You’re going to read a lot about signals men give you and how you can use them to figure out if a certain guy likes you or not.
You’re going to be given body language cues which, as a woman, you already know what they mean. I won’t say a guaranteed 100% but trust me on this – when it comes to reading body language you are already equipped with that skill.
You may also have been informed about his flirting techniques. As if every guy who flirts with you is madly in love with you. I’m sure you know that’s not the case. Flirting is a unique form of communication and not a fair assessment of “like.”
Maybe you believe because he always looks so good when he sees you, or he’s always smiling, or even that “when he’s watching you talk to other guys” he must be interested. Assuming when you’re not around he never smiles, he looks like shit, and he never checks out a woman talking to a guy.
Maybe because he always initiates the conversation. He’s always first to call or text you. How he goes out of his way to find you. Even the friendliest gesture can be reasoned and confused with real gut level attraction.
Let’s not forget about when he starts to ignore you. He is playing “man games” with you. He’s here one minute and gone the next. Then he must like you because no guy plays hard to get unless they want you to like them back.
But then how can you tell if he’s just busy. Or if you’re over-thinking it all. If he’s honestly hard-to-get. Maybe distant. Maybe emotionally unavailable with spurts of candidness which keeps you coming back for more.
Well – I’m going to assume you’ve heard it all before.
So it’s also safe to guess the answers you found – didn’t solve your problem. You got lots of things to “look out for” but no definite answer based on your personal case and not some majority ruled generalization about men.
Why is that? Why, despite all those answers, you still find yourself wondering if he is interested in you. If he’s truly attracted to you.
If you haven’t gathered it by now – I’m a guy. Yep. Just another dude and I have the parts to prove it. 😉
Rather than give you the same old tips. The so-called science fact about our wonderfully unique mating process. I want to share with you a guy’s world.
Many guys repeat your frustration,
“Does she like me? She’s flipping her hair. Exposing her wrist. She’s laughing at my lame jokes. She’s communicating 15 out of the 18 signals that she likes me so it must be true. Look!!! Even her feet are facing me. And I know I saw her lick her lips at least once – while we were eating dinner. Hmmmmm?”
Would you believe I’ve known lots of good-looking guys who I’ve caught several times talking to me about a “signal” she was giving and how it must mean she’s interested. And these were guys who needed absolute no help in the dating world.
While all that’s going on you’re looking for the man version and at the same time (I might add) trying to use your female ways to show him you do like him.
This ago old dance sometimes leads somewhere. Sometimes you get that second date. Sometimes you hook up later on. Sometimes you accidentally lead a guy on only to find out you don’t like him.
And sometimes your “maybe relationship” becomes so confused and buried in the mystery of it all you lose sight of what it was all about in the first place.
In a guy’s world – when his lips touches yours and he wants to do it again and again and again – he’s more than just interested. He likes you and is more than likely going to tell somebody about it.
Getting TO that point is what it’s all about.
We don’t date women to become non-sexual friends. We don’t get close to women without wanting to be intimate sooner or later. We don’t feel attracted without wanting more than just a casual conversation.
The instant you start looking for signals you’re taking yourself out of the most important place you can be. The present. And the present is the only way to get TO that first kiss.
In one guy’s world – a man who knows what he’s doing and has real experience with women understands how to take you there. His signals mean absolutely nothing because if he’s wants you there and you’re so inclined to join him – he WILL lead you there.
In another guy’s world – he doesn’t understand the steps. He’s busy looking for your “okays.” In a way HE wants to be lead. He’s unsure of his own esteem. His signals mean absolutely nothing because you’re not really dealing with his “present.” Which as I stated earlier – is the only way to get there.
For “it” to be completely real with a guy – there must be some physical connection. This means he will do everything and anything within his power, lifestyle, situation, skill-set, and probably more to secure an intimate moment.
Truth be told – what you’re experiencing when you’re trying to figure out if a certain guy or a group of men like you is doubt about yourself. Which has little or nothing to do with him or them.
Oddly enough – you know that. Don’t you?
Hell I even knew it myself even while I was sulking in the corners with a sad look in my face mumbling, “Why doesn’t she like me?” Took me a while to make myself actually believe, “Well maybe she doesn’t like me because this is who I am. The type of guy who cries in the background and whines. I don’t even like myself!!”
