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Why Do Guys…?

What Guys Think When They Meet An Attractive Woman Who Is Still Single

in Commitment Issues and Fears, Reading A Man's Mind
Do men think an attractive woman has problems because she’s single?

When I first read this question I had no idea how to take it. Β I thought an attractive woman would know why she’s still single.

I reasoned if she has some reasonable choices then maybe she’s choosing to be single for something very clear in her mind.

But then it hit me… it’s not a broad question where it’s hard to define the answer for every attractive woman. It’s the bigger question which states…

What reasons would a guy give in which he believes an attractive woman is (still) single?

But wait… there’s more. First you get the list and then I’ll pass along the real question which I believe you’ll want to stick around for because the answer I feel is something lots of women should know about guys.

The list:

Some men might assume she’s too picky. Β She’s forever searching for that perfect guy. Her demands are unreasonable and she aims to put down any guy who can not reach up to her level of attractiveness.

To him then – this “hottie” becomes the “stuck up bitch.”

Some men may consider something even worse. She wants the one guy she can’t have. Maybe he’s married. Maybe he’s a womanizer, a player, or a jerk. Or maybe he’s the guy who keeps dumping her and she won’t move on.

She’ll be single for a while. Then in a relationship. Then single again. All with the same guy or at the very least the same “type” of guy.

I’ve found some men who believe or assume she’s a “career” woman. Her financial goals come first. (Man come later. πŸ˜€ ) She’s so wrapped up in succeeding she avoids any real connection with a guy.

But we also believe she’s avoiding a relationship because she’s been hurt in the past and is afraid to put herself in that position again. Either way she’s avoiding something from her past which will either have to be dealt with (sooner or later) and before she becomes bitter and understandably cold to any man’s advances.

On the side: There are groups of men who believe everything you’ve just read are just excuses to “let us down easy.” Usually they happen when you’re putting us in the friends zone. I tell them that most women, when they meet a guy who creates a deep underlying attraction in her, will find a way to fit us in.

Therefore the excuse or reason or whatever you want to call it typically means – you’re not feeling attracted to us.

Now the big question.

When I see an attractive girl who is single – and I believe this is the answer so many of you are looking for…

Do I (we, men) think she’s single because of a choice or because she has serious issues we want nothing to do with, making her non-datable?

Do we put her in the “crazy” section?

Do we say to ourselves,

“Sure, she’s hot, but she has major problems and if a woman that attractive is still single, then there has to be something wrong with her.”

As you may have learned by now, I’m a terrible liar. πŸ™‚ So the truth is yes – some guys consider she has issues beyond repair but they are rare.

Most men do NOT look at a beautiful single woman and see a problem.

They see an opportunity. One way or another.

It’s the girls who are taken, who go from relationship to relationship without a break, the ones we believe we can never be with or are always surrounded by a guy who gets women that hot, that represent a problem for us.

Rarely if ever, do we think,

“Wow! She looks amazing. But single and 40? Something must be wrong with her.”


The truth is most guys give beautiful women more than a fair chance to prove how “sane” or “drama free” they are.

Assuming a pretty girl has needy issues or crazy habits or is money-crazed is not in our best interests as a man – looking to share our lives or just sleep with you.

Now as a woman when you meet a great guy you may ask yourself,

“How can this guy still be single? What’s wrong with him? Commitment issues? Too many crazy ex’s? Maybe he not good boyfriend material?”

But as a guy, when we meet a great woman we’re attracted to AND she’s single we either think (depending on how we are with attractive women) …

Let the fun begin. πŸ˜€

She’ll never want me. πŸ™

“Dude! Check her out.” πŸ˜‰

“Wow.” Mouth drops let the staring begin.

I think you’re getting the picture here.

Okay, the better guys will feel you out for a possible relationship and may or might not find reasons to disqualify you.

Some men won’t care and will put up with anything short of violence and infidelity.

Lots of men will avoid you making it seem like there’s something wrong with you but it’s really their insecurity and lack of confidence.

