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Why Do Guys…?

What Does It Mean If My Boyfriend Tells Me About Other Girls Who Want to Be With Him?

Angry Upset Woman Boyfriend

Seriously, how bad does it suck when you're hanging out with your boyfriend and he finds yet another way to bring "her" into the conversation.

Maybe it's a girl in the movie you're watching together that reminds him of her and he feels like he just has to tell you.

Maybe your waitress looks like a girl he knows at work - the one who just happens to be always trying to get him to go out with her.

Perhaps, and this one really spikes your anger so much you can feel your fists clench up as he laughs at his own story about this "girl" he knows he won't stop calling him late at night.

No matter what your personal situation is you don't think it's a joke or funny no matter how "lightly" he spins it.

He's laughing it off while you're steaming inside, possibly getting ready for yet another pointless fight which this time - may be the LAST one.

If you've ever wondered what does it mean OR why would a guy feel it necessary to tell you about OTHER  girls who want to be with him...

You're about the know the absolutely truth because at why do guys... it's what I do.

Here are ALL the main or more common reason as to why it's happening.

Validation & Insecurity.

A man will talk about other women wanting him in an attempt to stir jealousy. How you react can either guarantee your real devotion to him or have him believing you don't really care.

Either way this borderline passive aggressive act is done with purpose although you will find most men don't even realize they're doing it.

You see there are lots of guys who may not believe they're good enough to hold a woman close.

Their self-esteem, past relationships, childhood experiences, all can keep them in a perpetual state of "looking for real validation".

Words are never good enough and actions can be misunderstood.

But getting a woman jealous can be a very clear emotional sign that a girl just like is dedicated to him and your relationship with him.)

I can honestly tell you from personal experience (when women alluded my understanding) it came down to power.

Before I mislead you, it's NOT about gaining power over you.

Lots of men believe women have all the power to choose who they sleep with and they don't. They believe YOU are the selector and they have no real say in the matter.

This could easily lead them to feel like while you're in a commitment with him, YOU have the power to sleep with any other guy you want.

Meaning he jut might believe while you may not be cheater - YOU have more opportunity to cheat on him.

If that guy has too many insecurities and is constantly searching for validation he will (at times) feel helpless.

As always, when a man feels "helpless" you're likely to see parts of him you may not enjoy...

Such as talking about his not-so-favorite stalker.

Now I don't want you to believe he's not strong enough for you or that you should dump a man who's not secure enough for you.

Just to understand him better and acknowledge this "problem" you might be experiencing is not necessarily a conscious act to keep you around or assure him of your dedication.

The other reasons are assurance & doubt.

Some men even do it because they believe they're reassuring their commitment to you like,

"Hey this girl won't leave me alone..."

Meaning...

"You have nothing to worry about I am not interested in cheating on you AND it's more likely I won't by telling you."

In this case he's trying (although in a very bad way) to assure you that he is in fact "into you" AND while at the same time erasing any doubt you may have about HIS commitment to you.

As odd as it sounds (and yes it's strange how this stuff seems to come to me) BUT...

IF he's a past cheater, feels weak, doesn't think he's good enough or capable of loving just one woman at a time then there's a good chance he's mentioning these other girls to:

One - Put it out there so he "feels" strong enough to not stray.

Two - Assure you or erase any doubt that you're the only one for him.

Sometimes those happen separately, sometimes it's a mix.

BUT it doesn't unfortunately happen.

Lastly...

And this one is quite common...

It's a conversational "foot in the mouth" kind of thing.

Meaning - just maybe he doesn't know HOW to talk to women or WHAT to say to women and the more you're with him - the more he's likely to revert to talking to you like he would one of his buddies.

Yes, it's true.

Some guys just blurt it out without "thinking" first what it's going to do to you and how you will interpret it.

Without any real conversational skills - ANYTHING can come out of his mouth from time to time.

In this case you need to think a little - consider whether he's that type, if you're reading too far into it - or if it's a common occurrence which means it's most likely one of the reasons about and not this one.

Take a look at your situation and I'm sure you'll understand exactly why YOUR boyfriend feels the need to tell you about other girls who want to be with him.