That’s one of the extreme cases for men.
But in the smaller cases which I’ll assume is yours…
- Maybe you don’t like one or two things about yourself.
- Maybe you suffer from mild flashes of doubt which always seems to come at the “perfect” time.
- Maybe you believe the guy you’re liking doesn’t seem to be into “your type”, or you’re too old, too young, too big, too small, too shy, too nice…
It’s absolutely perfectly reasonable to say you’re experiencing that doubt because you’re feeling attraction. If you didn’t care about “how he sees you” or “if he’s interested” then you wouldn’t even bother asking that question. Would you?
In the “all case” when you don’t feel attractive or likable at all you will actually try to stop yourself from “falling” for a guy because you know how deeply you’ll look inside yourself and how much it’s probably going to hurt.
What I’m saying, without getting too much into some blame game or who’s at fault, without telling you the same old stuff somebody else has already written is the ultimate answer to knowing if a man is interested in you:
In a guy’s world – the moment he feels attracted to you, he also experiences doubt. Some greater than others. Some handle it better than others. Some hide behind a mask. Some hide in the corner crippled by it all…
But the goal is always the same. To secure an intimate moment which is dependent on the intimacy he needs and how he defines a physical connection. Because that is when it becomes real for us.
I’m saying and I’m probably going to take a lot of flack for it but the ultimate test to see if a guy likes you – starts with the very first kiss.
Getting to that point is best left to enjoy and experience (and not question) because you know it then becomes all about you. It takes you out of the very thing you need to make that first kiss happen. The present.
Obviously we’ve avoided the social drama and the complexity of stepping from sight to relationship and how in our world there’s more to getting together than just feeling it for someone.
Let’s leave it at this and see where it takes us…
If everything a guy does seems to be leading up to that first kiss then you keep assuming he feels attracted to you.
If you’re impatient or are interested in time savers – the moment you’re close enough – make that kiss happen! Even if it’s just a small peck on the lips or neck. It doesn’t have to be a make-out session.
After that you’ll know exactly how much he likes you.
Stop looking for signals or body language clues or the deeper meaning behind it all…
The absolute truth of it all is…
We don’t date women to become non-sexual friends. We don’t get close to women without wanting to be intimate sooner or later. We don’t feel attracted without wanting more than just a casual conversation.
Love may be something else in determining how a man feel towards you. I would suggest you watch this informational/sales video because it will give you 7 questions designed to help you figure out if a certain man loves you or not… Does He Love You?
I have a question about if a guy is interested in me. So last night I went out with my friends to a house party and I met this guy. He seemed interested in me because he talked to me, touched me, was close, and even gave me a kiss which lead to more intense kissing. I was also interested in him.
He then came back to my apartment with me and my friends and we just chilled and talked. He sat by me, held my hand, and we talked about ourselves. He asked if it was okay if he stayed and I said yes and he smiled.
I then went back to my room quick to change and when I came back out him and friends were about to leave. I tried saying his name and asking him why he was leaving and he wouldn’t answer me and kept walking. So, I let him be because I didn’t know what to do.
I thought we were starting to hit it off with each other and then he leaves without saying bye. I don’t what to do. Do I text him and ask about last night? Or what? I really like him and want to see if there is something between us. He did so many signs that pointed to him being interested in me and liking me, but I don’t know.
Please help me!
Hi Pete!
I just met a guy a few days ago. First of all, I’m going to call this guy Bob, even though his name is not Bob. I am not going to tell you his real name for the sake of his privacy.
I have no idea if he knew I existed or not before we talked, lol. But every weekend, I take a weekend class at a community center. I’ve been taking this class for 2 years now, but he’s a new kid this year. When I first saw him, I was like, “Damn, he’s finnnnneeeee!” haha. I never really had the chance to talk to him because I was too busy, even though I saw him every weekend.
But last weekend, during break time, I saw a chance to talk to him because he was walking alone, right past me. BTW, he seems to be a bit of a loner. Idk why, but he doesn’t talk to many people and he’s by himself a lot. So I thought, hey, why not talk to him?
So I opened the conversation by saying, “Hey! I like your shoes!” And he was like, “Oh, my boots? Thanks!” And then I said, “What’s your name?” And he said, “Oh, it’s Bob!”
