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Why Do Guys…?

Why Do Guys Hate Being Ignored?

in Quick Guy Question and Answers, Why Do Guys Do
Very insecure men hate being ignored.

Generally speaking, only insecure guys hate being ignored.

Yes, we all have a little approval seeking in us. I don’t think there’s anyway around it.

But some of us take it too far and rely on it heavily. A part of their “existence” depends on being noticed in one way or another. They tend to take things too personal and rely on others to form an image of themselves.

They will often go to extremes to make sure everybody knows they’re there.

The more approval seeking the guy, the more attention he needs, the more he’ll absolutely hate being ignored while a man on the other end might not care as much or at all.

Honestly I don’t believe this is just a guy thing. Woman hate to be ignored too.

And both of us feel more ignored when there’s a third party going on.

Like when you ignore a guy and give all your attention to another guy the first one might not feel he’s not “as worthy” so you can easily trigger a deep jealousy. How he acts on it can be quite unpredictable but it’s always a part of why he hates to be ignored.

Maturity plays a major role in how a guy responds to being ignored too. Also let’s never rule out how the most “passive aggressive” guy (in a relationship) will actually do what is needed so you will ignore him if that is what he wants to happen.

The more mature man deals with being ignored and can simply see it as you wanting space or just living your life independently. You not paying attention to him is not taken personal at all.

The less mature man takes it personal. He feels like he has no say in anything and everything you do or think including how you feel about him. He will be more likely to act out, demand attention in any way he can, and will often piss you off just to get the needed attention.

I would say guys who hate being ignored from one specific woman most likely has feelings for her and has sure signs of insecurity. He hates being ignored by her because he takes it as a personal judgement of hate or a general disliking for him or his actions.

The men who hate being ignored by many women (or people) in general are over the top approval seekers therefore hate being ignored because they feel a lack of control over how others see them. They typically have a lower self-image and the image of themselves are mostly based on how others see them.

It’s safe to conclude while not all men have a problem being ignored, the ones who do hate it feel their voice or actions are not validated or appropriately responded to and it is taken very personally. The hate can build inside and their reactions are quite varied but are often destructive.

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25 comments… add one

  • suzy

    hey peter
    plz help me wid dis.
    There was a guy who was hitting on me,but i ignored him and his stares….after 2 months i decided meeting him and he started clarifying himself that he was just joking with me….why would he change like this?was it because i ignored his interest?
    And now whenever we talk….he clears himself everytime, he thinks that i think he is a bad person.Why does he assume that i feel he is a bad guy?or is it because we know each other now so he is keeping his self respect?
    Plz help urgently….eagerly waiting for ur response

  • Peter White

    Hey Suzy,

    It sounds like he felt guilty for hitting on you and played it off as a joke because you called him out on it.

    When you were ignoring him and he was trying to get your attention in sort of a childish way, well when he finally got it ( the attention ) you suddenly became real and not just another face to stare or gawk at.

    This realness probably caused the guilty feeling to emerge PLUS at this point, he’s thinking he has a chance and now he’s trying NOT to ruin it with you.

    This would cause him to “clear himself” or tell you what a “bad person” he is… Hoping you’ll see past his “immature” attempt to gain your attention.

    Guys do this stuff all the time when they are not sure how to approach a woman or get her attention. This is shown by his actions from first – not approaching you properly probably because of a lack of confidence with you or women – and then secondly, downplaying his attitude or confidence in himself.

    I would expect more of this unless he gets it all in check AND I would expect when things get a little more complicated between you and him, or the next step comes up, or another guy enters, he will continue to prove to you what a bad guy he thinks he is…

    Just something to be warned about.

    Hope that helps you out Suzy and all the best to you and your “bad guy”. :)


  • suzy

    thanks :)
    and what if a guy acts hot and sometimes cold towards a girl?example sometimes he looks at her face to face and sometimes he doesnt even look at her..
    Does it mean he may have felt bad abt somethng?or is he not intersted?

    • Peter White

      Oh Suzy, you’re such a woman… :)

      Sometimes guys are cold and sometimes they’re hot. Sometimes they take a shower just after they wake up… sometimes they don’t.

      My point is that all this trying to read his signals as it pertains to you will only confuse you more.

      The best way to handle it is to first and foremost enjoy the present or hot interactions the best you can by staying in that moment.

      We have a rule we give to guys who constantly find themselves trying to read her signals too… they want to know, “Does it mean she likes me?”

      We tell them this highly profound statement:

      “I’m going to give you a stupid-proof formula for knowing whether or not a woman is interested in you.

      Here it is:

      You engage her.

      She engages you back.

      Yes, that’s it. Please stop the applause long enough that I can finish. You can clap later.”


      I believe the same rules apply to women – except believe it or not – with us guys – we’re really just not that complicated. :)


  • suzy

    i’d like to ask one more thing,
    if he liked me would he mention something abt his future wife?
    Like here is an example:
    he drinks alcohol and i tell him to leave it so he is like i will leave after i marry.
    It looks like he is showing me in every way that he isnt interested.please explain

    • Peter White

      No Suzy – That just means he’s using alcohol to numb himself because without a wife – or girlfriend – or partner – he’s not as happy as he thinks he might be, with one.

