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What Does It Mean If My Boyfriend Tells Me About Other Girls Who Want to Be With Him?

in Insecurity and Jealousy, What Does He Mean
Does it get you mad when your boyfriend mentions other women who want him?

Seriously, how bad does it suck when you’re hanging out with your boyfriend and he finds yet another way to bring “her” into the conversation.

Maybe a girl in the movie you’re watching reminds him.. Maybe your waitress looks like a girl he knows at work – who just happens to be always trying to get him to go out with her.

Perhaps, and this one really spikes your anger, you can feel your fists clench up as he laughs at his own story about this “girl” he knows he won’t stop calling him late at night.

No matter what your personal situation is, it’s no joke no matter how “lightly” he spins it.

I’m positive if you’ve ever dated even only one guy who you called a boyfriend – he has told you about some “other” girl who wants to be with him.

He’s laughing it off while you’re steaming inside, possibly getting ready for yet another pointless fight which this time – may be the LAST one. Whether those other girls are going to steal him from you, or you’re going to dump his ass because he don’t know when to shut up.

Here’s MY take on the whole “boyfriend-bragging” thing.

  • Insecurity – to a certain degree of course.
  • Validation – an assurance of how you really feel about him.

A man will talk about other women wanting him in an attempt to stir jealousy. How you react can either guarantee your real devotion to him or have him believing you don’t really care.

Either way this borderline passive aggressive act is done with purpose although you will find most men don’t even realize they’re doing it.

You see there are lots of guys who may not believe they’re good enough to hold a woman close. Their self-esteem, past relationships, childhood experiences, all can keep them in a perpetual state of “looking for real validation.”

Words are never good enough and actions can be misunderstood.

But getting a woman jealous can be a very clear emotional sign a girl is dedicated. ( Which done by “gaming” the situation validates her emotional investment in the relationship.)

I can honestly tell you from personal experience (when women alluded my understanding) it came down to power. Before I mislead you, it’s NOT about gaining power over you.

Lots of men believe women have all the power to choose who they sleep with. They believe YOU are the selector and they have no “real” say in the matter.

This could easily lead them to feel like while you’re in a commitment with him, YOU have the power to sleep with any other guy you want. If that guy has too many insecurities and is constantly searching for validation he will (at times) feel helpless.

As always, when a man feels “helpless” you’re likely to see parts of him you may not enjoy… Such as talking about his not-so-favorite stalker.

Now I don’t want you to believe he’s not strong enough for you or that you should dump a man who’s not secure enough for you.

Just to understand him better and acknowledge this “problem” you might be experiencing is not necessarily a conscious act to keep the attraction alive.

Even the most secure men may mention another girl from time to time.

Some men even do it because they believe they’re reassuring their commitment to you like, “Hey this girl won’t leave me alone…” meaning “You have nothing to worry about I am not interested in cheating on you AND it’s more likely I won’t by telling you.”

Sometimes it’s even a conversation thing. Not knowing what to say some guys just blurt out anything.

Take a look at your situation and I’m sure you’ll understand exactly why YOUR boyfriend feels the need to tell you about other girls who want to be with him:

  • If he’s the jealous type – he’s probably insecure, scared, or has a history of choosing women that will cheat on him.
  • If he’s the “overly” nice guy type – he’s probably looking for validation or an emotional response proving your commitment to the relationship.
  • If he’s very secure, has lots of choices, and has only mentioned on girl a few times – then you might be the one facing your own insecurity about losing him.
  • If he’s a past cheater and seems really into you, he may be worried or feel too weak to reject her. By telling you about it, the openness may be just enough to stop him from straying.
  • If he’s not a great talker, has lots of guy friends, he’s probably only used to talking to his buddies and so not realizing he’s treating you like a guy friend and not a girlfriend.
  • If he’s generally considered not-so-nice or even a player he may be using the old “jealousy” game to keep you close.

Wherever your boyfriend falls in the loosely based categories above – rest assured communication skills, security, and emotional investment on both “sides” of the relationship will play a major role of why it is happening.


Peter White. Just some guy every woman should get to know because, well I “think” like a guy. 🙂 Stay in touchnewsletter, Why Do Guys Facebook – Twitter @peterwhite125Thanks for stopping by and be good, be bad, just BE something.

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20 comments… add one
  • Marie M Murray

    I honestly dont know what to do. Women will call him and contact him ask for money. But he says its nothing. But why wont he discontinue these inappropriate relationships with these women if it make me feel a certain way? He constantly tells me about other girls he has slept with. All the time the same stories. Brings up other women constantly. Its really pushing me away . i never bring up an ex unless he takes it there. I couldn’t see myself ssying the thinhs to him he say to me about other women. And if i did the conversation would definitely go left. What am i to do im thinking i should just leave. And let him be with these women he cant cut off.

    • Peter White


      Sounds like he doesn’t have many other things to talk about. You two could certainly work on that together.

      It also sounds like his esteem is built on him being a provider or some gift to women and that he might believe if a woman is not constantly jealous she’s not going to stick with him. There is also the rare case when a guy will actually push a woman away sort of hoping she’ll cheat on him. Rare but it does happen if he wants out or prove to himself he is better than all women. I’d look at the whole of his character for that answer.

      Aside from all that, since it’s been said before, I’m not a relationship “adviser” or anything like that at all.

      What you’re experiencing here is, as Rori Raye called it and I like what she said, a big ticket item which must be dealt with. To him, it feels like may no big deal, but to you, it’s considered cheating (in a way). Maybe you could discuss that with him and see where it goes. Just remember to always start positive. State what you see is a positive thing for him like, “Those other women make you feel like a great father, is that how they make you feel.” Wait for an answer and the kick back, “I understand how it’s making you feel, but I’m feeling like I’m being cheated on even though I know you’re not sleeping with them.” and “It’s getting tough to continue this way.”

      Hope all that helps you get started and best to you,


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