I was like, “Wait I can’t hear you, what is it?” And he said, “It’s Bob. B-O-B.” I said, “Ohhhhh okay! haha that’s a nice name!” So then I asked him what school he goes to, what classes he’s taking, what grade he is in, blah blah blah. He would answer all of my questions, and then he would say, “How about you? What grade are you in? What school do you go to? What classes are you taking?”
And I also told him that I’m a dancer. He said, “Oh nice!! What kind of dance?” And I said, “I’m a ballet, contemporary, and hip hop dancer.” Then he said, “Wow…fancy! I can’t dance haha. Not unless I am with some other guys, then I’m okay.” I told him, “Honestly, anyone can dance. You just have to find the right rhythm and the right music, and then you’ll be fine!” And he said, “Haha, yeah, you just have to find the right stuff to dance to.” And then he did this little wiggly movement with his body and I almost burst out laughing because it was so cute, lol!!
So yeah, we learned a lot about each other….we learned what school we go to, what grade we’re in, what classes we take, what our hobbies are, and I also introduced my younger brother to him. That was…weird haha. My brother is really shy when it comes to strangers.
He and I also discussed a bit about what our favorite genres of music are. I think we found some similarities there 🙂
I noticed that he would brush through his hair. Sometimes, when I would be talking to him, he would nod and then brush his hands through his hair. I think the term is “preening”?
Also, at first, when he and I started talking, he was facing sideways, but as we started talking, he turned his body around more and more until he was completely facing me. Which is good 🙂
And he would also laugh at my jokes. He asked, “What grade are you in?” And I said, “I’m in 10th grade. What about you?” He said, “I’m a junior.”
I said, “Junior, senior. Same thing, right?” And he laughed. When he laughs, he’s so cute 🙂
But when I would make jokes, he would laugh, and it looked like a genuine laugh too!
Anyway, it was getting close to class time, so after we talked for maybe 5 min or so, he said, “Alright, see you.” And then we departed.
He would also keep the conversation flowing. You know how sometimes there are awkward silences, right?
But he found a way to make sure there were no awkward silences.
So anyway…yeah, that’s all! I hope you enjoyed the read. Tell me anything you are thinking about this. I mean, I honestly wish I could get into his head and find out straight away if he is attracted to me or not!!! What do you think?
Thanks 🙂
Malia
so I need serious help knowing if a guy likes me.
we are in the same form class so i tend to see him really often, on the first day of school we really hit it off as we had many things in similar, in fact we spent the whole day talking to each other. however as the school year progressed we didnt talk that much and now when ever we do talk we end up having really long and really LOUD debates on anything. he always manages to say and do things that get me angry and when i ask him about it he just says its to annoy me. sometimes catch him staring at me? my class says that we may aswell be a couple…but i dont think he likes me on that level. how can i be sure?
You can never be 100% sure in the early stages, and if you are it’s usually with a guy you don’t have any feelings for anyways. Risk is a big part of the dating and attraction “game”.
Sometimes you have to just go with your gut, your intuition, and weigh out all the signs… Staring AND trying to annoy you are two clear signs. Make sure you sign up and read my report. Hopefully you’ll see more signs to help you out written there. There should be definitely something there for you.
Remember, guys are never sure either. In fact they’re usually more confused and uncertain because they have a huge problem reading women. To them it’s a risk too. You’re not alone there.
If ALL else fails, bet him on something. 🙂 Winner or loser, make sure it leads to somewhere outside of class.
Best to You Harri,
Pete
So I am someone who loves opinions and advice but finds it hard to believe it from friends and family so will ask you.
I am well used to be very shy and self conscious about my looks. I have gone through a lot of self acceptance and change to like myself better but I am still clueless to if a guy may be interested or not. What is an easy way to tell if he’s just being friendly or may be interested. What are the odds he just wants to be friends?
My story is of someone 9 years older than me, age gaps have never bothered me and actually seem to work better. He is newly divorce… Within the last year or 2. He usually talks on fob first and added me there. The times I have been around him he seems to like to joke and make people laugh. I can’t tell if that’s just him or not. He loves to tease. Always cracking a joke and making me laugh. But I can’t tell if that’s just his nature again or a possible attraction. I do see him make other girls laugh and don’t see the tease as much with them. But also seems to be charmer… And knows many girls. Will guys friend girls their not attracted to at all? What is a good way to test and see if there is interest?
