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What To Do When You Think A Guy Is Ignoring You and If He’s Playing A Game

Man Backed Turned Ignoring You

"Plz telll when a guy plays such ignore games, how should we girls react or behave. Its so confusing. plzzz guide.

There seems to be a problem or question that keeps popping up here... Women feeling ignored and they don't know what to do about it.

So much so it prompted me to write an entire Ebook on the subject which will be coming out soon.

Let's start with the game playing.

Honestly, the truth is...

MOST men do NOT (knowingly) PLAY GAMES.

They don't have a greater scheme in mind.

They're not thinking that far ahead.

They just know how to play you that way and if they could - you'd normally spot it happening a mile away... mostly.

If you think you're being played these three articles will help you figure it out quite easily:

Okay, sure it happens but it's not the norm nor is it an average guy's goal to put so much time and energy and effort into it because when you think about...

Game playing is a lot of work.

What is really happening is something similar, at least it will FEEL that way but it's normally a different problem altogether.

So what DO you do if you know (without a doubt) he's playing an "ignore" game with you?

Game Over Broken Heart

Maybe he's doing it because he thinks by ignoring you, you'll come running to him.

He could possibly believe the myth that "women only want what they can't have" and so by ignoring you... he's trying to get you to come to him or gain some "hand" in the dating process.

This is simple... IGNORE HIM BACK!

Don't give in because you're only playing right into what he wants and expects to happen which will mean giving up your power and setting a future example that when he acts this way - he'll win and always get his way.

Think about your future with him - is this really the type of guy you want to date? Is this really the type of guy you'd like to marry one day?

Whenever you feel like you're not sure about dating a guy long-term... transform yourself into the future with him and imagine what he's doing now will only get worse.

THAT will stop you from playing along with him AND keep you from investing your valuable time on a guy who LIKES to treat others like children OR needs to play games just to get what he wants.

Walk away and don't look back!

What to do if you're being ignored because he doesn't feel good enough or capable of dating you.

Sad Guy Doesn't Feel Good Enough

Early on, the women I wanted to most... I ignored.

Not because I was playing a game but because I didn't want to be like every other guy kissing her ass and trying to get in her pants.

(Of course little did I know I was ruining my chances entirely but that's a story for another time. Point is - as mentioned in another article - ignoring someone that doesn't care is only doing them a favor. Will It Drive Him Crazy If You Ignore Him? The Problem of Ignoring Men)

Guys WILL ignore women they want the most because they do not feel capable (or worthy or good enough) and will either sabotage themselves or avoid her because of it.

They pre-reject themselves to lessen the pain.

Even if you manage to start talking to this guy you'll find he is always a little distant or not responsive and it's easy to see how you might be confused by what he's doing to you.

But the fact remains...

He's doing it for his own reasons which usually center around him not believing you like him or would ever want to be with him.

Unfortunately this type of guy is EVERYWHERE.

HE can even be a guy you think is good with women just because he has a natural ability to attract women.

Deep down inside this guy he is sabotaging himself constantly because he can never admit or is not willing boost his esteem high enough to get through it all AND in the meantime his ignorance or silent towards you, only has you (probably) wanting him more.

Dealing with or solving it, or knowing what to do is not easy for many reasons all starting with... You can NOT make or force someone to change themselves from within. They have to WANT to change.

Here's what you can do...

First, do NOT treat him like a child. You do not want to over nurture him or act like a Mother to him at all. This will only make him see his efforts are working on you and he will continue doing them.

Second, do not restrict yourself to dating just him. Date other men at the same time.

"Only again proving to me, dating multiple guys or exploring our options or securing our present FIRST proves to establish better more happier marriages."

Why Dating Multiple Guys At The Same Time Can Lead To Better Marriages

Third, he must understand through your actions as a woman that your happiness does NOT depend on him or his mental state.

He must realize his place in the world is not only as valid as yours, but he's also not the determining factor of YOU.

He must also feel your respect for him is unwavering UNLESS he does something to ruin that through his not-so-nice means or games. You don't ever have to put up with his bullshit if it's affecting you negatively.

Never forget this type of man may NEVER be turned or made to stop ignoring you or made to suddenly become someone different.

He is who he is and until he opts to change, you may never get to this guy.

You can try anything and everything on him if you'd like but I won't guarantee the results will be satisfying to you.

My absolute gut feeling about this reason or "type of guy" , which I will warn you lacks a certain empathy, is to sleep with him if you want sex and expect nothing more than that, push him back on your schedule until he proves he is capable and willing to act differently, or erase your connection to him entirely.

In other words, seek out "better" more confident men immediately.

If you want some "instant" advice you can use here or as you wrote - how to DEAL with him ignoring you...

The pattern repeats itself:

If he's ignoring you because he doesn't FEEL good enough or thinks you couldn't possibly ever feel the same way about him...

