#4: He could be ignoring you or going silent because he’s a self-centered man or even a narcissist.
Some guys are unfortunately just bad people and when these guys ignore you, it’s never a good thing. They can be only be helpful to you in one way – when you realize or figure out he’s one of those types, it’s a very clear signal to let him go, dump him, and move on quickly because he will hurt you.
Men who fall into one of those types can have several reasons for ignoring you. Sometimes it’s a game. He could easily be a player because they are generally self-centered people. Maybe just wanted sex, wanted to use you to make another one jealous, or you were someone he turned to while he was having problems with his current partner. All are highly probable.
Whatever his “real” reason is it leads us back to a specific guy who may not be right or act appropriately towards women… The guy whose life only evolves around himself generally ignores women because they don’t see others as a priority in their life until (or unless) they need something from you or they want to get something from you, sex included.
“A REAL player is a guy who manipulates a woman’s feelings or emotions with the purpose of using those feelings to get what he wants from her. Typically, after he gets what he wants he disappears…”
Personally I feel the self-centered or narcissistic man is rare. Most men actually fall into another category altogether which will be explained later.
(However if you find it happens to you often, then you might want to look at your dating criteria, where you’re meeting these guys, what attracts you to them, or how you keep letting yourself fall for these types time and time again.)
Whether those type of guys are rare or not doesn’t make it any easier on you because sometimes it’s difficult to spot him early on.
Some of them are either good at hiding it when you first meet OR some guys are only a little self-centered and it takes getting to know him more and then getting hurt, before you realize his life revolves around only making him happy.
Let’s dig into these two type of guys so you can best pick them out and avoid them or break it off before you get in trouble.
Ego is good but when does too much become self-centered or narcissistic?
We all need Ego. We all need to be a little self-centered. We ALL need to focus on ourselves a little. It’s actually a good thing. But as you may know, there must be a balance.
Too little Ego typically results in low self-esteem and/or confidence:
“A person with little or weak ego-strength lacks resiliency, sticks mostly to what “feels” comfortable to them, and avoids what does not. They tend to hold unrealistic expectations, which are held rigidly in place by emotionally charged core beliefs that activate the body’s stress response, as they are rooted in fear and anxiety.”
When you meet a guy with too little Ego you’ll also find they don’t value themselves very much. When it’s extremely low they’re easy to see. If you’ve ever met a “seemingly” weak and tentative guy who wants the woman to do all the work and decisions in dating, backs out often, has many fears and limited beliefs – his Ego is definitely on the weaker side.
That (with all respect to not getting too deep into the psychology of it all) is where this “type of guy” range or spectrum begins:
Very Little Ego – someone who have little value for themselves and allow others to take full advantage of them. They are the push-overs.
Some Ego – Feels confident and capable in some areas of their life. A degree of self-esteem. Not so much of a push-over when it comes to others opinions.
Those two types are only mentioned here to give you an idea of the wide range of people AND because it’s very helpful for you know the type of guys you’re meeting.
As we travel from left to right this is what happens:
Healthy Ego –> Self-Centered –> Narcissistic!
When you move right to self-centered and narcissistic the Ego grows beyond healthy and it becomes a major problem to themselves and to others depending how extreme the case.
Obviously you’ll want to avoid and spot the self-centered guys and definitely the narcissists because they are the ones most likely to start ignoring you or play games which can all too easily leave you confused and hurt purposely.
(The lesser Ego guys are generally not ignoring you or going silent intentionally where the other two types are, that’s the difference.)
It’s debatable which of the two, the narcissist or the self-centered guy is better at fooling a woman long enough for you to get trapped into a relationship with OR whether while dating or in a relationship one becomes more skilled at it OR slowly builds his Ego beyond what is healthy.
I‘ll separate the two below so you can see the real difference between the two. Notice how extreme and messed up the narcissist is and how the self-centered man at least has feelings or remorse for what he does to others.
“The hallmarks of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are grandiosity, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration. People with this condition are frequently described as arrogant, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding.”
Self-centered people CAN be empathetic and narcissists can fake it but they still see others or use others as pawns in their egocentric universe. Self-centered people crave attention and always find a way to talk about themselves especially when they feel neglected and unimportant. They generally talk way too much about themselves BUT they can listen to others.
Narcissists struggle listening to others and often demand you listen to them. In the same context the big difference which separates them from the self-centered guys is that you MUST listen to them because they feel they are better than you.
Self-centered people have morals and will follow most rules or social values. They have a fair sense of guilt and will accept blame when it is due. If they ignore you they feel bad even though it may not change their actions.
Narcissists feel privileged, break the rules, and often find a way to blame others while doing their thing. This person will blame you when they cheat on you. It will be your fault if you get ignored. Nothing is EVER their fault.