In conclusion...  going through the list or reasons quicker about why a guy would tell you about other girls who want him.

If he's the jealous type - he's probably insecure, scared, or has a history of choosing women that will cheat on him.

So he's trying to make sure you're dedicated to the relationship and him.

If he's the "overly" nice guy type - he's probably looking for validation or an emotional response from you proving your commitment to the relationship.

If he's very secure, has lots of choices, and has only mentioned a random girl a few times - then YOU might be the one facing your own insecurity about losing him.

Yes, sometimes you have to look at YOUR response and decide how often it's happening and the context in which he;s bringing her up.

If he's a past cheater and seems really into you, he may be worried or feel too weak to reject her. By telling you about it, the openness may be just enough to stop him from straying.

Yeah - I know - I've read that last sentence too but it's true and this is the TRUTH about guys. Nothing but!

If he's not a great talker, has lots of guy friends, he's probably only used to talking to his buddies and he doesn't even realize he's treating you like a guy friend and not a girlfriend.

If he's generally considered not-so-nice or even a player he may be using the old "jealousy" game to keep you close.

Wherever your boyfriend falls in the loosely based categories above - rest assured communication skills, security, an emotional investment on both "sides" of the relationship will play a major role of why it is happening to you and what he really means when he's talking about other girls.

You might be at a point where you're not sure if this guy is even good for you.

All this talking about other women could be a bad sign. It could be telling you this relationship that is doomed to fail.

If that's how you're feeling this minute - you mustn't let it go on. Don't bury your feelings and HOPE they go away because you know they won't AND they'll only come up in ways that are emotionally uncontrollable.

My suggestion is to seriously consider:

Toxic Men - 3 Steps To Transforming Your Man From “Toxic” To “Loving”

Produced by Rori Raye she promises you to help you spot if this guy's good for you or just making mistakes which can easily be overcome and fixed.

She'll help you feel better and strong enough to gain some power back in the relationship.

She can show what to say and what NOT to say so the problem doesn't get any worse.

AND she'll show how men are SUPPOSED to behave in a relationship.

Her program is simple but effective:

You need to figure out if he's that bad of a guy or toxic as she puts it or if he's just making mistakes.

Stop you from treating the symptoms and trying to change him to make the relationship better.

Help you transform your man from "toxic to loving" by changing the nature of the relationship which in turn helps you bring out the "better" man inside him.

You can read the whole story by going here:

Toxic Men - 3 Steps To Transforming Your Man From “Toxic” To “Loving”

If you'd like Rori to tell you more about herself and her advice - hop on her free relationship newsletter.

(You can read my email policies here. No spam ever! Your information is always private. )
About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.
31 comments… add one
  • Nikki

    My boyfriend doesn’t understand why it upsets me so much when he tells me about the girls that hit on him and he rejects. It makes me feel so uncomfortable and I have no idea how to explain it to him, yet if I get made at him for telling me that he gets angry at me but if the roles were reversed he’d be just as made. I’ve often been told I can’t go somewhere or do something because I’ve been there before and had some creep try to hit on me. Which by the way me being hit on is a very rare occasion but him it’s all the time. He constantly brings up his exes as well and how the cheated on him and how he thinks I’m going to do the same to him, I’ve done everything I can to reassure him that I’m never going to leave him but it never gets through to him. I don’t know what to do, please help.

    • Hello Nikki,

      You’ve already figured out that you can not reassure a man of something and just have him believe it. As noted above you’re trying to treat the symptoms and not the root of the problem.

      The problem is that he’s insecure and lacks a belief in himself to have and keep a love in his life. He’s acting from past experiences of being hurt and is trying to protect himself from it happening again.

      I suggested the program by Rori above for cases like this for a few reasons:

      One because this kind of problem can never be solved in a comment or even in a single post. I can get to the root of the problem, the why guys IS kind of my specialty, but the solution is far more complicated.

      Two – because what Rori advises makes a of sense. You can’t change the man by treating the symptoms ( trying to reassure him or make him feel secure ). He won’t just magically start believing in himself.

