Is there something about a guy you wished anyone would finally give you an honest answer?
Your girlfriends are great but they might know know about the other side. They haven’t lived a man’s life.
Maybe your guy friends are not typical. They’re “nicer” than the “boys” you’ve dated. They don’t have the experience you wish they had.
Your family’s a little too close or perhaps too far. Either way they know you too well and their answers are more about you and not men in general.
You’ve tried searched out here in the great web but for some reason, you just couldn’t get a real satisfying answer. They, like I’ve been guilty of too, seem to open up more questions that satisfy just one of them.
Leave us any question below – Click Here
And now you find yourself here… wondering, hoping, trudging through a few posts, reading a few comments… it’s kind of nice but YOUR problem is different. It’s just not covered somewhere.
This page comes to you as an opportunity to leave a question (anyone) can answer but also it’s a starting place to categorize everything you wanted to know about guys.
Leave your random question about men and I just might feature it as a post – or I’ll throw you a quick answer straight from the instincts of a guy who understands men and wants you to understand us all better.
Here are the basic categories I’ve found most questions fall into:
- Beauty
- Breaking Up
- Dating
- Dirty Talk
- Does He Like You
- Flirting
- Game Playing
- Insecurty and Jealousy
- Is It Love
- Looks
- Maturity and Masculine Men
- Meeting His Needs
- Online and Text Experiences
- Reading A Man’s Mind
- Relationship Problems
- Sex Appeal
- Sexual Desires
- Stare and Approach
- What Does He Mean
- What Guys Want
- What Men Like to Know
- Why Do Guys Do…
( If you feel I’ve missed one then please let me know about it below…. thanks in advance. )
Now personally, if I was you – I would make sure you get all updates delivered to you personally. Be sure to commit yourself to truly understanding men.
Your Why Do Guys Newsletter gives you the latest major updates… You never know when an answer will come along you can truly relate to. You also get great advice about men from me , personal stories with women, and of course you get the chance of having your questions answered personally.
But enough of that…
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Then what are you waiting for… comment anything your heart desires and keep your eyes out for the answer.
PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE LEAVING YOUR QUESTION – I will be monitoring your comments and sometimes it may take up to 24 hours for your comment to appear. Please be patient. I Can NOT answer everything but I’ll try. Keep it fun and we’ll all learn something. – Pete
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531 comments… add one
I am in love with a 28 year old man.I am 25.He likes me a lot.But he doesn’t believe in love since his ex who was an ambitious woman decided to compromise with men for the sake of her career and go ahead in her life.They had a physical relation.This man is a good friend of mine since last 2 years.We are ex colleagues.For more than 6 months,we had stopped talking coz of office politics and also since he was emotionally unavailable and I had fallen for him and he didnt know how to open up to me.He says he just wants a partner.He says he is attracted to me by my thots,character and personality.There have been girls and his female pals who asked him for sex in the past,but he refused.Even at pubs girls give him the numbers but except for having a dance with them,he doesnt do anythn with dem coz he says that connection is not der.After his breakup 6 yrs ago,he hasnt had sex with anyone.I have been partially intimate with him but not the whole way.Everything that I say to him affects him deeply and he just goes quite most of d tyms.Even now since I was petrified of what would happen to our friendship after sex,I said a lil rude things to him wen he convinced me for sex knowing well it was very much on my mind.He told me that he is a wrong guy and I should stay away from him and all such unnecessary negative self talk abt himslf..He says he is scared off a relationship just the way I m scared of sex.I understand he has got self esteem issues coz of a past relationship n his ex still talks to him at tyms to wish him on special occassions but he isnt interested in her anymore and he has a lot of resentment towards her.I too want to have sex with him,but I want to know how the current situation is gonna play out from his end after the sex.I fear if anythn goes wrong in the sexual part,he mite just walk away.Altho he has told me dat he wont do dat again ever and he says dat I have trapped him..I know men treat d sexual part vry differently than woman.I m not plannin to sleep wid him to connect wid me or anythn..But I wanna know in my situation will it intensify his feelings for me or thn wil it end our friendship.Given d fact dat he had many chances to have sex wid sumbody else but he just didnt..I dont understand y he wants it only from me.I hope u ll be able to help me out by explaining in detail.I have read up a lot on this but I m still clueless y he wants it from me only.He has always maintained that I am special.Thank you.
Dear Pete,
I am a 22 year old woman and haven’t dated in 8 years. (Yes, last boyfriend was my first bf at age 14) And I have NO IDEA how to approach guys.
