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Dating & Relationship Modes – The Silent Man Might Not Be Ignoring You

Couple in same place but not same time. Different dating relationship mode

#2. Not being in the same place emotionally or physically leads to different modes: Dating & Relationsip

Most men and women have modes which shift, progress over time, or never change. For the purpose of our “discussion” we can refer to them as the dating or relationship modes.

Some guys will stay in dating mode indefinitely and this is just one reason why they fail to commit. Other guys will go instantly into relationship mode and will commit too early or act like they are already in a relationship with you quickly after you meet.

The best outcome for most couples is to progress from dating to relationship in a reasonable amount of time. Unfortunately it doesn’t always work that way and what happens is the silent man or he appears to be silent or ignores you for longer periods of time than you might predict or would like.

If you’re in relationship mode with him and he’s only in “casual dating mode” or the opposite is true, there’s a big chance at some point he’s going to go silent just as easily as you would to another guy who wants you to be his girlfriend only after a few dates.

“Some dates we could feel you’re absolutely the one and we’re ready for all this and that BUT not less than 20 minutes later we’ll do a complete reversal.” Can A Guy Tell If He Wants The Girl By The Third Date?

If you’re attracted to him a lot and he’s unsure or not ready, it will FEEL like you’re being ignored when in reality he’s not getting back to you because he sees it as something more than casual and still needs time to decide which direction he wants to go.

If he’s attracted to you immensely and deeply and YOU are not there yet, he’ll actually ignore or disappear out of frustration and a fear of screwing it up with you.

Yes, it works both ways.

A guy can ignore you when he likes you more than he believes you like him out either out of fear or a game he thinks he needs to play.

I‘ve found, over time, we need to come together at the right time and in the right place and that’s when things progress more naturally. If we are constantly trying to bring things together unnaturally it often backfires and separates us more.

A man will normally go through certain stages first before he decides you’re “it.”

Stage #1: Courtship

In the early stages of dating, you take on one of two roles: the Convincer or the Resistor.

It’s important for you to be the Resistor and not the Convincer. That’s because the Convincer is the one who makes sure you spend time together and who pursues the Resistor.

Stage #2: The Uncommitted Relationship

This is that “in-between” stage. It’s where you’ll be more curious about where things are going and wondering what his actions mean.

The important thing to keep in mind during this stage is that it’s normal – yes, a man will spend time with you before fully committing.

Stage #3: The Committed Relationship

Now that you’ve spent the time to get to know a man and allowed him to move the relationship forward in a way he feels comfortable, he is able to make the choice to commit to you.

His Three Unspoken Commitment Stages

(Located at dialteg.org)

You can NOT FORCE a man or a relationship to work outside of its natural course or time line.

A man can not force a relationship to work with you outside its natural progression without causing an eventual sometimes unsolvable problem.

If you and a guy are not in the same place (emotionally or physically) you’re going to find his actions to be one of silence when in fact, that may not be the case at all.

He’s just not including you in his daily life yet and chooses to NOT get back to you as often as you want to talk or text or message him.

In this case you might feel like he’s ignoring you but in his world, he’s not.

It gets even more complicated so be prepared BUT again, knowing that this is what is happening might stop you from reaching out or freaking out or going crazy thinking he’s ignoring you and that you’re losing him.

Let’s say you meet a guy and he’s talking about how he wants a relationship and this gets you excited because you want one too. You might be thinking you’re both in the same place BUT that is far from the truth…

The truth is he is merely saying he is ready for a relationship but since you two just met he’s NOT saying he’s ready for one with you. If you misunderstand his comment you could easily feel ignored when he pulls back or is not moving forward at the pace you expected.

“We should date many people at once and develop a healthy balance to assure a successful happy marriage.” Why Dating Multiple Guys At The Same Time Can Lead To Better Marriages

See how easy it is to misread a typical situation and make it more complicated than it really is.

Here’s another example:

You are both looking for a relationship and as you begin to see each other more and more it feels like he’s ready to commit but all of a sudden you start to see and hear from him less than before. It’s feel like he’s disappearing because he’s losing interest. You’re starting to feel like he’s ignoring you.

