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What To Do When You Think A Guy Is Ignoring You and If He’s Playing A Game

in Game Playing, The Disappearing Man
Ignoring women – Do you feel ignored by a guy?

Plz telll when a guy plays such ignore games ,how should we girls react or behave.its so confusing. plzzz guide.

There seems to be a problem or question that keeps popping up here… Women feeling ignored and they don’t know what to do about it.

First we must figure out if it as a game or not. That is, if you’re actually being ignored on purpose and if that specific game is a smaller part of a greater scheme a man might play.

I can honestly say, whether you believe it or not, MOST men do knowingly NOT PLAY GAMES. They don’t have a greater scheme in mind. They’re not thinking that far ahead. They wouldn’t know how to accomplish a feat that great anyways. Read this if you want The ONLY Way To Spot A Real Player and If He’s Using Your Body for Sex

Think about how hard it is to play such a grand role in someone’s life to which all that could be accomplished.

Okay sure it happens but it’s not the norm nor is it most guys goal to put so much time and energy and effort into it. Game playing is a lot of work.

With that said, let’s skip the massive “game playing” answer. If you’re looking for the entire list of categories this “ignoring” falls into to then I suggest you subscribe to my Secret Dirty Truth of Men or to my why do guys newsletter where at the time of writing you’ll get 50 shocking reasons why guys ignore women.

Most men ignore women for a few reasons based on their relationship with them:


#1 reason… You’re in a relationship and the communication has broken down.

He’s sick of listening to you. He doesn’t feel heard. He doesn’t feel like he has a say anyways. He even might feel like whatever he says will only cause another fight anyways.

He chooses to ignore or be silent either out of frustration or play the passive aggressive role because it’s what he always did anyways or he doesn’t know what else to do.

There’s no simple answer for this because it falls on both of you to learn how to communicate with each other and to both be ready and accept that your relationship, if it’s going to be saved, needs real work.

If I could solve this kind of ignoring problem in a sentence or paragraph I would but that’s impossible.

Look and research these people or articles to get you started in learning how to communicate with your spouse. They ARE just some the best.

From Katie and Gay Hendricks:

“These aren’t skills we “know how to do” on our own. Most of us just imitate whatever we witnessed in our childhoods.”
What Happened To The Incredible Connection The Two Of You Shared?

“Ignoring Your Loved One’s Feelings Will ALWAYS Have A Negative Effect On Your Relationship.”
Phrases That Kill Intimacy

From Rori Raye – Have the Relationship You Want:

You’re doing everything for him and he won’t even meet you half way. You’re missing the big tickets items in your relationship. You’re just not satisfied in with what is happening in your relationship.
Stop Overfunctioning and Get The Love and Relationship You Do Deserve

He’s good friends with someone and it just happens to be a woman. You can stop talking about her. You can start changing your energy and stop being so combative over it.
If He Is Friends With Another Woman – What to Do and How To Handle It

From Dr. Phil:

What type of communication pattern have you and your partner developed within your relationship?
A Relationship Communication Test from Dr. Phil

From Help Guide. A trusted non-profit guide to mental health and well-being:

These tips can help keep a healthy relationship strong, or repair trust and love in a relationship on the rocks.
Advice for Building Relationships that are Healthy, Happy and Satisfying

#2 reason… You’re NOT in a relationship and you’re just casually dating.


This case is a little more complicated but I’d say it’s most likely because you’re not being ignored. He’s just living his life, probably dating others, and you’re contacting him more than he cares to answer.

Perhaps he feels smothered or believes if he answers you every time you’ll believe it’s a relationship or misread that he’s ready to commit when he’s not.

This leaves us with these two sub-reasons:

A. You’re not being ignored and contact him more than he cares to answer. You’re not giving him a good reason to answer. He doesn’t feel compelled to answer and is most likely receiving several messages or calls daily from many different women.

B. He’s not interested, ready, or willing to enter a meaningful relationship with you at this time and feels answering you too much will only lead you to believe he is. He’s not ready to give up more of his time to you. He’s not ready to “be” there for you under most circumstances.

Both A and B tend to be true when the woman is too needy, acts too desperate to have a relationship, is too self-centered, or possibly is living an overly dramatic lifestyle causing him to avoid most contacts.

