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Is He Confusing You? How To Get A Real Answer To All Your Questions About Men

Peter White

It's hard to believe I've been answering personal questions about guys for well over six years now. Thousands of women have come here looking for an answer and courageously left their heart in hopes of getting an open, honest, and REAL answer to their "man" problem(s).

What started out as a simple "nice" gesture for women who kept visiting DiaLteg TM and asking ME  for advice - eventually turned into this lovely site; which has now evolved into something I believe is really special plus free from the clutter and cookie-cutter responses my nemesis magazines sites offer you.

(DiaLteG TM is my site where I teach men natural attraction.)

Throughout the years I've formulated some very interesting material on men based on my own (male) experiences, going deep into all the why's behind men and what makes them tick,  along the countless hours of research and strange ability of mine to be objective and see things others may easily miss - especially when they're in the middle of it all.

This is of course led to me a firm belief of what I've now quoted as a simple understanding of men BUT along with that came the many problems associated with any new theory or belief or "unique" perspective.

For example:

I THINK and somewhat believe I figured out how men fall in love - or what has to happen for him to feel emotional love BUT another problem arises:

There's no clear definition of LOVE that is consistent among men and love has many different forms. (Such as how even though there's only one word describe it in English - it's obvious a man's love for his Mother is different than the love he feels for his children which is different from what he experiences with a woman he is sexually and emotionally intimate with over a period of time.)

But enough of all that...

This page was created in the beginning as a place where a woman can get an honest, upfront, objective answer about any specific guy in their life OR where you can leave question about men in general to help you understand, connect, and possibly attract a better man into your life.

Little did I know (not counting the thousand comments on posts) I'd be looking and trying to get through a single page with over 700 comments.

Quite the daunting task as you imagine.

What I've now decided to do is find a way to break down all the questions and answers into separate pages and delete them from here so it's continually fresh and easier to get through. (Wish me luck!)

That way you can search for something similar to what you'r going through without having to expose your personal information or heart publicly AND if a question is interesting to you - you can give it a read and perhaps use the advice in your own personal life with men.

Yes - this page will now or very soon be once again OPEN to anyone who wants to leave a question BUT...

I can NOT do what I have done in the past. I have a businesses to run and a family to enjoy my time with and I don't want to promise you more than I can give.

I can give you personal consultations with very detailed answers based on a very strict selection process where a fee will have to be paid up in advance. (More info on that is coming.) 

I will be choosing random questions to answer here and sometimes I'll feature them in a post.

Here's your opportunity to leave what's on your mind about a guy or men in general.

Share It With The World!
(You can read my email policies here. No spam ever! Your information is always private. )
478 comments… add one
  • Eilish

    HELP. I am in my twenties and this guy I fell in love with is as well. We started off as acquaintances over the internet; we just wanted to chat to somebody and we ended up sharing for hours on end. I didn’t expect much out of it of course, but we decided to keep in touch as we both love travelling and discovering new cultures (he’s from the other side of the world; an utterly different culture, different faith – although I am religious and he doesn’t really practise – different problems – he’s from a poor country compared to mine). We got along well and became good friends (even had nicknames for each other and made fun of each other all the time saying we should meet and do stuff together, sending pictures and videos of our whereabouts…). Months passed… and well, we’ve been knowing each other for almost two years now. I knew I was falling for that guy but kept it to myself because I am not exactly what men like and didn’t want to make him uncomfortable; then one day he starts joking about marrying me. I didn’t think much of it although it really made me nervous and agitated (THE FILMS I STARTED DIRECTING IN MY HEAD, YOU HAVE NO IDEA!) and smiled. Basically he keeps saying (all the time) we should meet, that we should just get married and go live together so we can be happy and sometimes he says what I need is a nice guy like him. NOW. He is very sweet, but every time I start trusting his ways… and acting accordingly, showing a little more of my heart to him… he either disappears or seems distant. I don’t know what’s going on. He either texts me one-hundred times a day (yes, I don’t like texting but certain days I receive so many messages by him and I reply obviously) or stops messaging me altogether for four days in a row. Then he’ll come back in all his charming glory. I don’t know if I got it wrong; at some point (after a while of him acting like that) I even tried and suggested that I really wished we could meet and finally spend some time together in real life, to which he agrees but… he’s unreadable. If I go back to friend mode he’ll switch it to what seems to me a more flirty mode (he knows I am shy and he knows it’s very awkward for me but he seems to like when I’m embarrassed – his very words), if I try and close the distance though, well he’ll go back to friend mode the next day. I am not even the one who started mentioning that. He did all on his own: he likes everything about me, thus he states. I wish he wouldn’t say those things. I even cut off contact at some point (I told him first that I was going to cut contact), and as soon as I came back (after MONTHS and only to say sorry for acting that way) he was so happy, wouldn’t shut up and whatnot. I have no idea what’s going on.
    Please enlighten me. What am I supposed to do with this weirdo? I even explicitly said I also like his looks (you never know, maybe he doesn’t think I’d like him, so I tried).
    (please don’t show my email else he’ll know it’s me)

