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What To Do When You Think A Guy Is Ignoring You and If He’s Playing A Game

in Game Playing, The Disappearing Man
Man ignoring You

“Plz telll when a guy plays such ignore games, how should we girls react or behave. Its so confusing. plzzz guide.

There seems to be a problem or question that keeps popping up here… Women feeling ignored and they don’t know what to do about it.

So much so it prompted me to write an entire series on the subject which you can read here: Silent Guys – Why Men Go Quiet, Won’t Share Feelings, or Ignore Women.

Let’s start with the game playing.

Honestly, the truth is…

MOST men do NOT (knowingly) PLAY GAMES.

They don’t have a greater scheme in mind.

They’re not thinking that far ahead.

They just know how to play you that way and if they could – you’d normally spot it happening a mile away… mostly.

If you think you’re being played these three articles will help you figure it out quite easily:

Okay, sure it happens but it’s not the norm nor is it an average guy’s goal to put so much time and energy and effort into it because when you think about…

Game playing is a lot of work.

What is really happening is something similar, at least it will FEEL that way but it’s normally a different problem altogether.

So what DO you do if you know (without a doubt) he’s playing an “ignore” game with you?

Game Over Broken Heart

Maybe he’s doing it because he thinks by ignoring you, you’ll come running to him.

He could possibly believe the myth that “women only want what they can’t have” and so by ignoring you… he’s trying to get you to come to him or gain some “hand” in the dating process.

This is simple… IGNORE HIM BACK!

Don’t give in because you’re only playing right into what he wants and expects to happen which will mean giving up your power and setting a future example that when he acts this way – he’ll win and always get his way.

Think about your future with him – is this really the type of guy you want to date? Is this really the type of guy you’d like to marry one day?

Whenever you feel like you’re not sure about dating a guy long-term… transform yourself into the future with him and imagine what he’s doing now will only get worse.

THAT will stop you from playing along with him AND keep you from investing your valuable time on a guy who LIKES to treat others like children OR needs to play games just to get what he wants.

Walk away and don’t look back!

What to do if you’re being ignored because he doesn’t feel good enough or capable of dating you.

Sad Guy Doesn't Feel Good Enough

Early on, the women I wanted to most… I ignored.

Not because I was playing a game but because I didn’t want to be like every other guy kissing her ass and trying to get in her pants.

(Of course little did I know I was ruining my chances entirely but that’s a story for another time. Point is – as mentioned in another article – ignoring someone that doesn’t care is only doing them a favor. Will It Drive Him Crazy If You Ignore Him? The Problem of Ignoring Men)

Guys WILL ignore women they want the most because they do not feel capable (or worthy or good enough) and will either sabotage themselves or avoid her because of it.

They pre-reject themselves to lessen the pain.

Even if you manage to start talking to this guy you’ll find he is always a little distant or not responsive and it’s easy to see how you might be confused by what he’s doing to you.

But the fact remains…

He’s doing it for his own reasons which usually center around him not believing you like him or would ever want to be with him.

Unfortunately this type of guy is EVERYWHERE.

HE can even be a guy you think is good with women just because he has a natural ability to attract women.

Deep down inside this guy he is sabotaging himself constantly because he can never admit or is not willing boost his esteem high enough to get through it all AND in the meantime his ignorance or silent towards you, only has you (probably) wanting him more.

Dealing with or solving it, or knowing what to do is not easy for many reasons all starting with… You can NOT make or force someone to change themselves from within. They have to WANT to change.

Here’s what you can do…

First, do NOT treat him like a child. You do not want to over nurture him or act like a Mother to him at all. This will only make him see his efforts are working on you and he will continue doing them.

Second, do not restrict yourself to dating just him. Date other men at the same time.

“Only again proving to me, dating multiple guys or exploring our options or securing our present FIRST proves to establish better more happier marriages.”

