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Why Do Guys…?

First Date Confusion – He doesn’t Call You Back! Is He Interested?

Woman Staring At Phone Confused

They went out Friday night after meeting off an internet dating site. He quickly mentions how he “doesn’t get on there much” and how they should exchange numbers.

She agrees and they text a few times before he says we should go out sometime very soon. She agrees and they set up a Friday night date.

He gets a kiss in the taxi and offers her a choice – “Call it a night or come up to his place to watch a movie.

She follows him to his apartment and within a short time is making out with her. She doesn’t allow any sex to happen and decides to call it an evening.

He texts her on the way home telling her to be safe. She texts him back. Then he mentions to stop texting because he doesn’t want her to get hurt and he’ll contact her soon.

A few days pass and since she hasn’t heard anything decides to text him, “thanking him for a good night out.”  He gets back to her after a few hours with something like you’re welcome and how he can not wait until the next time.

Now it’s Tuesday and she has not heard back from him. She just “happens” to notice he’s on the internet dating site even though he said he doesn’t get on there much.

She expects him to be seeing other women…”He’s a good-looking guy.” but doesn’t understand why he would say he isn’t on there a lot.

She believes he hasn’t called her because just maybe he thought he was going to get lucky and she didn’t let it happen.

Maybe he moved on to an easier girl.

Which doesn’t make sense to her, she thinks, because why did he bother to make sure she got home okay and mentioning that he’d like to see her again.

He played it perfectly…he didn’t waste any time messaging back and forth and get her phone number quickly.  A very smart thing to do.

The only thing she bothered to mention was that he was “good-looking,”  made good eye contact and asked a lot of questions.

In other words she was probably “hot” for him. He made her feel comfortable enough (after only a few messages and one date) to go back up to his place.

Now what about her – she “notices” he’s online a few times.

He doesn’t immediately get back to her so she starts to wonder if she’s being played.

She can not wait for more than a few days before she comes up with any reason to message,

“Oh yeah I forgot to thank you for the date…”

In other words she thought she found a perfectly good excuse to message him – but in reality she was more curious about why he didn’t instantly start acting like a boyfriend or some needy dude she’d probably run from anyways.

Instantly she comes to the conclusion it was because she didn’t put out!

Maybe he moved on to an easier girl because he was only interested in getting some and she refused to put out.

What kind of game could he possibly be playing?

Let’s see and please note the sarcasm – I won’t “crawl up her ass” and act like some needy guy. I’ll immediately show interest. Be confident by making good eye contact.

I’ll find out more about her by asking lots of questions.

I’ll show her quickly I’m not interested in a “just friendly” meeting so I’ll break the physical barrier almost immediately.

Both parties involved are doing what they should be doing – She’s testing the hell out of him hoping and trying to get him to reveal his hand. He’s passing them every step.

He’s getting to know her slowly and by not letting a few days become something more than it is. Just a few days. He’s keeping his options open by “probably” setting up more dates.

He has a good-looking profile, a quick “get her on he phone” system, and nonchalantly mentioning he’s not much of an internet dater. Which whether she or any woman ever believes it or not – is out there anyways.

Then she wrote this,

“I definitely agree that I screwed things up by going up to his place. I was naive and didn’t want the night to end and didn’t bother thinking what my actions were saying. Dannnnng. I know in my gut that since he hasn’t called, he’s just not that into me. But sometimes a girl just needs to hear it said out loud by someone else. No worries! I won’t be contacting him in any form.

Sucks that I’ll never know what would’ve happened had I gone home that night immediately after our date instead. Guess this guy was just meant to be a lesson. Lesson learned! Thanks for the honesty.”

No call 48 hours after first date…not interested?!

She relates “him not calling” quick enough to him not being interested – in my opinion… NOT TRUE at all!

The fact is after one date you can not expect any man to suddenly start revolving around your world. And if he does you’ll pull back quicker saying how overly needy he is. Even if he’s good-looking.

“Trying to figure out where a relationship is going too soon is a surefire way to scare a man away, just like you get scared off by those too-eager guys.”

You meet a “great guy”. You “want to know where things are going”… …so that you “don’t waste your time” …on a man “who may not want to commit” ….and has the “potential to hurt you” just like your last boyfriend.”

Do You Want to Learn the Secret to Keeping a Man Interested in You?

