Reason #5: It’s not him, it’s you. Men often go silent or ignore you because you are unknowingly or knowingly pushing them away.
Your personal habits or the way you interact with men could be pushing them away and/or causing them to ignore you. Of course in most of these cases they’re not ignoring you, they’re actually withdrawing or decreasing their interactions with you for one or many reasons.
Typically men withdraw or ignore women based on their own feelings or agenda but you might be playing your part in it too.
BUT before you go taking it all to heart remember this…
Sometimes we blame ourselves too much so we must learn when it’s appropriate and when to take responsibility for what is happening. (Knowing when to accept responsibility can make you stronger AND more attractive which will effectively open you up to attracting a better quality man into your life.)
In other words going down number 5’s road (it’s not him it’s you) every single time is not healthy and it’s not always the correct reason.
You can’t always blame yourself!
Be open and assume SOMETIMES it is right, good, and healthy to take blame and learn to accept your responsibility and SOMETIMES it’s not, more specifically if you find yourself always taking the blame.
I’ve come with a huge list of actual real-life experiences where women were causing a man to ignore or withdraw but I’m NOT going to share them with you (just yet) because this list is not about specific things which may or may not be happening AND because this is not about pointing fingers and making you feel bad. I’m just not into that.
This is only about realizing or seeing just ONE out of the six main reasons men pull away, go silent, ignore women, or slowly disappear from your life.
Let me remind you of what they are:
- A Breakdown In Communication
- Dating & Relationship Modes – The Silent Man Might Not Be Ignoring You
- What If His Silence Has Nothing To Do With You? Projections In Dating
- The Narcissist & Self-Centered -Guys Who Will Ignore You On Purpose
- Your personal habits or traits are pushing men away. (This Page)
- He’s a guy and this is why guys go silent. An evolutionary perspective.
The good or great news is – IF and only IF today’s letter is the main reason these things are happening to you – it IS fixable. You’re not destined to be forever ignored or only attract bad men into your life.
You CAN change your habits.
You CAN change your interactions with men.
You CAN stop this pattern.
I am living proof.
When it came to attracting women and better relationships into my life I sucked at it. I had no clue how women felt or experienced emotions and only relied on bad information and past rejections. This only caused heartaches, friends zones, and a false reality making it even harder to see what was really happening.
What helped me was to first get a handle, or an objective look at where I was and what I was doing right and wrong. It then took an education on attraction, seduction, relationships, dating, etc…
Of course your education will be different than mine (or guys in general) but one “exercise” you will share with men is called the limited belief exercise. This is where you learn to objectify things and see things more clearly which in turn gives you a fresh new perspective and a more positive outlook.
With a little time, dedication, and finding the right help (and not being afraid to accept it) you will able (and capable) to achieve anything you want.
My plan was simple. Don’t let the size of it make it look harder or longer than it is.
Education. Set short-term and long-term goals. Re-frame my beliefs and objectify. Practice. More education. Make mistakes and learn from them. Set new goals based on my new positive belief system. Practice. Experience. Enjoy. Repeat as often as necessary and assure I wasn’t making the same mistakes over and over again. Learn to enjoy the process and not the result.
It seems like a lot of work but it’s not. It’s actually easier than it appears and as long as you’re having fun and enjoying yourself along the way – you won’t even realize how far you’ve gone until you look back.
And let me tell you it… feels… AMAZING!
Although my goals have changed and I have learned to enjoy the process, the result of my new goal – find the true love of my life – has come to reality – making all the work I’ve done easier to enjoy PLUS I get the added benefit of learning one of the most important skills of any relationship… COMMUNICATION.
For those of you who have “read enough” and are ready for it you can start today with these simple steps:
(Notice how similar they are to what I did.)
- Let Go of the Past.
- Set Realistic Expectations.
- Overcome Negativity.
- Defeat Your Fear of Failure.
- Reframe Your False Beliefs.
- Carry Yourself With Confidence.
- Take Action Now!