Tough question Kels.
Only because I assume you DO want a guy who is a charmer. Who doesn’t take things so seriously and can crack a joke once in a while. A guy who is friendly to everyone. A guy who has no problems accepting women in his life for a friendship or even more.
So…
You can wait (while of course dating other men) around for him to progress through the stages of dating. Keep yourself open and available and put yourself in a position where things can naturally progress. If he doesn’t move through assume he doesn’t know how, isn’t really that interested in you, or worse yet, does not believe in himself enough to even try to do something more with you.
By doing that you’re assuring yourself, if he progresses, he’s more than interested or not, AND he’s confident and skilled enough to get the “job” done. That is the most effective way to find a man who is capable and mature enough.
IF you must, there is another option… SHOW him you’re more than interested by getting close to him. Breaking the touch barrier casually. Looking in his eyes, then his lips, and back to his eyes frequently while you’re talking. Whisper something in his ear and linger as he feels your breath.
My point is, start making it obvious you WANT more without telling him. Get closer when it’s appropriate and most (better) guys will figure it out on their own. LURE him in and give him the opportunity to make his “move”.
Remember, a “test” doesn’t always work because a lot of passing that test depends on the guy you’re dealing with and not necessarily the test you’re giving because it depends on his confidence and experience around women. Guys who DO like you for more can and will fail the test while guys who are only looking for something less than you might want like sex, will easily pass because they know what’s going on.
Hey I told you this was a tough question. Sometimes I wish one of you would make this easy on me… just once. :p
Seriously now, the choice is yours. I would opt for doing a little of both. Based on your explanation of the guy… if he wants more, he’ll have no problem making that clear to you IF you stick to the plans above.
All the best of luck to you,
Pete
Hello Pete,
I appreciate a you taking the time to make this website and respond to questions. Honestly I would like an unbiased opinion. I’m too old for the cat and mouse games. It’s ‘s boring and waste of time. I know already if a guy is really into you there wouldn’t be any questions. I already know the guy I’m feeling has romantic feelings. We’ve always had a crush but never dated or kissed. 13 years we kept in touch. He admitted he always wanted me but lacked confidence. I’m older now and ready to build a relationship, marriage so on.. I told him when I get to town we need to meet up. I was open and let him know my intentions. I want to get know him again, I want lots of hugs and kisses. I also stated we’re not having sex. We live in separate states and long distance just won’t work. But if we hit it off again. He told me several times he’s looking forward to seeing me and I better let him know when I get to town. He also said he has a girlfriend and it’s not serious and it’s a poly relationship and the long distance issues. So with that said I’m really not mad just disappointed. I will be in his town for an event but I’m not going to put myself in a situation where my heart could get hurt. It’s already hurt some. My thinking is if he truly wants see me there would be more communication other than twitter reply. Do I put myself out there and risk getting hurt? Or do I have to forget him and not twitter I’m in town. After all perhaps my phone won’t work or my account was compromised. Since the only communication is a twitter text there’s room for errors. Any advice Pete I would appreciate it.
Hi Pete!
I broke up with a guy about 3 months ago. I was the one who ended it and I told him that I don’t see this really going anywhere and that it’s not worth it. Plus, I don’t have time for him – there are so many other priorities that I have in my life.
It’s been a long time..and I’ve been trying to move on. I mean, I’ve been happy! And JUST when I was about to move on, he texted me for the first time in 3 months yesterday. And I was like “OH COME ON!” Lol I was a little confused.
Why did he text me all of a sudden yesterday? I mean, I told him that I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. I made myself loud and clear that I wanted to break it off. And it’s been 3 months after all…I thought that he had moved on (I HOPE he has!) but he, all of a sudden decided to contact me again.
Why, Pete? What’s his reasoning? What’s his goal?
I was talking to a female friend about this and she said, “Just ignore him. It’s the weekend and he’s probably got nothing better to do.” Do you think this is true? Is he just bored and looking for trouble?
Thank you so much, Pete 🙂
From,
Alyssa
Hi Alyssa,
You were the one who ended it so chances are his attraction never went anywhere.