Walk away and don't look back!

You do NOT want to get stuck with a guy with such low self-esteem that he can not even manage to do anything BUT ignore you because as stated far above... you'll only continue to get more of the same which will eventually have you constantly trying to build him up.

Tiring you out and destroying the relationship in the end.

He will either find his way or not and that's NOT your responsibility.

You must NEVER commit to man, give in to his games, lower yourself, or let yourself believe that he'll get better UNLESS he's actually taking an active role in making himself better.

Now... as noted in my ebook on men going silent let's look at another example and see how you can handle it.

I'm hoping one of these will fir your situation perfectly.

What if...

You're in two different modes - he might see it as casually dating and you might think it's more of a relationship.

Dating Relationship Definition

The key here is you're NOT in a relationship but you might be acting like you're in one.

This case can be a little more complicated but it comes down to something very important... something which may not have ever crossed your mind.

You're NOT being ignored.

He's just living his life, probably dating others, and you're contacting him more than he cares to answer.

Perhaps he feels smothered or believes if he answers you every time you'll believe it's a relationship or misread that he's ready to commit when he's not.

This is not to say you're pushing him away - although you could be.

This leaves you with these sub-reasons:

A. You're not being ignored and you contact him more than he cares to answer.

You're not giving him a good reason to answer.

He doesn't feel compelled to answer and is most likely receiving several messages or calls daily from many different women.

B. He's not (that) interested, ready, or willing to enter a meaningful relationship with you at this time and feels answering you too much will only lead you to believe he is ready.

He's not ready to give up more of his time to you.

He's not ready to "be" there for you under most circumstances.

Both A and B tend to be true when the woman is too needy, acts too desperate to have a relationship, is too self-centered, or possibly is living an overly dramatic lifestyle causing him to avoid most contacts.

BUT it can also happen to you IF he has only given you signals that he feels like he's in a relationship but then again - he wouldn't be ignoring you if that was the case.

How you can deal with this problem first starts with figuring out if it's A or B.

If it's A then you need to take a closer look into what, when, and how many times you're contacting him and other guys too.

This could be a circling pattern meaning...

When you meet a guy you go into another mode or state of mind which has you acting automatically and it's failing you. If you go right into "relationship mode" quickly after meeting a guy - this could happen a lot to you.

My advice will always be this:

When you first meet a guy - sending messages or contacting him less is always better than too much.

Too much will have these things happen to you and make it difficult to get out of where as less contact makes it easier to progress forward.

Sure you're going to scare some guys away but those guys may not be the one you're looking for anyways.

They tend to be in relationship mode too early on anyways and bluntly put, tend to take a feminine role leaving you all the masculine work.

A man needs to learn to miss you and think about you or what you're doing or WHO you're doing it with in order to begin to feel something deeper with you AFTER a connection is already made.

He needs a good reason to want to see you again.

Your interactions must be fun, powerful, and SHORT.

If this seems to be a problem for you - read this:

How To Make Him Miss You Badly.

Men also need to be generally teased. I'm not saying to go quickly into giving him a case of  "blue balls" but create a sexual connection early on and don't go all the way with him.

Remember that - NEVER sleep with a man early on IF you want a relationship with him:

Will He Stick Around After You Get Intimate? Not If You Make These Common Mistakes

This connection does not have to be physical but it helps and then Use THAT connection to send random messages you don't plan on responding too.

If it's B (he's just not that interested) then you need to find a way to objectively look into your life, how you live it, how much you truly love yourself, where you think you are, and where you want to be.

B sucks. I know it does. Been there and done that way too many times in my past sad dating life too before I got married.

All I can say is that it IS worth doing the work.

It pays off in many areas of your life AND it has a strange side effect on your life...

Even if it doesn't center around dating and guys and relationships, those things tend to naturally take care of themselves IF you keep putting yourself in the right positions to meet the type of guys you're looking for.

My point is...

Do NOT make your existence, happiness, or whatever based on whether a guy is interested in you or not and you're going to be okay.

This WILL help you:

Desire Principles – 6 Tricks That Women Use To Make Men Crazy About Them!

Beyond that ask below - tell me where you need the most help in and I'll point you in the right direction.

Next up...

This last reason is fully covered in the ebook but I'll lightly touch upon it here.

You're in a relationship where the communication has broken down or was never fully in place.

Going right to it... not holding back.

He might be sick of listening to you.

He might not feel heard.

He might not feel like he has a say anyways.

He might even feel like whatever he says will only cause another fight anyways so he opts to keep his mouth shut.

He chooses to ignore or be silent either out of frustration or play the passive aggressive role because it's what he always did anyways or he doesn't know what else to do.

There's no simple answer for this because it falls on both of you to learn how to communicate with each other and to both be ready and accept that your relationship, if it's going to be saved, needs some real work.

