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What Does a Guy Mean When He Says He Is Thinking About You?

Man Thinking Telling Mean Message Think You

The many reasons why a guy would say he's thinking about you may not be obvious to you so let's clear up ANY confusion you might be having today.

FIRST.. and this will put your question about a man in complete perspective.

As a guy, I would NEVER, ever, ever call up another guy (or woman) friend,  text him, or even dare mention to him,

"I was thinking about you and just decided to tell you."

With that said...

When he says he is thinking about you - it means he wants to see you again...  among other things.

Something reminded him of you in a good or even sexual way.

He's thinking if he tells you, you'll see it as a lovely romantic gesture.

He's also trying to tell you that he's interested in you.

In what way remains to be seen because a guy will say it just as easily if he's looking for sex, that night, or somewhere down the road.

There's almost always an intimate or sexual attachment to the "I'm thinking about you." statement or message.

Now before you get too excited over the guy who sent this message or told you, it's not ALL love and romance.

Rarely - because I have done this myself - a guy will do it when he's looking for sex or for an intimate "sexting" romp. (If you can call it that.)

Other guys - the ones who are not all that good in the reading women part - are using it to fish for a response about how you feel about HIM.

So he might not mean it that much - sorry.

If you answer "Awww that's sweet." he'll probably see it as friendly response either confusing him more or leading him to believe you don't feel the same way as him.

NO guy who is feeling it for a woman AND decides to tell her he's thinking about her, wants to hear anything but...

"I miss you too!"

Of course you could come back with a clever flirty thing - he might assume you're interested as much as he is - but that's no guarantee because without a CLEAR signal from you, he still might not get it.

Everyone knows or assume guys are thinking about women all the time. Which is true for the younger one but as they age, it lessens.

A younger guy telling you he is thinking about you might mean something totally different than an older guy.

Here are some examples to help you decide the full extent to what he means.

When a guy wakes up thinking about you he's feeling more than just attraction.

If you tells you, "Just woke up and was thinking about you." It can certainly be a sign he wants you to wake up with him.

When a guy texts you that something he saw just reminded him of you and messages, "Just saw... and it made me think about you." - that's normally his way of connecting with you.

Some guys even do it to increase your attraction to him. It's a "technique" we teach guys.

Which means he's attracted to you. From this context it's hard to tell if he's looking for more.

When a guy you're dating is out of town or far away and he tells you he's thinking about - it's a good sign that he's trying to form a deeper connection with you.

Which means - all things aside - he's probably interested in something more than casual sex.

Bottom line...

Guys at some point, must step back from the woman they're dating and think about what is happening.

If you're the one he's focused on - then he'll tell you he misses you. Which is a little deeper than "thinking about you" but it can mean the same thing to a guy.

He's also telling you, "I'm feeling something for you and I DO want to see you again."

I'd say that's the whole of this answer.

Men tend to be direct with their words even if it doesn't feel that way.

When he says he's thinking about you - it simply means HE IS doing just that... you're on his mind.

It's not always going to be possible to figure out the deeper meaning when it's out of context.

For more SIGNALS from men, what they mean, and the many signs a guy might be into you, sign up below to the Why Do Guys newsletter below because it's all about understanding the many things men do and say and much more.

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About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.
108 comments… add one
  • Mwll

    My boyfriend of 2 months, ended abruptly using the excuse that I deserve better than him and what he can offer then 2 days later he text at midnight and says I think about you all the time. How do I respond to this how do I take his last text into context

    • Peter White

      What you have is the “poor poor me” guy. His self-esteem is low. He doesn’t feel “worthy” or capable of love. Worst scenario, he cheated on you.

      Yes, it hurts. Yes it’s not a fun situation to be in, and I feel your pain. I understand how much it sucks.

      Unfortunately I would NEVER advise a woman to get involved with a guy like this until he fixes himself. He will in all likelihood cause you more pain as he tries to figure himself out and why he believes he’s unworthy of your love.

      Sure – rarely or occasionally you’ll find a guy who feels great about things but has a few hard times and snaps quickly by breaking it off. It “could” be a temporary thing IF it’s not in his character to act this way. BUT normally it’s not.

      You must figure these things out before you proceed. If it is his character “low self-esteem, feeling useless, down on himself a lot, play the poor poor me routine, constantly seeking approval, etc…” THEN it’s up to HIM to find himself. No one would ever advise a guy who feels that way to enter a relationship UNTIL such time as he feels better and stronger.

      Not many would also advise you to enter a relationship with him at this point in time either.

      He texted he because he still has feelings for you. As far as I can tell he didn’t break up with you because he wasn’t feeling something for you – he broke up with you for the exact reason he told you.

      I can not tell you how to respond exactly especially after all I shared with you in the comment so far. BUT… if you must, please refrain from trying to build him up – you’ll only give him a false sense of confidence that won’t last.

      Speak to him honestly with what I’ve given you today. Let him know you understand how he feels about himself. Ask him if he’s working on it. Ask him why he feels this way. Let him tell you why he feels unworthy or incapable BUT do NOT use the conversation to rekindle the relationship.

      Again – entering or continuing a relationship under these terms rarely of ever leads to something good, happy, or fulfilling.

      Here’s the article where I explain a guy like this:

      What Was His Excuse To Not Commit To You? Real Fears or Bullshit?

      It should shed some light on your guy.

      All the best to you. Hope this has helped and you’re pain doesn’t last too long and you manage to move on,

  • Seasaw

    Hello, I’ve been intimate with a married man and he states he thinks of me often. Other times, he reminds me I’m not a permanent thing but his actions indicates he cares. I’ll never understand men but the seesaw effect is driving me looney. I think it’s safe to assume I’m disposable in this whirlwind and needing confirmation. By the way, I think it’s great you give us insight to a male’s mind.

  • Laura

    I have had men who have GF’s but aren’t saying that outright say they are thinking of me. I think it is used to keep women on the hook and is more phony than real interest.

    • Peter White

      Thanks Laura. It’s certainly something that does happen and it’s good you’ve spotted it and are aware of it.

  • J

    So met this guy while traveling and we talked briefly. He seemed nice so we exchanged numbers. He is texting and calling several times a day. He requests I send pics and says ” Can’t stop thinking about you. I want to see you very soon”. I am not sure if I should be flattered or worried considering we only met like 9 days ago.

    • I would be slightly flattered but more concerned or worried about a guy acting like this. Here’s something quick and easy to use with any guy:

      Too much – too quick – too soon… too early.

      ALL are bad signs from a guy who will most likely turn out to be very needy, just looking for sex, no overly in control of himself and sometimes life, AND will tend to fade away or disappear just as quickly and randomly as he start it all.

      Be flattered but be cautious.

      Best to you,

  • Hannah Smith

    I have known this guy several for several years. We met on the job and became friends. He resigned from the company a few years after but we remained in contact off and on over the years. About a year and a half ago, we started messaging each regularly….most of the time sexting. He was going through marital problems and I am unhappily married. We were there for each other. He’s now divorced and I’m still married. He’s dated a few women and he tried to do the right thing by his girlfriend (s) but he always get back to sexting me. Here is the problem I think I’m in love with him but I can’t seem to be able to read whether he feels something for me. He’ll say things like he thinks about me more than I know or he’s flattered on how much I like him. He doesn’t want a sexual relationship because I’m still married. A few weeks ago he tried to end the sexting because he wanted to do right by current girlfriend but a week later he contact me to let me know he misses me. He said maybe we can see each other sometimes. Hard for me to tell if he wants more or just the same.

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