Why Do Guys Tell You They Like You, Do Sweet Things and Memorize Everything You Say, If They Only Want To Sleep With You?"
This was a question put on me years ago and it was asked by a woman I was only slightly involved 🙂 with but I'm sure questions like this are still being asked.
My first response is, you found a player.
A guy who will use your "soft spots" to sleep with you.
Remember, the timing is not important.
This means if a guy does this with ten different women over a certain period of time, not only will he become skilled at the memorization part making it feel like he is only saying to you, he also increases his chances of sleeping with each one of them sooner or later.
Think of it this way.
Let's say I know ten women I'm going to play. I tell each one of them what they want to hear. I also do "nice" things to appear genuine, or not "playerish" AND I have a knack for remembering what they like.
At first some women resist. It doesn't feel real. To them it feels like I'm only playing them. Which is fine because if I can keep up that "act" for an extended period of time, just by that it almost becomes genuine because what guy would give that much attention to a woman he only wanted sex with, right?
Except you must remember I'm doing the very same thing with lots of different women. Some don't care. Some fall for me quicker. Some I must stick around for longer.
And it doesn't really matter because sooner or later, since I'm skilled in this area, I believe the harder ones will eventually cave in and sleep with me.
That's the mark of a skilled player/seducer.
Some are more skilled at seducing women quicker without regards to something more meaningful and some are more aimed at long-term seduction and spread out the odds with several different women so they're always getting it.
Lots of them are skilled in both areas which makes it easier to keep up the act of telling you what you want to hear without pressuring you to have sex.
Remember, when a guy is getting it all the time with reasonably exceptional women, he is less likely to act from his sexual attraction and can always hold out longer than the women. ( Generally speaking of course.)
All this may seem to only apply to extremely good-looking guys. Perhaps guys you might not be so sure would ever be attracted to you.
Whether or not that is true remains to be seen ( because I haven't done the research there exactly) BUT I do know one thing, the guys who are masters at playing women tend to go after a piece of your self-esteem and whether or not the guy needs to be drop-dead gorgeous or not may not applied to the truly skilled.
Sure it might work better on women who are not so sure about themselves and would revel in the fact that a "hot" guy might be interested in them but in my experience with lots of different women (and men) we all have soft spots where out self-esteem is not as strong and the really clever players tend to focus or poke from that angle while showering you with compliments and attention in the areas which you're already comfortable with.
Making it feel like to you again he's being genuine when in fact... he's not because you might be overlooking what his communication is doing to you.
Here's something terribly revealing which I might add is difficult for me to put into words but I'm going to try. 🙂
Within each one of us there are soft spots. No matter how strong we look and feel and present ourselves to the world, there's always something which we're not confident about personally. Of course that item tends to change or migrate as we live our lives.
Insecurity doesn't always disappear. It merely shrinks, grows, moves, and in the worst cases are blatantly transferred to others through bullying or the negative words we use against them.
With that said, the wrong guy, KNOWS your soft spot or spots. He's clever at finding them.
He'll reinforce your strengths while at the same time secretly playing your weakest areas which masks what he's really doing.
You might then consider how spotting a player like this, unless you're only interested in sleeping with him anyways, is practically impossible.
How can you know without a doubt whether or not he's only saying these wonderful things just to sleep with you or he's showing a genuine interest?
Classic player moves. This plays on her weakness. They key “moves” are generally used to have a woman acting outside of her stronger role and has her doing things against her intuition and they are ALWAYS by his rules.
First of all, if you have slept with him already and he becomes a different person, disappears, or seems to alter his behavior by side-stepping the next step, then you might already have guessed, you WERE played.
Secondly, I could ask you to not take compliments as a genuine appreciation of your beauty but where does that lead men who are lovely admirers and believe it's in everybody's best interest to share their feelings with you?
Truth be told, minus the sex of course, lots of guys who are attracted to you will tell you they like you, they will do sweet things for you, and they will try to memorize important facts about you because to them, it's their way of showing you how much they do care.
Where does that leave us in figuring out if you're being played or not?
It is the final part... sex?
Probably not because so many of us love sex and just because we're dating and sleeping with a few women, one night stands, or looking for a little sweaty intimacy doesn't prove we're players or that we are trying to play you, it just means we're probably healthy, normal guys with sexual desires who are more than likely (if we're real men) open about it to those who ask appropriately.
I believe if you want to spot a player you have to dig a little into his character.
...if you’re ever looking for something more “long-term” with a guy, it would be best to avoid his place on the second date.
His moral compass. How does he live his life? Who his friends are? How he treats those around him. Whether or not he's willing to share his friends and family and his private information with you.
His strange ability to have secrets wrapped in secrets and when you pry too much, steers the conversation quickly and often places blame on YOU for asking.
He's a drama king often surrounded by troubled women who just don't seem to get him. At least that's what he tells you when you accidentally bump into one.
He's dated and slept with every girl at work the "other" guys wish they had and blames the break up on them. How they were too needy, too demanding, too messed up for his liking.
He plays the "poor poor me" role all to well. Using your nurturing and empathy against you so he can climb in your pants and catapult out of your life quickly because he can't handle another heartache. ( Granted this one might be reserved for the pleasant to look at guys.)
He's a "but" guy always talking about HIS future which rarely if ever includes you BUT things just don't work out for him the way he wants. More of the "po po me" shit but with a twist, he acts like he wants something out of life.
He's not like everyone else. He's different when he's with you. He makes you feel like you're the only one he opens up to yet he refuses to do anything about getting in a relationship. He's on standby circling and circling and circling and never seems to land.
I believe the ONLY way to spot a real player and not just some guy who just happens to be good with women and likes to be with them comes down to his honesty. How upfront he is with you about his life and what he wants from it.
Players tend to steer you away from getting too much information which might reveal that he's only interested in sex. Mind you that's different from a guy who blatantly tells you or his actions are telling you he doesn't want anything more. In that case you're NOT being played.
Again, search for his character any way you can because it's (almost) impossible to hide.
"...meet a real player. I mean this guy was ruthless. He had women fighting over him. He hid certain ones. He used them to make the tougher ones jealous. He talked about his success with other guys.
Players reveal their hand through character flaws which might be too easy to overlook. Or easily overlooked because you don't want to believe it because you might think, this time he's different... with you. How those "other" girls were not for him anyways.
Players also reveal their hand when they "play" on your weaknesses, those soft spots I mentions above. Real guys just don't do that.
Players PLAY with you.
Real guys have FUN with you.
Spot the difference and you just might never have to ask the top question again, "Why Do Guys Tell You They Like You, Do Sweet Things and Memorize Everything You Say, If They Only Want To Sleep With You?"
You might have a better chance at finding a guy who will show you how much they like you, do sweet things, memorize everything about you, and sure the sex will come but it's not the only thing he'll want from you.