How to deal with this problem first starts with figuring out if it’s A or B.

If it’s A then we need to take a closer look into what, when, and how many times you’re contacting him and other guys too. This could be a circling pattern. When you meet a guy you go into another mode or state of mind which has you acting automatically and it’s failing you.

As a guy I can say, early on or after meeting a guy, sending or contacting less is better. Sure you’re going to scare some guys away but those guys may not be the one you’re looking for anyways. They tend to be in relationship mode too early on anyways and bluntly put, tend to take a feminine role leaving you all the masculine work.

We need to learn to miss you and think about you or what you’re doing or WHO you’re doing it with. We need to left on a high note and left wanting more. Our interactions need to be short and as powerful as they can be.

We also need to be generally teased. I’m not saying to go quickly into giving us blue balls but create a sexual connection early on but don’t follow through with it. This connection does not have to be physical but it helps. Use THAT connection to send random messages you don’t plan on responding too.

If it’s B then you need to find a way to objectively look into your life, how you live it, how much you truly love yourself, where you think you are, and where you want to be.

B sucks. I know it does. Been there and done that. 🙂

All I can say is that it IS worth doing the work. It pays off in many areas of your life AND it has a strange side effect on your life…

Even if it doesn’t center around dating and guys and relationships, those things tend to naturally take care of themselves IF you keep putting yourself in the right positions to meet the type of guys you’re looking for.

This means, early on I tried to solve my “woman” problems by burying my self into my music and also my passion to become a better than average golfer. It failed because I used them as an excuse to seclude myself from meeting people.

Those two things, when used differently and from a stronger sense of value in myself, helped me to succeed because I started using those talents differently and made sure they were used to help me meet more women and not seclude myself as a distraction from the real problem.

I’d recommend you start with these few people from scratch to help you in this area. Again these are the people who I have learned from and just giving away their ideas in anything more than a general sense would be unethical and illegal. 🙂

First for building a new you from the ground up.

Evan Marc Katz – Truly a man who understands men and women too. His popular program, Believe in Love – 7 Steps to Letting Go of the Past, Embracing the Present, and Dating with Confidence has changed the lives of many women.

Second for learning about how attraction works for men and how to stop so many of them from pulling away from you.

Christian Carter – His Catch Him and Keep Him book has proven success for many years now and is an inexpensive education.

…more to come please feel free to let me know who YOU think is the best.

#3 reason: He doesn’t feel good enough or capable of dating you or being with you.


Early on, the women I wanted to most I ignored. Not because I was playing a game but because I didn’t want to be like every other guy kissing her ass and trying to get in her pants.

Of course little did I know I was ruining my chances entirely. Haha!

Guys WILL ignore women they want the most because they do not feel capable (or worthy or good enough) and will either sabotage themselves or avoid her. They pre-reject themselves to lessen the pain.

Even if you manage to start talking to this guy you’ll find he is always a little distant or not responsive and I can see how easily you might be confused by what he’s doing.

But the fact remains, he’s doing it for his own reasons with only have to do with you in the sense that he can not believe you’ll ever want to be with him.

Unfortunately this type of guy is EVERYWHERE.

HE can even be a guy you think is good with women just because he has a natural ability to attract women.

The fact is, deep down inside this guy, he is sabotaging himself constantly because he can never admit or is not willing boost his esteem high enough to get through it all AND in the meantime his ignorance or silent towards you, only has you (probably) wanting him more.

Dealing with or solving number 3 is not easy. You can NOT make or force someone to change themselves from within.

My few suggestions would be to first, NOT treat him like a child. You do not want to over nurture him or act like a Mother to him at all. This will only make him see his efforts are working on you and he will continue doing them.

Secondly, do not restrict yourself to dating just him. Date other men at the same time.

“Only again proving to me, dating multiple guys or exploring our options or securing our present FIRST proves to establish better more happier marriages.”

Why Dating Multiple Guys At The Same Time Can Lead To Better Marriages

Third he must understand through your actions as a woman that your happiness does NOT depend on him or his mental state.

He must realize his place in the world is not only as valid as yours, but he’s also not the determining factor of you.