Now I'm not saying it's your fault or his.

ALL it means is that somewhere, at some point in time - which could've even start before you started dating - the lines of communication between you and him have broken down.

Below I've included some articles a few programs to get you started. Remember they are for those of you who are already in a relationship.

From Katie and Gay Hendricks:

"These aren't skills we "know how to do" on our own. Most of us just imitate whatever we witnessed in our childhoods."

What Happened To The Incredible Connection The Two Of You Shared?

"Ignoring Your Loved One’s Feelings Will ALWAYS Have A Negative Effect On Your Relationship."

Phrases That Kill Intimacy

Reverse Decades Of Pain And Misunderstanding And Improve Your Relationships In Ten Seconds Or Less

Learn “The 10-Second Miracle” – a powerful, proven technique that will end pretense, silent treatments, and tension, and restore the flow of good feelings almost instantly.

Relationships Flourish Or Wither In Ten-Second Windows Of Communication.

Download the 10 Second Miracle


Reconnect Your Relationship – Bring Back The Loving, Supportive Partnership You Deserve.

If Your Relationship Has Stopped Moving Forward – You CAN Turn It Around.

Rebuild, Reconnect & Rekindle The Intimacy To Bring Him Close

How To Tell If Your Relationship Is “Disconnected”… And What To Do About It
1. The “Romance” Is Dead
2. He’s Less Available And Less Interested
3. You Feel Anxious, Miserable And Even Depressed All The Time

Avoid Making The Two Big Mistakes That Push Him Further Away

Listen To The Entire Program Online RIGHT NOW, Risk-Free - Reconnect Your Relationship

Written by Rori Raye. A darling woman who KNOWS RELATIONSHIPS. You can sign up for her free newsletter there.

From Help Guide. A trusted non-profit guide to mental health and well-being:

These tips can help keep a healthy relationship strong, or repair trust and love in a relationship on the rocks.

Advice for Building Relationships that are Healthy, Happy and Satisfying

Thanks for stopping by today. I do hope you found the answer you were searching for and have learned not only the many reasons why a man might ignore you, but also what to do now to get past it all.


Most men are not players. Trust they have no clue how to play you and if they could - think about what kind of game would ignoring you really accomplish with you anyways.

It's not really a productive game especially if you follow the advice above and just... walk away. Kind of takes away his power to use that type of game anyways.

If it's a relationship problem - I sincerely wish you the best of luck - TRUST if you do the right thing, and take the necessary steps, AND he's willing or open to fixing it - you can start something new and get your relationship back on track.

It IS possible.

Please go ahead and sign up below so you can really learn about men - it's what the newsletter gives you - lots of lots of great information on men to help you understand problems like this and so much more.

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(You can read my email policies here. No spam ever! Your information is always private. )

About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.

LIKE or SHARE my Facebook fan page: Why Do Guys…? OR JOIN other women discuss guys – Why Do Guys Facebook Group. Find and follow me on Twitter – Peter White.

This article was posted in Games Guys Play – Is He Playing You? Is He A Player? Don’t Get Fooled, Why Men Disappear, Go Silent or Pull Away In Dating & Relationships

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60 comments… add one
  • Chloe

    So I have been talking to this fella 3+ months, but we’ve only been on 3 dates. Everything went really well and he never tried anything.
    He’d told me how he deleted the website we met on for me because he knew I’d appreciate that and how he’s really interested in me and glad we met or whatever.

    On the third date I went over to his, he made me dinner and it was lovely. We had sex. After, he said how doing that felt so normal because he feels he’s known me for so long. I told him I didn’t even think we’d make it to a second date and he said he was trying really hard to show me he was keen and said he still is.

    I went home the next day after he left for work and texted him I’d a lovely time seeing as he texted me first the other two times. He replied he did too and he’ll see me next week. We chatted for a little bit and he just disappeared.

    As much as I’d like to feel like he didn’t just use me for sex, I do.
    He keeps opening my messages but not replying them. I’m starting to feel really upset and I don’t know if I’m right to feel this way for letting my guard down or wrong because I’m not sure what his story for not replying is?

    Should I say something to him?

    • Peter White

      Chloe, the one thing I’m not getting is how much you’re contacting him and how long it’s been since he’s contacted you. Obviously if he just started ignoring you after the sex and is pulling back in any way, then it’s a good sign he was only interested in sex with you. (Or quickly changed his mind about wanting more after you did it.)

      You wrote he that he said, “he’ll see me next week” – did you wait a week to contact him again? Has it been up to that week when you continued to text him awaiting a response? These things matter. If you’ve messaged too much after and that’s not what he wanted, then expect he will pull away even if he didn’t just use you for sex.