      Lots of people use alcohol or drugs to avoid or numb their reality.

  • suzy

    i didn’t understand this,
    u said”just something to be warned about”in the first questions…..plz explain

    • Peter White

      I wrote, “I would expect more of this unless he gets it all in check AND I would expect when things get a little more complicated between you and him, or the next step comes up, or another guy enters, he will continue to prove to you what a bad guy he thinks he is… Just something to be warned about.”

      I am warning you about his propensity for jealousy and his need to prove to you what a bad guy he thinks he is… by acting badly because it may be his only means of communication right now, that’s all.

  • grace

    there was a guy i knew on fb, he was from another country…. we used to just chat on fb.i liked him and told him tht i liked him but he didnt feel that way for me.I felt bad when i came to know that he didnt like me back.i told him to unfriend me as i cud not do tht because i liked him alot.we argued over the unfriending thing and neither did i unfriend him nor did he.he was telling me that i should do it if i wanted to.
    I wanted to know why didnt he do it?we argued, he got angry, but didnt unfriend me.
    Is it because he doesnt mind having people he doesnt talk to in his list..or?
    Will be Grateful for ur response :)

    • Peter White

      Honestly Grace – he’s likes the Ego trip. Some guys keep around girls that like or love them just to make themselves feel better or in the worse case scenario – use you to make other women jealous.

      Without knowing him I can’t say that’s for sure but that is my gut response to your problem.

      Hope that helps you out and please un-friend him – it’s probably the best thing to do,


  • Jasmine

    well i wanted a guys point of view on this, please tell me what does this mean?
    There was a guy with whom i chatted once on fb, and then we didnt chat for like 3 weeks….and it was my birthday 2 days back so he wished me.his wish was like he wasnt expecting a response or like he was just expecting a simple”thank u”
    but i said thank u and i asked him how he was doing.But he didnt respond to my text.i felt bad that why would he do that while nothing has happened.I saw him near my home as he lives near my place and he was just looking at me like nothing happened.is he doing it purposely?
    He is not busy,he got the text and he wud reply but chose not to because of i dont knw wht reason.But he looks at me.Why does he look when he didnt respond to my text.doesnt he want to talk.Or he looks at me for fun.Please help me with your views

  • Peter White

    Hi Jasmine – here’s your birthday present :)



  • maggie

    hey peter
    there was a guy with whom i talked on fb.he didnt reply to my text…i felt bad.But when he wud see me in person he wud look at me and make eye contact.But i ignored him like he didnt exist because he ignored my texts.He blocked me when i ignored him while he also did the same thing to me in fb.I just gave him a taste of his own medicine.Why did he block me?Does it mean he hates me?

    • Peter White


      Let’s look at this objectively. When two people can’t get the conversation ball rolling in a positive way – it’s time to stop the interaction.

      When you thought he was playing or ignoring, you played back instead of just seeing it as a guy who doesn’t want to talk to you. Staring or not – when you engage a game with your own game – expect bad results.

      You can’t possibly expect someone to act like an adult when you treat him like a child. ( The Silent Treatment. )

      In his world – perhaps he was doing the same thing – But I’m guessing the text(s ) you sent either got lost or helped him to realize this interaction wasn’t going anywhere.

      It happens. It happens to ALL of us and yes, it sucks, but to allow it to consume your energy or have it fuel game playing is not the healthiest most productive way to handle it.

      Hate is a big word – he was probably annoyed and it didn’t want or feel that he needed to deal with it – so he blocked you.

      Sorry to hear about your situation and I do hope you can let it all go,


      • maggie

        hy peter
        just wanted to know…..what made him so annoyed that he blocked me?We weren’t even friends yet he blocked me.Will a guy do that to make a girl feel bad?please help

  • LR

    It’s no wonder women like insecure men who are always seeking their approval over the stable ones.

  • Lawson

    Hi peter,
    There’s this guy i have been chatting to online via a phone app, for the last 6 months or so.
    At first it was just flirting, but eventually we’ve became very close friends, we can talk to each other about nearly everything. I say nearly, because for the last month or so i have developed strong feelings for him and i can’t bring myself to tell him. My intuition also tells me he has feelings for me, but then i become doubtful because at times when i try to initiate a conversation leading to expressing how i feel, he kinda doesnt reply for a few days, then when he does, he shows no indication of not being interested in me, like for example i said i would join him on a trip to thailand and he replied 3 days later with ” alright that sounds divine”, i know he got my message and his phone is practically glued to his side and he generally replies to my messages within the hour, so why would he reply 3 days later?
    Also he flirts about girls and not with them in front of me, for example he showers a girl with kisses and flowers (emoji’s)in front of me, even though the girl isn’t present, but gets moody when a guy shows me a tiny bit of attention.
    I am starting to lose interest in him, but my heart is trying to do otherwise! Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

