Oh yes they do. 🙂
But… there’s always one of these isn’t there? You get a quick answer that seems all good on the outside and then we lay on the cold hard facts about men missing women.
I’ll put this one right out there – If a man does NOT feel attracted to you he won’t care if you miss him.
He’ll probably shrug it off, or downplay it because one of man’s greatest fear is turning on a woman he is not into. You know those guys who won’t leave you alone? Always trying to talk to you, the ones who creep you out the most, well us men feel the same way when we’ve “accidentally led a woman on.”
And now the WARNING:
It’s need to be genuine for a man to believe you actually do miss him. (I suppose for this to work. 😉 )
If you say it all the time it loses its impact.
If you don’t back it up by making an effort to see him, the never-ending miss cycle will push him away because he will not trust your sincerity. Men NEED to trust you more than you might have ever been led to believe before.
Probably because you’ve only heard women talk about how they don’t truth their man. Or they want a guy they can trust.
When a man opens up to you physically and even slightly emotionally they are trusting you with information and emotions which could effectively make him feel or be seen less than a man. If have you the power to immaculate him, tear down his ego, or “air out his dirty laundry” to the world his trust in you must be secure.
=>ALL men need to feel safe. Maybe not physically but definitely emotionally.
Part of the reason why I feel we like to know you miss us is because you’re assuring us that special trust.
Imagine a man saying or thinking this and you’ll see how important it is to a guy to hear how much you miss him…
“I have to let you go for a while. We’ll be apart for a time. You’re carrying my heart and soul with you. You know my secrets well. Please remind me from time to time you’re still carrying around my precious heart and no one will ever be allowed to take it from you.”
Next let’s consider the words, “Baby… I’ve missed you so much.” and what real effect it has on him.
The Mushy Stuff:
I want a woman in my life to miss me because it tells me she is thinking about me. I’m a part of her life. Not that she couldn’t function without me but the connection we’ve made enhances her happiness – and that also makes me happy.
The Sexual Piece:
Every man at some point in his life knows when a woman he is in a relationship with , (under certain circumstances) uses those words… it almost always is followed by a hug, a few kisses, maybe some more kisses, and then yes, incredible sex!
The Connection:
Men have a part inside them which needs to be fully connected to the woman he is in love with and to satisfy the sincerity of that connection, must experience an action related to it. That simply means you can tell him until you’re blue in the face how much you miss him but if you don’t back it up, he won’t “feel” the connection.
I committed to a girl once who lived several hours away. She struggled with revealing her feeling through words. But one day she had me spray a stuffed animal, I’m sorry drown that little doggy in my cologne so she could smell me anytime she wanted.
It was more than just a romantic gesture but an action which gave me no doubt she felt connected to me. And how much she missed me.
Now instead of leaving it there she took it one step further and bought a small comfy pillow which she sprayed her perfume on it. Knowing she wanted me to be able to smell her whenever I missed her increased the strength of our connection.
I could go a little deeper here, depending on your age group, the type of guy you’re dealing with, the obsessive compulsive aspects, the neediness and security issues, and so on… but let’s keep it as simple as possible.
*Men – who feel attracted to you, or have made a physical and emotional connection with you, or who are in a long-term relationship with you – like (and love) to hear how much he is missed.
It’s a sign of affection. A clear acknowledgement that there has been an intimate bond formed. An indication of your love.
A real support that no matter how far apart you find yourselves – you will always hold his secrets in with absolute trust.
And as always with men – showing him how much you miss is more effective than just saying it once in a while.
I’v been talking to this guy fo rover 7 months now, finally he ask me on a date and it was super nice, we are both coming from some ugly break ups, and I am taking everything careful, I know he likes me and I do too, but I wonder if I need to show him in a little more obvious way that I like him, his past relationship was bad and I feel like he may be a little insecured since it was a really bad break up, I’m scared too but he is really a great guy and I don’t want to mess anything up. Can you please give me some advise? Thanks!!!
Helena,
If a guy has or is asked you out on a date then you know he likes you, right? So, if you said “yes” then he also knows you like him depending on how you acted on that date. Meaning act, illusive, distant, talking about past relationships, etc.. then he might assume you only went out with him to be nice.
Here is an article I wrote a while back on what not to talk about… see if you did or did not make any of these mistakes.
http://www.dialteg.org/topic-void-talking-first-date-with-guy/
Now…
I know, you’re scared, he’s scared, BUT both of you must avoid acting out of fear because that’s what ruins it all. You just can not go into any dating thing trying to not screw anything up. That’s when you start acting “different”, not yourself, and this is also where you learn the wrongs things about someone else. You’ll also start doing things because that’s what you believe he wants, which normally doesn’t work the way you think it should.