Now that I’ve hopefully made you feel better and gave you some options and inspiration to get this hold on “pushing men away” under control, we’ll go into more specifics about HOW you could be causing a man to go silent or withdraw by just ignoring you.
(Based on my personal experiences and the many experiences of men all over the world.)
There are relationship reasons, dating reasons, and being single reasons.
Relationships issues are ones that start quickly after you’re in a commitment with a guy.
Dating issues often cause guys to not want to commit to you so you’re left in limbo with a man who won’t commit or move forward with you.
Single reasons stop you from getting dates, meeting guys, etc…
Let’s get on with them and a short explanation of each one.
The Many Reasons or Ways You Might Be Pushing Men Away… or the painful tough to hear… It’s NOT Him, It’s You
A fear of failure.
This one is huge. Lots of women will push a guy away out of fear without knowing it is even happening. From fear of commitment to fear of loss and even a fear in intimacy, all will have you acting in certain ways which drive men away.
Afraid he’ll cheat on you so your actions are that of jealousy, neediness, and desperation to keep the guy close to your side. You don’t have to be upfront about it for a guy to sense that is what is happening and it can all too easily push him away.
A fear of success.
This one was big for me. Since I didn’t know what to expect with a girlfriend or dating a woman, I’d stop myself from getting close or closer because I had little or no confidence in my “intimate” abilities and little experience to rely on.
The fear of success is a very real thing.
Trying to steer or control the relationship before it’s even there.
Men like to lead. Of course not all of them are good at it and you will meet men who will gladly hand over the lead part in the relationship, but if and when you take control and he’s not ready – he’ll pull away.
It’s all about you and not him.
Yes, the article on Narcissistic or Self-Centered men certainly apply to women. If it’s always about you he will grow tired quickly and disappear from you.
Compromising is one thing to understand when and how, but when you’re constantly being ignored or blown off by lots of different guys – then you could be pushing them away because you always make everything about you with total disregard for him or them.
Talking about the relationship too much.
Men often go silent or back quickly away from women who ALWAYS want to talk about the relationship. This includes where it’s going, where it is, what happened before, asking why isn’t he doing this, why does he do that, etc…
Sure it’s okay once in a while but when you turn every meeting or date into “talking” about the same thing, it makes the guy not want to be with you.
Some will even put up with it if he thinks he’s going to get laid that night, but eventually even that isn’t enough to keep him showing up.
The need, desire, to always know where you’re at with him.
It’s similar to the “over-thinking” and “talking” about the relationship too much but in this example – it’s generally reserved for those who are just “dating”. This reason is also different because you don’t have to want to talk about it with him or you might not ever bring it up.
BUT since it’s always on your mind, it comes out in your actions causing certain men to pull away, go silent, or as in these articles, ignore you.
Not knowing HOW to communicate to men in general.
Sure you can know how to talk to guys, but if you don’t know how to COMMUNICATE to men it could a real problem in your dating or relationship experiences. I’d say if you’re always getting the feeling that people (including men) don’t ever seem to understand you or “get” you, then you might have a communication problem.
Generally, communication issues are not reserved to just guys, it’s a bigger issue which tends to affect things greater when you’re emotionally or physically involved with that someone – male or female.
Preemptive break ups.
You might have a habit of quite literally pushing men away. Ending it in the middle or before it begins to save yourself the hurt or pain you feel always comes.
Whether you don’t allow yourself to get close to someone or when you do, these actions cause the break up or pull back and usually happen when you trying to avoid or stop yourself from being hurt.
Not judging his character. Expecting more from a guy than he is capable or ready to give.
Some men are just not ready, willing, and/or capable of being in a relationship. They might even screw things up before they even happen.
If you don’t know if the guy you’re dealing with is like this, you might be expecting more from him than you will ever get.
As he pulls away or starts ignoring you it feels like you’re doing something wrong – when in fact you’ve just misjudged him or thought he was who he was not.