Two weeks ago, I saw the best looking guy EVER at a meeting. I have NEVER crushed so hard on anyone in my entire life.
I asked my sister (who doesn’t like me much) what she would rate me on a scale from 1-10 in overall attractiveness and she said “In all honesty Jo, you’re probably an 8.9. And you could lose like 10 pounds. Then I’d say like a 9.3.” – She apparently doesn’t like whole numbers.
He’s super buff (ex-Marine) and I thought I had NO CHANCE WHATSOEVER, but he blushed when he looked at me. (That’s a good sign, right?) He didn’t say a WORD. He did look at me a lot. However, now that it’s been 2 weeks, I’m starting to think I imagined him blushing (I do not have the highest self-esteem and I’m SUPER shy)I think to myself: “For God’s sake Jo, he’s ex-Marine, don’t you think he could have said something to you if he liked you????”
I wanted to give him my number, but I didn’t want to look stupid or slutty. Apparently, he was engaged but she broke it off. So he’s probably still hurt from that… I don’t want to be insensitive or disrespectful. But Pete, it’s been EIGHT YEARS since I crushed on someone like this! Can I approach him? It just seems wrong because his fiancé broke up with him recently… should I wait because only he would know if he was ready for a relationship? And I don’t want to be a rebound because I REALLY like him…
Sincerely,
JoJo
No one really likes whole numbers Jojo. I mean they’re just so freaking perfect it’s annoying.
First Jojo, unless you plan on dating your sister – who cares how attractive SHE thinks you are. If you ever want an opinion on how you look, I’d stick to asking a guy. Maybe I should set up a picture rating site here… call it How Attractive This Guy Thinks You Are.
All things aside – Just because he’s an ex-marine does NOT mean he’s confident around women – especially the “9.3’s” of the world. I would then expect the blushing is REAL and that’s probably why he didn’t approach you. Marines are trained to be soldiers, to follow orders, to protect the people around them and sure many of them carry those traits well BUT many of those traits don’t carry over to meeting women.
Second Jojo – you haven’t even met him and you’re already discussing with yourself whether or not he’s ready for a relationship. No need to concern yourself with that or where you think he might be. Those are things which take time to find out and it’s exactly that type of thinking which is in part causing you to second guess yourself.
You don’t want to be a rebound, that I understand, so what you do is take your time getting to know someone, you and him both date other people, and see where it all takes you. Part of the joy of dating is to find ways to truly connect while figuring out whether or not two people are compatible on many levels BEFORE a commitment.
Third, I say Screw The Rule of Who approaches Who:
http://www.dialteg.org/screw-the-rule-of-who-approaches-who/
Most men would NEVER accuse a woman of being slutty just because she decided to start a conversation with a guy.
And I know it for a fact that lots of guys actually believe women who they find attractive are actually smarter than them.
Take a minute and read this article I always point to because it makes 10.76432 (out of 10) sense:
http://www.dialteg.org/evan-marc-katz/keeping-man-forget-future-enjoy-present/
Stay in the present as best you can. Sure you haven’t dated in a while but look at it this way – you’re now 22 years old and I’m positive your mindset is more mature to deal with dating than it was 8 years ago. Give yourself the credit you deserve.
Approaching a man simply starts by saying “Hello” and no man worth your time will ever judge you for doing that.
In fact I’m sure lots of them will appreciate you more for it.
Hope that helps you and gets the ball rolling for both of you, the best of luck,
Pete
I’ve developed a pretty strong attachment to one of my close guy friends from college. Though our group of friends haven’t known each other for long, we’ve all gotten pretty close very quickly, and he and I talk on a pretty much daily basis about anything and everything. I’ve never talked to anyone else in private messaging this much before, and as a result, alongside our real life time together, I’ve started to fall for him.
However, I have no idea if he feels the same way or only sees me as a friend. Sometimes he says some things that really make me wonder if he actually has feelings for me too, and one of these happened this Friday night. He was out at a pub with some old friends and messaging me at the same time, which is actually pretty usual for us. However, it was pretty late and as I was just at home, I ended up saying that he should just go have fun and “don’t think about me”. I meant it, since I did want him to enjoy himself and didn’t want to take from his evening. But his response was “you act as if that’s easy”. I was pretty surprised, since to me it sounds like he finds it hard not to think about me, implying that I’m on his mind quite a bit. I spend a lot of my time thinking about him, but I know I have feelings for him – I don’t think he has feelings for me. I ended up falling asleep midway through that conversation, but when I spoke to him the next morning and said (lightheartedly) that I hoped he found it easy enough not to think about me, he said it wasn’t. That time I asked him why, but he just said “I don’t know.”
