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Why Do Guys…?

What To Do When You Think A Guy Is Ignoring You and If He’s Playing A Game

Man Backed Turned Ignoring You

"Plz telll when a guy plays such ignore games, how should we girls react or behave. Its so confusing. plzzz guide.

There seems to be a problem or question that keeps popping up here... Women feeling ignored and they don't know what to do about it.

So much so it prompted me to write an entire Ebook on the subject which will be coming out soon.

Let's start with the game playing.

Honestly, the truth is...

MOST men do NOT (knowingly) PLAY GAMES.

They don't have a greater scheme in mind.

They're not thinking that far ahead.

They just know how to play you that way and if they could - you'd normally spot it happening a mile away... mostly.

If you think you're being played these three articles will help you figure it out quite easily:

Okay, sure it happens but it's not the norm nor is it an average guy's goal to put so much time and energy and effort into it because when you think about...

Game playing is a lot of work.

What is really happening is something similar, at least it will FEEL that way but it's normally a different problem altogether.

So what DO you do if you know (without a doubt) he's playing an "ignore" game with you?

Game Over Broken Heart

Maybe he's doing it because he thinks by ignoring you, you'll come running to him.

He could possibly believe the myth that "women only want what they can't have" and so by ignoring you... he's trying to get you to come to him or gain some "hand" in the dating process.

This is simple... IGNORE HIM BACK!

Don't give in because you're only playing right into what he wants and expects to happen which will mean giving up your power and setting a future example that when he acts this way - he'll win and always get his way.

Think about your future with him - is this really the type of guy you want to date? Is this really the type of guy you'd like to marry one day?

Whenever you feel like you're not sure about dating a guy long-term... transform yourself into the future with him and imagine what he's doing now will only get worse.

THAT will stop you from playing along with him AND keep you from investing your valuable time on a guy who LIKES to treat others like children OR needs to play games just to get what he wants.

Walk away and don't look back!

What to do if you're being ignored because he doesn't feel good enough or capable of dating you.

Sad Guy Doesn't Feel Good Enough

Early on, the women I wanted to most... I ignored.

Not because I was playing a game but because I didn't want to be like every other guy kissing her ass and trying to get in her pants.

(Of course little did I know I was ruining my chances entirely but that's a story for another time. Point is - as mentioned in another article - ignoring someone that doesn't care is only doing them a favor. Will It Drive Him Crazy If You Ignore Him? The Problem of Ignoring Men)

Guys WILL ignore women they want the most because they do not feel capable (or worthy or good enough) and will either sabotage themselves or avoid her because of it.

They pre-reject themselves to lessen the pain.

Even if you manage to start talking to this guy you'll find he is always a little distant or not responsive and it's easy to see how you might be confused by what he's doing to you.

But the fact remains...

He's doing it for his own reasons which usually center around him not believing you like him or would ever want to be with him.

Unfortunately this type of guy is EVERYWHERE.

HE can even be a guy you think is good with women just because he has a natural ability to attract women.

Deep down inside this guy he is sabotaging himself constantly because he can never admit or is not willing boost his esteem high enough to get through it all AND in the meantime his ignorance or silent towards you, only has you (probably) wanting him more.

Dealing with or solving it, or knowing what to do is not easy for many reasons all starting with... You can NOT make or force someone to change themselves from within. They have to WANT to change.

Here's what you can do...

First, do NOT treat him like a child. You do not want to over nurture him or act like a Mother to him at all. This will only make him see his efforts are working on you and he will continue doing them.

Second, do not restrict yourself to dating just him. Date other men at the same time.

"Only again proving to me, dating multiple guys or exploring our options or securing our present FIRST proves to establish better more happier marriages."

Why Dating Multiple Guys At The Same Time Can Lead To Better Marriages

Third, he must understand through your actions as a woman that your happiness does NOT depend on him or his mental state.

He must realize his place in the world is not only as valid as yours, but he's also not the determining factor of YOU.

He must also feel your respect for him is unwavering UNLESS he does something to ruin that through his not-so-nice means or games. You don't ever have to put up with his bullshit if it's affecting you negatively.

Never forget this type of man may NEVER be turned or made to stop ignoring you or made to suddenly become someone different.

He is who he is and until he opts to change, you may never get to this guy.

You can try anything and everything on him if you'd like but I won't guarantee the results will be satisfying to you.

My absolute gut feeling about this reason or "type of guy" , which I will warn you lacks a certain empathy, is to sleep with him if you want sex and expect nothing more than that, push him back on your schedule until he proves he is capable and willing to act differently, or erase your connection to him entirely.

