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Why Do Guys…?

Why Do Guys Seem Mean To Girls For No Reason? Why He Is Teasing You

Guy Mean Pointing Teasing Flirt

Most guys are mean to girls for one reason and one reason alone - they're teasing you because they LIKE you. They're feeling attracted to you and this is how they're showing you.

By teasing you (or being a little rude or mean) they're trying to show you they're confident and a little indifferent. Which, admit or not, is raising your interest in him and what he's doing (or else you wouldn't be asking this question) AND they're getting you a little attracted to them.

Here's how it's seen from our side - a man's perspective when he's being taught how to attract you.

"Remember when you were just an eight-year-old kid on the playground?

There were all these ‘strange‘ creatures playing around the sandbox. They were called girls, and they seemed so bizarre and foreign to you.

They were delicate and interesting in a way that you couldn’t quite explain, but you knew that they were different.

How do kids treat those that are different?

They tease them.

  • “Mary, Mary, she’s so hairy!”
  • “Where’d you get that backpack? Looks like a hunchback!”
  • “Jenny’s got a CARROT top!”

Boys teased girls. Girls teased boys.

Everyone made fun of everyone else.

It was sandlot politics at its best, and you learned very quickly that you had to develop a callus to the teasing, or you’d get bruised pretty badly. (Some kids never adjusted, and grew up with their own sandbox issues.)

Ah, what fun those days were.

Well, sort of.

We learned some very primitive social interactions there, but the principles still held for many of us.

(Hey, whether or not you like it, we’re a lot closer to those kids in the playground than the adults you think we are. Everyone is still a little kid inside.)

I’ll be willing to bet you that you teased more girls because you liked them than you did because of any genuine weirdness.

Sure, there’s some cruelty, but the first social interaction most boys have with girls is when they teased them mercilessly.

And what happened?

The girls stuck up for themselves.

They teased back.

And they didn’t realize it at the time, but this set in motion a whole pattern of behavior that led to them being very interested and attracted when they are CHALLENGED.

That’s right, boys.

Teasing is all about raising the stakes of challenge to her, and letting her know that you don’t get all mushy inside when you get near a girl.

No confidence = no attraction from her.

Tease to Please is a simple strategy.

By teasing, you emulate a lot of the self-confidence you need to demonstrate with a woman."

Written by Carlos Cavallo.

The dating advice guru.  Creator of many products for women looking to figure out and attract men - starting with:

How To Read Signals - Instantly Know What He Wants From You!

This is his way to begin the flirting process.

It's giving him a reason to talk to you or get you to talk to them.

He's trying display confidence by showing you he has the balls to tease you whereas a nice guy (who normally doesn't have much luck or success with women) wouldn't dare try on you.

He's showing indifference by proving to you that he really doesn't seem to care if you like him or what you think of them.

Although in a very strange twist - just by teasing you or being mean to you is actually proving the opposite - and that he DOES like you or cares that you'll like him back, right?

"He’s out to stir your emotions not unlike the good “ribbing” he may give his friends. Except he’s doing it a little differently with you. At least I hope he is. Mostly he’s looking to have some fun with you."

Why Do Men Continue to Do Something When They Know it Bothers You.

By using this indifference in this way he's also (mostly unknowingly) is leading you to believe he doesn't want you.

Because who in their right mind would be mean to someone they like, thus sending a signal that you can't have him.

Yes - telling anyone they can't have someone is normally a good way to make them want it.

"When there’s no real challenge to prove we are, attraction fails. Why you like those who don’t want you and not like the guys who do want you."

Why The Guys You Like Don’t Want You But You Don’t Want The Ones Who Do.

That's the main most common reason why a guy is mean to a girl...

To flirt, tease, open you up, make you want him, show confidence, appear indifferent, encourage you to want him.

But there's more...

Another type of guy who doesn't feel good enough or capable of being with you tries a nasty trick on you.

Keep in mind - this is rare and most of the time he doesn't even know he is doing it. It's even more rare when a guy actually knows he's doing therefore he IS doing it on purpose.

This is how it works.

When a guy is being OVERLY MEAN to you he is attempting to lower your self-esteem.

He needs to lower it below his and since his is quite low - he must drag you down even further.

Rather than lift himself up - he'll push you down.

He (well I shouldn't say he because is actually an all too common social game some "people" play in all areas of life) teases you negatively to make himself appear like he has a higher social status than you AND he's trying make himself look unattainable.

The purpose is to make you once again feel attracted to him.

The difference between the normal flirting or teasing guy above and this guy is the context he's using in, how mean he's being, what he's poking fun at, at his overall character as man.

