By teasing you (or being a little rude or mean) they're trying to show you they're confident and a little indifferent. Which, admit or not, is raising your interest in him and what he's doing (or else you wouldn't be asking this question) AND they're getting you a little attracted to them.
Here's how it's seen from our side - a man's perspective when he's being taught how to attract you.
"Remember when you were just an eight-year-old kid on the playground?
There were all these ‘strange‘ creatures playing around the sandbox. They were called girls, and they seemed so bizarre and foreign to you.
They were delicate and interesting in a way that you couldn’t quite explain, but you knew that they were different.
How do kids treat those that are different?
They tease them.
- “Mary, Mary, she’s so hairy!”
- “Where’d you get that backpack? Looks like a hunchback!”
- “Jenny’s got a CARROT top!”
Boys teased girls. Girls teased boys.
Everyone made fun of everyone else.
It was sandlot politics at its best, and you learned very quickly that you had to develop a callus to the teasing, or you’d get bruised pretty badly. (Some kids never adjusted, and grew up with their own sandbox issues.)
Ah, what fun those days were.
Well, sort of.
We learned some very primitive social interactions there, but the principles still held for many of us.
(Hey, whether or not you like it, we’re a lot closer to those kids in the playground than the adults you think we are. Everyone is still a little kid inside.)
I’ll be willing to bet you that you teased more girls because you liked them than you did because of any genuine weirdness.
Sure, there’s some cruelty, but the first social interaction most boys have with girls is when they teased them mercilessly.
And what happened?
The girls stuck up for themselves.
They teased back.
And they didn’t realize it at the time, but this set in motion a whole pattern of behavior that led to them being very interested and attracted when they are CHALLENGED.
That’s right, boys.
Teasing is all about raising the stakes of challenge to her, and letting her know that you don’t get all mushy inside when you get near a girl.
No confidence = no attraction from her.
Tease to Please is a simple strategy.
By teasing, you emulate a lot of the self-confidence you need to demonstrate with a woman."
Written by Carlos Cavallo.
The dating advice guru. Creator of many products for women looking to figure out and attract men - starting with:
This is his way to begin the flirting process.
It's giving him a reason to talk to you or get you to talk to them.
He's trying display confidence by showing you he has the balls to tease you whereas a nice guy (who normally doesn't have much luck or success with women) wouldn't dare try on you.
He's showing indifference by proving to you that he really doesn't seem to care if you like him or what you think of them.
Although in a very strange twist - just by teasing you or being mean to you is actually proving the opposite - and that he DOES like you or cares that you'll like him back, right?
"He’s out to stir your emotions not unlike the good “ribbing” he may give his friends. Except he’s doing it a little differently with you. At least I hope he is. Mostly he’s looking to have some fun with you."
By using this indifference in this way he's also (mostly unknowingly) is leading you to believe he doesn't want you.
Because who in their right mind would be mean to someone they like, thus sending a signal that you can't have him.
Yes - telling anyone they can't have someone is normally a good way to make them want it.
"When there’s no real challenge to prove we are, attraction fails. Why you like those who don’t want you and not like the guys who do want you."
That's the main most common reason why a guy is mean to a girl...
To flirt, tease, open you up, make you want him, show confidence, appear indifferent, encourage you to want him.
But there's more...
Another type of guy who doesn't feel good enough or capable of being with you tries a nasty trick on you.
Keep in mind - this is rare and most of the time he doesn't even know he is doing it. It's even more rare when a guy actually knows he's doing therefore he IS doing it on purpose.
This is how it works.
When a guy is being OVERLY MEAN to you he is attempting to lower your self-esteem.
He needs to lower it below his and since his is quite low - he must drag you down even further.
Rather than lift himself up - he'll push you down.
He (well I shouldn't say he because is actually an all too common social game some "people" play in all areas of life) teases you negatively to make himself appear like he has a higher social status than you AND he's trying make himself look unattainable.
The purpose is to make you once again feel attracted to him.
The difference between the normal flirting or teasing guy above and this guy is the context he's using in, how mean he's being, what he's poking fun at, at his overall character as man.
Argue all you want but I'd say the first type's true intention is not to knock you down. He's just looking to make you laugh with him.
The bigger picture of all this being mean stuff is the effect it is having on you... Which is why attraction experts teach this method to guys.
To get you to feel attracted to a guy, he MUST create some kind of emotional reaction or response.
Unfortunately that response doesn't always have to be nice, does it?
Encouraging your anger, confusion, or self-doubt will tend to bring you closer to feeling attracted to him any day over a guy who is being creepily nice and kissing your ass all the time.
The purpose is the same... to stir your emotions and create attraction.
Without it - you'll feel nothing, you probably wouldn't care, you won't think about him and why he's doing it AND you wouldn't be here today asking this question.
Now men have a choice - most don't know they have it but they do.
They can traverse the line of just busting your ass a little and having fun with you - which you must admit especially when you give back just as much or more to him can be quite fun OR...
They can cross the line to just being a rude prick who only knows how to piss women off.
You'll see women with both types of guys MORE than you'll see a happy woman with some fake nice guy who lacks esteem and confidence and doesn't have a clue on how to make you FEEL something for them.
PLUS those overly nice guys don't seem real, do you? It's like they have some hidden agenda or something or they think they're better than everyone else - just because they're nice.
Okay enough of that...
Age might matter here but it's not the determining factor.
The fact remains - a guy will be mean or tease a girl because he likes her and that is not only his way of showing her - it's always his way of trying to stir or trigger your interest and then attraction for him.
In many of your interactions with men this will be true because it's the end-game.
He could be trying to put you down to build himself up OR could doing in in cool fun way - but both are essentially trying to achieve the same result.
One is minus the pain and hurt.
The other is plus the fun and connection.
For the rare event he's just a bully AND is poking fun at you because of that - sorry to hear and I DO hope he figures things out before he hurts too many women and emotionally and eventually physically.
Now... just so you know:
I've been on the nice side.
Dabbled on the not-so-nice side when I first learned this routine which believe it or not has a name. (This is between you and me so keep the secret - it's called cocky-comedy and YES it works on guys too.)
My cross-over to the bad side happened because it's a tough thing to learn to do right at first. I had to practice and learn the right balance and once I did, stopped pissing women off so much.
My point is:
Once I started doing it the RIGHT WAY with a decent balance - It had amazing results.
I'm not advocating being mean to girls just making a definitive point that since it does work on men and women - you could be assured MOST of the time when a guy is doing to you...
When he's teasing you - he LIKES you... he's feeling attracted to you...
AND he's doing what he can to get YOU to like HIM back.
I find this stuff absolutely amazing. Hope you do too.
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Commit yourself to understanding men and you'll find connecting with ANY guy will become an easy natural thing to do.