And it’s been bothering me ever since. The first time he was drunk, but the second time he wasn’t, and he usually means everything he says when he’s drunk too. But what does he mean? Does he really not know, or is there something he just doesn’t want to tell me? Why would he imply to me that I’m always on his mind? Am I always on his mind, or does that mean something else to a guy?
I’ve never felt the way I do for him about anyone before, and knowing even these little things about how he might feel about me would really help me work out where I stand.
Hello Lou,
Let’s get right to the point… when he said, “I don’t know” that was most likely him saying,
“I’m not going to be the first one to admit I have feelings for you… just in case YOU think we’re just friends.”
He knows. Oh trust me he knows how he feels about you.
Also, on the side ( about men who might be good with women ) they will hesitate bursting the bubble of chemistry, tension, and feelings at the wrong time. They resist the urge to destroy the mystery and save it for a time which better suits the interaction.
Like during an awkward moment when there just might be enough sexual tension to enjoy that first kiss.
So in a way – it’s a GOOD thing he resisted because he’s ( knowingly or not ) amping your attraction up.
Hopefully I’m not destroying it for him. Hahaha! But I do suppose you deserve the know truth and since you already like him, it’s not that big of a deal breaker, right?
Now… when a guy says you’re always on his mind… it’s rarely ever a friendship thing.
I mean a friend might be thought of a lot BUT a friend will never actually say that. It’s kind of implied. At least between guys.
Great question Lou. Trust your intuition here.
All the best to you,
Pete
why do I make some guys nervous just by saying hi to them? I just think its pretty funny. And I was curious as to why this happens.
Michele
Well Michelle, guys get nervous for lots of different reasons…
Some feel intimidated. Some have social anxieties. Some feel threatened. Some actually only appear nervous because they’re a little high strung. Some feel like a woman is trying to pick them up and they feel “awkward” because they are trying to find a way to reject them.
I’d say the biggest reasons are social anxieties around women, self-esteem issues and transference (If I’m using that word properly here. )
Transference in this case simply means the energy one person has is transferred to the person they’re interacting with. This not only means if you’re nervous or jittery the other person feels that way too or if you’re calm cool and relaxed they will follow your lead. It also means if you’re high energy ( overly happy too ) you could easily boost the way they are feelings inside. If you smile and say “hi” to a guy and are high energy – it doesn’t necessarily mean that energy will be directly transferred to them. Whatever state they are in will become enhanced by that energy.
Also – remember guys are SUPPOSED to be the leaders in the so-called “dating” game and it affects their life in every way possible. If they’re not confident in that leadership, or if they don’t know how to be social leaders in small groups AND you take the lead, they might feel more nervous similar to how some women feel when a strong confident guy approaches them.
Great question Michele and thanks for asking,
Pete
Hi Pete,
There’s a guy I have started to gain some interest in. We were recently acquainted by a mutual friend who introduced us to help each other out with our dogs since we both are single and living in a small rural town. She definitely planted the seed, atleast with me, that we should also hang out and perhaps could hit it off. He is recently divorced (within the last year) and reportedly was devastated by it. I’ve been to his house to walk the dogs and he’s still got a few pictures around of his ex. However, when we are around each other we are somewhat flirtatious, have fun, and tease each other a little. It feels like we have an easy and good connection. He has made comments that we should get our dogs together and has added me on facebook after we were both at a party and were hitting it off, within a half hour of the party ending. The confusion lie in when we’re texting or emailing, usually about details of helping each other out, but still with a fun and flirty banter style, he can drop off the conversation. He also will sort of abruptly have to go if we’re having a good time face to face, almost as if we’re having too good a time and it’s making him uncomfortable or he doesn’t feel ready or caught off guard by our connection so soon after his divorce. I want to get to know him better but am not sure how to proceed. I’ve been playing it real cool and when he abruptly has to go or drops off of our email/text thread I leave it there and don’t try to contact him further. Also at the party he made it a point to talk with me several times throughout the night. I’m not sure if there is nothing here and I’m letting my imagination get the best of me, or if there might be something here but I’ll need to be patient (which I’m willing to do, as I’m also newly out of a relationship and not looking to jump into anything too soon), due to his being so hurt recently. Any thoughts? Suggestions? Thanks!