Yet when we meet you, see you, and consider you attractive (whether you’re old, young, or in-between) our first instinct is to check you out first, and ask questions later. πŸ˜€


Peter White. Just some guy every woman should get to know because, well I “think” like a guy. πŸ™‚ Stay in touchnewsletter, Why Do Guys Facebook – Twitter @peterwhite125Thanks for stopping by and be good, be bad, just BE something.

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16 comments… add one
  • Jen

    Let me first say as I sit here at 46 in my empty house drinking my Sunday morning coffee reading your newsletters I find them very interesting. But let me ask as I have asked myself many times over, why after 18 years of being divorced, I’m attractive, keep myself in check health wise, have 3 children that are now grown, put myself through college later in life earning my masters in Business and Finance (not career driven trust me I love my time) ,family oriented, I own my home, down to earth and very laid back type of girl. I enjoy simple things life fishing, hunting, sports, photography (my hobby) and painting. So this is the big question, as I date, over and over and they all are just duds, so horrid they become entertainment for my girlfriends to hear (whom are all married) , I ask the ultimate question , what am I doing wrong or should I say what is wrong with me? I look in the mirror I see a perfect girl who can be classy to take to a fine restaurant but looks great in sweats and tshirt. Advise Please before I become a cat lady!!!

    • Meow Jen πŸ™‚

      Sounds like you’re doing a lot of things right – especially waking up to me and a cup of coffee. Very nice. I like mine full-flavored. Little bit of cream. Very little sugar.

      The only issue left is the “duds” you are meeting. Are they coming to you? Are you meeting them online? Friend hook-ups? Guys you find in the woods? Older, younger, immature, too mature?

      Are they falling for you too quickly? Stumbling their words? Spitting out food while they talk? Afraid to speak their mind? Have way too many “fish” jokes?

      Do you feel you are too good for them? Do you intimidate them? Make them nervous? Does your “cat-like” prowess have them believing they couldn’t last a second in bed with you?

      You have to consider the types of guys you’re dating, where you’re meeting them, how you’re meeting them… Take it all in and STOP putting yourself in that same “position” almost immediately.

      One only has to assume it’s the men who are passing you by, who are exceptional at blending in, the guys you don’t notice, the men who may not show much interest in you at first – they should be your next focus. Your next challenge.

      If the next “real” love of your life is not being found across a dinner table or on some boring date trying to play nicely, that tells me he is in the last place you’d ever expect to find him.

      So instead of waiting for the last place to finally arrive – visit your local pet store until you meet a guy there who is not afraid to tell you how much he hates cats. πŸ™‚

      You have my interest. Think about what I’ve shared with you today and I want at least one “dud” story. ( For entertainment purposes only of course. )

      Answer what you can and we’ll figure out a way to help you meet Mister Almost Perfect, πŸ˜‰


  • Liz

    Hey Pete,
    I just started nursing school and i’m friends with this guy. I didn’t like him initially. But after we exchanged numbers , we could text all day. He always initiates the text. Well I am a woman, so i got carried away, with all the attention I was getting. I ended up tellin him a whole lot about myself. And how i’m still not ready to lose my virginity. We argued a lot , and our last argument was last month, which he stopped responding to my texts and moved on to another girl from the same class. When he sees me, he pretends we were never the best of friends, he just says hi and passby…. Well he clearly told me he wasn’t interested in me at first, yet he was always flirting with me. Called me boring sometimes because I don’t party or drink. Not to toot my own horn but ”i fall under the attractive ladies category” lol. I get compliment s from both men and women, classmates. Men that come into my life always come because of my physical appearance… But ones they realize they ain’t getting what they are looking for, they leave me hanging. I’m still young but sometimes I get scared i will be single and lonely. How can I get them to stay and do you think my friend was genuine or just one of those jerks I usually allow in my life?