In other words, seek out "better" more confident men immediately.

If you want some "instant" advice you can use here or as you wrote - how to DEAL with him ignoring you...

The pattern repeats itself:

If he's ignoring you because he doesn't FEEL good enough or thinks you couldn't possibly ever feel the same way about him...

Walk away and don't look back!

You do NOT want to get stuck with a guy with such low self-esteem that he can not even manage to do anything BUT ignore you because as stated far above... you'll only continue to get more of the same which will eventually have you constantly trying to build him up.

Tiring you out and destroying the relationship in the end.

He will either find his way or not and that's NOT your responsibility.

You must NEVER commit to man, give in to his games, lower yourself, or let yourself believe that he'll get better UNLESS he's actually taking an active role in making himself better.

Now... as noted in my ebook on men going silent let's look at another example and see how you can handle it.

I'm hoping one of these will fir your situation perfectly.

What if...

You're in two different modes - he might see it as casually dating and you might think it's more of a relationship.

Dating Relationship Definition

The key here is you're NOT in a relationship but you might be acting like you're in one.

This case can be a little more complicated but it comes down to something very important... something which may not have ever crossed your mind.

You're NOT being ignored.

He's just living his life, probably dating others, and you're contacting him more than he cares to answer.

Perhaps he feels smothered or believes if he answers you every time you'll believe it's a relationship or misread that he's ready to commit when he's not.

This is not to say you're pushing him away - although you could be.

This leaves you with these sub-reasons:

A. You're not being ignored and you contact him more than he cares to answer.

You're not giving him a good reason to answer.

He doesn't feel compelled to answer and is most likely receiving several messages or calls daily from many different women.

B. He's not (that) interested, ready, or willing to enter a meaningful relationship with you at this time and feels answering you too much will only lead you to believe he is ready.

He's not ready to give up more of his time to you.

He's not ready to "be" there for you under most circumstances.

Both A and B tend to be true when the woman is too needy, acts too desperate to have a relationship, is too self-centered, or possibly is living an overly dramatic lifestyle causing him to avoid most contacts.

BUT it can also happen to you IF he has only given you signals that he feels like he's in a relationship but then again - he wouldn't be ignoring you if that was the case.

How you can deal with this problem first starts with figuring out if it's A or B.

If it's A then you need to take a closer look into what, when, and how many times you're contacting him and other guys too.

This could be a circling pattern meaning...

When you meet a guy you go into another mode or state of mind which has you acting automatically and it's failing you. If you go right into "relationship mode" quickly after meeting a guy - this could happen a lot to you.

My advice will always be this:

When you first meet a guy - sending messages or contacting him less is always better than too much.

Too much will have these things happen to you and make it difficult to get out of where as less contact makes it easier to progress forward.

Sure you're going to scare some guys away but those guys may not be the one you're looking for anyways.

They tend to be in relationship mode too early on anyways and bluntly put, tend to take a feminine role leaving you all the masculine work.

A man needs to learn to miss you and think about you or what you're doing or WHO you're doing it with in order to begin to feel something deeper with you AFTER a connection is already made.

He needs a good reason to want to see you again.

Your interactions must be fun, powerful, and SHORT.

If this seems to be a problem for you - read this: How To Make Him Miss You Badly.

Men also need to be generally teased. I'm not saying to go quickly into giving him a case of  "blue balls" but create a sexual connection early on and don't go all the way with him.

Remember that - NEVER sleep with a man early on IF you want a relationship with him: Before You Sleep With Him, Read This!

This connection does not have to be physical but it helps and then Use THAT connection to send random messages you don't plan on responding too.

If it's B (he's just not that interested) then you need to find a way to objectively look into your life, how you live it, how much you truly love yourself, where you think you are, and where you want to be.

B sucks. I know it does. Been there and done that way too many times in my past sad dating life too before I got married.

All I can say is that it IS worth doing the work.

It pays off in many areas of your life AND it has a strange side effect on your life...

Even if it doesn't center around dating and guys and relationships, those things tend to naturally take care of themselves IF you keep putting yourself in the right positions to meet the type of guys you're looking for.

My point is...

Do NOT make your existence, happiness, or whatever based on whether a guy is interested in you or not and you're going to be okay.

This free ebook will help you here: Desire Principles: 6 Tricks Women That Women Use To Make Men Crazy About Them.

Beyond that ask below - tell me where you need the most help in and I'll point you in the right direction.

Next up...

This last reason is fully covered in the ebook but I'll lightly touch upon it here.

You're in a relationship where the communication has broken down or was never fully in place.

Going right to it... not holding back.

He might be sick of listening to you.