Based on that small piece of information above it can become quite easy to spot those types of people early on and to figure out which type he falls under.
Again, when it’s extreme it’s easy to see but if they’re good at hiding it, you can be fooled so don’t get down on yourself when and if it happens.
Here are some quick questions you can ask yourself (early on) about a man to help you quickly figure out the type of man you’re dealing with BEFORE he starts ignoring you:
- Is he all too defensive when asked specific questions?
- Does he only surround himself with people he can control?
- Does it feel like it’s always about him? This includes men who say, “It’s not you, it’s me.” or when he mentions he tries, but he’s not good at those sort of things.
- Does he consistently mention how he is superior to others or how others are always wrong?
- Does he use friendships as a tool to get what he wants? This includes using you to get what he wants. Men with a healthy Ego are willing to GIVE just as much as they get.
- Is he opinionated to the point where he rarely considers another persons perspective including your point of view?
- Does it always feel like he is hiding something from you? This type of man tends to hide who they are, what they’re doing, and why they are doing it.
- Does he act arrogant and look down at others?
- Does he devalue others constantly as if his life is the most important thing in the world and others lives are just meaningless compared to his
- Does he act selfish in many circumstances where it’s a little over the top?
- Does he have a lack of long-lasting relationships and use excuses as to why his relationships fail. Sometimes it’s their fault, sometimes it’s her fault. But it’s never accepted as “just is” or “it didn’t work out”.
All those questions and more can help you see his true character and help you decide if he’s right for you.
“Guys who feel like they deserve more without making a real effort to move on or be honest with themselves will also find it difficult to be totally honest with you.” Warning Signs: 10 Types Of Guys You’ll Want To Avoid Dating
They can also help you determine if he’s going to ignore you in the future, if he is ignoring you on purpose OR if it’s just a part of his personality to play games.
Yes, I understand they are not questions that you just ask a guy. They are designed to help you figure out his true character.. You’ll have to trust your intuition. You’ll have to learn how to see these things early on and not let the chemistry or sexual feelings cloud your vision.
Another helpful tip is that during your conversations you can get lots of men to reveal their true nature by the questions you ask and how you ask them. It’s takes a little skill and practice but if you’ve been hurt by guys way too much, it’s worth putting in the effort.
The real trick is you can not make it sound like a job interview unless that’s what you’re doing because it will do little to attract a man. However, when you think about, dating is just another way of interviewing someone you might want to spend the rest of your life together so why wouldn’t you use certain tactics or skills so you don’t hire the wrong guy or let the wrong man into your life.
Something I want you to never forget is: Falling for a guy like this happens. You must not allow yourself to blame yourself too much or get down on yourself when it does happen because guys like this “prey” on those feelings and will use them to better control you and the situation.
Yes, feeling bad for yourself too much or blaming yourself all the time just because you made a mistake makes it easier for a guy to control you. You have limited time to move on, use it wisely. You must not allow yourself to head left (make your Ego smaller) when a guy like this hurts you.
Guys like this, (the self-centered and the narcissists) will ignore you for their own personal gain and control issues and to feed their Ego.
Here are some things to look out for to help you narrow it down even more. These are things guys will do which are red flags and will show you whether you’re being used, played, and forever left hanging. They also help you determine the all-important intention of a guy:
- Rarely, if ever, asks you personal questions. Almost like he couldn’t care less about you and your personal life.
- Only texts or calls you at night.
- The conversations are mainly sexually based and if you try to change he subject he’ll find a not-so-clever way to get back to talking about sex.
- He’s too secretive about his personal life and he will make you feel like your bothering him or asking too many questions.
- He’ll generally make you feel like everything’s your fault rather than take any blame upon himself.
- He stares at other women freely and can not understand why you’d be upset about it because you’re not together AND because he’s with you, not them.
Obviously there are a ton of clues to look for and the list could go on and, if this is a serious problem for you, then I suggest you get yourself a much more precise and detailed program to teach you about men to avoid. Here’s a great one which will show you how:
Finders Keepers – There Are “Keepers,” And There Are “Charmers.” Here’s How To Spot The Kind Of Person Who Will Make You Happy For Life. Most Relationships Based On Things Like “Sexual Chemistry” Or Common Interests Fail.
Remember when give a self-centered man a little, he’ll take a lot and take advantage of you.
Give a narcissist even a tiny bit and he could make it hurt for a very long time. They’re good at what they do therefore you must be strong enough to walk away quickly.
Being ignored by a guy who is self-centered might actually be doing you a favor because you now know it’s time to break it off. If the narcissist goes silent because he’s playing you or because he can only think about himself. again, less time spent with him IS a good thing.