  • Lilly

    A year ago, I started chatting to a guy who I met on a website where you can meet friends from all around the world (not a dating site), I wasn’t looking for a relationship of any kind at the time as I’d just come out of a serious one. Anyway, we chatted back and forth for a few months everyday and we spoke on the phone everyday too and he admitted that he had fallen in love with me and I told him that I felt the same way. He told me he had plans to move over to UK anyway before he met me (he’s from Canada) and we could meet after he got his visa sorted. We carried on chatting everyday, he was even calling me 3 or 4 times a day at one point and we skyped too. I knew he was under a lot of stress regarding his kids and his ex-wife but since 2 weeks ago, he started becoming cold towards me and now all of a sudden, he has told me that he can not come over here anymore because things have changed regarding his situation and that he wish he could tell me but he can’t and that I deserve more and that he can’t be that guy who can make me happy anymore or make any promises to me anymore and that he’s not coping well with the stress he’s going through at the moment and doesn’t want any relationships right now. I’m very hurt and very confused :/. He was still telling me he loved me 2 weeks ago and that he was getting the paperwork for his visa sorted, still called me 3 times a day and now this. He said he still wants to stay in contact as friends but I don’t know if it’s a good idea or not, I don’t know whether to just ignore his emails and forget about him or stay friends with him even though he really hurt me? Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.

    • Rami Abou Hamdan

      Hi ,
      I Just want to tell you that the guy home whom you loved has played with your feelings and he is a liar . Therefore , he is not worth it . Moreover , avoid the married guys and the discovered guys . I don’t trust those guy at all .
      On internet anyone can tell a lie . Have have ever met in person ?
      Did you read his body language rightly , (Ladies have a natural gift in reading men and know if they are lying or not from the starter ) ?
      Meeting on Skype or on any with video chat doesn’t count because the set up of the environment can be set .
      Moreover , he have used to fill his emotions thought and then he will come back to his wife , he won’t leave her at all .
      My advise is move on and forget about this low life person you met .
      Moreover , meet new on in person whom really cares about you .
      Don’t be sad at all . Consider as an experience for avoiding the married and divorced type .
      There is a say about the divorced ones . Whom leave one his marriage can leave the comming times more easier . Personally I don’t trust these type .
      Try to find someone whom don’t have any experience in the relationships and never get laid with any lady . This will be a good chance to control him and make your life happier and make sure no matter what you have did he cannot live without you .
      Buy the way I am married and I am happy with my wife . She means everything to me and whatever happens I cannot live without her .

      Cheers ,
      Have a nice day .
      Rami .

  • Rami Abou Hamdan

    When a woman Ignores you , you have to ignore her back and you shall not care at all about her anymore because most of the women whom ignores their loved ones are trying to leave you . Therefore , ignore her in same way and never get angry . If she stops that habit , then start to care as much as she cares .
    However , if you have proved that there another guy in her life , she is not worth your love at all because she is so low and cheap .

  • Bamidele

    Hi peter
    Am in a relationship with a guy just going to a month ,but I find it difficult to trust him, (not bcus av bin deceived all my lyf, cus pple of such find it hard 2 blif a guy)although he do assure me of his love aand stuffs lyk dt bt i stil av a mixed feeling abt him bt tinkx abt it he’s not really my type of guy cus am dz kind of introverted person nd atimes i feel maybe he he just passx time with me cus he already told me he can’t marry a xristian 4 a wife, he a muslim, i d opp…even weneva we chat or he calls me d conversation is usually very boring and somtims cold bt still he tells me stuffs lyk u’re d best version of lady av eva met… is it dt he just want to get even with me or wt and atimes i feel lyk he has a muslim lady smwhr he love something lyk dt…. i do stress him out atimes and also do ignore him cus i blif if truely he’s into me he’ll lean 4ward wen i pull bk bt it’s lyk am still nt gettx it. of course i do want to operate with him on a deeper level bt i don’t want 2 chase him… nid sm clarificatns… hope to hear from u soon, thanks

  • bella

    Hi :) peter
    What does it mean when an old guy best friend who used to be really close to me and caring ,out of nowhere starts acting cold and pretends he doesnt care ? Like he sometimes gives me his full attention and then out of the blue completely ignores me :/ and he used to tell me a lot of sweet things now our conversations are three words long :( ….

    • Hi Bella,

      My guy instinct tells me he was in love with you and is now retreated because he doens’t like the friends zone. It depresses him and makes him feel worse just being around you.

      That’s my gut and from my heart because I’ve done it to a few old women friends myself… back in the day. :)

      Hopefully my guy is right on this one :)


  • ediri esiekpe

    There’s this particular guy I’ve been getting to know for a while. We always joke smile and tease one another. I find him staring at me when i look back as well. But one day i wasn’t just myself, i was emotionless and angry . The guy attempted to say i to me and i ignored him. Now i feel kinda bad and stuck and dont know what to do ?

    • Peter White

      Give him time to get over it in case he took it the wrong way or personal.

      The “right” guys know how to deal with the emotional ups and downs of others including women and do their best to not take it personal. Hopefully this guy is that person. If not, then it is HIS problem to deal with and not yours.

      The next time you see him, pretend nothing happened. Go right back to what was happening before. If he’s THAT confused, concerned, or interested, let him ask you what happened and feel free to let him know a little. Not too much. Just say you were, “Off your game that day 😉 ” and let it go.


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