He might not feel heard.

He might not feel like he has a say anyways.

He might even feel like whatever he says will only cause another fight anyways so he opts to keep his mouth shut.

He chooses to ignore or be silent either out of frustration or play the passive aggressive role because it's what he always did anyways or he doesn't know what else to do.

There's no simple answer for this because it falls on both of you to learn how to communicate with each other and to both be ready and accept that your relationship, if it's going to be saved, needs some real work.

Now I'm not saying it's your fault or his.

ALL it means is that somewhere, at some point in time - which could've even start before you started dating - the lines of communication between you and him have broken down.

Below I've included some articles a few programs to get you started. Remember they are for those of you who are already in a relationship.

From Katie and Gay Hendricks:

"These aren't skills we "know how to do" on our own. Most of us just imitate whatever we witnessed in our childhoods."

What Happened To The Incredible Connection The Two Of You Shared?

"Ignoring Your Loved One’s Feelings Will ALWAYS Have A Negative Effect On Your Relationship."

Phrases That Kill Intimacy

10 Second Miracle Cover

Reverse Decades Of Pain And Misunderstanding And Improve Your Relationships In Ten Seconds Or Less

Learn “The 10-Second Miracle” – a powerful, proven technique that will end pretense, silent treatments, and tension, and restore the flow of good feelings almost instantly.

Relationships Flourish Or Wither In Ten-Second Windows Of Communication.

Download the 10 Second Miracle

Reconnect Your Relationship Cover

Reconnect Your Relationship – Bring Back The Loving, Supportive Partnership You Deserve.

If Your Relationship Has Stopped Moving Forward – You CAN Turn It Around.

Rebuild, Reconnect & Rekindle The Intimacy To Bring Him Close

How To Tell If Your Relationship Is “Disconnected”… And What To Do About It
1. The “Romance” Is Dead
2. He’s Less Available And Less Interested
3. You Feel Anxious, Miserable And Even Depressed All The Time

Avoid Making The Two Big Mistakes That Push Him Further Away

Listen To The Entire Program Online RIGHT NOW, Risk-Free - Reconnect Your Relationship

Written by Rori Raye. A darling woman who KNOWS RELATIONSHIPS. You can sign up for her free newsletter there.

From Help Guide. A trusted non-profit guide to mental health and well-being:

These tips can help keep a healthy relationship strong, or repair trust and love in a relationship on the rocks.

Advice for Building Relationships that are Healthy, Happy and Satisfying

Thanks for stopping by today. I do hope you found the answer you were searching for and have learned not only the many reasons why a man might ignore you, but also what to do now to get past it all.


Most men are not players. Trust they have no clue how to play you and if they could - think about what kind of game would ignoring you really accomplish with you anyways.

It's not really a productive game especially if you follow the advice above and just... walk away. Kind of takes away his power to use that type of game anyways.

If it's a relationship problem - I sincerely wish you the best of luck - TRUST if you do the right thing, and take the necessary steps, AND he's willing or open to fixing it - you can start something new and get your relationship back on track.

It IS possible.

Please go ahead and sign up below so you can really learn about men - it's what the newsletter gives you - lots of lots of great information on men to help you understand problems like this and so much more.

(You can read my email policies here. No spam ever! Your information is always private. )
About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.
60 comments… add one
  • Daly

    Hi, I need a man’s opinion on me!
    I have never been with a guy, I’m almost 30, in fact I can’t even think of a time I’ve had a proper conversation with a guy… Dating was never that appealing to me so I just never got involved with the opposite sex and I just happen to have always been surrounded by females and only really attract females that want to know me. Recently I’ve been interested in a few guys as friends at a new workplace, but since forever guys treat me in a weird way. I mostly get the odd few comments (not suggestive, friendly) before they go silent on me and ignore me. I am now currently being blanked by both of the guys I wanted to know. They will physically turn their head to avoid making eye contact with me! I’d be flattering myself to think it’s the third reason on your list of why guys ignore you! It would be too coincidental the only two guys I’ve wanted to know fancy me and both don’t feel good enough! I’m average looking, i never wear makeup, kind of tomboyish, cause I know looks would probably make a difference… I am quiet and reserved cause I just dunno how to talk to guys after a lifetime of not doing so and I’m quite mature compared to a lot of guys. I don’t really do “banter” and teasing which seems to be what other girls get involved in to become friends.
    I don’t want to blame myself and think of myself as just being weird any longer… I’m not 14 anymore but the guys haven’t changed towards me since I was. Is it me??

    • Peter White

      Hi Daly,

      I believe you stumbled on your answer yourself when you wrote, “I don’t really do “banter” and teasing which seems to be what other girls get involved in to become friends.”

