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Why Do Guys…?

You Met A Guy, Had A Great Weekend But Doesn’t Text You Back On Monday

in What Guys Want, Why Do Guys Do
Dating a guy can be a lot like steering a car, there has to be some balance of contact and time and space.

I met a great guy on Friday night and gave him my number. We texted on and off all weekend and had an amazing date on Sunday. He said he definitely wanted to see me again. I know he has a demanding job plus he’s a PhD student, but I haven’t heard from him since 8am yesterday morning.

I sent him several texts and no response. Do you think he’s lost interest? I’m just curious as to why I haven’t gotten a response from my texts.

Oh Rebecca,

A lot of wonderful things happened over the weekend.

You shared a great time, kept in touch, AND he said he wanted to see you again.

I think you’re jumping too far ahead and from a guy’s perspective…

If you text him too many times too quickly, without waiting for a response and allowing him to contact you within a reasonable amount of time, he IS probably going to lose interest.

You went out on a date with a guy you’re newly dating. You had a good time, so you sent him a text the next day telling him so…and he doesn’t text you back.

He Is Not Texting or Calling – When Is It Time To Delete His Number? – Located at the Approach.

Some things need to develop.

We need a little space to add excitement and to think.

We need to wonder about you.

We also need to maintain a little space early on or else we feel rushed, overwhelmed, and possibly feel like we’re losing control of the situation.

I completely understand that you just want to know why. It’s understandable to be curious.

BUT I believe there’s something else going on here…

Maybe you believe you did something wrong.

Something that scared him away.

Perhaps, based on your past experiences with men, when they go from being all over you to silence, it means something is wrong.

It makes you feel helpless and if you don’t know what it was so you feel powerless to fix it…. right?

Except, early on in the beginning stages of dating, even though what you’re feeling is acceptable, ACTING on them by over texting, over analyzing, will cause you to push certain men away and you just might find yourself left with only needy guys who want to marry you by the third date.

And I’m pretty sure that’s not what you want.

What you wrote to me tells me he had some free time over the weekend and spent some of it with you.

Monday comes and now it’s “back to work”. Back to the daily grind and his very busy schedule.

You can NOT expect any guy to keep that pace up for extended periods of time.

For one reason, you’ll drain him.

He might feel, like I mentioned above, overwhelmed and pressured. Which some guys might deal with for a while but sooner or later they will have to take a break.

BUT more importantly…

Yes!

We DO want you to contact us.

We DO enjoy knowing you’re still thinking about us.

We DO like it when a woman we shared a good time with contacts us randomly to either bust our ass or remind us that life is not all about work and having to do shit for money, power, and fame. 😀

However, during what I call “first stage attraction” the right men need time and space and they like to be in somewhat charge of their own decisions and destiny.

Which means they actually do want to contact you too.

When they feel it’s the right moment to do so.

This allows some friction to build again.

It allows our imagination to build and create something more meaningful.

We’ll be more likely to connect it with other things in our life so we can naturally progress to a “second level attraction”.

Just like you, whether or not we have any control over all of it, we’re more likely to stay with the woman who doesn’t take away that control.

We don’t NEED to be in charge BUT we do like to feel we’re in control over the process.

Understand this is ALL about balance and I will admit it’s NOT the easiest thing to do or learn but I DO know it’s possible.

Knowing when to call or text, or when it’s too much and even when it’s too little, can be a delicate thing to guess over doing and none of us like to “guess” when it comes to dating because “hooking up” can be such an emotional and important part of our lives but…

I believe finding the right balance which leaves the smallest amount of doubt always means risk. It’s unavoidable.

BUT If you’re asking too many questions too early on which centers around “why a guy isn’t doing what you want or expect him to do or what you think he should be doing” then that’s a clear sign of imbalance.

It’s not so much as knowing exactly how to create the balance, but just knowing what happens when there is an imbalance.

Like steering a car.

When it pulls you in one direction you tug it back a little. When the other side sways you, you turn the wheel back to center and refocus.

Obviously, never calling or contacting someone “expecting” real results is one side of the road.

Calling, texting, or expecting too much too early is the other side.