  • Sophia

    Hi Peter,

    I am a 26 year old girl & I just had a break up with a guy I was dating for 3 months just a year before this my very serious 3 year old relationship ended bcz we cudnt get married due to cultural differences anyway my last bf was my trainee in my office & pursued me for a long time to date me.I always refusef bcz first I was not over my previous ex second I thought he is not emotional and wants no strings attached relationship but eventually we became good friends I shared everything with him.Initially he comforted me emotionally and even agreed for a committment so we started dating then he told me about his career plans of moving to a different country and travelling the world.All i wanted was to feel secure after my last break up & wanted to get married.My bf agreed to marry me after settling down in his career however after we met n had sex he started drifting.In three months he broke up with me stating he is moving out of the country to make his career & he doesnt feel the same about me anymore.I feel cheated as if he faked committment to get in my bed.He was the one begging for this relationship and I never wanted it but as soon as he dated me he kind of lost interest.I have given up on relationship n love.I am a good looking girl dont know what went wrong.

    • Peter White

      Hi Sophia,

      Sorry to hear about your situation. It does sound like he promised more than he had ever planned to give. Your first initial response to him was obviously and unfortunately right, “he is not emotional and wants no strings attached relationship.”

      Hey… These things DO happen and yes, they suck BUT I see no reason to give up on love or relationships or anything like that.

      What I see here is a woman who has no problems attracting men who is just a little confused about how all this works.

      I’ll be honest with you, the security you need will NOT come from a man or a relationship or a marriage. That’s something you need to take care of yourself and it will increase your chance of success in any future relationship.

      Put off any ideas of commitments until you discover that security. You don’t talk about committing with a guy and THEN date him. You date several men, live your life independently, and slowly drop off the guys who are not fitting into the lifestyle you’ve created for yourself.

      Yes, it’s a long-term process but trust me it’s not as hard as people think it is. It’s actually easier for some of us because without all this extra junk going on in our lives it’s easier to focus.

      Nothing went wrong Sophia. Your were probably a little emotionally unprepared and here comes this guy chasing you down, making you feel special, and then you thought he could give you something which YOU can only truly create for yourself…. and he used that angle ( probably not purposely) to get what he wanted.

      What went right was… You saw it from the beginning so you’re a good judge of character. Men are willing to chase you and do stupid stuff just to be with you which tells me you have lots of choices giving you lots of power.

      If you learn to be highly selective, use that power of judgement and power of men for yourself to help you create the kind of security which comes from within, you might see lots of things went right and NOW these two situations become a new marker in your life…. Where it all started to come together and not fall apart.

      All the best to you Sophia,


  • Pita

    Hi Pete, and thats it πŸ™‚

  • Because they’re wise πŸ™‚

  • Shannon

    I am 19 years old (yes I know a bit young to be worried about find my husband) and I found your article very interesting and an enjoyable read. I attend a college with roughly 2,500 students and I’ve been told I am the prettiest girl on campus by multiple guys ( I really hope that doesn’t sound conceded because I promise I’m not). I am also a dual sport athlete and have a respectable GPA. My luck in the dating department is terrible, I’ve been being cheated on, lied to and dumped again and again when giving second/third chances; because of this I am very concerned that I will end up alone and or miserable as I age. Typically, guys only talk to me because they want me for my body, and assume they will “get lucky” (which leaves many of them disappointed/angry when they don’t). In addition, the females in my family have a record of divorce, which is highly frightening to me as I look for a boyfriend, or even someone I could potentially see a future with. I really do not know why I am having so much trouble finding someone that actually cares about me. Please help me and tell me why I can not find a boy that genuinely likes me
    Forever Single Shannon

    • Peter White

      Hi Shannon, have I told you how pretty you are today? πŸ™‚

      What comes to mind with your situation might be a bit typical. It feels like you’re sabotaging yourself because part of you feels like your looks have given you privileges which you don’t feel you deserve. You end up with guys who treat you badly because just maybe you believe they’re not just into your looks at first ( by the way they act around you and their past experience with other women) and by the time you fall for them, their true-self comes out.

      You don’t give the “nice guys” a chance because they’re only interested in propping you up and kissing your ass or treating you like you’re above them. They do little to make you feel something and I can honestly tell you, that is NOT your fault.

      So just maybe you find yourself falling for the guys who don’t give you much attention. Who don’t prop you up. Who are so self-centered they couldn’t possibly become concerned with your feelings.

      You’re also acting out of fear. Something you already realized. Maybe you’re afraid of being single. Maybe you haven’t experienced enough alone time to explore yourself enough.

