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Defining A Player, The Games He Uses, & Why Most Men Are Not Players

in All Kinds Of Guys, Bad Men For You, Game Playing
Men Player His Moves

This is not the everything guide to players because without a discussion, it’s not complete; but you’ll find it useful in defining a player, some of the games he plays, and 10 easy tips to avoid being played.

The REAL Player:

A REAL player is a guy who manipulates a woman’s feelings or emotions with the purpose of using those feelings to get what he wants from her. Typically, after he gets what he wants he disappears with little or no contact… ever again.

The players end game is usually sex although his timeline or how quickly he wants it to happen tends to vary.

He’ll do or say whatever is necessary to achieve his goals but since he’s not normally a real psychopath, somewhere, in the back of his head IS a conscious.

For that very reason it can be easy for a woman to feel sorry for him and/or be sucked into his charm and fall for his game.

The game exists to him as a marker in his life achievements as in how many women he can sleep with or how many “things” he can get from women.

He seeks a trophy to show off to himself or others in the form of a short burst of confidence, a feeling of power, and a quieting of the past which haunts his present.

Players who choose to be players are searching for something in the wrong place.

They can never achieve inner completeness by using outer-game tactics and usually have a hidden misogynistic attitude towards women. I’m assuming something happened to them during childhood which sent them down the path they are on but it’s not always the case.

Some men just get tired of getting nowhere with women and turn themselves into a player.

I rarely have met any type of women that can be fooled by this guy for very long.

Once they are found out they must have little or no problem never cutting him off.

Which works great in his favor.

On the other side a few women DO fall in love with a player and for that reason, some of them might use her emotions for a longer period of time.

Most men are NOT players despite the overuse of the word or the label given to guys by so many heartbroken women.

Women can feel “played” by a guy who says or said he wants a relationship but then quickly backs out (or cheats or leaves quickly from one) when he’s not actually playing her.

It was not his intention.

He was just as ass who committed too quickly without much hesitation or for the wrong reasons.

REAL Players are extremely rare which also makes them hard to spot.

There may not be an easy way to exactly know if a guy is a player or not because he’s a con man and sometimes he’s an extremely good con man BUT there are ways to avoid being played most of the time.

The 10 most effective ways to NEVER get played by a player is listed below. If you SUSPECT you have met or are being played:

  1. NEVER give him what he wants (or claims he doesn’t want) for a VERY long time up to and including sex.
  2. Align yourself with his closest family and friends.
  3. Learn the real truth about his past from reliable sources and NEVER directly from him.
  4. Understand you can NOT turn a player into something more.
  5. If he acts different when you’re alone with him do NOT trust his sincerity. Distance yourself quickly.
  6. Have a clear definition of a player and what that means to you personally. You want to avoid mistaking a guy who commits when he’s not ready from the real player.
  7. Men make real mistakes when women are involved and if everything he says (or does) seems too good to be true, it probably is.
  8. If he talks about taking action more than action itself, it’s usually a sign that he’s bullshitting you or stringing you along.
  9. When you begin to suspect his answers are scripted or pre-planned it’s probably because they are and he’s building up to something more. Be cautious.
  10. If you notice he’s using other women, in any shape or form, to encourage you to be with him or to stir jealousy, he’s doing it on purpose.

For some types of players, you can read this later:

“If you’ve ever wondered if a guy is playing you then read this before you decide for sure. Understand the communication gap and the power it creates.”

Three Types Of Guys Who Do Play Games – Does That Mean ALL Men Are Playing You?

Let’s dig a little deeper into this whole “player” thing because I feel too many men are accused of playing games when in fact they’re not.

Remember REAL players are rare and highly unsympathetic to women although you’ll find a few of them are actually good at playing that angle.

It’s also quite understandable why it’s extremely difficult to spot a REAL player when you’re a trusting person who is just looking for love or a relationship with a great guy.

It’s easy to become confused and believe a guy is a player when he’s actually not.

You’ll find some men use attraction triggers, learned or not, to enhance their perceived attractiveness to women.

The occasional use of them are NOT player moves despite how it might feel. They are simply smart sometimes clever ways of getting and keeping your interest and are often done to help him appear better in your eyes.

Who doesn’t want to be more attractive to people they are attract to themselves?

Their moves are very similar to women having and using any means they feel necessary to attract a guy visually. Except with guys, they must use social and personal communication because their overall appearance does little to form a deeper attractiveness.

We need to clarify a few things before we can label a guy a real player.

That means I don’t find it appropriate to call every guy a “player” who does those things because his intent is NOT to play you or get something from you quickly and disappear.

#1: His end game.

What are his quick goals with you?

Shorter or purely sexual goals will have him using techniques to achieve them quicker.

There are lots of tricks ANY guy can use to sleep with a woman quicker and it’s up to the individual to decide how bad or hurtful the trick is BUT we must admit, beyond how you feel towards the guy, if he holds back for an extended period of time to actually sleep with you (or try) then it’s NOT appropriate to call his move a player’s move.