Why Dating Multiple Guys At The Same Time Can Lead To Better Marriages

Third, he must understand through your actions as a woman that your happiness does NOT depend on him or his mental state.

He must realize his place in the world is not only as valid as yours, but he’s also not the determining factor of YOU.

He must also feel your respect for him is unwavering UNLESS he does something to ruin that through his not-so-nice means or games. You don’t ever have to put up with his bullshit if it’s affecting you negatively.

Never forget this type of man may NEVER be turned or made to stop ignoring you or made to suddenly become someone different.

He is who he is and until he opts to change, you may never get to this guy.

You can try anything and everything on him if you’d like but I won’t guarantee the results will be satisfying to you.

My absolute gut feeling about this reason or “type of guy” , which I will warn you lacks a certain empathy, is to sleep with him if you want sex and expect nothing more than that, push him back on your schedule until he proves he is capable and willing to act differently, or erase your connection to him entirely.

In other words, seek out “better” more confident men immediately.

If you want some “instant” advice you can use here or as you wrote – how to DEAL with him ignoring you…

The pattern repeats itself:

If he’s ignoring you because he doesn’t FEEL good enough or thinks you couldn’t possibly ever feel the same way about him…

Walk away and don’t look back!

You do NOT want to get stuck with a guy with such low self-esteem that he can not even manage to do anything BUT ignore you because as stated far above… you’ll only continue to get more of the same which will eventually have you constantly trying to build him up.

Tiring you out and destroying the relationship in the end.

He will either find his way or not and that’s NOT your responsibility.

You must NEVER commit to man, give in to his games, lower yourself, or let yourself believe that he’ll get better UNLESS he’s actually taking an active role in making himself better.

Now… as noted in my free online book on men going silent let’s look at another example and see how you can handle it.

I’m hoping one of these will fir your situation perfectly.

What if…

You’re in two different modes – he might see it as casually dating and you might think it’s more of a relationship.

Dating Relationship Definition

The key here is you’re NOT in a relationship but you might be acting like you’re in one.

This case can be a little more complicated but it comes down to something very important… something which may not have ever crossed your mind.

You’re NOT being ignored.

He’s just living his life, probably dating others, and you’re contacting him more than he cares to answer.

Perhaps he feels smothered or believes if he answers you every time you’ll believe it’s a relationship or misread that he’s ready to commit when he’s not.

This is not to say you’re pushing him away – although you could be – which is more than well covered here:  #5: It’s Not Him, It’s You: All The Reasons Why You Push Men Away & Cause Their Silence. Maybe you’ll find your answer on that page.

This leaves you with these sub-reasons:

A. You’re not being ignored and you contact him more than he cares to answer.

You’re not giving him a good reason to answer.

He doesn’t feel compelled to answer and is most likely receiving several messages or calls daily from many different women.

B. He’s not (that) interested, ready, or willing to enter a meaningful relationship with you at this time and feels answering you too much will only lead you to believe he is ready.

He’s not ready to give up more of his time to you.

He’s not ready to “be” there for you under most circumstances.

Both A and B tend to be true when the woman is too needy, acts too desperate to have a relationship, is too self-centered, or possibly is living an overly dramatic lifestyle causing him to avoid most contacts.

BUT it can also happen to you IF he has only given you signals that he feels like he’s in a relationship but then again – he wouldn’t be ignoring you if that was the case.

How you can deal with this problem first starts with figuring out if it’s A or B.

If it’s A then you need to take a closer look into what, when, and how many times you’re contacting him and other guys too.

This could be a circling pattern meaning…

When you meet a guy you go into another mode or state of mind which has you acting automatically and it’s failing you. If you go right into “relationship mode” quickly after meeting a guy – this could happen a lot to you.

My advice will always be this:

When you first meet a guy – sending messages or contacting him less is always better than too much.

Too much will have these things happen to you and make it difficult to get out of where as less contact makes it easier to progress forward.

Sure you’re going to scare some guys away but those guys may not be the one you’re looking for anyways.