Everything and anything might originate from your anxiety around guys. Men don’t mind the slightly jittery woman, they’re like that too at times, BUT when your anxiety causes your mind to race and then you ACT on those feelings, it could easily push a lot of men away.
It’s not normally the anxiety they can not deal with – it’s the constant unpredictability and apparent emotional ups and downs which tends to push men away who maybe don’t want to deal with it, or want to be okay with it, they just don’t know how to handle it.
This one is a biggie because unlike the real emotional things you may experience which run deep, this is mainly about ATTITUDE.
Having and communicating too many negative thoughts about yourself and even the world around you, for not a lack of better words – causing lots of good men to run from a woman.
A Faltered limited belief system.
Your belief system is everything and if you tie things together, make too many assumptions, link outcomes with events which are faltered, you may find that very same belief system you rely on everyday, to be the root cause of why guys end up ignoring you, going silent on you, or become impossible to speak with as they slowly or quickly disappear.
An unhealthy need to be in control.
Control is a big issue for men and women alike. It tends to turns ordinary people into something they’re not because the more you TRY to control something or someone, the less control you actually end up having over it or them or him or her.
Maybe you want the control to feel like you have some power of what happens to you, maybe you’re just trying to cover all the basics so you feel like if and when a failure happens, you’ve got it covered BUT it doesn’t matter – control issues are control issues and if you do it a lot in any one area, chances are you do it many other including relationships.
They’re just that much harder to see they’re happening, but they are – and you can and will push a lot of guys away from it.
Stuck in the past.
Constantly comparing your ex-boyfriends or husband to the current guy you’re dating or seeing or in a relationship with. Always basing your current relationship or dating experience with a past failure or success.
Having too many regrets and trying to avoid it from happening again. All are signs that you are living in the past and you won’t let it go.
The strange part about this reason is, when you live in the past too often, you’re sometimes doing it to avoid something bad from happening again – and by doing so, actually cause it to be more likely to happen again. Which is why we ALL need to learn to let things go.
Constantly accusing men of being less than they actually are.
This is part of the being negative group but it’s been given its own category because it’s easier to see and know it’s happening when it’s not lumped into a larger category.
It’s here to hopefully show you that if you have a negative view on men in generally, talk down to them, feel they are inferior to females for any reasons up to and including: more likely to cheat, are emotionless or have no feelings, etc… this can and will push men away for obvious reasons.
Having too many masculine traits as it relates to dating and relationships.
Pursuing too much. Chasing him too much. Always having the need to be in charge of anything and everything from where to go, what to do, how he should dress, etc…
This is not about playing sports or being strong or having success in a male’s so-called world – this one is about doing masculine things that the guy is supposed to be doing which makes him feel like a man worthy of attracting you.
Trying to convince a man to like you or do what you want.
Steering a guy might work a little but in the end, HE has to decide what is best for him and he needs to feel like HE is making the decision. If it feels like he’s being led or told what to do, he’ll often pull back until he gets some power for himself back or disappear thinking he’ll never have it anyways.
Expecting a relationship will make you happy.
When you put that type of expectation on any man, he will soon become tired and exhausted of trying to always make you happy. The pressure becomes very real to him.
The unusual part about this one is that you’ll often find lots of guys who like this and are willing to try it.
They will link their happiness to yours.
Which unfortunately also means they will link your sadness or unhappiness too.
All is well for a while until the man grows exhausted because relationships or even dating works better and is more likely to succeed when both people in it, are happy before getting into it.
When you expect a relationship to make you happy, like it’s all you’re missing, the man you get involved with will ultimately crack under that kind of extreme pressure.
Calling or texting too much. Sending messages and not giving time to respond.
Expecting any guy to consistently respond to your time-table of messages will always cause him to not only go silent, but also to stop looking at your messages as they pile up in his inbox. This one may seem obvious but since it happens and too many women often ask why the guy they’re texting isn’t responding, it must be said…
Aside from everything you read or hear, the biggest reason men won’t text or call back is because you text or call more often than he can handle or is willing to respond AND there’s no actual reason for the texting to happen.