Hi Lucy,
Definitely be patient. “Acting out of urgency” can easily an early attraction or connection.
Now there is a chance when his emotions are heightened he backs away because he’s trying to stop himself from falling for you too deeply. Whether or not it’s done on purpose it’s hard to tell and it may not be important.
We do teach guys to actually back away at the height of their early interactions with women. Mostly because that’s when they usually screw it up. They start lingering, becoming overly needy, leave no mystery, and start to “act out of urgency” instead of acting from a place of confidence and of having a life.
Some guys do THAT naturally and don’t have to be taught. It’s just who they are and they tend to draw people ( not just women ) in much easier.
Again, whether it’s on purpose or not shouldn’t matter – it’s doing both of you good because it’s ALWAYS better to be patient and learn more about each other slowly and to leave each other wanting more. Kind of makes it that much more exciting, doesn’t it?
Keep playing it cool Lucy – guys are naturally more inclined to look for that trait in a woman, especially the ones who are still getting over a failed marriage.
It sounds like things are going just as they should go. Don’t push the seed…. let it grow naturally.
Have fun with it,
Pete
Hi Pete
Thanks for your last email. This guy that I like from work. Things have moved on some what since I last emailed. He has since asked me to be his girlfriend and I have gone away on holiday and we spoke every day. Whilst on holiday I ran short of money and he gave me some without me asking for it. I said I would pay him back he told me no. Upon my return from holiday he took me out to with his best friend and introduce us. Shortly after that we went out again and one thing lead to another and we were intimate. He was a perfect gentle man. He paid open doors close doors. Gave me his Jackie when I was cold etc. He kept on asking if I really like him and that he doesn’t thing he can get a girl like me.
However he has not been back to see me or hang out but without fail he communicates with me every day. And if I don’t he ask me if I have forgotten about him. I have asked why we haven’t hang out again he said he is really busy and work is becoming too much for him. His work validates him too. We got into an argument that he is not spending anytime with me and he told that I don’t understand how important his love life is too him and that it stresses him out when I am not happy. After the argument he said to it feels like I don’t want him around anymore. I explained it’s not true. He told me that he got so stress out and fed up but he is not sure how to turn to me anymore for support cause I give him such a heard time.
My friend said she thinks he wants a reason to leave but doesn’t know how to say. I don’t believe that is the case at all.
We had out Xmas party and at first I was going to go and then I said I am not. He got upset and beg me to please come. However when I told him I am not going to go anymore he put this picture up of him and another female on his what app profile. I didn’t make any reference to it and then change my mind and told him I am going he removed the photo straight away. When I arrived at the party he kept on asking why I wasn’t going to come; almost like he wants me to say about the picture. He was very attentive towards me during the night. And we took pictures and stuff.
Pete please help me I am not sure what’s going on. He is a Virgo too
Hi Robin Bird,
Well Robin, there’s always the possibility that he’s playing the “po po me role – nobody loves me” and uses that angle to draw women in. Now normally that “role” can only be played by guys who are extremely good-looking. I mean better than average drop-dead gorgeous guys.
From that angle they’ll be extremely attentive, chivalrous, but often shy and tend to deprecate their value around women who become interested in them. They can use that tactic on many women and I’ve seen it work extremely well BUT it is often a “play” by players who use it to then avoid commitment but get what they’re really after from women they use it AND can use it on multiple women at once.
If that’s not your case here then I’d say you’re dealing with a highly needy guy who might actually want YOUR life to revolve around HIM – no exceptions. You’re supposed to be there for him and when he’s not there for you, he has good reason and believes his reasons are always right.
That type of guy will also give you everything you need, seemingly from the heart but in reality he might use it against you, “But I’ve done everything for you!” Using his gifts to barter for attention and love. Men who are capable of those “games” are also more likely to use more drastic tactics to get what they want – despite what the relationship needs. Such as posting a picture of a girl just to get you to come to the party with him.
Personally and with complete honesty I’d say you have a mixture of everything I’ve shared with you today and I do NOT have much confidence in this relationship at all.
Please take what I’ve given you with the warmest regards to help you understand what could be going on and use it to decided what’s best for you,
Pete
Hi Pete
So I would like to know, what are some red flags that a woman should look for that shows that we might not be the only woman the guy we’re seeing is seeing?
Hi Tara,
You’ll find my answer here. Hope it helps you out:
http://www.whydoguys.com/two-red-flags-guy-youre-dating-seeing-other-women/
How can you tell if a guy is flirting with you, or is just a flirtatious guy in general?