#2: Is his “game” hurting others or using other people as pawns with intent?

Intent is very hard to prove but if other good people are being hurt, ignored quickly, not treated with respect or empathy or made to feel inferior let’s assume intention is clearly there.

Lots of guys unknowingly use their social circumstance or past relationships with women to increase another woman’s attraction.

Just because a guy has many good friends and a few past experiences with women does not mean he’s using that to play you.

That’s the difference between a player and an average guy trying to attract women.

Most average men have a clear goal –> meet women – attract women – find a compatible girlfriend – get married – have children – be happy.

Just because a guy may not follow through all the way does not make him a player. If somewhere along that path he hesitates or is not convinced does NOT mean you’re being played.

The PLAYERS end game is much different –> meet women – attract women – have sex with them – move on to the next.

In my eyes that’s a remarkable difference and after you sleep with him, you’ll notice a sudden change in his attitude or responsiveness to you IF he’s playing you.

So what are some player moves or games he uses and how might he play you?


Well first, attraction must be there. The majority of players are better than average in the looks department.

I’m not saying every good-looking guy is a player, just that MOST REAL players would be considered good-looking guys.

(We actually teach average looking guys women are less likely to trust the sincerity of a handsome man and how they can use that to their advantage.)

Take a close look into the social world of dating and you’ll find better looking guys who are fewer in numbers date the majority of women consistently and for that reason – when it comes to playing a woman – this gives him a noticeable advantage.

How he creates the attraction – by his looks – how he dresses – how he communicates to you – what he does to draw you in does not matter as much as the fact he MUST create the attraction first.

A classic example is:

Let’s say you see this guy at work. He’s handsome and a little outgoing but there are some rumors about him. Maybe you’ve heard he’s a player and has dated several women there already.

Just by coincidence, at least it felt like one, you two begin talking. Which, by the way, if he IS a real player this was NOT a coincidence and if he wants you, he made it happen and appear accidental.

So you get to know him a little. He slowly gives you some private info about him.

He knows you’re a little attracted to him because most women are physically attracted to him anyways but he also notices you’re a little hesitant.

He will then begin to play that angle by making it known he’s no good.

How he doesn’t deserve a relationship.

How he just trying to find a good woman but always seems to hook up with the “crazy” ones.

After attraction he will make it appear or make it known that you should NOT fall for him.

A player might promise you he just wants to settle down and be happy with the love of his life.

Me might even promise you he’s not good with relationships and how no woman can change his mind.

Me also might say he doesn’t “deserve” a good women.

THOSE are classic player moves here are some more:

“How to tell if he’s a player or interested in more? The two type of games guys play. How they exploit your weakness and not play to your strengths.”
He Finally Asked Her Out – Signs You Have Met A Player and The Games He Uses On You

He “unwillingly” tells you things he doesn’t tell other women but I guarantee he uses that tactic on every woman in the beginning.

He’s gaining your trust and at the same time proving he’s pre-selected ONLY by women who are no good for him.

He’ll even go so far as to tell you it’s him.

How he always end up hurting them or getting hurt.

That all depends on the angle he chooses to play you and the nature of how you met and how many women you might come in contact who have dated him.

Another player move is to use her “perceived” weaknesses against her.

One example is a pretty woman with low self-esteem.

He will willingly make her feel special. He will give her lots of compliments and tell her what a great girlfriend she’d make.

Since she does not believe she’s that attractive or has the ability to attract a good-looking guy, she falls for it and loves the attention. However she still has trust issues so he must then prove to her it’s real and that he’s being sincere.

He ups his game another notch by turning it around to himself.

This again is where he uses the last move – the “poor poor me” routine where he drip drops personal information about himself and his failed or broken past relationships.

By revealing these hidden secrets he gains her trust and can proceed to make his next move.

A few more tactics are used.


He can use one woman against another to create or increase jealousy.

Done skillfully you might not even notice it’s happening but I believe most of the time, women do see through this game but for one reason or another choose to ignore it IF they are starting to fall for him anyways.

I imagine it’s her competitive drive or her possible un-liking of the other woman or women in the picture.

He can act like he doesn’t care or couldn’t give a shit about the one woman who likes him the most AND use it to get her and other women too.

Since most of the time his end game is to get in and out quickly, knowing she likes him won’t guarantee an easy escape BUT getting her to chase HIM gives him lots of quick excuses to use and avoid seeing her again after like:

She’s too needy.

He’s not ready.

Things are moving too quickly.

He doesn’t know what he wants.

Or just ignore her as often as she is dramatic or less sexual to him.

Another move is… (again works better for good-looking guys who are charming):

He’ll tell you exactly what he thinks you want to hear but will not back it up with action.