      I’m not into the blame game. So is it you, or is just how guys work? It’s not your fault that guys don’t respond (more or less sexually) to women who are kind of tomboyish.

      The makeup thing, yeah, not a big thing for us.

      The average looking thing, also not a deal breaker. An average face can have dynamic eyes which makes her attractive. Sure it’s not something we notice while you’re walking across the street or well across a room BUT during conversations, it IS what we notice.

      Remember, what you might feel is an average body is NOT to us. You have the female parts we desire whether shapely or not and we only have our bodies. It’s not a “deal breaker” for lots of men. It feels average to you because you have lived in your body. A man typically cares more about how his body looks than he worries about what yours looks like after the attraction is created. (No matter what type of nonsense you found written by guys about how hot a certain woman is or is not.)

      I will say the tomboyish thing can be tough for lots of guys to get past. That’s the honest truth. BUT it’s not a deal breaker WHEN you become aware and responsible for your feminine side. And that’s something EVERY woman can do because well, you ARE a woman. 🙂

      I say you can still be mature and banter and tease and play with men in a pleasantly coy and sexy way. Just watch, listen, practice, and learn. Develop your own style and men will respond differently. I will also assume as these things progress up to and perhaps including you becoming closer to guys, will take care of itself. Sometimes you just have to “go” there and explore and see how it changes yourself.

      There… you just have your first “proper” conversation with a guy. 😉

      Best to you,


  • Le Kaite

    Hey, I dont know if you’re still active but I need advice.

    I’ve been talking to a guy whom I like since December, and recently hes cut off contact. He seems fine in school. I’ll explain.

    We talked a lot before, and managed to stay consistently talking until about March where something happened to a friend of his and he told me (it was pretty personal.) I then said I am glad hes alright, and mentioned how I was a tad scared on approaching him to ask how he was.
    Lo behold, a few days later he approached me to ask about a lesson. I replied, but panicked. I then turned around and sat down to my friends, blissfully unaware that he was *still* behind me and looked down. He then walked away. When I found that out, I apologised after the lesson we had together, but it was a rushed apology because I was really anxious. After a day, he then unfriended me on facebook and wouldnt reply when I asked him if I did something wrong. A another two days and he then unfollowed me on instagram after he viewed my story. Now, a day after I’m still unaware on what I did. Have I annoyed him? Has he gotten bored of me? Im going to flat out ask him on monday if I had done something to annoy him, and I’m hoping he will respond to me.
    I was planning to give him a note and a present as a thank you in June. But now I’m not sure If he would accept it.

  • LFT

    Ok Pete, I think I screwed up. There’s a a guy, we had feelings for each other at one point but became more on the friend level. He is very insecure and has a lot of self-doubt. I wrote him a letter to convey he is a strong person, etc. Now I may have used conveyed my message a little too prominently. I didn’t meant it to be romantic nor have I ever tried making a move on him in any way. He got angry with the letter and told me I was pursuing him and that made him uncomfortable. Grant it, we are currently not speaking. I tried to explain my intend, but he will not listen. I guess what I am asking is will he continue to cut me off and never speak to me again? What should I do??? Please help!!! Here is the letter:
    One day you look at a person and see them as something more than as “just another person” or another “face in the crowd” (not necessarily in the context of lust).
    You begin to observe what others and he himself may be blind to. You see the enigmatic look in his eyes & his warm smile when he sincerely shows it, the alluring way he rubs the hair around his mouth and chin when he’s frustrated or nervous, the intriguing way his legs quiver unconsciously, his witty humor that makes you laugh when implicated in a light hearted teasing manner, how desirable he looks in a button down checkered shirt, that cocky expression he makes when he thinks he’s being a smart-ass (in a peculiar but yet fascinating way), the care and generosity deep inside that he keeps secret to hide his vulnerabilities, his tenacity and intellect that drive him towards higher achievement and his penchant to work hard which makes him an admirable and respected person.
    The world has unfortunately made him blind to all that makes him a desirable and incredible person. He only believes in his own self-doubt and the insecurities of who he thinks he is that have been developed from past and possibly current life experiences. It has eradicated his self-worth therefore causing him to employ a guarded facade and engage in egotistical conduct in order to push away others to hide what he feels makes him appear vulnerable thus resulting in misunderstanding and wounding infliction onto those who care about him, but his ego refuses to accept that responsibility at this point because he is too intrinsically guarded.
    If only he could see through those same eyes how attractive, desirable, smart & efficacious he really is and therefore learn to accept himself.
    I wish him the best in his independent journey of self-improvement and acceptance and hope he learns to see and accept himself for the great things he has to offer.