I have a crush on a guy who’s one of those over-confident, cocky guys at first, but the more you get to know him you learn it
s all an act. lol So I didn’t like him at first, but when I got to know him I realized there was more to him.
He’s always flirted with me, but it wasn’t until recently he would flirt even more than usual. Whether it’s throwing stuff, making fun of me, giving me banter etc. And lately I’ve been catching him staring at me hardcore. And he won’t look away when I stare back.
But I overheard from a friend he was talking to someone, and I think he knows I like him, so his flirting has increased. So is he flirting because he’s got a thing for me too, or is that just his natural personality and enjoy flirting with me?
Well first Amanda I’d look at how he treats other women. That should help you determine if he’s just a flirt in the first place.
Guys who overly flirt will also flirt with everyone – even if you might suspect the person he’s flirting with he wouldn’t find attractive or in his dating range… such as married women, much older women, etc…
Secondly… and this is more important, If his natural personality is to be a flirt, and it’s directed to you, why would you even question his intentions?
Assume all the signs you gave me above are clear signs that this guy is “into” you UNTIL he gives you every reason to believe otherwise.
Play fighting. Making fun of you. Banter. Staring at you without looking away. Increased flirting because he might know you are interested in him.
If a guy is paying attention to you AND you’re both having fun with it, the interest is there.
Lots of guys ask the same question: “How can I tell if she’s interested in me?” and the best advice I give to them, I’ll pass on to you.
ASSUME the interest, EXPECT you deserve it, and until a person gives your every reason to believe nothing is there… go with it if it’s something YOU want.
As long as you don’t fully invest in it early on or take it so personal, it’s those fun interactions where we learn to communicate on a whole new level with the opposite sex.
Avoiding it because you’re unsure or constantly questioning your ability to attract someone rarely ever proves beneficial and it sort of stops us from growing stronger.
Personally Amanda I’m a cocky bastard ( at times
) so I’d assume, if I’m flirting with you it’s because you’re fun to flirt with, give it back just as much playfully, and you’ve engaged enough of my interest to want more of it.
Go have fun with him,
Pete
I was once engaged to a man in the navy. Before we were engaged we had been good friends for years. He took leave, came home and in that time seeing him again sparked romance. I flew to Hawaii where he was stationed afterwards and once it was time to go home he asked me to marry him at the airport. I said yes, but after going home for two month’s I got cold feet. I was scared to leave my family behind, my life behind. I was afraid of being too happy almost. A few months passed after I called it off and I came to my senses. I loved him, I missed him. I started feeling so terrible for my decision so I talked to him in hopes he would understand. He did…at first. He then told me he couldn’t do it because he didn’t feel that way anymore. It tore me apart, but I understood. I had to. Then a year later he came home again. I was in another relationship aND I’m very loyal in relationships. We had talked on the phone and about 2 hours afterwards he sent me a message saying that he loved me..he hadn’t stopped but he was afraid of losing me again so he pushed me away. I WANTED and prayed to hear that forever. I couldn’t do anything about it though! I was in a relationship…so I tried to be nice about it. I hated that. It ate at me for a very long time. Then the guy I was dating cheated on me multiple times and I had no idea until a year into it. After pulling myself together i took a stand thinking maybe this is the only chance I’ll have to say this to him…what could I possibly lose? I fully believe in god never closing a door without opening a window..so I confessed everything. All of my feelings. He asked about the ex and I told him. He was furious with the way the guy treated me and told me that he had to be honest with me, he loved me/loves and has always and that wouldn’t change but that this would be a process and couldn’t just happen overnight. Hes sweet/talkative one minute saying he wants to know me even better than before and vice versa but then another day doesn’t answer or talk to me at all..sometimes he’s close others he’s distant. Why could that be?
Athena, that’s just the way some people ( guys included ) . Some days they feel confident and sociable. Other times they feel reserved and will act distant.
Now of course he’s unsure, going back and forth in his head, after all you have been through a lot and have not really moved on from the first relationship.
I would expect his hesitance at times.
I would expect him to be a little more protective of his feelings this time around.
When we tend to protect ourselves more we tend to shy away from risks and act tentatively with regards to starting a new relationship.
Keep in mind every time he gets too close he might pull away when the old feelings of abandonment come out. So he’ll close himself back up and “think” before he acts.