She NEEDS to hear he likes her or doesn’t…

He asked for a kiss, he asked to come back to his place, he said he’d like to see her again sometime…what more does she need to hear?

Then she calls him a lesson. How she won’t be contacting him in any form.

I don’t believe her.

She’ll think about him probably a little too much. Not compulsively but enough. The open non-explained disappearance will without a doubt still make her wonder.

“Why do guys…?” wait to call back after a first date, and why do men have dating rules?

People get busy and most of us run a life that’s full of things to do.

If you take the absence personal, like he’s doing on purpose just to play a game, them those same players you’re trying to avoid – will not only drive you crazy, you’ll set yourself for constantly being stuck with a guy like that.

Overly needy men will give you exactly what you want.

They will constantly tell you how interested they are in you. Mostly hoping you’ll like him back. He’ll worry you’re out with some other guy and text and phone you way too much right after you first meet. That is if he really likes you.

And you’re not going to feel anything for that type of guy very quickly because of it.

I know what you’re thinking – isn’t there a middle ground?

Can’t I meet a guy who is interested just enough to not let me wait around to figure it out?

Nope.

Because it’s too personal and because of that – it’s just best not to take it personally. His middle ground is probably different than yours and until you really get to know him, you’re only going to assume what it means based on your perspective.

If you’re always busy you assume others are probably busy too and you have no time to even consider it.

If you have lots of time on your hands then you have more time to think about it.

And it will seem longer to you than it does to someone else.

It’s a matter of personal perspective.

Does it really mean we’re just not interested?

It’s not 100% that just because a man does not contact you as quickly as you’d like is not a guarantee he’s not interested.

Quality men (and I use that term loosely) are NOT going to come out and say it early on but the signs are always there…

  • He asked for a kiss.
  • He asked you to come back to his place.
  • He said he’d like to see your again.

All signs pointing to his INTEREST.

Never expect a guy to consider a relationship of any kind in one or two weeks – because, and I know you already know this – those are the guys you don’t want anyways.

You yourself are displaying signs of neediness which is always an “attraction” killer.

So naturally you would expect him to do the same.

When a guy doesn’t call you immediately after a first date – don’t take it personal.

Yes some guys who are not interested will fade into the night never to be seen again, some guys are only looking for a quick lay…

But MOST highly sought-out men are dating a few women at once and are only living their lives.

They have no need to immediately contact a woman after just one date.

They have no need to advertise their interest because they know things take time.

They have no urgency to get her as quickly as humanly possible.

What really got me, and probably caused me to write all this, was the mostly lame responses she received telling her he was a player.

How she was being played and should feel grateful she didn’t sleep with him.

How it was such a huge mistake to go back to his place only after one night.

Could he be a player – quite possibly yes. But it’s just as likely he’s not.

The absolute truth about our “dating rules” is –  They are there because some men DO have a need problem. They do need to step back and give women space. Some men don’t and thus only follow their lives the best they can without any dating rules.

If she doesn’t her back from him at all, for a couple weeks or more, then yes it’s almost definite he’s not interested in her at all.

If he calls back drunk after that time – then he either just wanted sex and remembered you – or he’s feeling bad because he really liked you but got scared.

The best way to tell if a man is truly interested in you:

Tease him a little, have fun with him, offer a little and have him “work” if he wants more.

Be a challenge.

Be his challenge.

And those high quality men will show their interest by paying very close attention to you in every sense of the word.

Do things a certain way (attractive communication) and let them work for you AND if a guy is responding because of that – it’s practically a guarantee that he’s interested in you.

Now…

I’ve covered a lot in my newsletter and something which came up a while ago were some very profound concepts on all this IS HE INTERESTED?

Read my home page because to absolutely determine if he’s interested or not you must know his TYPE first – you can not start from the end and work your way back. His TYPE must come first.

If you don’t know his type you can misinterpret every action of lack of action a guys makes as it relates to you.

Get on my newsletter below and I’ll soon explain to you three very important areas which will not only help you figure this situation out but ALL of them.

Interest, Attraction, and Intention.

They are different but connected and I can not stress how important it is to know the difference and how they are connected.

Once you’re a member of why do guys – leave me a note to REMIND me that you signed up on this page and you want to be shown the differences.