Argue all you want but I'd say the first type's true intention is not to knock you down. He's just looking to make you laugh with him.

The bigger picture of all this being mean stuff is the effect it is having on you... Which is why attraction experts teach this method to guys.

To get you to feel attracted to a guy, he MUST create some kind of emotional reaction or response.

Unfortunately that response doesn't always have to be nice, does it?

Encouraging your anger, confusion, or self-doubt will tend to bring you closer to feeling attracted to him any day over a guy who is being creepily nice and kissing your ass all the time.

The purpose is the same... to stir your emotions and create attraction.

Without it - you'll feel nothing, you probably wouldn't care, you won't think about him and why he's doing it AND you wouldn't be here today asking this question.

Now men have a choice - most don't know they have it but they do.

They can traverse the line of just busting your ass a little and having fun with you - which you must admit especially when you give back just as much or more to him can be quite fun OR...

They can cross the line to just being a rude prick who only knows how to piss women off.

You'll see women with both types of guys MORE than you'll see a happy woman with some fake nice guy who lacks esteem and confidence and doesn't have a clue on how to make you FEEL something for them.

PLUS those overly nice guys don't seem real, do you? It's like they have some hidden agenda or something or they think they're better than everyone else - just because they're nice.

Okay enough of that...

In conclusion.

Age might matter here but it's not the determining factor.

The fact remains - a guy will be mean or tease a girl because he likes her and that is not only his way of showing her - it's always his way of trying to stir or trigger your interest and then attraction for him.

In many of your interactions with men this will be true because it's the end-game.

He could be trying to put you down to build himself up OR could doing in in cool fun way - but both are essentially trying to achieve the same result.

One is minus the pain and hurt.

The other is plus the fun and connection.

For the rare event he's just a bully AND is poking fun at you because of that - sorry to hear and I DO hope he figures things out before he hurts too many women and emotionally and eventually physically.

Now... just so you know:

I've been on the nice side.

Dabbled on the not-so-nice side when I first learned this routine which believe it or not has a name. (This is between you and me so keep the secret - it's called cocky-comedy and YES it works on guys too.) 

My cross-over to the bad side happened because it's a tough thing to learn to do right at first. I had to practice and learn the right balance and once I did, stopped pissing women off so much.

My point is:

Once I started doing it the RIGHT WAY with a decent balance - It had amazing results.

I'm not advocating being mean to girls just making a definitive point that since it does work on men and women - you could be assured MOST of the time when a guy is doing to you...

When he's teasing you - he LIKES you... he's feeling attracted to you...

AND he's doing what he can to get YOU to like HIM back.

I find this stuff absolutely amazing. Hope you do too.

Keep that in mind before you go because lots of amazing stuff like this is covered here and on the newsletter too so make sure you sign up below before you leave.

Commit yourself to understanding men and you'll find connecting with ANY guy will become an easy natural thing to do.

(You can read my email policies here. No spam ever! Your information is always private. )
About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.
65 comments… add one
  • Crystal

    There’s a guy I only just met a few weeks ago whose personality – his random funny comments and his overall dedication and passion toward the major he’s studying – I find extremely compelling, and I definitely agree about that sort of blatant indifference mistaken as confidence playing a huge role in my growing attraction.

    Luckily I don’t think the only factor is “hard to get” when it comes to him (although you’re also partly right since I have zero interest in the guys who are too obvious). I’ve noticed that I feel a lot less emotionally safe around him when he teases me, even when I know he’s just joking with me. I much prefer his normal spontaneous personality, the way he tries to understand my thoughts and feelings toward things, and the slightly inappropriate jokes combined with his sweet offhand remarks of “don’t die or I’m going to miss you” or random invitations out. Because the other day I asked him why he was throwing away something he just made, and he replied “it belongs in the garbage…like youuu” and we kept joking around after I whacked him and told him how mean that was, but my extremely sensitive meter had alarm bells going off. So I suspect that my interest is actually based on the idea that he’s into me, not his lack of attraction, because if I didn’t associate teasing with having a crush, I’d probably just find him annoying and mean-spirited (kind of reminds me of my friend’s boyfriend, who made the similar nasty comments but in a way that suggested he didn’t like me very much).

    In any case, I’m glad you reminded me about having to gauge his character, because I’ll probably be observing him a lot more carefully. The last guy I dated who would make these kind of small and humorous put-downs turned out to have a huge temper, and due to his incredibly caring and honest nature, I’m still not sure if I actually had shitty qualities for a friend or if he was overreacting.