Hope that helps to clear up your situation and as always, wishing you all the best,
Pete
Hi Pete,
Several months ago I asked a guy I see occasionally at work if he wanted to exchange phone numbers. I was extremely nervous and in turn I made him nervous and scared. And I will admit that I blindsided him. He definitely didn’t see it coming. Anyway he turned me down and said no I’m good. Since then I told him that I still like him. He gave me a big smile and eye contact and we laughed about it. Now every time before I leave his store I have to get a signature and he gives me major eye contact and a smile. Now my question is how can I tell if he is just flirting with me to build up his ego or is he waiting for me to ask him out again? My instincts tell me that he likes me but why doesn’t he ask me out?
Hi I was in need of some advice at understanding my ex.
Heres a rundown- we were best friends before the relationship. So we have always been close. We live together. The break up was a little out of nowhere I know I havent been the best person to be around sometimes due to personal issues, but most the time it was great. We spend alot of time together. The break up happened about 2 weeks ago. Im heartbroken. The reason he gave me was he doesnt want to be in a relationship. It went from loving me, cuddling up to me and having fun and shit to its over? Im so lost.
One of the things confusing me is the room situation for the first week he was coming into bed every night. I eventually said he needs to move into the spare room if he cant give me another chance. He agreed. But he hasnt moved at all. He has been sleeping on the couch a couple times coming up into my bed in the morning.
I feel like he is having doubts but im not sure and its too hard to get my hopes up.
we talk like everything is normal just no pet names. It all very very confusing.
Any advice will be greatly appreciated
Hi! I love your blog!!! So… I work with this guy for like 6 months. He was the first one to approach me and gave me a lot of signs he was interested. One day he asked me to have a drink after work and I accepted, during this time he kept slipping his girlfriend in the conversation and I said nothing. Since then I was more reserved thinking this was going nowhere but from time to time he still gave me the signs. I heard he broke up with her, and my other collegues said he is really insecure. And since a lot of guys are after me where we work I should make a move otherwise he wouldn’t. Since it’s been 6 months of this on and off I decided to make a definitive move to know if liked me or not so I could move on, so I took his phone from a colegue and said something random just to start conversation but still showing interest and talking about something he said the night before and that I thought it was nice. He never answered and I know he got the message, so I assumed he wasn’t interested and when we were all at the bar later that night I ignored him. Someone else started to flirt with me, so I flirted back. He interrupted us and said ‘you know I love you’ and I said ‘ok’ unimpressed. He took some money out and said : ‘I love you. Can you take a beer for me it’s too crowded for me to get up’ I told him to fuck off and think he is a jerk and it’s probably using me to have an ego boost since after the message he knows I like him. What you think?
Dear Pete,
Does the guy at the gym have a crush on me? – I’ve been goin to the gym for many years. One day I noticed this very attractive guy on a machine beside me looking at me. After that day, I started to catch him looking at me more frequently every time I was at the gym. When he noticed that I was curious, he would walk by be multiple times and smile at me. Then it seemed to progress from there. Suddenly it seems like we are always in the same area of the gym together. I still catch him staring sometimes, sometimes smiling, and sometimes he makes funny faces like he is exhausted and i will giggle. Then i noticed that he will always leave the gym at the same time as me, and is following me to the parking lot. One day he lifted his shirt to wipe the sweat from his head and I could see his boxers and abs. Then one day at the gym, a different creepy guy was staring at me. I was uncomfortable, and i think attractive guy could see that too. So I moved to the opposite side of the gym, and then suddenly the attractive guy gets up and follows me to the other side of the gym and works out right beside me. I had a feeling that maybe he was trying to protect me, or make me feel safe. Also, sometimes i catch him mirroring my movements. Like if i tap my feet to music, he is also tapping his feet. The thing is that this has been going on for almost a year now, and he has never talked to me (other than one time when he asked me if I was done on machine) He just always wants to work out beside me. Also i should mention that I am pretty sure he might have a girlfriend, cause i have saw her come to the gym with him (only twice in the year) but is this why he wont talk to me? Does he like me, or am I reading into this too much?
Thanks!
Thanks for your insight. Yeah, the reason why I want to know it so bad it’s to make sure nothing is wrong from my part so this is really much more about my insecurities than that guy.
Even if you’ve told me ‘yeah he is interested’ wouldn’t be enough at the end cuz my lack of self steem wouldn’t let me believe it. Better than knowing that if this guys likes me or not is to know that I can’t know what is in his or anyone’s head and if he is not it has probably little to do with me.
You were right about past experiences messing with our way of viewing the world, the fact that I suffered bullying as a kid and had felt used in the past (by a guy who was gay and used me for bragging purposes) is playing a role on me assuming and predicting something that I can’t know for sure (since I don’t know him enough to tell).
