#1. A breakdown or lack of real communication.
Whether you’re not opening up to him “effectively” (not knowing how to communicate to men) or he’s not opening up to you, this might appear to be the root or start of the problem but it’s usually not.
The root or start of the communication problem usually begins at an early age for both men and women.
The differences between men and women, how we think, how we’re taught early on through advice, family, friends, and relationships, defines a certain pattern in our lives which we bring to our current relationships.
We fail to communicate out of fear.
The fear of reprisal.
The fear of the consequences of our words or actions.
We also fail to communicate (or go silent) because we just don’t know HOW to communicate our thoughts effectively and we don’t want to be misunderstood.
Men go silent for all those reasons above and much more because, based on their past they predict what’s going to happen AFTER something is said and as they consider their responses and imagine the repercussions of their words or actions, they may become silent or choose to be silent from the beginning.
If it’s nothing positive OR they don’t know how to say it without pissing you off or causing another fight and a possible break up, saying nothing and secluded themselves into something or someone else seems to be the only actionable answer for them.
Communication is KEY not just to assure the man in your life feels free to open up to you, because it’s not 100% guaranteed to have every guy speaking honestly with you, but also important to endure trouble spots in the relationship.
When you know how to talk with each other positively and open each other up WITHOUT FEAR then you WILL have a greater chance at making a relationship work under even the most extreme circumstances.
We often call this a breakdown in communicate because it’s mainly used in a relationship which is already happening BUT I can tell you that the breakdown typically happens from the beginning as in when you first met and started interacting.
It started during the dating phase and continued on after and until a deeper problem or pattern emerges and the couple doesn’t even realize it.
“Your Partner’s Silence Is Not A Sign Of Wavering Love. There’s Something Else Going On.” Communication Mistakes That Kill Passion
Number 1 is not just for people in relationships but when the reasons for going silent happen while in a relationship this is the most obvious one to look for to find the cause or root of the problem.
What can you do to solve this one:
Study, learn, and practice effective communication habits with your partner immediately.
Seems easy on the surface but if your partner doesn’t feel like it’s an issue or doesn’t care to learn with you, the problem becomes almost impossible to solve. This is obviously something which needs to be worked on together BUT you have find tools or learn skills to help you open up your partner more easily.
You’re going to read the main differences between man and women and how they communicate below but I strongly encourage and recommend these famous programs to fully learn real communication skills with a guy which will strengthen your relationship and help you communicate to your man.
Love Scripts For Relationships – The EXACT Words He NEEDS To Hear To Want To Listen To You, Please You, And Make You His Forever
Communication Secrets For A Secure Relationship – If You Don’t Know What Your Man Is Thinking, Then He’s Probably Thinking Of Leaving
Lasting Love Made Easy – Love Doesn’t Conquer All, But The Right Relationship Skills Do
Relationship Turnaround Program – If You’re Feeling Hopeless About Your Love Life, Here’s How To Recapture The Initial “Magic” You Had With A Man… And Take Your Relationship To A Whole New Level
Relationship CPR – Make Up or Break Up? Here’s How to Stop the Pain of Betrayal and Disappointment, Heal the Emotional Wounds and Fall Crazy In Love Again
How Men and Women Communicate Differently
Men are believed to be terrible communicators but trust me, this is a false “limited belief” statement and if you were to start a conversation with a guy you’re in a relationship with on that premise alone, you will most likely start a fight or start off with bad communication habits bound to cause a future problem.
Men and women just communicate differently or for different reasons and knowing these differences can help you turn your silent guy into a more sharing man.
- Men talk with a purpose like solving a problem or exchanging information.
- Women talk to share feelings, increase intimacy, sharing and to solidify her connection with her partner or those around her.
Men (typically) have a clear idea or solution before they share which is why men go silent for periods of time as they think through the process and figure it all out on their own.
Women will prefer to talk it out and gather the information through the conversation rather than doing it inside their own heads. Sometimes if their partner won’t or can not listen, she may go to a friend or family member first.
He prioritizes and prefers efficiency.
She prefers to explore.
Guys will tend to think or believe that when you want to talk to him that you’re seeking advice and therefore will tend to push to a conclusion in the way he communicates. Which is always head-on, tackle the problem as quickly as possible.
He’s not always aware of why you’re communicating to him: Which is to explore ALL your feelings with him.
Men will generally withdraw to distract themselves from their problems. They reduce stress by focusing on other things. They are also withdrawing to figure out a solution to their current problem or sometime crisis at hand.
If you come to him during those times he might pull back because he feels he can solve things on his own. It’s part of what makes him feel like a man. He’ll feel like you don’t trust he can take care of things. If you come to him with any type of criticism or harsh words he of course will withdraw entirely making it feel like he doesn’t care any more.
How you interpret his response of withdrawing and how you handle it can have a lasting affect on the relationship which can go either way.
Again, NUMBER 1 is typically reserved or more common among partners in a relationship but it also happens during the dating phase.
For example – let’s say you’re not entirely sure where he stands on commitment and you’re waiting for him to make a move and he’s not doing it. If at that time you want to talk to him about it so he will bring it up, he will most likely withdraw or downplay it or not offer a solution or reason at that time.
You might believe it’s because he’s not ready for it. Which of course could be true BUT in reality, one way or another, if you’re bringing it up, it’s HIS time to step back and think about it in his own way.
Whereas your aim or purpose is to explore those feelings he might consider you’re pushing for a quick solution or bothering him to commit.
These two different ways in which we communicate to each other on such an important thing causes the first breakdown.
If he’s unsure but wants to give you answer he may give you a quick one just to appease you when in fact, he hasn’t had the time to consider his answer causing a later withdraw making it appear like he committed and then backed out.
A breakdown in communication, a failure to know or learn proper communication skills, a past filled with communication errors, the fear of being misunderstood, the fear of not looking masculine, being shown or taught dysfunctional communication habits early in life, (and more) all contribute to a silent man or a guy who slowly goes silent over time until he stops talking altogether.
*This is page 2 – visit page 1 here: Silent Guys – Why Men Go Quiet, Won’t Share Feelings, or Ignore Women. Page 3 here: Dating & Relationship Modes – The Silent Man Might Not Be Ignoring You.Page 4 here: What If His Silence Has Nothing To Do With You? Projections In Dating