Obviously that could be the case. He actually can be losing interest and hasn’t found a way to tell you or doesn’t have the balls to be honest with you because he’s afraid of hurting you. He feels like while he’s been talking about the relationship and now feels like backing out, admitting it to you is a moral issue.

BUT… What if he’s not backing out?

Think about our second discussion on how men and women communicate differently.

This is HIS time to back off and think about you and him and where things are going.

Whereas you might want to explore your emotions or questions with him, his normal thing is to actually step back and come up with a plan. His way of communication makes you feel like you’re being ignored when in fact, he’s using the time to fully decide or figure out where he wants to go with you.

And yes I understand how difficult it can be to conclude which is the real reason he’s starting to ignore you but we’ll find a way later to help you get past it all with a healthy attitude and a strong mind.

For now…

Relationships must come together in a natural progression.

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Just because you get along doesn’t mean you’re in the same place at the same time.

Men appear to ignore women or go silent predictively at each stage – dating – deeper relationship – commitment – normally because they are trying to figure things out.

I’m not saying it’s a guarantee that this is happening, merely pointing out you should expect it either way because it happens so often and because this is typically how men communicate. (And no I’m not excusing a man who decides to one day ignore you in the hopes you’ll get the picture and go away.)

This is a very tough one to explore because there are so many different scenarios so try not to confuse yourself or go too deep into it because you might make the problem worse.

Keep only these things in mind and you’ll make it much easier to decide if a guy is going silent on you for this reason – not being in the same place at the same time.

Men have commitment stages. You do too. If you’re not together for those stages you might wrongly predict what is happening and it might feel like you’re being ignored but you’re not.

Emotional and physical stages are not necessarily the same between a man or woman. You might progress from one to the next through physical contact, he might not. (Sometimes the opposite is actual true and once you sleep with a guy, he could feel you’re in a relationship mode but he is not.)

Relationship mode (generally speaking because a lot of it depends on the type of guy) happens when we see each other more consistently over shorter periods of time and this goes for both men and women.

We may easily act like we’re in a relationship without being fully committed to one. Which obviously confuses both the guy and the lady.

Dating mode (again generally) means we see each other less. Probably once or twice over a few week period. This is where both the man or woman might be seeing other people. There is no commitment (spoken or unspoken).

Dating is where we explore our options and are deciding whether we’ve found someone we would like to see more and possibly go into a relationship.

If either one of you are in different stages and modes then you’ll have issues understanding each other and misinterpreting the actions or signals of the other person.

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If either of you are not consistent in your approach, meaning he’s a guy who goes straight into relationship mode then backs out to dating mode to decide, then once again he’ll confuse you and you can easily misinterpret what is really happening.

If you’re the type of woman who goes into relationship early and he doesn’t then it’s obvious there will be communication errors. He prefers to stay in dating to decide and then it will always feel like you’re not being contacted enough.

You can now easily see the real issue of what is happening and how easy it is to be confused and misled. How easy it is to feel ignored or that a guy is not opening up when in fact he’s not too that point yet but you might be.

To make matters even worse, you might misread a situation because they don’t know (for lack of better terms) “rules of man” and that is:

Just because a guy opens up early on (in dating) does NOT mean he’s in relationship mode. How quickly a guy opens up emotionally or physically to you has little or nothing to do with where he is emotionally or physically. Some of it has to do with who he is which has little to do with you.

Just because you shared a moment or two in no way affects the mode. He could easily back away to do his own thing and come back saying less. To a guy, that was a moment, nothing more.

Keep those two rules of man close and never forget them because they’re very important in figuring out men especially the silent man.

About the author: Honest, upfront, and an ability to see past the hidden layers is my intended style at why do guys. My goal is to un-complicate men and steer you away from the guys who will only hurt you. My hope is that you learn something, anything, and my writing style is at least a little easy to understand… Thank you, Peter White

You can visit my about page here. Stay in touch and learn about men by joining my newsletter below. Join other women discuss men by joining the new Why Do Guys Facebook Group. You can also Like or follow the Facebook Fan Page. And lastly Join me on Twitter. Current writer and owner of: DiaLteG TM | The Approach | Why Do Chics…? and The Nice Guy Approach. Yes, I’m a VERY busy guy.

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