He must also feel your respect for him is unwavering UNLESS he does something to ruin that through not-so-nice means or games. You don’t have to put up with his bullshit if it’s affecting you negatively.

“Men cannot thrive in a deep passionate type of relationship unless they feel they have a woman’s admiration and respect.”

The Respect Principle – Video Presentation Only

Never forget this type of man may NEVER be turned or made to stop ignoring you or made to suddenly become someone different.

He is who he is and until he opts to change, you may never get to this guy.

You can try anything and everything on him if you’d like but I won’t guarantee the results will be satisfying to you.

My absolute gut feeling about this reason or “type of guy” , which I will warn you lacks a certain empathy, is to sleep with him if you want sex and expect nothing more than that, push him back on your schedule until he proves he is capable and willing to act differently, or erase your connection to him entirely. In other words, seek out “better” more confident men immediately.

Wow!!! Once again I’ve gone too far with words. 🙂


I reiterate…

Most men don’t play games, especially when it comes to ignoring the one thing they need in their lives… women!

Sure, a few of them do it on purpose because they think it’s the only way to get you but I do hope you can see right through these guys.

Sure, some of them are flaky and can’t keep a thought in their for more than five minutes if it doesn’t have something to do with typical man things.

But most of all it’s an indirect consequence of:

  1. A breakdown in communication between a couple.
  2. You’re in two different places. You’re casually dating and one of you isn’t clear on that or made it clear enough to the other.
  3. He’s sabotaging himself because he doesn’t feel good enough to be with you.

Thanks for your wonderful question and I will do my best to not ignore any comments on this page. 😀

About the author: Honest, upfront, and an ability to see past the hidden layers is my intended style at why do guys. My goal is to un-complicate men and steer you away from the guys who will only hurt you. My hope is that you learn something, anything, and my writing style is at least a little easy to understand… Thank you, Peter White

You can visit my about page here. Stay in touch and learn about men by joining my newsletter below. Join other women discuss men by joining the new Why Do Guys Facebook Group. You can also Like or follow the Facebook Fan Page. And lastly Join me on Twitter. Current writer and owner of: DiaLteG TM | The Approach | Why Do Chics…? and The Nice Guy Approach. Yes, I’m a VERY busy guy.

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    56 comments… add one
    • Ana

      Hi Pete,
      I need a males opinion!
      I recently met a guy over a dating social media app called tinder. I’m 18 and he’s 28. At first the age gap made me a little weary but I decided to overlook it because I get along with him so well. We’ve been getting to know each other over text, phone calls and FaceTime. He can be childish sometime but I recently called him out on it after I tried to be real with him and he continued to be childish. He appreciated the fact that I was honest with him and said ‘it’s a kick up the backside’ and that he ‘feels like we’ve taken a big step forward.’ However, he feels like I don’t give him much to work on in terms of communication.

      After getting onto the same page, he has planned to come and visit me. He planned a fun day out and said he will be staying at a hotel and believes that I stay with him. I went along with this because I don’t plan on being sexual with him even though he can be suggestive sometimes.

      Now I’m feeling anxious about the date because he is going to be travelling to see me and plans on covering all the costs and I’m worried that he expects something in return! I actually like him and want to date him, but I’m scared that he might be annoyed if I don’t do stuff with him and cut me off!

      Please help me, I don’t know what to do and I’m feeling a little bit pressured 🙁

      • Hi Ana,

        I’m a firm believer in honesty. Candid, upfront, and I suppose – informative about one’s feelings when it applies to something as emotional as sex.

        You can relieve your pressure by talking about it with him beforehand. Get it out in the open. Not only can we hope for him to reveal his true intentions but also his real maturity on this type of subject matter. I understand you’re young and your intuition with men may not be fully matured yet but you must gather the answers he gives you are real and honest. Any deflection, hesitation, reasoning, begging, or pleading may not be his real answer. You have to figure out a way to figure out if he’s just telling you what you want to hear.

        Also, please, NEVER feel pressured because of the money issue. If a man uses the “I’m paying for everything, that must mean something!” or if any guy uses money as terms for advancement of any form, then my suggestion is to remove him from your life quickly and promptly. Money should never have any influence when it comes to sex.