Yes, he was going through his phone, bored and/or buzzed, texted you and probably a few other women also.
So he might have been looking for trouble BUT it’s clear he is still feeling something for you. Guys hold on for a very long time especially if a woman breaks it off with him. ( Actually even if it’s a mutual break up.)
His goal was to see how you reacted and see if you would respond. If you did and it was positive then his next move would depend on your past relationship. In other words anything and everything leading up to the possibility of getting back together again, to just some “after the break up” form of sex.
From,
Pete 🙂
Hi Pete!
Why would a guy say that he is willing to wait for you? He lives all the way across the globe and I told him that it can’t work out with him because I have other priorities to focus on for the moment and because long distance relationships aren’t my thing. I told him that when I’m ready, I will tell him. He INSISTS on waiting for me until I’m ready, even when I tell him not to wait for me.
I don’t get it! It’s not like we know each other THAT well. We never get to see each other in person because of the distance and it hasn’t been too long since he has met me. How does he know that I’m worth waiting for?
Thank you and really look forward to your reply,
Carli 🙂
Hi Carli,
It’s because there are groups of guys who get stuck on one woman and won’t let it go. Sometimes it’s because they don’t have any other options. Sometimes it’s because they refuse to see other options. Sometimes it’s because they’re just plain stubborn when it comes to their “type” of women.
For some of us, when we feel it that deeply, no person will ever be able to talk us out of her. You can’t talk us out of feeling something. We will only see what we want to see and will inevitably thrive off those emotions and build them even higher in our head.
You can call it an obsession if you want so that definitely depends on the guy and how much of an addictive personality he has. Meaning, I have an addictive personality and so when it came to women who would not have me, I would become addicted to just her and wouldn’t let anything get her out of my head AND it caused me to do some pretty strange stupid stuff because of it.
So you can’t talk him out of it feeling something for you. You can only do what you do and hope over time his passion is move on to someone who will accept it and give it back and who happens to live close to him.
All this usually happens because of the male trait being able to focus only on one thing at a time. Generally speaking of course because it does vary from guy to guy.This focus helps and harms them especially when it comes to becoming emotional over one woman.
Thanks for asking,
Pete
Pete you say “there are groups of guys who get stuck on one woman and won’t let it go.” What is wrong with a man falling in love with one woman and wanting only her? It seems all wrong to me that “some” men fancy one woman, and if it doesn’t work out with her, then then “look” for the next one and then another one. That is very shallow.
What about men we hear about who love one woman, get married and if they lose her (she might die when young) they love her for the rest of their lives and never find anyone else. But I guess those come from our grandparents generation when people didn’t sleep around so much.
I’ve been communicating with a man online and we’ve been talking for about 6 months. We had Skyped many times but not yet met in person until this past Sunday. Lately he hadpulled away some and I was thinking I may just have been entertainment for him or he lost interest or never really had interest to begin with. I see him online a bit more now and I wonder if he’s talking with other women and just playing me. He’s said he doesn’t. He just volunteered that info on his own. I never asked. When we met he was traveling down to my area for work and he went out of his way to meet me on his ride down. Things seemed to go well. He even kissed me several times. That was two days ago and I have heard a lot from him but I know his work keeps him pretty busy. He’ll be here for two months. Just not sure what to think about it all. Does he really like me or am I just someone to pass the time?
Hiya Pete!
So the guy I like confuses me. There are times when I think he’s attracted to me but then there are times when I doubt everything. Body language wise he has gone from sitting one way to the very second I walk into the room his legs are completely spread apart and facing me. He has no issue talking to me when other people are around but at times he will completely ignore me and act like I’m not even there and talk to the people standing right next to me. There has been a time when we have both literally ran into one another…we were both turning the exact same corner at the exact same time and bam ran into each other and then we both just kind of stood there for a few mins in complete silence in each others personal space(cause neither one of us moved)and we were just standing there all awkward like with huge smiles on our faces. The smile he had on his face was like a laughing smile, teeth showing, eyes half closed, mouth wide open. I could have sworn I saw him look at my mouth even when I said sorry to him. Now my question isn’t if he’s attracted to me but why wouldn’t he approach me…cause he seems to be attracted. And like this dude is an alpha male. He has clearly shown it as well. Touching other guys and looking at me while talking to them, as soon as I walk into a room his legs are completely spread apart whether sitting or standing and facing me, he has approached a guy I was talking to and said hi to him, continued on to insult him and then walked away without even saying one word to me. He was standing right in front of me as well. Just straight up acts like I wasn’t even there yet insults the other guy simply b/c 1 I was talking to him and 2 b/c he knows the other guy likes me mainly b/c he had made it very obvious. So now part of me is thinking that 1 he’s just always gotten by on his looks alone so he’s always been approached and never had to do the approaching or 2 we are both just playing the waiting game and seeing who will approach who first I guess. I’m just really confused by how behavior. Maybe it’s b/c he’s an alpha and I’m used to dealing with betas.
