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Why A Guy Might Use Innuendos and Be Passive Aggressive With A Friend?

in Guys Not Being Real
His passive aggressive games are making her angry.

Hi, I wanted to ask for another advice, bc I’d love to stay calm, but his behavior angers me sometimes a lot. Bc as I told you once he acts nicely and once ignoring, like he texted me ( i had to get up early and go to work and he slept at our place) saying ” it’s a shame you had to go to work, bc otherwise you’d still be lying here in bed”<—- acting all friendly? , and after that he slowly begins to ignore me, and it really gets on my nerves! I wish I could ignore it, I tried, but when I do ignore him, he will do a lot just to make contact. so it is a vicious circle. And it all is messing up my mind.

Hello again “Sister” Jo,

I’m not sure if I mentioned it before AND I’m not a “mind” doctor but I do see things for what they are, usually. 🙂

When we  become close in relationships from family members to marriage we learn how to piss someone off passively. Often this “passive aggressive” behavior is not done with intent. Meaning the person doing it may not be aware it’s happening.

Also, the purpose in the end is usually a long-term goal typically beyond the conscious scope of the person doing it. Which can usually explain the “vicious like” circles because we are usually leaving the goal in someone else’s hand or responses rather than taking the lead.

I know. All this technical talk is making me thirsty. Haha! But I have a reason, so I can figure it out 🙂 and you can learn to do it yourself too.

Work backwards and super impose his actions on to what I said.

We’ve assumed he either wants you or has a crush on you BUT perhaps because of your situation or relationship to him or “his fear of letting the truth out,” what better way to have YOU bring it all out in the open for him.

How would he do that?

Easy by pissing you off so much there becomes an emotional strain which eventually might include his brother. Especially if you start bitching about his actions to his brother.

Either way… If you say something to him about it, YOUR the problem. If you tell your boyfriend HE becomes the problem.

So rather than just confront the issue, be real about it, work through it all, or take responsibility for it – He can just “aggravate” the situation until someone else is forced to put it all out in the open.

If you combine the attraction technique such as the “bratty little sister routine” with the passive aggressive acts to aggravate you even further you’re almost guaranteeing some kind of friction is there which (for good or bad) is an ingredient of attraction.

In a weird strange twist he may now have the means to start a fight which may bring it all out in the open without taking too much responsibility AND by stirring any form of attraction he can (whether it’s there or not) increases the opportunity to get or have you in the end.

Based on what I assume about people, since I tend see mostly the good, I must say I’m not convinced all of this is a conscious plan. Sure at some point he may have put it all together but soon pushed it back and tried to forget it. When you think about it, I suppose passive aggressive people are very good at not taking responsibility and that too can include their own thoughts or why they are doing things.

Aside from all that I’m making a judgement based solely on what I see.

  • Texting or talking shallow or using sometimes hidden innuendos: Passive aggressive –> “If I bring up the topic secretly maybe she’ll reveal or flirt back so I know she thinks about me that way.”
  • Bratty Little Sister Routine: “She’s fun to tease. It’s fun to make her a little angry. Of course I wouldn’t be attracted to my little sister… but am I? She’ll never figure it out.”
  • When you ignore him: Passive Aggressive people use that technique to gain attention: –> “She’s not paying attention to me anymore. Maybe she has figured out that I like her and she isn’t feeling it. Maybe this is it. She’s finally going to say something to him and not me. This could be bad. I better get her attention again so I can hopefully read what’s she’s thinking. Maybe I went too far and she hates me now. Either way I’ll get her attention again so in the very least I get to spend some time with her…”

I understand how frustrating it can be for you Jo.

Obviously it’s easy for me to just put down some words but I do hope you have a better idea of what’s going on and he’s less capable of getting under your skin and testing your nerves. Hope this helps you stay calm.

Best to you Jo.

peter-white-new

Peter White. Just some guy every woman should get to know because, well I “think” like a guy. 🙂 Stay in touchnewsletter, Why Do Guys Facebook – Twitter @peterwhite125Thanks for stopping by and be good, be bad, just BE something.