You can’t do things for other people. Only for yourself.
What I’m saying is… let’s assume your past has a history of neediness, desperation, anger, jealousy, intimacy problems, or trust issues. (Any one of those listed. ) You can’t try to avoid those things on a date BUT you CAN work on them on your own, for yourself, and the other person doesn’t have to be aware of that. If asked just respond with a coy smile, “Yeah, I know, but I working on that. :D” Then change the subject.
Work on your issues and bring yourself (fearless, ready, capable) to any date or experience. If you must, avoid experience or dates that may bring your issues out. Focus more on where you’re going and what you’re doing… together.
In my experience, you can be your best self and give it all you got, and still screw things up ( at least in your mind) because you have absolutely NO CONTROL over what someone else feels or thinks. So to you it feels like you screwed up but in reality it was the other person dealing with their issues and it had nothing to do with you.
So… go blind, fearless, stick to some general guidelines of dating like flirting, having fun, learning about the other person in different situations and experiences; obviously avoid the most common mistakes like calling too much, talking about your future “together”, bringing fear and anxiety and acting out of jealousy or anger and…
Allow him to see the person you are and not the person you WANT to be or think you must be for him.
Either way, you must admit, dating is not a pass or fail thing if you take your time and if you need to avoid one thing…. it’s acting like the person you think the other person wants.
All the best to you Helena,
Pete
I’ve been with this guy for over a decade long, and it’s been on and off, but we always end up together. He said he wants to make this relationship work (the last time we got back together 5 months ago). When we are together, he kisses me, hugs me, hold me, just so touchy with me. A while back, we had a small argument and when I was hanging up the phone, he said “Love you”. He never like to use the “L” word. But, a few more arguments after that, he said, “I Love You” (Not every arguments he’ll say it though). So, if I’m happy and fine, does he think I don’t need to hear it? Well, as a woman (and I’m sure this goes for all women out there) I like to hear it when my man tells me he loves me. It’s not that I’m needy or insecure, but it just makes me feel good and it really warmth my heart when he say he loves me. I may have made the wrong move, but I asked him why he doesn’t say, or email/text “I Love You” and I think it’s only been 6 times of the 10 years we’ve been together? (Wow, it’s sad…I even counted it. Lol). He told me that don’t expect him to call me “honey, babe, lover” or hear him tell me “I Love You”, because he is not that kind of guy…mushy. So, if he said he’s not that mushy kind of a guy, but he blow kisses when he see me, leave emoji kisses in messages/text, or “Muah”. He also, calls me “dear, sweety, or sweet thang”. This isn’t mushy? This guy confused the heck out of me.
Yep Baille, some, maybe most have a hangup on the word love. When it is used. How it is used. Who it is said to and when it is said.
Truthfully, since most guys don’t put much weight on words themselves and what they mean or how to even use them, they come to the conclusion the word is strictly defined by women.
That means, it’s the general interpretation of the word “love” by women which is defined in his head which makes it so difficult for men to use properly. (Of course there are exceptions.)
Take a guy who firmly believes what love is, what it’s supposed to mean, how to use it, when to use it, etc…. AND he doesn’t just flagrantly use it all the time, since it is clearly defined in his mind what it means to him, he’ll have no problem saying it.
Take a guy who believes “women” define the word and he’ll struggle saying it or understanding what it means to HIM.
Confusing, maybe? But from a guys point of view, 🙂 I know exactly what that means.
Pete
I would welcome the touches the caresses… The smiles etc. They to me have more weight then a verbal I love you. Often it’s used more than felt.. I have met guys who have told me just that.. so they don’t tell their significant love it much. Then I was told over and over by my ex.. I love you.. every day. I thought that was enough.. I was missing the caresses.. the little kisses.. no messages in the afternoon.. never a I miss you. But the I love you always. He was cheating on me for over a year and a half I know of. We seperated in 2013. Our divorce final in 9/2014. Till this day I’ll get a call I won’t answere message says ” this is Jay Lee… I love you.” I still won’t believe it.. I’ll take the passion and caresses instead that I can believe.. in a song I once heard. “It is in his kiss” 💋
For the past 2 years I have been on and off with dating an ex of mine from high school but things never got serious and still haven’t because at the time when we reconnected I was in a relationship already and it was not a good relationship at all. But it was almost like he came into my life at the most perfect time to either save me from this horrid relationship or to become a true friend to me again. Either way two years ago just as friends, (because I was in another relationship), he still managed to win my heart, love and trust but in the end it I didn’t choose anyone. I chose me since I was going through my own personal issues and I feel like I lost him forever but I am still in love with this person deeply and think about him everyday and want to tell him that I truly miss him and his beautiful soul. I am afraid to know the outcome… But I am willing to put my heart out because I feel like he did that with me knowing I was in a relationship already. I miss him and pray that he can forgive me for not being there for him when I should of. I think I’ll tell him soon but I feel the need to plan this very wisely. I like the idea of leaving a note for him that smells like me… he loves this one particular perfume I use, maybe it will help. This post really helped elevate my willingness to reach out again, thank you.