        From my personal experience about doing “stuff” – IF a guy is getting annoyed or upping the pressure on you because you’re making a fair and reasonable request to withhold sex – then he has a problem.

        Hope that helps you and best of luck to you,


    • Kate

      Hi Pete,

      Great and informative article. So my question is, if you’re feeling ignored what do you do about it? Give him space and if so, for how long?

      Or Call him on it? How do you ask what’s going on?

      Thank you!

    • USMS

      There’s a a guy, we had feelings for each other at one point and known each other for 4 YEARS but we became more on the friend level. I wrote him a letter to convey he is a strong person, etc. I didn’t mean it to be romantic nor have I ever tried making a move on him in any way. Grant it, we are currently not speaking. I tried to explain my intend, but he will not listen. Here is the letter:

      One day you look at a person and see them as something more than as “just another person” or another “face in the crowd”(NOT necessarily in the context of lust).
      You begin to observe what others and he himself may be blind to. You see the enigmatic look in his eyes & his warm smile when he sincerely shows it, the alluring way he rubs the hair around his mouth and chin when he’s frustrated or nervous, the intriguing way his legs quiver unconsciously, his witty humor that makes you laugh when implicated in a light hearted teasing manner, how desirable he looks in a button down checkered shirt, that cocky expression he makes when he thinks he’s being a smart-ass (in a peculiar but yet fascinating way), the care and generosity deep inside that he keeps secret to hide his vulnerabilities, his tenacity and intellect that drive him towards higher achievement and his penchant to work hard which makes him an admirable and respected person.
      The world has unfortunately made him blind to all that makes him a desirable and incredible person. He only believes in his own self-doubt and the insecurities of who he thinks he is that have been developed from past and possibly current life experiences. It has eradicated his self-worth therefore causing him to employ a guarded facade and engage in egotistical conduct in order to push away others to hide what he feels makes him appear vulnerable thus resulting in misunderstanding and wounding infliction onto those who care about him, but his ego refuses to accept that responsibility at this point because he is too intrinsically guarded.
      If only he could see through those same eyes how attractive, desirable, smart & efficacious he really is and therefore learn to accept himself.
      I wish him the best in his independent journey of self-improvement and acceptance and hope he learns to see and accept himself for the great things he has to offer.

      Caveat: the intent in composing this letter is not to be misconstrued as romantic intent, but instead as a mirror of sorts to hopefully reflect the light inside that has become overshadowed by darkness.

    • Jennie

      Hi Pete,
      So I met this super quiet-shy guy in a conference for 3 days and he showed he’s interested while there’s only the two of us. He didn’t even approach any guys to make friends so I guess he’s into me. I initiated first text and he replied well. We had good conversation about our personal things and sometimes he texted me first as well. I dislike texting so much but there’s no other ways to stay in touch as we are not living in the same country and you know, different time zones make things hard.
      Suddenly, he sent me a box of chocolate along with other small gifts as a souvenir from his current country (is it romantic gesture or just being friendly?). But then he turned cold and didnt text me anymore (it’s been 2 weeks). I already initiated by asking trivial stuffs, he replied well but didn’t intend to make a conversation longer (didn’t ask me back). I know he’s incredibly busy but I am totally confused with this mixed signal. Is he really into me or just being nice?
      I decided to ignore him since I am being ghosted (and perhaps friend zoned) but I don’t know whether my decision is right or not.
      Thanks anyway, Pete. Have a nice day.

    • Juli mark

      I think my guy is ignoring me, because he refused calling me nor texting me…I tried calling him, he’s always weak to talk to me..and if I text him he may or may not reply my message…. As a Lady I’m finding it so embrassing and decided to cut him off…despite that i still love him

    • Lauran

      Hi Pete,
      I need help! I’ve been going around in circles trying to figure out if this guy likes me or not. We work together and he comes off as being very shy. He tends to avoid me at all costs never really initiating a conversation. I’m usual the one that initiates it but after I start one he keeps asking me questions. I’ve also caught him checking me out and stealing glances every one in awhile. But a lot of the other guys at work have showed me interest that he works closely with so I just always figured he hasn’t acted on anything because of that and the scare of being rejected since we do work together. What to do?

