There’s this guy that comes in to get coffee where I work and he’s SUPER attractive to me and I get all giddy. He has a huge grin on his face when he speaks to me and we always end up chatting about something random. He said he was looking for me one day when I wasn’t working because he said he wanted to take me riding on a bulldozer (I guess he works in construction) and he always says “it was good seeing you again”. He asked where I was from originally, if I lived alone and we started talking about pets and he pulls out his phone and starts showing me pictures of his dog, at one point he even tapped my arm and leaned in and once he was leaving and I was taking out trash and he made sure to speak to me and used my name… I know this is silly but I’m wondering why he didn’t ask for my number or if I’m reading too much into it…
Laria, I don’t think you’re reading too much into it at all.
There’s a good chance he went past the tipping point.
I’m not sure when that happens and for every guy because I’m sure it varies a little BUT here’s how it goes and it’s with good reason when we teach guys to get her number we tell them to get it quickly without hesitation as early as possible…
We’ll meet a woman. See her a few times. Things will feel like they’re moving forward. We remember her. We feel attracted to her.
We begin to look forward to seeing her more and more.
Everything on the surface appears great but inside our foolish male minds 🙂 ….
The longer we wait to ask for your number…. The harder it gets to ask.
The harder it becomes to work it into a real conversation.
“When you’re not having problems approaching and meeting people, what makes it so hard to leave with their contact information?” The Next Step of Meeting People Is the Hardest Part – Getting A Number @ The Approach
The more we begin to feel creepy or awkward if we were to ask for it.
We might even begin to find excuses to get it and just as the moment arises we back off once again contemplating,
“She’ll probably think I’m some sort of weirdo if I ask for it now. She must know I’m using some lame excuse.”
More of that leads some guys (attractive or not) to believe she’ll know without a doubt we are attracted to her and “she won’t want what she knows she can get” mentality comes into play. Hey it’s not my fault the don’t understand how it “really” works. 🙂
Alas, making the rejection that much stronger or harder to take as more time passes.
Holding out or not asking for it does two things – it for one avoids rejection indefinitely and two, leaves it to you to ask US confirming that what we were doing was working.
Unfortunately both generally leads to nowhere because rarely (if ever) will a woman ask us for our number.
So it’s a tipping point.
A moment during our brief interactions with women we’re attracted to or would like to date that when it’s gone – makes asking for your number much more difficult to do and increases the severity of a possible rejection. (And that’s just the tip of it all.)
There are several women I know who I interact with a lot but we have yet to exchange numbers.
For me, to actually ask them I would need a real reason to come up OR I would have to manufacturer a reason as in an actual date or some lame excuse.
Now in most guys minds they’re thinking,
“If I ask for it now she’s going to assume I was playing her all along AND she’s probably going to see I have no experience with women AND she’s definitely going to see it as a sign that my confidence with women is NOT what I ‘pretended’ it to be – because an experienced stronger more confident guy would have had her number or even HAD her already!”
For me now, if you care to know :p I understand how sure, some women might assume that last statement. I guess that depends on her. A small part of me actually does feel that way a little.
However, after all of my trusted research of lots of different women and doing anything and everything I could do to get inside their minds (yeah okay your bodies too 😉 ) I’ve come to realize that even with the biggest hint or blatant declaration of attraction towards her IF she feeling it the same for me – might not be enough for her to believe I actually DO like her after wanting her number and getting her number.
But that’s a subject for a different day.
My answer to your question, “why he didn’t ask for my number” is simply…. The longer we wait. The harder it gets.
All other reasons aside because let’s face it, some guys are not single but still love to flirt and play around with attractive women.
By the way – nice blog you have there. Keep up the good work!