They tend to be in relationship mode too early on anyways and bluntly put, tend to take a feminine role leaving you all the masculine work.

A man needs to learn to miss you and think about you or what you’re doing or WHO you’re doing it with in order to begin to feel something deeper with you AFTER a connection is already made.

He needs a good reason to want to see you again.

Your interactions must be fun, powerful, and SHORT.

If this seems to be a problem for you – read this: How To Make Him Miss You Badly.

Men also need to be generally teased. I’m not saying to go quickly into giving him a case of  “blue balls” but create a sexual connection early on and don’t go all the way with him.

Remember that – NEVER sleep with a man early on IF you want a relationship with him: Before You Sleep With Him, Read This!

This connection does not have to be physical but it helps and then Use THAT connection to send random messages you don’t plan on responding too.

If it’s B (he’s just not that interested) then you need to find a way to objectively look into your life, how you live it, how much you truly love yourself, where you think you are, and where you want to be.

B sucks. I know it does. Been there and done that way too many times in my past sad dating life too before I got married.

All I can say is that it IS worth doing the work.

It pays off in many areas of your life AND it has a strange side effect on your life…

Even if it doesn’t center around dating and guys and relationships, those things tend to naturally take care of themselves IF you keep putting yourself in the right positions to meet the type of guys you’re looking for.

My point is…

Do NOT make your existence, happiness, or whatever based on whether a guy is interested in you or not and you’re going to be okay.

This free ebook will help you here: Desire Principles: 6 Tricks Women That Women Use To Make Men Crazy About Them.

Beyond that ask below – tell me where you need the most help in and I’ll point you in the right direction.

Next up…

This last reason is fully covered in the ebook but I’ll lightly touch upon it here.

You’re in a relationship where the communication has broken down or was never fully in place.

Going right to it… not holding back.

He might be sick of listening to you.

He might not feel heard.

He might not feel like he has a say anyways.

He might even feel like whatever he says will only cause another fight anyways so he opts to keep his mouth shut.

He chooses to ignore or be silent either out of frustration or play the passive aggressive role because it’s what he always did anyways or he doesn’t know what else to do.

There’s no simple answer for this because it falls on both of you to learn how to communicate with each other and to both be ready and accept that your relationship, if it’s going to be saved, needs some real work.

Now I’m not saying it’s your fault or his.

ALL it means is that somewhere, at some point in time – which could’ve even start before you started dating – the lines of communication between you and him have broken down.

Below I’ve included some articles a few programs to get you started. Remember they are for those of you who are already in a relationship.

From Katie and Gay Hendricks:

“These aren’t skills we “know how to do” on our own. Most of us just imitate whatever we witnessed in our childhoods.”

What Happened To The Incredible Connection The Two Of You Shared?

“Ignoring Your Loved One’s Feelings Will ALWAYS Have A Negative Effect On Your Relationship.”

Phrases That Kill Intimacy

10 Second Miracle Cover

Reverse Decades Of Pain And Misunderstanding And Improve Your Relationships In Ten Seconds Or Less

Learn “The 10-Second Miracle” – a powerful, proven technique that will end pretense, silent treatments, and tension, and restore the flow of good feelings almost instantly.

Relationships Flourish Or Wither In Ten-Second Windows Of Communication.

Download the 10 Second Miracle

Reconnect Your Relationship Cover

Reconnect Your Relationship – Bring Back The Loving, Supportive Partnership You Deserve.

If Your Relationship Has Stopped Moving Forward – You CAN Turn It Around.

Rebuild, Reconnect & Rekindle The Intimacy To Bring Him Close

How To Tell If Your Relationship Is “Disconnected”… And What To Do About It
1. The “Romance” Is Dead
2. He’s Less Available And Less Interested
3. You Feel Anxious, Miserable And Even Depressed All The Time

Avoid Making The Two Big Mistakes That Push Him Further Away

Listen To The Entire Program Online RIGHT NOW, Risk-Free – Reconnect Your Relationship

Written by Rori Raye. A darling woman who KNOWS RELATIONSHIPS. You can sign up for her free newsletter there.