      Maybe your thoughts of never settling down with a good guy has you giving yourself only to guys who confirm the belief you have in yourself… which might be not deserving.

      All that aside Shannon. Let’s go beyond the typical. Let’s go beyond the patterns and blame game and say something more.

      Start looking for guys in different places. Do NOT commit to a man until he’s proven to you without a doubt he’s for real. Date around. Don’t settle with one guy for now and explore options in many different areas.

      Learn to love being single. It’s a strength. Find yourself first. Complete yourself first. It’s like the old saying, “If you’re not happy being single you won’t be suddenly happy for long with someone else.”

      You’re going to experience a lot and the opportunities will be there for you.

      Focus on building YOUR life in such a way you feel less likely to allow a guy to treat you badly.

      Listen, most people don’t end up miserable and alone BUT way too many people end up in miserable relationship until they forget even why they’re fighting to save it.

      Chances are, with those few suggestions and a lot of patience AND forming a belief in yourself and your ability to compliment a guy, the rest will take care of itself.

      Remember, it’s YOU first as you date others and never commit until you feel better about yourself and you’re going to be fine.

      Read my patterns letter,


      To help you decide where the work needs to be done but please, don’t go blaming yourself because the supposed “good guys” don’t have a clue to do with the prettiest girl on campus.

      Keep putting yourself in better positions where you can meet better guys and sooner or later, one’s bound to show his face AND not treat you on one end of the spectrum (too nice or too bad) but as an equal human.

      Let me know what you think and anything else you’d like to share.

      Hope this at least gets you started in the right direction Shannon,

      Forever Me… Pete πŸ™‚

  • TheHonestTruthWhy

    Well lets face it since there is a very Good reason why attractive women are still Single is because many of the women that have their Careers today are so very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, and so very money hungry would be an Excellent Reason why since many of us Good Single men out there really Don’t want that kind of a woman anyway since they do want the Best and will Never settle for Less. Most women that make a very high salary today will Never go with a man that makes much Less money than they do which would be such a Miracle if any woman would go with a man like that to begin with unless she really truly Loves that man for who he is. That is why many of us men are Single since this has a lot to do with it since many of the women nowadays just Can’t Accept us for who we really are which makes it a real Shame since there are a lot of us Good men out there that really Know How to treat a Good woman with a lot of Love And Respect.

  • Alex

    Hey you,
    I’m 22, single and on my way to become a possibly crazy cat lady. And frankly I need to make sure that doesn’t happen. I also am terribly fond of cats and have even decided on the names of about five of my non existent cats so I’m already halfway there. I’m commitment phobic. Well more accurately I’m terrified of the idea of someone being into me. Like I wouldn’t be able to live upto their expectations of me or something I guess. Mostly it boils down to the belief that “Why me? Why not my friend?” It’s not that I’m not attractive, infact many people have mentioned I’m quite pretty. I’m VERY cynical and so I have turned down several guys. But I need to work on my issues before I even attempt a relationship because seriously nobody needs to deal with my crazy and I don’t expect anyone to stick around long enough for me to fix this issue. How do I turn down guys then? I don’t want to hurt them because most of them are my friends and they think I’m this confident gamer nerd but I’m really not. Any advice?

    Oh and my real short stint in flings have proven that I actively seek out destructive relationships so there’s that. I hope I don’t sound vain though. That’d Suck.

  • sarah

    I came across your website and I found it very helpfull and I would like if you could help me with my problem.
    I’m an attractive 24 year old female who gets alot of attention and usually the center of attention and plenty of guys chas me but when it comes to relationships I don’t know a single guy who is searious about me even though I’m not a slut, i dresse modestly and I don’t just give any guy attention only the ones that act madly in love with me and everybody tells me that a certain person has feelings for me. So what is the problem? Is it me? The guys? Or what? And thanks ahead.

  • bi

    Interesting! I’ve been asked this question many times and usually my answer is (I’m taking my time.. ) but I had feeling that when men usually ask this type of question, they want me to point out my negativity or so …
    but it was interesting to see it from another angle

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