I have been seeing my guy for 5 months now. And we live 30 mins away from each other,and he works alot of hours and weekends so we only get together a few times out of a month.And i have told him at different times in text how i miss him but he has yet to ever tell me that he misses me and that bothers me.
Some guys just don’t open up that easy especially on the “I miss you” thing because to them, it may show more interest than they’re willing to admit or give in to just yet.
If it continually bothers you, STOP telling him you miss him and START letting him miss you. Assume he does or he wouldn’t continue to contact you. If you continue to let this bother you, you’re more than likely going to do something to push him away because you will begin prodding him to produce something he might not be ready for. By doing so, there’s no way to tell if he’s saying it just because you’re bugging him and not because it’s a genuine feeling from his heart.
Give it some time. Stop telling you miss him. If you must, after that, leave a message or two like this, “Don’t miss me. Bye. 🙂 “
Pete
Yeah, I think that’s a good idea! Like it! 🙂
Hi… So met my Romeo on Facebook.. yeah don’t judge just advise please.. we made an awesome connection.. problem he lives in a different state.. I made a trip out to see him. But it was botched by his work schedule.
We text everyday. Little hellos… Morning kisses etc. But we havnt had that real conversation in awhile. I think of him on the daily. Hoping wanting a more secure permanent connection.. I know the distance is a big factor.. but I also know that he thinks of me too. I get a I miss you… Morning g beautiful.. or a I really want to see you.
I just feel sometimes I’m making too much of an effort. I don’t want to smother him.. I just want him to know I’m here… I can be patient.. but what I’m feeling is joy when I hear from him.. but loneliness when I don’t.
I’m making plans to go see him again.. part of me wishes he could come to me.. but that dreaded schedule is killing me. Not to say it just might get in the way again.
How do I know..what should I do.. what do you think he wants… -me?
I rarely, at least try to avoid judging people… you want to meet your Romeo on Facebook, who am I say to that’s wrong.
However, the problem I’m seeing is that you’re asking the wrong guy and you might be asking the wrong person… What do YOU want from him? What do YOU want from this young relationship and do YOU honestly believe it can happen, despite the distance?
Now I wouldn’t go pestering him about where the relationship is going or where he sees it going, or how he would like it to be BUT you can ask what he wants out of life. You can ask him where he sees himself in a few years AFTER and while you’re talking about your own goals and aspirations in life, not relationships, life.
You’ll get all you need to see where you might fit in without having to have “the talk”.
Seems to me he’s into you and he is trying to make it work. Just figure out where you both plan on being in the future and you’ll know quickly how he can fit on your life and how you can fit in your life too.
Keep making plans, meeting up often is essential in this early stage. Not only will it make doing it later easier because you have experience doing it, but you’ll learn quicker whether or not this is going to work for BOTH of you.
Thanks for writing Henrietta Quintana, hope this helped you a little,
Pete
Hello Sir Peter,
I met this guy online. We talked everyday until such time that our conversation is no longer on a daily basis. Within a week we get to talk for about three days. Every time he will be back he would always tell me that he missed me. I don’t know if he really long for my presence or what he means is that he missed me because he wasn’t able to see me online. Sometimes I will tell him that I missed him too. What kept me thinking now is that he will always inform me prior to the days he will not log on. But when it comes to me if i can’t make it online I will not tell or message him the reason why. I really appreciate his effort of doing this to me. I felt somewhat important. It made me think why I can’t do the same thing to him if our friendship really matters to me? I should say that girls fell in love faster than men. We have this great friendship for almost two years but my problem is the longer our friendship goes the more i fell in love with him.
Why he has to let me know? I am not a girlfriend but just a great friend. By the way we live thousand miles away. I’m from the Philippines and he is from Chicago.
Thank you.
Elvie
Hello Elvie and please, I’m no Sir but I appreciate it. 🙂
First let me say that I firmly believe MEN fall in love quicker than women do. Just based on my experience and dealings with men and women. How women and men define love is a little different so I assume from a woman’s point of view it only appears they fall in love quicker. So ask a guy, and based on his perception you might get the opposite.