From Help Guide. A trusted non-profit guide to mental health and well-being:

These tips can help keep a healthy relationship strong, or repair trust and love in a relationship on the rocks.

Advice for Building Relationships that are Healthy, Happy and Satisfying

Thanks for stopping by today. I do hope you found the answer you were searching for and have learned not only the many reasons why a man might ignore you, but also what to do now to get past it all.

Remember:

Most men are not players. Trust they have no clue how to play you and if they could – think about what kind of game would ignoring you really accomplish with you anyways.

It’s not really a productive game especially if you follow the advice above and just… walk away. Kind of takes away his power to use that type of game anyways.

If it’s a relationship problem – I sincerely wish you the best of luck – TRUST if you do the right thing, and take the necessary steps, AND he’s willing or open to fixing it – you can start something new and get your relationship back on track.

It IS possible.

Please go ahead and sign up below so you can really learn about men – it’s what the newsletter gives you – lots of lots of great information on men to help you understand problems like this and so much more.

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About the author: Honest & upfront but that’s for you to decide. My goal is to un-complicate men and steer you away from the guys who will only hurt you. My hope is that you learn something, anything, about men and it’s easy to understand. Thank you, Peter White

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59 comments… add one
  • Ana

    Hi Pete,
    I need a males opinion!
    I recently met a guy over a dating social media app called tinder. I’m 18 and he’s 28. At first the age gap made me a little weary but I decided to overlook it because I get along with him so well. We’ve been getting to know each other over text, phone calls and FaceTime. He can be childish sometime but I recently called him out on it after I tried to be real with him and he continued to be childish. He appreciated the fact that I was honest with him and said ‘it’s a kick up the backside’ and that he ‘feels like we’ve taken a big step forward.’ However, he feels like I don’t give him much to work on in terms of communication.

    After getting onto the same page, he has planned to come and visit me. He planned a fun day out and said he will be staying at a hotel and believes that I stay with him. I went along with this because I don’t plan on being sexual with him even though he can be suggestive sometimes.

    Now I’m feeling anxious about the date because he is going to be travelling to see me and plans on covering all the costs and I’m worried that he expects something in return! I actually like him and want to date him, but I’m scared that he might be annoyed if I don’t do stuff with him and cut me off!

    Please help me, I don’t know what to do and I’m feeling a little bit pressured 🙁

    • Hi Ana,

      I’m a firm believer in honesty. Candid, upfront, and I suppose – informative about one’s feelings when it applies to something as emotional as sex.

      You can relieve your pressure by talking about it with him beforehand. Get it out in the open. Not only can we hope for him to reveal his true intentions but also his real maturity on this type of subject matter. I understand you’re young and your intuition with men may not be fully matured yet but you must gather the answers he gives you are real and honest. Any deflection, hesitation, reasoning, begging, or pleading may not be his real answer. You have to figure out a way to figure out if he’s just telling you what you want to hear.

      Also, please, NEVER feel pressured because of the money issue. If a man uses the “I’m paying for everything, that must mean something!” or if any guy uses money as terms for advancement of any form, then my suggestion is to remove him from your life quickly and promptly. Money should never have any influence when it comes to sex.

      From my personal experience about doing “stuff” – IF a guy is getting annoyed or upping the pressure on you because you’re making a fair and reasonable request to withhold sex – then he has a problem.

      Hope that helps you and best of luck to you,

      Pete

  • Kate

    Hi Pete,

    Great and informative article. So my question is, if you’re feeling ignored what do you do about it? Give him space and if so, for how long?

    Or Call him on it? How do you ask what’s going on?

    Thank you!