Hi Pete,
I used to work in a hospital library and became friendly with one of the doctors who is at the hospital. He started talking to me and generally being friendly, unlike most of the other doctors who kept to themselves. We became quite close, as friends, and would tell each other stuff and we supported each other when we had stuff going on behind the scenes. This went on for nearly 4 years!
It all went wrong however last year. David, not his real name, called me over to him when he was using the library computers one day and after some other talk, told me that he would be leaving the hospital to do a Masters Degree course in another part of the country. He would be going for a year. When I said I would miss him as we were friends he was lovely and said he would be coming back to do locum work. Afterwards I got rather embarrassed and texted him to say I hoped we were ok after what I had said. He replied saying of course we were ok. When I saw him again a few weeks later he was all smiley, came over to me and told me he was about to go off on his degree course, but would be coming back ‘at least once a month’. I later texted him Good Luck with the course. He replied, “Thanks, see you soon no doubt.”
After that everything fell apart. My stuff that he had supported me on was several family bereavements that had happened at our hospital and another close family member had had a stroke and ended up with dementia. I found it too wierd to work at the hospital and it was making me ill, so I had to leave. I told David what had happened by text (remember he was 100 miles away so I couldn’t tell him face to face). He misunderstood at first, thinking I was just on sick leave and sent a lovely message wishing me better, take care and hoping to see me back at work soon. He also said he would probably be returning to the hospital properly when his course was finished. I texted him again to say, no I had in fact left, but maybe we could meet and catch up when he returned to the hospital. I got no reply to that, so I sent another message a couple of weeks later saying again, could we meet and catch up when he was back at the hospital. Again I received no reply. After another couple of weeks I sent him another message saying how sorry I was about what had happened, that I would miss him and wishing him Good Luck. He replied this time, thanking me for my ‘kind words’ and wishing me Good Luck too 🙂 .
After a couple of months I was talking to my friend about him because I was upset to have lost his friendship. She suggested texting him to say hello and see if I got a reply. I did so and heard nothing back. Since then I have also sent a couple of emails to his hospital email address and a couple more texts saying what a shame it is to have lost his friendship and explaining in more detail why I had to leave the hospital and I would like to meet up to say hello when he is around. Again I have heard nothing back from him.
It is really upsetting for me. From the way he was talking as he was about to go off on his course, he would have continued to come into the library and be friendly when he came back to locum. I don’t understand why he doesn’t agree to meet up sometimes to say hello, as I told him I am near the hospital every day. I realise he could be upset that I left, and Pete I have read your other articles about how men think and can shy away from emotional situations. But we had been friends for nearly four years! Just because I wasn’t at the library any more it didn’t have to mean Goodbye for us, so it is such a shame that he is just letting all that go.
I suppose I should add that I am married. I can hear the sharp intakes of breath from here! But what you need to understand is that at our hospital we were encouraged/expected to form close friendships with our work colleagues and go out together on social occasions. Men and women (many of whom were married or in relationships at home) were good friends at work and would see each other out of work, as friends. In fact my also married friend Sally, who I mentioned earlier, has several male friends who she sees socially outside of work. The prospect of any romantic situations with them couldn’t be further from her mind any more than it is on theirs! Maybe David is a bit hesitant because I am married, but as far as he is concerned I have always been married and it didn’t stop him being as friendly as he was towards me. I don’t see the harm in meeting up in the hospital, surrounded by other people, to say hello.
So Pete, have you any thoughts or comments on why David might be prepared to just let our friendship go to waste? Thanks.