  • Bridget

    Hi Pete,
    6 weeks ago my boyfriend of just over a year broke up with me because I went to university 6 hours away from where we lived. He broke up with me very suddenly during a video call in which we kind of had a fight but said he still loved me. It was two weeks away from the end of the year where I would be home for good during the summer. We met up a couple of weeks ago and he said he felt like he was holding me back at uni and that he misses me and doesn’t want to be with anyone else. I’m so confused because we both know now that we can be happy and do our own thing at uni and then still be happy together as we see each other every fortnight. He said he knows he couldn’t have broken up with me in person because we get on too well. I’m meeting up with him tomorrow and i have already told him a couple of days ago in a text how I miss him and know we can make it work- is him agreeing to meet up again to talk about it a good sign and if so should I just tell him everything? Help!

    • Hi Bridget,

      Yes, tell him everything. Talk it out. Find out the “real” reasons why he broke it off with you. Is it really because he’s worried he’s holding you back? That may be part of the reason but I highly doubt it’s the biggest reason.

      To me it sounds like he’s not into having a long distance relationship because he’s worried one of you will stray and with the time apart, your new adventures, it will ultimately mean you’ll both grow apart. Aside from that, I guarantee there’s more going on then you believe or that’s he’s been willing to admit.

      YOU might feel like, “…we both know now that we can be happy and do our own thing at uni and then still be happy together as we see each other every fortnight.” but it’s quite obvious he doesn’t feel the same way even if he’s said it. Otherwise there wouldn’t be a problem, right?

      Now… what does it mean when a guy says he feels like he’s holding you back? THAT question needs to be answered. It’s kind of important here. It could mean he truly loves you and wants you to pursue your dreams despite him. He’s encouraging you to move on to bigger and better things. (This encouragement as it relates to a guy loving you is covered in my recently newsletter which you can read here: Does he Love You?).

      In this context the “bigger and better” things really means “bigger and better than him” – at least so how it feels to him. You must explore that issue with him in the most positive way possible.

      You two are in two different places and at different times. He wants something NOW and he wants it with you. Timing and circumstance are getting in the way. It may be that since he can not get what he wants without hurting you or your chances to build something wonderful for yourself, he’s stepping aside to let it happen. These things happen often at a younger age. THAT needs to be discussed with him also. What does he want right now? He needs to be honest with you. He you need to get it out of him so the truth can be said. From there – the differences or problems can be worked out.

      Your best way to approach all the communication I’ve asked you to do so far is to come at him with respect and admiration. Let him see you value his “smart” opinion. Let him see and understand more than just his opinions matter to you, but that you strive to LEARN from his mind.

      Lastly… of course it’s a good sign. Nothing here tells me he doesn’t still love you. That’s not why the breakup happened. His feelings for you just didn’t disappear and they won’t anytime soon.

      Hope that helps you sort it all out and best of luck – don’t forget to let me know how it all goes for you.

      Your guy friend,
      Pete

  • Winter

    I need clarity on something:

    Men say all of the time that it matters most how a guy feels when he is around you. Okay, fine. But what is the difference between that and [just] being his ego boost?

    There is a guy who I know felt really good around me (we had a connection/chemistry that was really sweet and deep and it’s not in my mind – you can feel it when it’s authentic, as can others). So, what differentiates between the women who get the guy because they feel amazing around us and the women who just become the guy’s ego boost?

