, fetish, you name it) run in his brain nearly all the time, and sometimes what’s showing on the screen shocks even him.

Deep down, he’s terrified that he wants sex too much, or in the wrong ways, with the wrong people.

His sex drive is a formidable machine, and it’s a testament to his power that he doesn’t let it drive his life, only his brain."

Top 2 Things Men Are Terrified Of, How to Help Your Man & Make Him Love You

(located at dialteg.org)

It can take control over us and send us into the arms or bed of any woman willing or when properly directed can drive us to succeed in more areas than just a pure sexual conquest.

Based on my experience there's a certain relevance to the male orgasm and our instinctual drive to sleep around.

There have been so many nights where after I release my male potency alone (so as not to confuse the feelings when a woman's involved) and not ten seconds later I felt let down.

Like it wasn't good enough.

Even after having delayed gratification for several hours it felt like, "That was it?!!!"

The longer we wait, within reason, the more we produce.

But after, depending on the circumstance we might even feel a little guilty.

More empathetic.

Thirsty and hungry and sometimes apathetic, sometimes contempt and tired.

Whatever the after affects happen to be...

When the drive is temporarily removed, the primal urge to reproduce no longer connected to us,  there's a strange feeling of loss.

Like we're missing something.

In the arms of our proclaimed love this can easily be overcame with a hug, a shared story, or anything emotional connection. Thus equating love to the experience and to the person next to us.

In the arms of an affair, a one night stand, a situation where we can not connect love to the persona we're with, this loss does not go away until the next time.

Keeping us in forever search of the perfect lay.

You would think the first experience would keep us happy. Stop us from straying or at least be enough reason to only ever want to be with the one we love but...

What if we don't feel that connection or we don't know how to open up, or what if the women we're with doesn't allow it to happen, or doesn't know how to respond to a man after, or what if she isn't allowing his sex drive to be completely brought out.

Or even worse yet what if he feels like she has not been completely satisfied and after the moment, while the drive has left, he no longer feels powerful but weak and unable to perform.

My point is that the male orgasm is a sudden release of all that makes us male but has little to do with makes us a responsible adult according to social standards.

Depending on our lifestyle, willpower, ability to succeed, our health, or anything related in the few moments we're about to release is when we feel the pure power and strength of ourselves.

Some of us may not find the "emotion" anywhere in our lives and since it is short and followed by the removal of a part of our masculinity, we're driven to search for it again and again and again...

Thus satisfying nature's gift to us to procreate almost unconditionally as many times as physically possible.

While the build up is there nothing else matters - we'll move mountains to achieve those few seconds right before it happens.

For so many men the desire to sleep around has nothing to do with women but more to do with his control and ability to tap into his masculine male role in nature.

Some men achieve this through different outlets, some do it by bedding lots of different women, some learn it from experience, some take her advances as being the same...

Why Do Men Sleep Around With Lots Of Different Women?

It's not our role as provider, it's probably not even nature granting us the ability to do so, a lot of times it's to...

Experience a moment where we can truly enjoy a surge of our primal masculine self.

Choices, selection, ability, or personal situation aside, feeling like a man who belongs in the world and is an actual contributor by doing exactly what we're designed to do appears to be reason enough.

What all this means is of course open to interpretation, speculation, and reasoning.

If you're a guy tell me - Why do you sleep around?

But if you're a woman tell me this...

What is the one moment in your life (which can happen many times) where you absolutely felt like you're the absolute definition of femininity and nothing else seemed to matter but that one moment?AND...

You find yourself constantly searching for it again by any means possible?

If you can find that answer and believe it to be true - then you can certainly imagine why men do in fact sleep with so many different women regardless of the situation or the affect of his actions on himself and others.

Okay - granted - the reasons listed here seem to be a little different than anything you have read before BUT underneath it all - it seems to make sense.

Not that it describes the exact reason why "some" men sleep with lots of different women BUT how nature plays its role by making the male orgasm the way it is... causing a guy to want it more and more and more.

Doesn't really explain the "different" angle exactly but again - nature has already taken care of that, right?

We (us guys) are given the option and some will oblige it to the fullest extent of that option.

I'm sure lots of guy sleep around for reasons nature didn't intend but it works out the same anyways.

Some do it because they "think" it's what makes them a man.

Some do it because they can and the women he's sleeping, most of them, just don't seem to mind as long as there's no exclusive agreement going on.

Some do it for everything listed here today - a constant urge to release because it feels good just before and sometimes worse after as a male sex drive is tossed or left to fend for it self in a woman, on a condom, against her body, or just.... wherever it lands.

The leaves the strangest part of this post - How a simple title "sleep with lots of different women" seems to invoke the assumption of infidelity when it's not even mentioned - just assumed by those who wish to see that over those who saw it for what it really was - not mentioned at  all.