(You can read my email policies here. No spam ever! Your information is always private. )
About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.
32 comments… add one
  • Angela

    Hi Pete!
    I met a guy on a date app. I didn’t really into him when we first text. I thought he was kind of a boring guy. We used to text every day to get updated. Every has changed when I met him in person. He’s nice, gentleman and very smart ( he’s a pediatrician). He asked me many questions and told me about his last relationship. I figured that We had many mutual interests and we really had a good time. After dinner we just saying goodbye by shaking hands and he wished me luck with my studies. He didn’t say anything about see me again. A few minutes later He texted me a message about some good films he recommended me to see while we was on date. I said thank you and something about the films but he never responded anymore! I wanted to say thank for the dinner we had but I couldn’t have chance to say it. It’s been 2 days already!
    One more thing, he used to promise me that he would go to a show with me but now he’s fading away! Should I text him to see if he’s still wanna go with me?

    • Peter White

      Hi Angela,

      Doesn’t sound like he’s fading away. Two days is not really that long after a first date. I’d say, just an average and not a hard thing, but when one week turns into two weeks, then it’s time to delete his number.

      Of course it’s perfectly okay to send him a quick text to let him know you had a good time. Just keep it short and fun. Do NOT ask him for another date or suggest one. He’ll know you’re interested just by sending him a text.

      IF he doesn’t respond within a few days – go ahead and delete his number.

      Just make sure you give him a GREAT reason to text you back.

      Thanks for asking and stopping by. All the best,

      Pete

  • Dawn

    Hi Pete,

    This guy I met in the summer has been flirting on and off with me since then. Mostly through social media since we don’t run into each other much. I found out he had been on/off with his ex throughout this time. I ended up seeing him on Tinder and since we had been texting about something else that day I decided to tell him. I thought he had a gf up until this point. We had actually been talking about guys I had been dating because I thought he was attached. The same day he asked me to come out as he was bowling and his friends were going to do something else. I met him there, we had an amazing time. His best friend was talking to me like I was his next girlfriend. We talked and stopped at a few places then we went back to his place and made out. He said he doesn’t have sex on a first date. I slept over as we had been drinking and my car was still at the bowling alley. We didn’t have sex. He was talking about us ‘being together’ and he asked me to go snowboarding with him for New Years. He was telling everyone it was our first date and he was making it seem very much like he was interested in something serious. I never imagined I wouldn’t hear from him afterwards. He dropped me off at my car the next day and just said ‘see ya’. No hug, no kiss, no ‘I want to see you again’. I didn’t think much of it because he had a headache and I assumed he’d be in touch very soon. 3 days went by. I decided to send him a message thanking him for the evening. He responded the next morning with a ‘thanks for coming out!’ and that’s it. That was yesterday. I feel like he’s not interested but am so confused as he was VERY interested in dating me the night we were out. He also just broke up with his ex ‘for the last time’ I’m told, 2 1/2 weeks before we went out. Give up on him?

    • Hi Dawn,

      Let’s get this right out of the way – NO REAL guy (type one) will ever be sure or interested in something serious with a woman on the first date. He may be looking for something long-term (since most guys are) but that’s different than wanted something serious with a woman he sort of just met.

      Your simple answer:

      Give up on what? You waited three days to contact him. He got back to you. You only went on one date. You have to be much more patient than this because you can never expect a man to commit to dating you exclusively and becoming serious this quickly.

      PLUS he just got out of an on and off relationship which means the longer he takes (within reason) to get more serious and start pursuing you – the better off things will be.

      Sure there are a few odd things happening here – him saying he doesn’t have sex on the first date, you and him mostly talking on tinder, your conversations you’re both having about the other people you’re dating – but let’s not read too far into just yet.

      Dawn – based on what I know, you need to draw him in. And right now I’m seeing you’re doing the opposite.

      Step back. Take a big deep breath. Let it go.

      I’m not guaranteeing he’ll come running to you. I’m not even going to say his words of “no sex on the first date” was his way of actually trying to get it from you because it’s certainly a tactic a few men will use.

      All I’m going to say is… Patience.

      Do your own thing.

      If you’ve done everything in your control to draw him and and he likes you and IS looking for something more with a woman sooner or later – leave it there and he WILL show his interest in you and more importantly, his INTENTIONS.

      All the best,
      Pete

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