    • Michelle

      Hi please help! I have been seeing a guy for a couple of months but I can’t figure him out because I feel like I get mixed singles. I really like this guy, I have some feelings for him but I am cautious because I know he could break my heart. We have had sex and it is amazing. A couple of times he would cuddle afterwards but now it’s like he doesn’t want to touch me after sex now, he will stay his distance in bed. He has not been in a real relationship in a long time. I could definitely be wrong about this but I’m wondering if he is starting to have some kind of feelings for me and if it scares him so he pushes away from me. He drives me crazy because sometimes I like him and other times I feel like I hate him. I want to keep seeing him but I’m very afraid he could be toxic to my heart. I had dated a couple of guys before him and never felt anything like I do for him. I am 45 and he is 48. Help before I go crazy!

    • savannah

      hi.. i need a mans advice on this issue im currently dealing with.
      ok so in class i met this guy..we started talking…he tells me hes taken…but we flirt constantly…wed walk and talk in the hallways…he held my hand in class and laced my finger with his as i was laying my head down on my desk…hes kissed me….then he broke up with his girl and kissed me alot more times…now im scared of my growing feelings for him…ive been hurt in the past by some pretty fucked up guys… anyways…we text eachother and its liiike ive known him my whole life.. then one day he waits for me infront of his class room cause he said we needed to talk.. as i got there i smile and he smiles back..we start walking and he then tells me “soo im getting back with my girl..so we cant be doing stuff anymore’… i say ok without looking at him…and when we part ways he looks at me and says dont look so deppressed and smiles then says i gota go this way which way r u going.. i point towards the opposite direction from where hes walking. and he says “see you later” and gives me a hug and holds on for seconds to long. now i made a plan while me and him were talking..for him to get back together with his girl and cut me off..because from the moment we first met he told me that he made alot of mistakes in the past and hes trying to change into a loyal goodman…and i respect that 100%…so much to the point were i felt as if he was never going to change…as long as im in his life rn..because he talking to me while hes dating … thats not showing himself hes changeing..thats just him becoming that past self he was.. at least thats how i feel about the situation…so i made a plan and it worked now..he has cut me off , he wont talk to me,all he does is sneek looks at me, and it hurts soooo fucking bad cause im secretly in love with this man and i ended up letting him go because i thought it was for the best.. and that now he can change into a loyal goodman… but now i feel as if i fucked everything up and i want everything to go back to how they were before… and i have him in my class tomorrow… we sit together in a group project and my friends tell me i should tell him how i trully feel and i just dont know what to do.!!! please help …

    • nishitha

      There’s a guy, we had feelings for each other at one point.We didn’t talk wid each other anytime.But he used to stare at me all the time.He enquired and got to know my details.He came to my home at nyt only to see me.But idk what’s wrong wid him,he suddenly left.I’ve been stalking him on social media since 3 yrs.I sent him follow request in ig,he accepted but didn’t follow me in return.I sent him lots of messages but he didn’t reply for a single message.I recently wished him on his bday but he didn’t even reply.Idk how to deal wid him.I want to know why he’s avoiding me. Please help me.

    • Mary

      Hi ive veen seeing a man for 15 months hes never married or had kids. Hes never fully committed to me. We do akot together. When we are not tovether his lifestyle is golf, fanily, many male friebd, karoke bars. Last night he called setting a meeting for us at his place. He said your beautiful. He was supppse tp come by 1000 pm he called at 1100 was out with guys drinking. Keep in mind we are 50! Said hed call 1215 he didnt. I cakled 4 times no answer. He cslled at 1245..he lives in my apt..he knew i was mad. .hes done this more thsn once. I said im not coming you were inconsiderate. So he said sorry 3 times and hell make it up to me. I dont go to bars im devoted to him. He had brome up 6 weeks ago but its bavk and forth. He also has arthritis and needs to inject often it affe ts his moods. So today he was put never called me. I te ted him to waTch a movie at his apt he said hes too tired maybe tomorrow. When we have upsets he wont discuss it. In other ways hes amazing we really connect. Hes plays guitar i play piano..we think alike etc. Hes kept me from his family for 2 years now that upsets me.

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