Your advice was very useful (even if totally different of what I originally expected).
I have one question though: is projection always bad? Or like I read in another post of yours ‘you should always assume he is interested unless proven otherwise?’
Anyways, thanks a lot.
For the guy, I presume he is at least a bit interested but I will never know for sure. One way or another he is way too slow after many signs I gave him so I should find someone that can ‘do a move’ and knows what he wants enough to go after it.
I have a male friend that I’ve known for about six months. We started really talking about two months ago, which turned into flirting (we have a tremendous amount of things in common-we seemed to click almost instantly). I made the mistake of telling him that i have feelings for him and he “friend-zoned” me. Yet he still reaches out to me multiple times during the day and makes plans to spend time together one-on-one (almost a weekly occurrence). I’ve told him before that maybe it’s best if we just leave each other be, but he fights to maintain our friendship, acknowledging that he doesn’t want to lose it. It would be really great to know what is really going on with him, because to me something doesn’t seem to add up.
Hello,
Been here before last year I think reading through and your insights have saved me in a lot of many men woes.
Anyway, I am just having a little bit of clueless with this ex of mine that always comes back communicating with me, we talked after 3 weeks of the break up on what happened but he said that he doesnt really know what he wants he cant explain why he do what he does . In summary, We’ve dated for 6years done most couples do but what broke us off was a sudden blow up from me. You see ex was a very whiny kind of guy with a touch of demanding. He was cool to me, Intelligent in a geeky weird and with the 2years I didnt mind that he was all over me and he is basically glued beside me I didnt mind it at all, but what got to me was the negative whiny ways he goes on about what irks him. I blow up and just utterly said f*** Ive had enough of this and just left. what may work for others of talking through and find compromise doesnt work for me since when I do am angry and blow up it takes forever for me to blow up so I need time to let off steam and just wait it out. By the time I came back and level headed he was seriously emotional and IDK I decided that I have enough of that kind of relationship. Fast forward after a week I found out he had a new girlfriend and have practically moved in with him which I didnt (I wasnt ready to play house – commitment is serious to me and living together before marriage is not included). I go on with me life and after 3months of absolute NO CONTACT ( blocking him in fb, deleting skype, changing numbers and lucky was transferred to another umbrella branch moved to a different state). ive never been the kind of person to play with relationships thus I have only a few numbers and most of it all have been long term.
So my question is, how could a mature man be still clueless of what he wants and still want to go back to me (his ex) … he keeps on leaving me emails that he wants to be friends again and that if i still dont want to talk he will understand it, but I still get emails from this guy everyday. I dont understand why talking to an ex would help in mending a broken heart?
My question may be difficult for you because it’s from a different culture. Still I believe men (majority of them) think/feel (if not behave) more or less the same way no matter from what culture, hence I still hope your answer will be helpful for me.
First about where I am from. I am from Pakistan – a south Asian Muslim country. People are not as open here as in western cultures. Especially around people of opposite gender, one is expected to behave reserved and sober. Although we have all kinds of people here too, gradually with more global impacts, people tend to allow more flexibility in interactions with opposite gender. People study, work and hang out together, make good friends, with some lines not to cross, e.g. touching; shaking hands, hugging, hitting playfully, such signs of frankness are only approved for friends of same gender. Some people still go beyond that but that’s rare. Having explained this background, I move on to my situation.