    Caveat: the intent in composing this letter is not to be misconstrued as romantic intent, but instead as a mirror of sorts to hopefully reflect the light inside that has become overshadowed by darkness.

    “It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”
    ~Henry david thoreau~

  • Etsegenet

    Hey, I need your advice with this. I met this guy about two years ago and had a crush on him ever since. Recently we started talking a lot and I told him I was interested in having sex with him, even though I was in a relationship and he was too. He both agree abs talked about it for a long time. We recently met up and we hooked up. We didn’t go all the way but I gave him a blow job and he was satisfied. We talked for a while it wasn’t to bad, I was a bit nervous so I might have said some stupid things. But it all seemed okay. Ever since that night I’ve text him a little bit but he was being short so I just stopped talking to him and was giving him time to text me and communicate and now it’s been a whole week and I still haven’t heard from him but he is active on social media I know fe looks at some of my stuff. I like him for more than just sex but he doesn’t know that. I thought maybe if we were sexually involved he will eventually like me too. Why is he staying distant and not contacting me like he used to?

    • Peter White

      Hey, I normally don’t give my opinions on getting people together who are IN a relationship. It’s tough to tell exactly by what you wrote if that actually is the case.

      All I will say is that of course he’s going to be short – if he’s committed to someone else.

      No, just because he might become sexually involved with you does not lead to liking you. You can not “sex” a man into feeling something more.

      I’m going to say you’re only going to hear from him when he wants something purely sexual and then he will go back to his world.

      He’s not pursuing you. He’s not giving you any signal that he wants something more. Unless that happens, it’s doubtful that he does want something more.

      If you like him for more than just sex, don’t give him it. It’s much too difficult to go from sex to a relationship and it’s never advised. That of course does not include kissing and fooling around a little but definitely includes blow jobs. They are much too personal.

      His distance, or him not contacting you, is not long… BUT if it’s much different than the pattern you saw before the blow job can simply mean exactly what it looks like. He’s doing his best to show you he’s not interested in anything more by not giving you the wrong idea.

      Hope that helps you out a little. All the best,

  • Lorri

    I had a couple questions. I’ve been talking to this guy for over a month and we really hit it off and and we seem to be in a honeymoon phase or we were all lovey dovey. He had made plans for everything that we wanted to do like a weekend trip for his birthday. He would also tell me that he wanted to be in a relationship with me and that I was beautiful and gorgeous. I’m 21 and he is almost 21. I met up with him a couple nights ago keep in mind this is the first time that we had met in person as awkward as this sounds even though we had talked on the phone and FaceTime a lot. But I came over to his place and spent the night. We ended up having sex and he knew he was taking my virginity which I was OK. In fact we had sex twice that night. And we cuddled the entire night. He kissed me goodbye in the morning and we proceeded to Snapchat and text throughout the next day. But the problem is now I can’t get a reply from him at all. Did I do something or say something? What I feel like I was used And would love a guys option.

    • Peter White

      Hi Lori,

      One thing stands out for me here. He SAID he wanted to be in a relationship with you, met up with you for sex, then he smoothed things out the day after and but still disappeared.

      Yes, from my point of view, his intentions were far from getting in a “relationship” with you.

      There’s no definitive way to assure a man is being real with you but hopefully you learned something from this experience (if in fact he still dodges you because be warned, he might come back for sex again and play the same game).

      The one thing I can tell you is that IF a guy is ACTING like he wants a relationship with you by being overly vocal about it and making future plans, do NOT have sex with him early on. If in fact a relationship is his intention, he can wait. Let him prove his words through ACTIONS first. Then by all means, fuck until the sun comes up if you must. 🙂

      Sorry to hear all this and I do hope it doesn’t hurt or affect you negatively.

      All the best,


  • Yogi

    Hello good information,
    I have a situation that I want to get your advice from. I met this guy that is in a long distant relationship. But we have been dating and seeing each other a lot. We’ve had great times together besides a few issues where he would answer his phone and texting while him and I are on dates for her. I got past that. He has been in prison since 17 for 19 years, do he only seen 6 months of freedom of his adult life. I took him to be a great guy. His girlfriend came into town for a week and after that he has been not communicating with me, have not seen him. This is my first time dealing with someone that is in a relationship and I understand the outcome. When I ask if he still wants to see, he would shut down and not respond to my question, I can accept either way but I hate to be ghosted and it’s very irritating. I know he has no obligation to me but I think I deserve an answer. Also to mention he answers my other messages but would not respond to that.

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