    • Peter White

      Great to hear Crystal. Looking for a mans true character and how he acts from that, will tell you a lot about a possible future or relationship with them.

  • A woman

    Stop teaching men it is ok to be mean to women because they like them.

    Stop teaching men it is ok to sexually harrass women.

    Stop teaching boys it is ok to pull on a girl’s hair and pinch her when they like her. When a girl tells you that a boy is teasing her stop telling her “its because he likes you.” Stop being useless adults.

    Stop domestic violence. Because this what all this bullshit culminates to.

    Teach men to respect women’s boundaries. Teach men respect is love.

    Stop telling women to accepting abuse and disrespect from men. They are human beings not objects.

    • Peter White

      Stop assuming things about me and what I teach and read the article.

      You decided to leave your comment on a site dedicated to explaining men where you’ll find mostly women looking for answers about guys.

      If your intention is to get men to stop abusing women, I’m all for it. BUT you might want to actually get your message to the guys who are doing the abusing.

      I’m not at all easily offended but today, I just might be. Thanks for assuming I teach guys to sexually harass women. Thanks for assuming what I teach guys without actually doing the research. Thanks for assuming I believe women are objects. Thanks for calling me a useless adult.

      You know, I think YOU are the one who needs to learn how to respect others.

      Probably would not be your guy friend,


  • Sue

    I read this article you wrote and found it quite interesting. I know this Guy who seemed really nice we got chatting and exchanged numbers he was very flirty and asked did I have a bf I replied no he told me he had a gf and continued to flirt but now he’s being very cold towards me and I don’t know why

    • Peter White


      I would expect a guy who has a girlfriend to act this way. She is his hopefully his priority. He’ll flirt, get the Ego boost, open an opportunity, things might settle with her or he backs out realizing he’ll get caught or can not go through it – so he’ll start to act cold and distant with you.

  • Alice

    I don’t know how old this article is I just found it. OK there us this older guy
    ( late 30) I’m in my early twenties
    that is always teasing me , but he has never offended me in any way, one time he even give me a ride home, when his mom came to town to visit him and he was on a rush to see her. But here is the trick everytime I text him he would only text me back if I asked him something, he would not text back if I text “hey what you doing” I don’t know if he likes me of just being friendly

    • Peter White

      Alice, this article is older than your older guy. :p BUT it just keeps going… 😀

      Men are generally terrible texters. Some even only use their phone (with women) as a sexual device and not much more. I can’t help that.

      They are also notorious for not liking or bothering with small talk in person let alone on the phone.

      When you text “Hey, what you doing” you’re less likely to get a real response for all those reasons and for one more reason – because most guys hate to reveal to women that their life is kind of boring and routine.

      If he’s teasing you – then trust your intuition and whether you feel he is or could be feeling attracted to you. THEN teas him back through text and see how responds. That should tell you all you need to know about whether he’s being friendly or not. Which I highly doubt it’s just him being friendly.

      Also, look at the bigger picture. What else is he doing? Would what he’s teasing about or texting feel right from another straight woman? If not, then there’s your answer. So tease him back.

      Take it from a serial “likes younger women” man – attractive women in her early 20’s. If I’m teasing her – yeah, it might only be about sex at some point but who is to say it couldn’t turn into something more.

      Your old guy friend with the very old article, 🙂


  • Missy

    Hi Peter;
    I really enjoy your comments. Wanted to let you know that I was flirting with a guy and he backed off a yr ago. About 6 months ago he started to flirt again. Though I am interested, I am cautious cause he backed off. So I watch his actions. I’ve noticed when I do see him he’s very abrupt with me . So I ignore him now. I think he’s angry cause I don’t chase him or give him the attention.

    Thank you,

    • Peter White

      You sound right Missy. I’m sure his anger is not entirely about you – he’s also angry at himself for not following through with it too.

      Yet – of course there are many parts of your message of which I have to assume. Like how you met, who started it, what type of guy he is, etc…

      Thanks for writing in,

  • Maddie

    Hey, theres this boy I like . his name is Josiah and I don’t really know if he hates me or he likes me. the other day I told him ” shut up ” but its our way of joking I didn’t actually mean it in the annoyed way I said it was a happy way. he always tells me ” ur ugly ” “ur dumb ” or ” ur an idiot” and he calls me annoying. We sit almost next to each other because my desk is at the right theres an empty desk next to me another one and another one and then his. so whenever I walk his direction to do something he says “HEY! go the other direction” but he smiles. I don’t listen ( lol ) and then he says imam smack u and he did. it didn’t hurt at all but I really don’t know if hes actually annoyed or hes trying to hide the fact that he may have feelings for me.

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