Moving on... how about this:

The amount of emotional reaction a question like this brings up because of the difference of opinions... How men are pigs and women are not. How it's not fair a guy can sleep around and be more of a man whereas when a woman does it - she's a slut.

Bringing up the last hot topic - and perhaps at risk of disproving everything you've read so far today...

Do men in fact actually have more sexual partners than women?

The TRUTH of the matter - of course I'm not so sure if it's true but in my lifetime it has proven to be a FACT - take an average man and count how many different women he's slept with until the age of let's say 40 and compare the same thing for a woman and you'll see some interested results...

Well not really because after doing a modest amount of research on this subject and comparing them to my own experiences - some very interesting results were found.

Let's explore this issue...

How when asked a question like this men over-exaggerated the amount of women they've actually slept with and the women under-exaggerated.

"Our male respondents were more likely than our female survey participants to inflate their number of sexual partners: 17.5 percent of male respondents reported claiming more partners than they’ve had, while only 8.2 percent of women did the same. On the other hand, 18.6 percent of women said they’ve divulged a decreased number of partners compared with only 13.7 percent of men who have done so. It’s possible that men and women may be altering their respective numbers because they are influenced by certain outdated perceptions – for instance, that a woman with an extensive sexual past may be regarded as promiscuous or that a man with a high number of partners feels he possesses virility and sexual prowess."

What's You Number?

That leads me to believe that on average - only compared to my experience of known sexual partners of my friends - that in fact the amount of sexual partners were about the same. (More on that below so keep reading.)

Granted in MY world growing up women slept with more men than the guys slept with girls although the women would generally have sex with just a few guys leaving the rest to "fend" I mean "play" with themselves.

The numbers then suggest one guy would be tossed around by several different woman so sure, he had more different partners but the sex number was the same for both.

Leading to this no-so-strange results but rather odd research findings by some (I'm assuming mathematician guys who were NOT the ones getting their share in school) - Men and Women Cannot Can Have Different Average Numbers of Sexual Partners and a theory listed here: Average number of sexual partners.

Meaning - no matter how you slice it - it DOES take two to have sex making it theoretically impossible, when averaged together for (heterosexually speaking) men to have more sex than women, right?

Yes - then comes the important word no-so-eloquently put in the title: DIFFERENT.

Here's what I recently found in my search for the average number of partners:

Median number of opposite-sex partners in lifetime among sexually experienced men and women aged 25-44 years of 2011-2015:

6.1 for men.

4.2 for Women.

Key Statistics from the National Survey of Family Growth - N Listing

Granted this was an American study so it may not apply everywhere.

Taken those numbers into account and factoring in that men increase the number and women decrease the number (in surveys) AND that on average women have more partners than men as proposed in this impossible to read paper - Do Men and Women Have the Same Average Number of Lifetime Partners?

I'd say that makes them just about equal.

Very interesting stuff indeed and we will probably never find or agree on a definitive answer because apparently - no one wants to tell the truth about the amount of men or women they've slept with in their lifetime.

You have an opinion or whatever please feel free to list it below.

If you like this kind of discussions and you want to understand men better - them please sign up below where it's all covered and more.

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About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.
77 comments… add one
  • Tracy

    I honestly don’t truly know why they do but what I do know is I would love to have the man I love to be the acception and all his womanizing would stop with me, cause I feel I am worth it dammit!

    • Tracy, If you can fall in love once, you can fall in love again – with that said – I’m POSITIVE you can meet, date, and become exclusive with a guy who is not a womanizer.

      Pete

  • Reality Check

    With most women nowadays that like to party all the time and get real wasted, they will never be able to settle down with only one man anyway since most of these women are just real losers as well.

    • Peter White

      I actually enjoy posting your comments “Reality Check” because they prove your ignorance without me even having to try.

      • Reality Check

        Peter, and you’re a real moron altogether since you really can’t deal with the truth since a lot of what of what i have said is the real truth. And by the way, why are you protecting most of these women that aren’t so innocent at all when many of us men had this happened to us already? I was very faithful to my Ex wife from the very beginning to the very end before that low life loser destroyed my marriage since she loved sleeping around with all kinds of men before she was caught. Been there.

        • Sorry to hear you’ve been cheated on. You’re certainly not the only guy who has been through it and I’m sure lots of them got over it and moved on without becoming bitter and less appealing to the next woman because of it. Granted I will admit based on my experience, being cheated has ruin lots of guys future relationships and caused them to spiral down a road of negativity.

          BUT… When you say many – you’re wrong. The vast majority of MATURE men and women don’t cheat on each other. They may not last in a relationship but the relationship falls apart and ends without any kind of infidelity.