  • USMS

    There’s a a guy, we had feelings for each other at one point and known each other for 4 YEARS but we became more on the friend level. I wrote him a letter to convey he is a strong person, etc. I didn’t mean it to be romantic nor have I ever tried making a move on him in any way. Grant it, we are currently not speaking. I tried to explain my intend, but he will not listen. Here is the letter:

    One day you look at a person and see them as something more than as “just another person” or another “face in the crowd”(NOT necessarily in the context of lust).
    You begin to observe what others and he himself may be blind to. You see the enigmatic look in his eyes & his warm smile when he sincerely shows it, the alluring way he rubs the hair around his mouth and chin when he’s frustrated or nervous, the intriguing way his legs quiver unconsciously, his witty humor that makes you laugh when implicated in a light hearted teasing manner, how desirable he looks in a button down checkered shirt, that cocky expression he makes when he thinks he’s being a smart-ass (in a peculiar but yet fascinating way), the care and generosity deep inside that he keeps secret to hide his vulnerabilities, his tenacity and intellect that drive him towards higher achievement and his penchant to work hard which makes him an admirable and respected person.
    The world has unfortunately made him blind to all that makes him a desirable and incredible person. He only believes in his own self-doubt and the insecurities of who he thinks he is that have been developed from past and possibly current life experiences. It has eradicated his self-worth therefore causing him to employ a guarded facade and engage in egotistical conduct in order to push away others to hide what he feels makes him appear vulnerable thus resulting in misunderstanding and wounding infliction onto those who care about him, but his ego refuses to accept that responsibility at this point because he is too intrinsically guarded.
    If only he could see through those same eyes how attractive, desirable, smart & efficacious he really is and therefore learn to accept himself.
    I wish him the best in his independent journey of self-improvement and acceptance and hope he learns to see and accept himself for the great things he has to offer.

    Caveat: the intent in composing this letter is not to be misconstrued as romantic intent, but instead as a mirror of sorts to hopefully reflect the light inside that has become overshadowed by darkness.

  • Jennie

    Hi Pete,
    So I met this super quiet-shy guy in a conference for 3 days and he showed he’s interested while there’s only the two of us. He didn’t even approach any guys to make friends so I guess he’s into me. I initiated first text and he replied well. We had good conversation about our personal things and sometimes he texted me first as well. I dislike texting so much but there’s no other ways to stay in touch as we are not living in the same country and you know, different time zones make things hard.
    Suddenly, he sent me a box of chocolate along with other small gifts as a souvenir from his current country (is it romantic gesture or just being friendly?). But then he turned cold and didnt text me anymore (it’s been 2 weeks). I already initiated by asking trivial stuffs, he replied well but didn’t intend to make a conversation longer (didn’t ask me back). I know he’s incredibly busy but I am totally confused with this mixed signal. Is he really into me or just being nice?
    I decided to ignore him since I am being ghosted (and perhaps friend zoned) but I don’t know whether my decision is right or not.
    Thanks anyway, Pete. Have a nice day.

  • Juli mark

    I think my guy is ignoring me, because he refused calling me nor texting me…I tried calling him, he’s always weak to talk to me..and if I text him he may or may not reply my message…. As a Lady I’m finding it so embrassing and decided to cut him off…despite that i still love him

  • Lauran

    Hi Pete,
    I need help! I’ve been going around in circles trying to figure out if this guy likes me or not. We work together and he comes off as being very shy. He tends to avoid me at all costs never really initiating a conversation. I’m usual the one that initiates it but after I start one he keeps asking me questions. I’ve also caught him checking me out and stealing glances every one in awhile. But a lot of the other guys at work have showed me interest that he works closely with so I just always figured he hasn’t acted on anything because of that and the scare of being rejected since we do work together. What to do?
    Lauran

  • Michelle

    Hi please help! I have been seeing a guy for a couple of months but I can’t figure him out because I feel like I get mixed singles. I really like this guy, I have some feelings for him but I am cautious because I know he could break my heart. We have had sex and it is amazing. A couple of times he would cuddle afterwards but now it’s like he doesn’t want to touch me after sex now, he will stay his distance in bed. He has not been in a real relationship in a long time. I could definitely be wrong about this but I’m wondering if he is starting to have some kind of feelings for me and if it scares him so he pushes away from me. He drives me crazy because sometimes I like him and other times I feel like I hate him. I want to keep seeing him but I’m very afraid he could be toxic to my heart. I had dated a couple of guys before him and never felt anything like I do for him. I am 45 and he is 48. Help before I go crazy!