If you’re alone all the time and no one is reaching out to you for dates, you have to get out, meet people, make connections and definitely start contacting people.

If you’re doing all the initial contacts, all the connections, all the work and getting nothing meaningful in return, then it’s time to steer back, leave those connections wanting more.

Give them time and space to wonder about YOU and realize they DO want more and then allow them start giving something back in return because THAT will actually make them feel better about doing it too.

Yes Rebecca, I won’t lie to you.

Maybe you did do something which caused him to lose interest or maybe there’s some definitive reason as to why he’s not responding back to you as quickly as you’d like, or even just maybe he has his own reason for losing interest which has nothing to do with you at all BUT…

Steering the car over the edge just because you’re “only curious” won’t do you much good at all and you’ll be left asking questions to some random dude like me 🙂 instead of taking in a wonderful weekend knowing he said he wanted to see you again, and if you’re patient and playful with it AND him…

There’s a great chance you’re going to hear from him again probably even before you read this.

I’m hoping you and any woman reading this realizes…

Just because you shared an even “magical” weekend, when Monday comes and you feel like texting him, keep it simple, just tell him it was fun and you’re looking forward to seeing him again.

Don’t expect and instant response especially from a busy guy.

Definitely do NOT go overboard and continue to contact him until he gets back to you, thinking perhaps he lost some interest or that you did something wrong..

Trust me… Early on, some time and space is needed  and the right guy WILL appreciate it.

Thanks for writing and I do realize I can go on and on and this might not be the exact answer you were looking for but honestly, I’m not him. I am Pete.

Wishing you all the best…

peter-white-new

Peter White. Just some guy every woman should get to know because, well I “think” like a guy. 🙂 Stay in touchnewsletter, Why Do Guys Facebook – Twitter @peterwhite125Thanks for stopping by and be good, be bad, just BE something.

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5 comments… add one
  • kadiatou balde

    Why do guys seems mean to girls for no reason?

  • kadiatou balde

    Why do guy linger around, look and say mean things like ” Happy thanksgiven everyone and no one elso.”

  • diageodiageo

    Hey Peter,

    I recently went on an amazing date with a man about twelve years older than I (he’s in his 40’s- never married). It was a great date, we connected, he kept gently touching me, told me I was beautiful, the date turned into dinner, he let me wear his jacket because it was cold, etc.

    There were some warning signs though, he showed up a bit drunk and then later said some rude things about people in general (though not to me) and about my religion (I am not super religious so it didn’t really bother me, but he said it loud enough that other people on the street stared at him). When he kissed me goodbye, I realized he must have been drinking throughout dinner as well because I could taste the alcohol. He said he would call me.

    A week went by and he didn’t call me, so I texted him to see what was up. He seemed communicative, but then when I asked about seeing him again he said that we were on very different paths and that I was a wonderful person. He didn’t say yes or no, just said the different path thing. I said okay, great, thanks.

    He then texted me later that night saying how much he was attracted to me and that he wanted to sleep with me and that I needed to sleep with him. At that moment I had just come out of a tough class where I was asked to explain a concept I didn’t understand, so I was a bit overwhelmed. So when he texted me this, I said FINE, let me know when, I can’t do tonight but I can do in a few days. It was a bit unexpected of me.

    He seemed very interested in making plans with me, but then didn’t. I haven’t heard from him again. It’s been more than a week since this happened and I haven’t spoken to him since, but I don’t know what’s up with the guy.

    • Peter White

      Well as a man in his forties who love dating women in their 20’s 😉 I feel I have a unique perspective on your situation…

      He seemed very honest and upfront with you… he’s attracted to you, he wants to sleep with you BUT he doesn’t see it going anywhere. He doesn’t want to mislead you into believing there’s going to be anything more than just sex. Although probably drunken sex on his part. 🙂

      Chances are he was drunk or at least buzzed when he texted you asking for you to sleep with him. Who knows, maybe he didn’t remember it OR only has the balls to do things or say what he feels when he’s actually drinking. If that’s the case, when he sobered up or woke up, he went about his day and forgot all about it. Sort of. I would expect he’ll text you again, trust me on that. It appears to be his “thing”.

      Hope that helps you out…

      Your older guy friend,

      Pete

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