I’ve been working in this office for almost 6 months. I am 32 years and work in a managerial position. There’s this guy who’s making me wonder what he is up to. Passing through corridors and hallways we’ve seen each other numerous times, and it’s been pretty normal as we see many people working around daily. Until 3 days back, when most of the people were out for lunch and I was just idly standing near my cubical. I saw him coming from the other end of the hall way, (since my department is near the entrance of office, everyone coming in and going out must pass through my department) when I noticed him he was already looking at me.. and for the first time he kept his gaze on…and it was for good 4-5 seconds.. Initially I just looked blankly while thinking something else but as it continued I was startled… it was unusual… I quickly turned my face sideways but could feel he was still looking at me.. it was weird!! Somehow I couldn’t stop myself from looking at him again because I really wanted to be sure it must be just a coincidence and he must have discontinued his gaze but to my surprise he was still staring… this time around he was quite closer to me.. so I just turned my back on him wondering what has gone wrong with him… and he went out…he neither smiled nor had any other expression on his face…he was just looking at me without even blinking his eyes… that was crazy but later I thought he might be thinking something else and mustn’t have realized what he was doing… In fact he has an image of a very serious and no-nonsense guy who means business. I didn’t expect that from him. Next day I was standing near my colleague’s cubical and was guiding him about something when he came and started talking to another colleague of mine who was sitting next to the one I was already talking to. That was the first time he had entered in my department in the 6 months’ time! And was discussing something totally random with that colleague of mine. I finished talking to my colleague and went to my boss’s office to inform him of something, when I came back, he was standing near my cubical completely blocking my way and looking at me when I was coming back towards my cubical… still with those serious expressions… Of course I had to ask him to excuse me, he said, “yea sure” still no smile…just looking into my eyes… and although he got aside to give me some space to pass through, it made me get quite close to him for fraction of a second before reaching to my cubical…I was quite nervous this time… the real coincidence was, the same day my boss was discussing this guy with me telling me that CEO was quite impressed with his performance and business acumen and sees him as high potential for a senior position. At the same time, he came to my boss’s office to talk to him about something (he didn’t know I was sitting there), he might have noticed through the glass door that I was there and he turned to go back right from there… my boss hinted him to come inside with his hand but he said, “no no it’s ok, I’ll come later…” and my boss was like, “what happened to him!”…
Next day, for the first time in history, he specially came to my department to say hi to everyone but didn’t even look at me. In last 3 days, it has happened 4-5 times that I am talking to someone standing somewhere in office and he hovers around just casually as if he is just taking a break from work but he doesn’t look at me then.
Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Or does it all really mean something?
How do you feel about girls asking guys out? I find myself doing this every so often because I’m tired of sitting around waiting for some guys to man up & take the hint. I recently asked out a guy that I was friendly with. I wanted to go out with him to get to know him better & to see if I liked him as more than a friend. I also thought it would probably be easy since we already got along well. I tried making it casual, giving the impression that this was a means of “getting to know you” rather than “let’s date & get married cuz I’m in love with you.” But ever since the date, he’s been doing this thing where he ignores me…sometimes. I’ve come to the conclusion that he tends to be weird in a crowd but normal one-on-one. When we actually have a “normal” conversation, I get the vibe that he likes me. I’ve been trying to remain friendly yet flirtatious without coming off as needy, but when he ignores me I get really frustrated & upset with him. Then I start to ignore him, thinking that must be what he wants from me. I do like him & would still like to spend time with him. I’m just trying to decide where to go from here. It’s been about 6 months since our date. He hasn’t made much effort on his part in regards to going out of his way to seek me out & talk to me. I’ve been told by a reliable source that he has been struggling with some self-confidence issues as of late. I’m wondering if that might be a big part of why he’s been off lately. Anyway, would it be terrible to ask him out one more time to see if it’s any better this time around? Or did I totally ruin my chances by taking the masculine role & asking him out in the first place? Do I just need to put aside the fact he’s been ignoring me & make the effort to talk to him & build his confidence through flirtation & then wait to see if he makes a move? Or am I still taking on the masculine role when it’s me approaching him first & initiating conversation most (if not all) of the time? I obviously just need some advice. Thanks!
Hello Brittany, you can find your answer here.
http://www.whydoguys.com/should-girl-ask-guy-out/
Please leave any additional comments there.
Thanks,
Pete
Hi there!
I’ve recently started university and there’s this guy in my class who I really like and I’m pretty sure he likes me too since he stares at me often (we’ve locked eyes twice and smiled at each other before I got shy and looked down) and one time he even decided to sit next to me in class out of nowhere (it was only small talk though, and this was when I had just noticed him and was beginning to fall for him). Oh, and once I was talking to my teacher and he came and stood next to me during the whole conversation, and then when the convo was over between me and the teacher he stared at me a little and left… These were just a few examples of what I think means he likes me back and wants to approach me. The problem is that he comes off as this really shy and quiet guy. One of my friends told me to approach hi! since he had come out of his shell to sit next to me (guess it was a big step for him) so 2 weeks ago I decided to talk to him after a huge exam we had and we ended up just talking about the exam… he had a little smile throughout the conversation though… but nothing really happened cause a week later was Christmas Holidays. So my question is… what should I do?? I can’t stop thinking about it and I dont want him to think I’m not interested! Plus I saw him text a girl, and her name on his phone had hearts around it like “Anna <3 <3" so I guess he has a girlfriend? But I've never seen her? And he's not the player type to be flirting around so whats up?? HELP!