      Her plan is this:

      Change the nature of the relationship so he feels as secure as possible in it and he will become more open to change himself and once that security is there – he will then value you and the relationship much more and this in turn will make him more loving. He will then defend the relationship more because it becomes something he will never want to give up.

      It’s a brilliant idea. I love it.

      Toxic Men – 3 Steps To Transforming Your Man From “Toxic” To “Loving”

      It might not be the direct answer you’re looking for but I do hope I’ve given you the opportunity to find a solution that will work for you.

      All the best,
      Pete

  • Kristina Marelich

    Thank you for explaining this, it teally helped me understand why my guy brought up a conversation he had with a girl from a grocery store. I now understand it was for validation and while I felt hurt by incident, he was just trying to find out how i truly felt about him. With it being a new relationship I completely understand now. Your article has helped me so much and I normally don’t comment on anything i figured with such great advice that you deserved to know it helped me tremendously.

    • Peter White

      Thank you Kristina for the wonderful words and I’m happy it helped you out.

  • Loz

    My boyfriend does the very same thing. I rarelyget hit on. He says he gets hit on a lot but says to me he tells them Ive got a girl friend I love (me). His wife cheated on him more than once they’re divorced. I think your boyfriend sounds insecure. He needs validation. Maybe have a word about it. I think my boyfriend exagerates. He is good looking though. I think your boyfriend wants your response to be jealous so that he feels that it reinforces commitment as it says above. I’m in the same situation.

    • Mary

      By making you jealous he is destroying the trust and love between you, it will never be the same again! Im with a guy 2 years hes 51 and a golfer and hes around tons of guys and girls he has 2 barmaids who are in their 20s he hangs with with some married golf friends over 50! We were friends for 6 months and things went well but I often wondered why he never married or lived with a woman. He had arthritis since 27 so needs medication for that. I never met his family yet they all live not far a big family. The odd time I get a comment you dont speak french ( I am half french) but they all speak english.He would go on and on about how beautiful \i am, a goddess, queen of hearts , hes almost my king. We had great times together but he had a few women after him the first year and would turn cold on me date then and return. You can only do that a few times and youve ruined the chances for something amazing. His parents fought like cats and dogs and cheated and drank. He loves to socialize and go to bars til 600 am I cant do that often cause when hes not drinking hes shy. Im here with just a few friends and no family and he has no clue what that seems to mean, that Im alone alot. I am about to get an amazing job then I will move from this complex he lives down the hall. He was a gentleman for a very long time but the odd time if he meets a woman hell tell me and say I wanted to **** her right there, that is so very hurtful and nasty to say to the woman who loves you and has been devoted to you. He promised to take me for golf lessons, last fall I found out he was shy to bring me cause I was not working. Now I gained 10 lbs im trying to lose the weight, he said hell take me when I lose the weight! Hes not that healthy hes thin from injecting. Hed rather hang with golf buddies than me, if he has a choice. Im like his winter girlfriend and once summer hits I dont see him much. Hes hurt me too much by pushing me away turning cold and he wont talk about the upset that he caused.

      • Suesie

        This. Man is a narcissist google it and you will understand

  • Sabrina

    So my boyfriend and I are very open to each other and have no concerns asking each other or telling each other what is on our minds. He did and still does somewhat, have trouble telling other woman to back off or hurting their feelings. By a lot of hard work and communication with each other (and a lot of hard times) we at least listen to each other..that meaning I now generally listen to him when he tells me why it’s difficult to be stern (as I have no problem doing). It really open my eyes from feeling like he is disrespecting me to realizing he is going crazy to make sure everyone is not hurt including me. The greatest thing I heard from him and another website. Believe them when they tell you they really love you. Don’t make that a battle for them to prove.

    • Peter White

      It’s tough to balance making everyone happy. I know several guys who try all the time and it’s never a good thing.

      I think the key here is to understand it’s not YOURS or OUR responsibility to make another individual happy or in most normal circumstances… comfortable.

      Even in a marriage or partnership “trying” to keep the other always happy is often a futile and losing battle.

      Thanks for you comment. Hope it helps others who are in your same position.

      Pete

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