      From another angle, when a guy waits a week or more to contact a woman (not including the initial had a great night can’t wait to do it again because that doesn’t count) then you can assume he’s looking for something more casual. So by texting him more or trying to continually contact him after he said he’ll see you next week, could easily have him thinking you’re looking for and want an almost instant relationship with him just because you two had sex. When, according to his time table, want to take things slower than you. Which means it’s a miscommunication and something which maybe should’ve been discussed before the sex.

      Hope that helps you a bit and best of luck to you,

  • Marianne Ryan

    I met a man and after he got sex he blocked me on messenger. All I do is cry. I saw him one night and he asks me to see him later and he never shows up at is this?

  • Spring Girl

    I’m in a unique situation and wondering if you can help me. Few months ago a guy started showing up around me everyday, but never looked at me nor approached me. This was the guy who works nearby and I’ve spoken to him a couple of times. Then he stared at me intensely one day and I looked away as I realized he was maybe attracted to me because of his intense eye lock. He took it as rejection as I looked away and started behaving cold. I felt sorry for him as I knew him before as being a kind man and I confronted him if he liked me, I liked him too but can’t pursue any relationship right now. He denied the whole thing saying he thinks i’m great as a person but he never had any intentions otherwise. Besides he said he was married too! I didn’t know about this. Earlier he used to get upset whenever I didn’t say hi, or didn’t greet him when we passed each other, and used to visually show disappointment. He was also quiet around me a lot, like clam up. Well his denial upset me as to why he lied, it automatically implied I was crazy to think he was coming on to me. He saw me upset and avoided me for a month giving me the silent treatment. He then showed up one day and I took the opportunity to apologize for my misunderstanding. He said not to worry about it but next day onwards started ignoring me again, talking to other girls while ignoring me, etc. This went on for a while all the time I was left confused why he was ignoring me when I apologized already. He has some stalkerish tendencies as well as he would appear out of nowhere sometimes when I’m out and about, only to be around me but never approach. He blew hot and cold so many times,cold phases much longer and constantly making me feel ignored, guilty by making disappointing faces at me. If I drove past him without acknowledging him while he is around, he makes a show of moving on. Only to come back and show up again around me after a month. Till date I don’t know what to make out of it, I always had a feeling he wants me to approach him. But I already did when I confronted him and he denied, and he is married too, so there is no point. So I never went to him. Once I tried casual conversation but he disappears for days after that leading me to believe he is not interested. If I talk he disappears, if I don’t he makes me feel guilty. Lately he is avoiding eye contact with me but behaves shy. He no longer is around me though. What does this mean. I can’t move on because I feel I couldn’t read him. Can you shed any light? What does he want from me. Since the confrontation we hardly speak, only ‘hi’ sometimes. Rest is all body language. I know 🙄

    Confused girl

  • Beth

    Hi Peter,
    I have kind of a strange situation. I met a guy playing video games (I know how corny that sounds). He is active duty on base in the military. I liked him a lot before I even knew what he looked like. We played frequently together for a few months. We were just friends, and there was actually a group of us that were always on together. We all had a group chat on Snapchat, but I had a separate convo with just him. And, he literally hunted me down on Instagram and found me. lols I’m technically married, but separating. Before they knew I was separating, he would ask questions about my marriage and I wouldn’t talk about it too much, but he couldn’t understand why my husband would be so mean to me (which I don’t get either). We would talk everyday randomly throughout the day. Eventually, while we were still just friends, he stopped talking to me for a couple of days and I kind of bugged him about it until he finally told me that he really liked me, and it freaked him out because he didn’t think it would end up as anything and wasn’t sure if I liked him. Obviously I did like him, and we talked for a while like that. So, he drove 6.5 hours to come see me for a weekend. It was so comfortable, and he asked if we dated, it I’d move, do I want kids and all that stuff. Even after he left he told me how he likes me signicantly more –seriously. He wanted to plan to come back, and I had set up a weekend to go there. He told his family about me. Then he found out that he will probably be deployed in the very near future and I had a mini freak out (How long?! What does that mean?! Do we get to see each other?! Etc). He calmed me down and we went back normal. Then, he found out that he had to go on a short deployment right away for a couple weeks so he couldn’t come here. I had another mini freakout and I said a couple of mean things – I didn’t think they could just send someone away right away and I called him a liar – and he must not like me that much if he waited until the last minute to tell me. I immediately apologized. He was short answering back and just responded I know, I get it. But, he ignored my last message that I wanted to hear from him while he was gone – and he opened it. He left after that conversation and I knew he’d have his phone. He won’t respond to me now. I sent him a second message 2 days later and he opened it, but didn’t respond. I didn’t want to sound too needy or crazy, so I didn’t say anything else. Now it has been 1 week, and I know he has been on Snapchat and Facebook, but he still isn’t talking to me. I’m not sure if I should say anything else? I don’t understand how the military works, and I know I overreacted – I apologized twice. This is really bothering me. What do you think? Thanks in advance. xoxo

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