          What gets you in the wrong category is when you say MOST. Not even in the age group where women are more likely to party and sleep around and get into relationships too quickly when bad things happen can you even prove that MOST women are only into partying and getting real wasted.

          Maybe you just need a math lesson. Do the numbers. Do the research. If you’re so convinced you’re right – prove it. Otherwise – you’re just sprouting hate and a narrow limited belief of a world that only exists in YOUR mind.

          There are approximately 7.7 Billion people in the world. The median age is 29.9.

          http://www.worldometers.info/world-population/

          Roughly half are women putting the MOST at a category well past their partying age.

          “Drinking per se and high-volume drinking were consistently more prevalent among men than among women, but lifetime abstention from alcohol was consistently more prevalent among women. Among respondents who had ever been drinkers, women in all age groups were consistently more likely to have stopped drinking than men were. Among drinkers, the prevalence of high-frequency drinking was consistently greatest in the oldest age group, particularly among men.”

          https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2844334/

          I won’t go any further – it’s your theory to prove and not mine to disprove.

          Good luck finding any REAL stats on women who YOU judge to be losers.

          My long-winded point is: You’re just an angry person who likes to BLAME others for your misery.

          Get over it. You got cheated on. It sucks, truly does. Wouldn’t wish it on anyone including you. But it happened. Move forward and stop looking back.

          The world is filled with good people just trying to get by.

          Unless you’re saying EVERYONE goes to the bathroom or has to eat or needs water to survive OR feels miserable once in a while OR suffers at some point in their life – this EVERYONE thing does not apply in the MOST category.

          Unless you SHOW me proof – none of your comments will ever be approved again, so don’t bother.

          Me, and the women who come here just looking for answers and not accusations won’t waste any more time listening to your whiny little “bitch” babbling,
          Pete

  • Mandy

    Upon stumbling on this article, i must admit that i approached it prepared to be angry 😠 but at the end of it, i must say it is the most helpful insight into a mans actions. (Of course, it does not justify cheating) but it does explain why some men can hold back and resist temptation and why some cant. (Ive known both types of males) thank you for your insight..And in response to your question about When did I as a female felt at the epitome of my femininity etc? It was when I had my children and held them in my arms for the first time..In that moment, holding this little perfect beautiful being that I had helped create and that had been created inside my body, I felt the amazing strenght and beauty,complexity and wonder of being a woman. I felt like having my child made me into a WOMAN like nothing else had ever made me feel before or since.

    • Peter White

      Thanks Mandy and I’d say, not much if anything justifies cheating.

  • Goforit

    Men are not programmed to spread their seed to any godless whore he comes across. Where did you hear that? Men and women are designed for one partner, and if they would stick to that, there would be far fewer problems in the world. But most of you bumbling idiots go around pursuing your own lusts with no mind for the consequences. God?? Psshh.. Who’s that? Lets just do what we want. Those rules aren’t laid down for any particular reason.

    That’s your problem. That’s the world’s problem. They just do what they want without following any sort of guideline from a being who might know just a little bit more about it than they do. Then they go limping around with a sore dick wondering what happened.

  • raven

    For a woman it’s about the ultimate desire to be fully connected deeply and emotionally with the one they love. Though I believe it to be true, what you presented regarding promiscuity in males leaving an emptiness it seems it is because of a self-centeredness that has nothing to do within women. That certainly would make one feel alone. They may learn about their masculinity, but it means nothing to the woman. She feels very disconnected. She’s looking for a balanced enveloping between divine female and divine male. Women have the power to bring life in to this world and this makes intimacy a serious matter…if she is not superficial and if she is promiscuous herself, she may very well not have enough confidence and too much insecurity and is trying to experience her power over men and her ability to attract them. Beautiful women sometimes have no real competitors since they see the competitors as the men who are competing over them. She identifies that power to her femininity. However, if she is confident, she will look for someone who feels the same way she does about love, fidelity and connectedness.

  • Big Rick

    Hello,
    I am a man who has been with multiple women, yet never once cheated. Every time I enter into a relationship with a woman, I do so with the purest intentions. I make sure that they are comfortable with every step of the process and I cater to their needs. In my experience, the fault in my relationships always comes down to differing personalities.

    I don’t look back on any of these relationships as bad times in my life, however I do believe that the relationships were never designed to last. I believe that women feel the desire for sex as much as men do and punishing people for their natural urges is wrong.

    Sex is a sacred activity which brings one closer to God and the fulfillment of the human understanding. I fundamentally believe that each individual should explore themselves sexually with as many different partners as possible until they find the individual they were truely meant to be with.

    In the end, I think it is the man’s burden to never be enough for the women he loves and for the women to resent him for never being truely theirs.

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