It sounds like to me that he respects you highly and doesn’t want you to believe or think that he’s blowing you off or avoiding you. He tells you he will be offline to not worry you or have you thinking you did something wrong.
Whether or not that signals he’s feeling something more than friendship is tough to say at this point BUT it certainly tells me he has an enormous respect for you, wants to treat you nicely, and probably has a fear of being misunderstood.
Lots of men absolutely fear being misunderstood by other people especially women. It’s one reason they choose their words so precisely and if they can’t put it clearly enough, will opt to remain quiet.
You’re welcome Miss Elvie. 😀
Hi Peter! Wow! Thank you ever so much for the wonderful message. I can’t believe it that men will fall quicker than women. As per experience with guys here in the office and I am the only rose among the thorns they would always tell me that they don’t love their wives right away even until they get married. It made me even think how unfair it would be to marry someone you don’t love yet. I will never do this. It has to be with love. They told me that it took them quite some time to feel the love for their partners. I even asked them if they knew or felt that this particular person will be the one they’re going to end up with for the rest of their lives. Again they said NO. Because of this I don’t trust men more. And I always have this in my thoughts that men are polygamous in nature. I don’t hate men but it’s just that I can’t afford to believe them. I can love them but I can’t be in a relationship with them. I may sound weird to others but I don’t care. We have our choices in life.
So this guy that will always hug me and tell me how beautiful I would look everyday got our classes changed and I seen him today and I he asked me if I missed him and I was like not wtf why would he ask me ? but I didn’t say I was playing so it stayed like that and I txt him later on because felt rude and he told me it was okay to not worry about it and I asked him if he was mad he said it was okay that he was being for real was he mad ??
Hi Peter, I’ve read your points of view for several relationship problems and they all are interesting! However, i didn’t get a writing that could explain my case. A year ago, a doctor from my school alumni added me on Facebook, we never met before, he’s older by 6 years and lives in USA while i live in our home country France. He was very nice, he said he liked me many times, we talked for several hours on daily bases, he asked for my number, but he called after a while, only once. He sent me short video messages, family & friends’ photos. He used to say our story will end up a good one… etc. 2 months later he had to travel for a conference and he got super busy at the hospital. When he was back, he sent me a long text saying i am great and cute …. etc, that he’s not trying to run away but as if he bit a huge piece he can’t swallow, he was being stressed from work.. etc. We stopped talking for a month, then my mom got sick, i told him and he asked about her twice. Afterward we stepped into a silent mode for 3 months i was surprised with a late message from a new phone number which was him, that he couldn’t sleep and if i was back from Armenia (i traveled for 1 week). Another silence mode till Christmas, i received few likes from him on few images, no christmas/new yr’s wishes, until his birthday when i texted him he replied immediately and he was very nice. No other actions happened since that time – 2 months from now. Sorry, for making it too long, but i really don’t want to loose this guy and i am willing to visit USA in the coming months + i miss him, shall i speak up, or let it go for good ? Thank you in advance 🙂
So I’ve been dating this guy for a couple of months in which we have only managed four dates because of conflicting schedules but those four dates were amazing. We talked for hours on end and we just connected emotionally. He is three years older than me and I’m only 18. I worry he thinks I’m too inexperienced, which I probably am. But anyway he’s gone back home for four weeks to visit his family. I didn’t realise how much I liked him until he had been gone for a week or so. We have been messaging back and forth for a while, but I worry about talking too much because I feel like I’m pestering him. Should I tell him I’m missing him?
Hannah,
Here’s a quickie I wrote for you.
Should You Tell Him You Miss Him?
http://archive.aweber.com/whydoesaguy/7RVnW/h/Should_You_Tell_Him_You_Miss.htm
Pete
Thanks! This has been really helpful!
I have a question for you-i am a woman who has kinda fallen for a man who lives 800 miles away. Never met or spoke on phone. We chatted thru a facebook online game & have been chatting everyday via text or via messages thru that game for 6 months. He says good morning usually everyday & sweet dreams usually 3 times a week. I have told him i like him & like what we have (texting when we can). I have asked him to go on a date (few months ago) & he said he didnt know if he could date someone so far away. Sometimes i do not hear from him all day until evening, or once in awhile not til the next day. How do i get him to want to meet me? How do i know if he likes me or is just being nice to answer me. He says hes shy, so i have asked (in the past) to go on date, meet, or talk on phone. Should i still text him when i dont hear? God this guy is killing me! I want to ask to meet or talk on the phone again but i dont want to get shot down again. Can you give me some insight? Am i wasting mine/his time?