“You had every reason to think he felt the same way. He told you that you were beautiful and sexy. He would ask you if you’ve ever been to exotic destinations and that maybe one day he’d take you. He’d hold your hand and share his dreams of having a family someday.
He seemed so into you. Everything was going so great.
Then, Suddenly, Out Of Nowhere, He DISAPPEARED”
We’re finally almost done with the whole, “It’s not him it’s you thing.” If you have a personal experience you’d like to add to the list, please do so below. It could help another woman overcome all this AND at the same time it’s a chance for you to let it all out.
In important part which must be said is:
Some guys won’t fight you on many of these things – they will “put up with it” for a while and slowly pull back, go silent, or disappear entirely rather than start another argument or listen to it or anything any more. The point at which it became clear to him might not be the start of when he first felt these feelings of wanting to escape. (Making it very difficult to find the exact cause.)
What also makes it difficult is the time frame for which it happens could be weeks to even years.
Which means if you’ve missed these things you find yourself doing something on this list – again- do NOT get down on yourself, just start going in the other direction and sooner, not later, things will get better.
What if, just what if you didn’t find the reason above and you’re still searching for an answer – it’s okay. Sort of, because I’ve thought hard about including more BUT I didn’t want to turn this page into a negative blame thing.
I know for a fact, when it comes to guys fucking things up with a woman, their list would be just as long. Please keep them in mind as go through them with a good heart, look and read them objectively, AND at your own risk.
- 8 Little Mistakes That Make Men Lose Interest
- Why Men Withdraw Plus Stop The Drama & Avoid Mistakes
- Why Women Freak Out Unknowingly Do Things Which Push Him Away
- The #1 Unforgivable Sin Most Women Commit In A Relationship”>The #1 Unforgivable Sin Most Women Commit In A Relationship
- 3 Things To NEVER Say To A Man Unless You Want To Be Alone
- Are You Chasing Him Don’t Even Know It? Showing Too Much Interest
- You’re Not in Touch With Your Feelings, He Won’t Feel Safe Expressing
- Communication Mistakes That Kill Passion
- Phrases That Kill Intimacy
- Do You Want to Learn the Secret to Keeping a Man Interested in You?
- Why Successful Women Have a Harder Time Than Finding Love
- Avoid These Ten Mistakes With Men To Get The Love Life of Your Dreams
- Why Talking About Your Relationship Could Be Hurting It
- Why Men Settle Down With One Woman And Not Another
- Never Say This To A Man Unless You Want To Lose Him
- The Top 5 Relationship Mistakes That Get In The Way Of Lasting Love
Men go silent or refuse to share their feelings. They also ignore a woman without reason. One day they’re talking or texting, then silence! There are six main reasons why they treat women this way. From these main six you’ll going to know exactly a guy is not talking anymore or less. Why he’s not communicating to you.
Men go silent, ignore a woman, or refuse to share their feelings is a breakdown in communication. Men and women communicate differently. The problem usually starts before you were even dating, long before a relationship. One way is fear or reprisal and not knowing how to communicate.
When a dating couple are not in the same place at the same time it can cause confusion and make it appear you’re being ignored but you’re not. There are dating and relationship modes men and women go through and progressing from one to another must happen naturally. The silent man might not be on your time frame.
Projections, related to dating and relationships are a very real thing which can cause a lot of confusion and heartache. Living in the past or living in the future are all based on projections. When a man goes silent or ignores you, if you project you could easily misinterpret the situation making matter worse.
There are two bad types of guys who will ignore you on purpose. They are the narcissist and the self-centered man. Know the difference. Learn to spot the signals or signs early on so you can avoid dating them. Here are some questions you ask to help you determine if you’re seeing one of them right now.
This evolutionary perspective gives many reasons why men are more action than words. How silence is seen as safety. How being quiet meant survival. Despite the growth of society our brains have not evolved much. Looking at the past can show you how men communicate and why they use silent actionable communication.