The player is often scripted with typical responses to get the reaction he is looking for therefore there is usually a web of lies just waiting to feed her.

He doesn’t want to get caught because his play would be over.

The player, after she is attracted to him will make her feel like a goddess. He actually feeds her ego because he wants something from her.

He wants her to “literally” be easily bent over so he often will just tell her exactly what she wants to hear.

This includes compliments, future relationships, how he’s only looking for love and doesn’t settle easily, or how he hasn’t met many women who DO it for him, and etc…


Since I’m not really a player it’s a little difficult to come up with more player moves and what to look out for so you can avoid being played.

Feel free to add your own personal experience below or your opinion on what I’ve shared with you today.

Keep in mind I still stick to my original argument:

Most men are NOT players.

Women can feel “played” by a guy who says or said he wants a relationship but then quickly backs out (or cheats or leaves quickly from one) when he’s not actually playing her.

It was not his intention.

He was (probably) just as ass who committed too quickly without much hesitation or for the wrong reasons.

I’m not saying his dick didn’t control what he did, just that he got himself deep into something he didn’t want.

“Dig down deep into all the fears men have committing to a woman and you’ll understand whether guys have a real reason to be afraid of commitment.”

Do Guys Have Every Reason To Be Afraid of Commitment?

Thanks for stopping by today. I do hope you found what you were looking for and that I’ve opened your eyes and heart to what a real player is, the games he uses, and how you can avoid or stop yourself from ever being played again.

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About the author: Peter White… Showing men and women ways to attract each other naturally by helping you to understand each other. Over ten years experience which has shown me how to see things clearly and get to the root cause of most dating and relationships problems. Hope you learn and enjoy your why do guys experience.

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8 comments… add one
  • Mary

    This and some other articles were really eye-opening!
    I have been just played by a guy and entered the ignorance phase few weeks ago.
    Well, I would say it was rather very generous open-armed “Welcome to the friend zone!”.
    It would be a lie to say that I didn’t see that coming from what he told me about his past relationships and what I could observe from his behavior with another girl. I think that rivalry spirit was what actually made me loose self-control and fall for him head over the toes.
    After he got what he wanted I suddenly discovered myself being needy. Desperate. My confidence vanished.
    My brain buzzing “What did I do wrong?” (or “I’ve lost in the rally!”))
    Just recently I’m finding the strength to see things from a different angle and here I came across your site. I couldn’t have found better words to describe the whole thing!

    Here and there you say that “real” players are rare. I’m sure he is not “real” player, misogynistic, psychopath who can strategically calculate every step. What I’m pretty sure he is one of what I would call “unconscious” players, much more wide-spread specie. Guys who do deceive themselves that they are looking for the “one” and want to “commit”, but in fact, have no idea what does this word mean, have very low self-esteem, fragile ego and crave for attention.
    They are charming, like sex, and with experience internalized some tricks how to have women fall for them. By “internalized” I mean they pretty much convinced that they are not using “tricks”, it’s just their natural charm and they really know what girls need and just giving it to them. Messiah of that brutal male world, aren’t they?
    In reality, they are simply addicted to the self-esteem burst the process gives them.
    Once they reach the peak, the girl is bent over (the stronger the better the satisfaction I believe) they suddenly feel that she is not the one, something is missing. And poor poor me I have mistaken again!
    Oh, and if she is weak enough they are pretty happy to keep that girl in the friend zone as perpetual source of gratification, “oh she is so weak, but I’m a nice guy, I’ll be a good friend and will help you to get over me!”.

    Another sign of a player (in my definition) – If he doesn’t have close male friends and surrounds himself with an army of girlfriends, shouldn’t it rise a flag?
    What do you think about it?

    • Peter White

      Great points Mary, thanks for sharing. Taught me something I did not see about a man-type and that was what you called the “unconscious” player or the guy who doesn’t even realize he’s doing it.

      Yes -definitely – a guy who doesn’t have any male friends and surrounds himself with an army of girlfriend, might not always be player in my opinion but should certainly raise a ton of read flags.

      Thanks again,

    • Anne McNally

      This describes what I just went through to a”T” i was great, he was “falling for me” until we had sex …..then….there was something missing. He was still looking. WOW I have to admit he was good at what he did/does. He is online most of the time. yes, I checked obsessively…My take…he will never be happy always searching for the next “adrenaline high” It always fades

  • Step Phillips

    Every time I tell him I have gotten a hold of some extra money he is always wants be around me if not he puts me on block on his phone is he playing me

  • DG

    This whole article is bullshit.

    • Peter White

      All of it is bullshit? C’mon, I bet you can find at least one sentence which is not total shit. 🙂 No? Oh well… thanks for voicing your opinion though. It has been noted.

  • Maneesha D

    Ok. I was played by a player for complete 3 years. Your article opened my eyes . Thank you

    • Peter White

      You’re welcome and thank you for sharing. Glad it helped you out. All the best.

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