  • savannah

    hi.. i need a mans advice on this issue im currently dealing with.
    ok so in class i met this guy..we started talking…he tells me hes taken…but we flirt constantly…wed walk and talk in the hallways…he held my hand in class and laced my finger with his as i was laying my head down on my desk…hes kissed me….then he broke up with his girl and kissed me alot more times…now im scared of my growing feelings for him…ive been hurt in the past by some pretty fucked up guys… anyways…we text eachother and its liiike ive known him my whole life.. then one day he waits for me infront of his class room cause he said we needed to talk.. as i got there i smile and he smiles back..we start walking and he then tells me “soo im getting back with my girl..so we cant be doing stuff anymore’… i say ok without looking at him…and when we part ways he looks at me and says dont look so deppressed and smiles then says i gota go this way which way r u going.. i point towards the opposite direction from where hes walking. and he says “see you later” and gives me a hug and holds on for seconds to long. now i made a plan while me and him were talking..for him to get back together with his girl and cut me off..because from the moment we first met he told me that he made alot of mistakes in the past and hes trying to change into a loyal goodman…and i respect that 100%…so much to the point were i felt as if he was never going to change…as long as im in his life rn..because he talking to me while hes dating … thats not showing himself hes changeing..thats just him becoming that past self he was.. at least thats how i feel about the situation…so i made a plan and it worked now..he has cut me off , he wont talk to me,all he does is sneek looks at me, and it hurts soooo fucking bad cause im secretly in love with this man and i ended up letting him go because i thought it was for the best.. and that now he can change into a loyal goodman… but now i feel as if i fucked everything up and i want everything to go back to how they were before… and i have him in my class tomorrow… we sit together in a group project and my friends tell me i should tell him how i trully feel and i just dont know what to do.!!! please help …

  • nishitha

    There’s a guy, we had feelings for each other at one point.We didn’t talk wid each other anytime.But he used to stare at me all the time.He enquired and got to know my details.He came to my home at nyt only to see me.But idk what’s wrong wid him,he suddenly left.I’ve been stalking him on social media since 3 yrs.I sent him follow request in ig,he accepted but didn’t follow me in return.I sent him lots of messages but he didn’t reply for a single message.I recently wished him on his bday but he didn’t even reply.Idk how to deal wid him.I want to know why he’s avoiding me. Please help me.

  • Mary

    Hi ive veen seeing a man for 15 months hes never married or had kids. Hes never fully committed to me. We do akot together. When we are not tovether his lifestyle is golf, fanily, many male friebd, karoke bars. Last night he called setting a meeting for us at his place. He said your beautiful. He was supppse tp come by 1000 pm he called at 1100 was out with guys drinking. Keep in mind we are 50! Said hed call 1215 he didnt. I cakled 4 times no answer. He cslled at 1245..he lives in my apt..he knew i was mad. .hes done this more thsn once. I said im not coming you were inconsiderate. So he said sorry 3 times and hell make it up to me. I dont go to bars im devoted to him. He had brome up 6 weeks ago but its bavk and forth. He also has arthritis and needs to inject often it affe ts his moods. So today he was put never called me. I te ted him to waTch a movie at his apt he said hes too tired maybe tomorrow. When we have upsets he wont discuss it. In other ways hes amazing we really connect. Hes plays guitar i play piano..we think alike etc. Hes kept me from his family for 2 years now that upsets me.

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