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6 comments… add one
  • Jo

    Thank you a lot!:) I really appreciate it, you spent time on writing this. so big thanks:D
    of course, there are times he annoys me , and I’m frustrated, angry, helpless bc I do not know what to do. When he ignores me , i take the point and start to ignore him, too. I am not planning to tell my bf, I want them to have a good relationship. nor do I have any plans to tell HIM(brother) that I know or suspect( which doesnt mean, sometimes I want to scream it out loud:P )
    maybe with tme it will go away.
    best wishes
    xoxoxx:)

  • Jo

    Hello,
    I started to ignore him, and he got so surprised, that even i became surprised it turned out this way. He tries to find ways to get my attention, tries to makes me laugh, tries to find ways to touch me, and i just ignore him all the way and he does all what you have written about passive agressive.
    he started sitting next to me, provoking some chit chats with me, just every thing, but my intention was to ignore him so all that makes him think not to treat me like once he talks to me, the other time not, but it turned out like this. my friend says i should keep on ignoring, but I’m afraid it may lead to more situations like those I described;o

  • Jo

    Hello,
    Well, we’ve already been into a fight. ive been ignoring him, he’s been everywhere being funny and provocative, and eventually i stopped ignoring him, but i guess we are not able to live like normal ppl. next day he sent me a text, I texted him back with a question and he never texted back, so then i sent one more ,being like: hey you forgot to text back. and he did not text back, OF COURSE O_o, what was I expecting?
    so i texted him like a day later, that im tired of what he does, that he never replies, and that it is not pleasant, and what he texted ? ( wow, he can text 😀 )
    he said: well, i guess you have a problem, how am i supposed to know there’s sth wrong if u cant talk to me?
    i jut died. he knows im sensitive when it comes to ‘his texting’ cause this is his technique, he almost never texts me back, but this time he texted first, and what automatically he is not able to text again.
    i just do not know what I am supposed to do here, like i asked previouslyy: ignoring or what? what is good here:(

  • JO

    Hey, so you havent replied, but we managed to resolve the situation, i had the opportunity to talkt o him when i visited his mum, and he was all so s miley and i was like, why the hell r u smilling, and i was ignoring him, and i asked do u really wish me to stop talking to u, because it seems like this is what you really really want. and he said that he doesnt want that at all, he wants us talking, which surprised me. ;o i was sure he would you know get annoyed etc, yet he did not .
    but it doesnt mean i know how to handle it all, i guess i just follow my intuition- i have always been great at all that hm STUFF.

    and lately he even hm like showed me he likes me, i mean i could say like normally, is that the right word?;o we were chatting, having fun, he gave me some small hm things like key rings and something i cant even remeber, and even once, lately, he texted me not to be angry at him and explained himself.
    ( he was supposed to visit us and watch a movie but his friend came up and he had to help him with moving house)
    So maybe things r finally working out.

  • Jo the bratty sister

    Hey,
    I do not know where to begin.
    I decided to ignore him, i ignored bc he deserved it, and he was trying to be chatty but I kept on ignoring. – that’s a lot of ignoring;p

    and after some time, my and my bf came back from our trip and he called me asking if he can come, so i was kinda surprised but after a week secs of silence i said OK. and so he came and asked so many questions about the trip, seemed interested- thats a novelty:P and that’s how we started talking again.

    After 2 days or so, i went over his place to give back some stuff and i stayed there for about two hours bc we were so talkative;o and mine legs were over his and and his hands on my legs.

    And what happenes next is that, we stumble on each other in the city center, i was partying with my friend he with some of our mutual. and so they joined us.
    and uhm, we all chatted, sometimes just me and him, he started teasing me, poking, we poked each other and he put his hand around me and it stayed like this for quite some time, and he kinda stroke me .
    during this night he also hugged , wraped his arm around me when we were talking or even hold my hand;o
    and all in all, he doesnt ignore me the next day, he chats, asks questions and is hm normal??
    what does it all mean, or what doesnt it mean, it is crazy, i just feel as if i were in some soap opera. that im in this drama, lost and confused totally, never had such a situation in my life.
    i was thinking, my brother sometimes strokes me, too, or hugs me….but brothers and sister do that.

  • Von

    Hi I have a question my situation is slightly same .have been darting for 3years and ever so often we get into a tiff I don’t yell I don’t like it but I can haha.so he says after one that I don’t invite him over during the week why not I’m puzzled first because I didn’t know after 3years I had to do that he says you told me I’m always welcome but you don’t invite me in the past I have I used to every day he would stop by stay 15minuetes and leave or a quickie and leave I didn’t like that and told him that the rest of the times he just didn’t show up or gave a excuse why so I stopped asking now he wants me to ask him over during the week even though he stays over every weekend I don’t understand he does the throw it in my face thing if I have something to do but you said I’m always welcome why it hurts me that he does it why is this

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