  • Carey

    I dated my best friend for about 9 months. We had a huge disagreement and split, but during that time, he decided to try and work on his marriage. We have been in touch almost daily since then. Fast forward several years later and he calls me stating that his wife asked for a divorce. At the end of that conversation, he tells me he loves me and admits that he hasn’t told anyone else about it, so I should feel blessed and tells me that he trusts me explicitly.

    Last night, about a week since he told me they were divorcing, I told him that I wanted to be more than friends. He replied that he does not want that because I get jealous too easily. I do get jealous because we are long distance from each other and I am jealous of the people he sees way more than me. I admitted this to him.

    Today, after telling me some pretty awful things (such as he “thanks God every day that he never stuck his dick in me”), he now says he does not love me or is not in love with me and when I said I wasn’t interested in being friends with him, he said, “I’m not interested either.”

    So, I made an appointment with my therapist and am working on the jealousy. I deleted all of my social media accounts, so how do I show to him that I am changing my jealous ways? We are long distance and I immediately ceased contact with him after that exchange today. Also, why would he tell me a week ago that he loves me and now pull this stunt?

    I truly don’t wish to be only his friend, as I think we are pretty damn amazing together. We never had this jealousy issue when we dated; only after we split and time together decreased. However, we have been friends for 15 years now and I hate to lose any of that relationship.

    As always, thank you for your help, Pete!

  • Nicky

    Started dating this guy, things was going ok then he went cold, we fell out and he blocked me, I managed to get in contact and we stayed friends. We met once and we kissed and things led onto more, we decided to be friends with benefits which helped take the pressure off “dating “ but the thing is, we started seeing a lot of each other, we would be out in public and he would be affectionate, I met his kids as a friend, went to a party and he acted that we were together, I met his mum, he told me he liked me and that he likes me more than I like him, he misses me when I’m not at his house, he feels very happy, he explained that he is not used to letting his guard down as he always ends up getting hurt, he gets scared and clams up and goes into shut down mode, but this time he knows he doesn’t want this to happen, he feels a lot of affection towards me and this is getting bigger than he ever expected, he asked if I still felt the same towards him, (before he finished with me before I told him I really liked him and that he’s amazing) I told him that I did still feel the same and I have noticed how much affection he has for me, but my guard is up a little as he had dumped me twice already and blocked me, I also told him that If I wasn’t that into you I would not be doing the fwb, he understood what I said and that he is really trying, he will not block me again and what ever happens he wants me in his life forever, no matter what becomes of us, so to me all this, sounds really good and I started letting my guard down, I thought I’m happy as we are but let’s see where this goes as I do really like him….
    A month later we was going to an event together and he was unwell and couldn’t go, I was hoping for a miracle to happen so he was able to, but I knew that was not going to happen, then after that I felt like something wasn’t right, he didn’t seem interested in seeing me or making plans, so I asked him what was wrong? Have I done something, we had words and he said he doesn’t want anything anymore, no benefits nothing, just friends! He has too much going on, We have text and called, I have given a few of his things back that I had at my house and vice versa on good terms, but I feel he is still avoiding me, I really wanted to talk to him about something and I messaged him on what’s app, I knew he was available but I believe he chooses not to open it so it looks like he is not ignoring me, he’s done this before,
    I keep trying to understand, is he interested in someone else? Has he got scared? Left confused and hurt.

  • Cynthia

    Hello !
    Here’s a particular situation. I have been interested in my colleague make for 6 weeks roughly. And we managed to talk mostly during after work (we are doing loads of after work in where I work)
    I know he’s shy but he can talk and is comfortable in some topics. Party after party, I started feeling some interest, we were often ended sitting next to each other and have deep conversations. I first thought : I will let him progressively come to me. But as he’s shy, I knew it would take ages. I often smiled to him and he responds until one day where he looked away. From that moment I though, I need to make it clear and suggested him few days later to have a drink by text. He replied kindly he wasn’t available that night and say : see you on Monday. I thought he would at least suggest another day but nothing. In my head, I just boxed him as “non interested, move to the next one”The following week, I felt a bit embarrassed so I wasn’t looking at him. But you know you always feel like someone he’s staring at you (as if it wasn’t enough, our tables were few meters apart so we kind face each other) We don’t usually say hi at each other at the office so it didn’t change much. Sometimes we used to cross our looks but it was always quick.
    My point is, I thought he showed some interest but maybe I got it wrong and he was just being friendly. How could you tell ?

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